[INFP] INFP Bullshit and Romance

[TopherRed]

I've often heard INFPs describing desiring a partner that gets past their "bullshit". I have an inkling as to what this is, but I'd like to hear it from you. What do you think? What is your "bullshit"? What is it about yourself that you'd like your partner to get around?

Btw, this isn't a slight against y'all. This is a concept I've heard of from more than one of you though. I'm curious to see if there's anything to it.

Thanks,
--Fuzzy

 

[Rebe]

My ISFJ kindred spirit friend calls me on my "bullshit" all the time.

I'd say something like 'I have no feelings for that person.' She would say, "Yes, you do. Shut up."

Me: *deep deep inside agrees, big mischievous smile reveals itself* Okay, you got me.

If it's personal, I keep my 'Fi' pretty tightly locked up, but my XSFJ friends can tell. My ISTJ can't, don't know how to sympathize or anything so she accepts what I say about my 'emotions'.

It's like this...I 'say' a lot of things but I don't always mean them. Sometimes I'd say something to poke at the waters, to poke at you, but I don't mean it. The other person will impress me greatly if they know me enough that they can sort through all the 'information' that I am teasing them with.

I do this thing ... where the other person would say something really obvious and I don't respond (could be because I have no response or it's uninteresting) so they continue to explain it. And once they do that, I'd pretend I don't get the idea/word/concept so I will give them this confused, furrowed brows look...and hahahaha...they will go on and on for fifteen minutes trying to explain this very simple idea/word/concept to me. I find it funny, no idea why. It works every time. I don't think anyone gets this joke; it's this weird thing of mine. Sometimes I just like giving people a confused look even though I understand them perfectly and what they are saying is extremely simple. I just want to see what they would say, I think. I sort of push them into a sort of rant and they get confused, like, why isn't she getting this? what am I doing wrong?

I only do that to close friends.

I like tirade sometimes. I am also hugely sarcastic so if you can't tell, yikes... I have met sarcastic people who I can't tell are being sarcastic so it's a sort of natural communication thing. Some people gets it immediately, some can't see it from a mile away.

I like to toss out things and see what kind of reactions I get back from people I am very close to, to see what I can fish out of them and out of myself. I like to mentally play, you see.

 

[angell_m]

I was taught that romance is a cliché.
I was taught to act like a "man". And
I was raised by women.

I guess that is the outcome of what some
would like to call a "hopeless romantic,"
because as much as I want to be
romantic, to give it my all; My past
experiences has taught me not to,
because it is folly.

In my personal opinion, love would be much
simpler without all the roadblocks.

 

[Scott N Denver]

I've often heard INFPs describing desiring a partner that gets past their "bullshit". I have an inkling as to what this is, but I'd like to hear it from you. What do you think? What is your "bullshit"? What is it about yourself that you'd like your partner to get around?

Btw, this isn't a slight against y'all. This is a concept I've heard of from more than one of you though. I'm curious to see if there's anything to it.

Thanks,
--Fuzzy

I've never heard of this before. Initially, I don't even know what it might be referring to, but of course my Ne is going into overdrive now to come up with possible meanings/interpretations, etc.

Anyways, I can't relate and have never heard of this before.

 

[neptunesnet]

I've never heard of this before. Initially, I don't even know what it might be referring to, but of course my Ne is going into overdrive now to come up with possible meanings/interpretations, etc.

Anyways, I can't relate and have never heard of this before.

This.

In fact, this "bullsh!t" seems contrary to the very nature of Fi. I just don't understand being insincere for the sake of being insincere, without any motive other than deception.

It's like this...I 'say' a lot of things but I don't always mean them. Sometimes I'd say something to poke at the waters, to poke at you, but I don't mean it. The other person will impress me greatly if they know me enough that they can sort through all the 'information' that I am teasing them with.

