When it comes to personal growth I do have a coping pattern. First I will resist by adamantly denying there is anything wrong or by saying it isn't a really big deal, then when it becomes clear there is an issue I will avoid it like the plague, and finally when it's clear that it isn't going away and I have good reason to, I will change. But that has very little to do with me being an NF and everything to do with me being lazy and arrogant.
Well said. That describes me perfectly. But like you say, that's more about thoughtlessness or insensitivity and not necessarily about living up to some elevated concept of NFs.
I'll clarify my OP by saying that I'm not referring to being a perfect person or a good person. But I do wonder because if you identify as NF these are traits that supposedly make one an NF (I don't buy it either but whatever). Maybe this is an ENFJ thing and not a general NF thing, but although I realize that I'll never be perfect it doesn't mean I stop trying to perfect myself. I view it as building muscle, they have to tear in order to be strengthened. I'm asking about the tearing part, when you have to confront something that challenges your view of yourself.
It's not about being humble or not having a good self-concept. If being a compassionate person is part of how you self-identify what happens when you find out that you're not really compassionate? If you think you're not racist or homophobic what happens when you realize you that you are? Fill in any thing that makes up your self-concept and then think have you ever had it challenged. What happened if the results were not to your liking? What is your reconciliation process? This can be hypothetical or experiential.
There are facts about yourself that nearly indisputable: your sex or race for example. I'm asking about the "facts" about you that aren't as tangible and yet equally descriptive.
As for particularly NF things, I'll stick to what I said previously.
INFPs in particular are known for exploring both good and evil within themselves. It doesn't trouble me to run up against selfishness, lack of compassion, and even a bit of lust for violence and mayhem within myself. I'm human, and I enjoy exploring the contradictions of the human experience.
I
do aspire to be a genuinely nice, understanding guy--nicer than most. That's my first impulse, my home territory, and my natural point of reference. I do it well, and it's a big part of my self-image. But I also know that there are self-interested reasons for acting that way, like wanting to create a higher level of harmony for personal peace of mind, or reaping the benefits of being a good team player. I mainly just see it as playing to my strengths, and I enjoy playing and perfecting that role.
Meanwhile, some environments don't favor or reward "nice guys." If I'm in an environment where my nice guy attitude doesn't buy me what I want but rather where other behaviors are rewarded, then I can be as selfish and ornery as anyone else. In such cases, I can play the tough guy and can even enjoy indulging that side of myself.
As Somerset Maugham said, "You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency."
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