I do this thing ... where the other person would say something really obvious and I don't respond (could be because I have no response or it's uninteresting) so they continue to explain it. And once they do that, I'd pretend I don't get the idea/word/concept so I will give them this confused, furrowed brows look...and hahahaha...they will go on and on for fifteen minutes trying to explain this very simple idea/word/concept to me. I find it funny, no idea why. It works every time. I don't think anyone gets this joke; it's this weird thing of mine. Sometimes I just like giving people a confused look even though I understand them perfectly and what they are saying is extremely simple. I just want to see what they would say, I think. I sort of push them into a sort of rant and they get confused, like, why isn't she getting this? what am I doing wrong?

I only do that to close friends.

I like tirade sometimes. I am also hugely sarcastic so if you can't tell, yikes... I have met sarcastic people who I can't tell are being sarcastic so it's a sort of natural communication thing. Some people gets it immediately, some can't see it from a mile away.

I like to toss out things and see what kind of reactions I get back from people I am very close to, to see what I can fish out of them and out of myself. I like to mentally play, you see.

Gotta be honest. This sounds a little like tert/inf Fe. Or, like, mischievous Ti.

And I don't think he was referring to sense of humor, Rebe, as I, to give an example, have the ability to be heinously sarcastic and wordplayful (Ne), but I take it & dish it in doses and don't ever say anything I don't mean (at least not intentionally). I've never heard of what Fuzz is talking about, particularly in regards to INFPs.

 

[Unkindloving]

Personally, and im not super clear on this, i find that INFPs tend to throw up these interesting Ne detours. They like to get you so far off of their trail, without letting on, that you forget there may have been a trail to begin with. This can be ideal in a lot of cases, but it can be their default and they will do so to people who they potentially care for. This may mean that they distract people who they actually want to be focused in on them and see the trail, despite the distractions.

I chalk my ability to see through the BS-O-Meter up as a large part of why myself and the significant other get on so well

I was taught that romance is a cliché.
I was taught to act like a "man". And
I was raised by women.

I guess that is the outcome of what some
would like to call a "hopeless romantic,"
because as much as I want to be
romantic, to give it my all; My past
experiences has taught me not to,
because it is folly.

In my personal opinion, love would be much
simpler without all the roadblocks.

Types of the parental/women folks?
Simpler, but still as worth it without?

 

[runvardh]

Only "bullshit" I can think of is that who ever wants me needs to accept that I'm not going go into a tirade or lose my grip every time something bothers me. They need to accept that I like to pursue my interests and need SOME time to do them. They need to accept responsibility for following me some place rather than blaming me for "making them go there" when they're the one who decided they need to come along. Past that I try to eliminate bullshit where I can, which recently has left me dropping potentials recently.

 

[Totenkindly]

Dating an INFP for awhile, I sort of realized he was a hapless romantic. Part of me loved it, part of me got so annoyed -- things can get sort of dramatic, and for sounding so rational, he would tend to see what he wanted to see and not be realistic about outcomes, which bit us in the butt badly later.

He also could become seriously wound up over value judgements (social or political commentary)... even if he knew they weren't rational in nature. he'd just come out with these harsh all-or-nothing statements.

Sometimes it annoyed me, sometimes I found it a bit endearing. It depended on my mood, I guess.

 

[21%]

He also could become seriously wound up over value judgements (social or political commentary)... even if he knew they weren't rational in nature. he'd just come out with these harsh all-or-nothing statements.

Oh my. I can totally relate. I finally learned to stop taking them so literally and think about them as a reflection of his current mood.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

My best friends are ISFP and INFP, I call them on their bullshit, and they call me on mine

I love INFP strength. And yes I think you guys are strong

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I think Fuzzcrossed may mean 'faults'. Getting past, what INFP's perceive as their faults... that was the first thing that came to my mind. Continue on.

 

[neptunesnet]

I think Fuzzcrossed may mean 'faults'. Getting past, what INFP's perceive as their faults... that was the first thing that came to my mind.

That makes more sense.

 

[TopherRed]

Now that I've heard it from so many different perspectives, I can refine and rephrase my question.

I've noticed, through personal experiences that INFPs have a tendency of using their Ne to form a trail of "shiny concepts" for an Ni user to follow. INFPs can use this ability very much like an Fe-user uses emo-persuasion, and can lead a person in a certain direction like a horse follows someone with sugarcubes in their hand.

A. Do you use this ability?
B. If you use it, how so?
C. Have you ever used it as a filter with possible romantic interests to see if they're clever enough to see past the "sugarcube" and into your true intentions?

Feel free to comment "around" the question too. Thanks.

 

[Rebe]

I think you guys are hung up on the word "bullshit". It's not blatant insincerity or lies. For example, I would never date someone for a couple of months even though I am not interested just to see if he can catch onto my bullshit. It's more like ... mental teasing/verbal play and I do it harmlessly. I am a very sensitive person to myself and others.

It's like that card game 'bullshit'. It's not like oh my cat died...wait no, I lied, I was just testing you to see if you know I am sincere or not, ha-ha.

It's more like ... a dark-ish sense of humor (like the intjs) and/or wanting to know if someone close to you knows you so well that whatever you say and do, whatever your facial expressions, they will know if you are being true and are completely honest, they can tell if you are playing or serious, they can be honest about their perception of whatever it is you are saying and doing.

I wish I had a specific example. It's Ne humor. I am not sure about the horse and the sugarcubes, lol.

It's like, I have ten cards in my hand and I'd like you to know me so well that you can tell what cards I have and don't (what I believe and don't). It's not super complex or 'deeply emotional'.

 

[runvardh]

Now that I've heard it from so many different perspectives, I can refine and rephrase my question.

I've noticed, through personal experiences that INFPs have a tendency of using their Ne to form a trail of "shiny concepts" for an Ni user to follow. INFPs can use this ability very much like an Fe-user uses emo-persuasion, and can lead a person in a certain direction like a horse follows someone with sugarcubes in their hand.

A. Do you use this ability?
B. If you use it, how so?
C. Have you ever used it as a filter with possible romantic interests to see if they're clever enough to see past the "sugarcube" and into your true intentions?

Feel free to comment "around" the question too. Thanks.

Na, I use Ne to explore with an Ni user, not lead them around. When I'm testing someone for possible romatic purposes I'll drop bits of Fi to see how that's received. That said, flirting via topic exploration isn't beyond me.

 

[WoodsWoman]

An INTJ friend says I have "walls" - this is what I thought of as 'bullshit'. I want someone with patience and determination to seek behind the smiles I present to the world, to wonder if I'm really all right behind that facade. Even with friends that I trust it can take the better part of a two hour conversation before I bring up what's weighing on my mind the most...

 

[runvardh]

An INTJ friend says I have "walls" - this is what I thought of as 'bullshit'. I want someone with patience and determination to seek behind the smiles I present to the world, to wonder if I'm really all right behind that facade. Even with friends that I trust it can take the better part of a two hour conversation before I bring up what's weighing on my mind the most...

I'm used to no body looking, so I tend to test who cares instead. I find I get better feedback that way.

 

[EnflamedHeartofSand]

I like to put my worst foot forward sometimes when I really like someone, which though may seem counterintuitive, is my way of showing the person I care about them, because I want them to like me even when I'm at my worst, hoping that they won't be repelled by it. If they can get through all that b.s, and see that within me is an unrelenting desire to ascend the heights, that is when I'll know I found a true friend.

I'm not saying this is the right approach, it's actually very selfish.

 

[neptunesnet]

C. Have you ever used it as a filter with possible romantic interests to see if they're clever enough to see past the "sugarcube" and into your true intentions?

Same as I've said before, no. I don't understand leading someone into one direction but expecting them to know you want them to go in another. I also wouldn't relate it to how FiNe particularly operates, but I can speak only for myself. Perhaps other INFPs behave in that way and I'm the odd man out.

Na, I use Ne to explore with an Ni user, not lead them around. When I'm testing someone for possible romatic purposes I'll drop bits of Fi to see how that's received.

Yeah, basically this.

I feel if you can handle my Fi and not flee like a frightened schoolgirl then we're good. I can gauge how deep I'll allow the relationship to go on how one reacts to my sharing my values and feelings (things I consider rather personal) with them.

 

[angell_m]

Types of the parental/women folks?
Simpler, but still as worth it without?

Parents split. And my mother found a new stepdad every three months. (Psychopaths, alcoholics, etc).

So yeah, it would be worth without it.