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[MBTI General] NF's not standing NT's

Lily flower

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I have read a lot about how NF's are supposed to match romantically with NT's. This makes no sense to me. My husband is an ESFJ or an ENFJ and he is wonderful. Every NT I have know has been arrogant and cold, lost in politics and their own projects, not open to other points of view at all. Why in the world do the books match up NF's and NT's?
 

Pixelholic

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Well, from my own experience, NT's are infuriatingly annoying. I have a couple NT friends who have had crushes or expressed interest in me but I couldn't imagine dating them as they had problematic personality issues that would become a big problem in a relationship (mostly an abrasive personality and always being kind of high strung.) They're good friends and we work well together on projects and what not, I'd just never want to date the NTs that I've met.

Most of my romantic relationships have been NFs
 

Scott N Denver

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shared N, balanced out T and F. I think it works well when the NF balances out the T of the NT and vice versa. Personally, I think NT_NF is often a bad combo for balanced F_T NF's.

INFJ's and INTJ's are quite similar, and seem to fit very well together.

I've heard/read a number of NF women, usually NFP's, talk about how, umm, not level-headed??? they are, and how they need a strong T to help show them ?be rational? and less ?emotionally-all-over-the-place?.

I think for NF women who find NF men too soft/mushy-whatever, NT men are a good choice. There might be some reason why a NF man might want a NT women, but other than INFP's going "you INTP"s are so like me!", I have no idea what any of those reasons might be.
 

Rebe

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Every NT I have know has been arrogant and cold, lost in politics and their own projects, not open to other points of view at all. Why in the world do the books match up NF's and NT's?

Not every NT is like that. ;) It's about a similar way of communicating, even if it is communicating very different ideas and perspectives. NTs either have Fi or Fe as their third function, which is a relief function so while they may suck at it early on, they do eventually develop it and so, become more healthy and balanced. The xNTPs should be with Fe and the xNTJs should be with Fi. Apparently the ENTPs and INFJs are crazy about each other as are the ENFPs and INTJs. Those seem to be the popular patterns, but it depends on each person.
 

cafe

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I won't say my INTP isn't the things you describe -- but there is a lot more to him than that. He isn't cold to me. He's quite squishy and affectionate. He is very principled, hard working, and conscientious. He is always making me laugh and always has something interesting to talk about and is one of the smartest people I know. He is the rock of our family -- a calm, steady presence despite being very self-contained. We're a very well-matched couple.
 

stringstheory

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I love NTs; I will admit that sometimes deep down I feel the same way in which they project themselves so they make me feel comfortable and OK with that part of myself as long as it's not what i perceive as being in excess.

the tendency for all the NTs i know to make sweeping generalizations based on their own experiences without being able to actually admit that other experiences legitimately exist is annoying sometimes, but for the most part I think it makes them fun to debate/play devil's advocate with :devil:
 

Spartacuss

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the tendency for all the NTs i know to make sweeping generalizations based on their own experiences without being able to actually admit that other experiences legitimately exist
This is not an "NT" trait. Funny, given the complaint.

As for the compatibility issues: I think with this, as with the famed "introverts belong with extroverts" mantra, little stock should be placed in mbti predictions. INTs with INTs can be the most beautiful thing - no "balance" needed. I would likely hop out the nearest window with some NF pairings, especially an ENFP one.
 

stringstheory

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This is not an "NT" trait. Funny, given the complaint.

Mmm, maybe not, but it is certainly a trait of all the solid NTs i know...which is really the only thing I can speak on. I never said it was true of all of them because i don't know all of them. that's a sweeping generalization.
 

Spartacuss

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Fair enough. A main source of friction with two ENFPs I know was that they'd jump to generalizations on limited, very subjective information and get mad when called on it. I chalked it up to immaturity.
 

stringstheory

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Fair enough. A main source of friction with two ENFPs I know was that they'd jump to generalizations on limited, very subjective information and get mad when called on it. I chalked it up to immaturity.


also fair enough, that's most likely...i tend to be the opposite of what you describe, i'm very sensitive towards generalizations and generally make a rather large effort to come across as such.

regardless i find it only marginally annoying in comparison to the fire that the ones i know like to bring out in me for fun, which is part of why I find them to be great matches for me over all..that was more what I was trying to get at. looking back at that post, that was probably the most offhanded compliment ever. Oops! :blush:
 

cascadeco

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I have read a lot about how NF's are supposed to match romantically with NT's. This makes no sense to me. My husband is an ESFJ or an ENFJ and he is wonderful. Every NT I have know has been arrogant and cold, lost in politics and their own projects, not open to other points of view at all. Why in the world do the books match up NF's and NT's?

Well, and you illustrate perfectly the shortcomings of mbti. Most things in the end boil down to individual preferences and quirks. Mbti only goes so far.

To contrast myself with you, I love NT's and they have been some of my closest friends (the NT's I befriend are also a far cry from arrogant and cold, although certainly that breed of NT exists. But I must point out I've encountered some *very* unsavory NF's as well. ;)) I also prefer dating NT's over NF's. To each their own.
 

William K

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Maturity matters - with maturity comes balance.

:yes: A smart and emotionally mature person is very attractive regardless of what type they are.

I could see how an NT/NF pairing theoretically might work, with the F providing the conscience and the T providing the reason.
 

Spastic_Blondie

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I find myself romantically attracted to NT's :wubbie: ...yet I can't seem to understand them. It causes for a bit of a problem. But hey, I guess life is meant to have a little challenge, right? Who knows, someday it might work out...? :blush: (Yes, keep telling yourself that...)
 

Liesl

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I have read a lot about how NF's are supposed to match romantically with NT's. This makes no sense to me. My husband is an ESFJ or an ENFJ and he is wonderful. Every NT I have know has been arrogant and cold, lost in politics and their own projects, not open to other points of view at all. Why in the world do the books match up NF's and NT's?

It can work between the right NF and the right NT. :)

I think.
 

angell_m

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Some of my best friends are NT's. My best friend is INTJ.
 

OrangeAppled

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Well, from my own experience, NT's are infuriatingly annoying. I have a couple NT friends who have had crushes or expressed interest in me but I couldn't imagine dating them as they had problematic personality issues that would become a big problem in a relationship (mostly an abrasive personality and always being kind of high strung.) They're good friends and we work well together on projects and what not, I'd just never want to date the NTs that I've met.

Most of my romantic relationships have been NFs

shared N, balanced out T and F. I think it works well when the NF balances out the T of the NT and vice versa. Personally, I think NT_NF is often a bad combo for balanced F_T NF's.

INFJ's and INTJ's are quite similar, and seem to fit very well together.

I've heard/read a number of NF women, usually NFP's, talk about how, umm, not level-headed??? they are, and how they need a strong T to help show them ?be rational? and less ?emotionally-all-over-the-place?.

I think for NF women who find NF men too soft/mushy-whatever, NT men are a good choice. There might be some reason why a NF man might want a NT women, but other than INFP's going "you INTP"s are so like me!", I have no idea what any of those reasons might be.

I had to laugh at these posts, but it's because I agree a bit with them....
It has never worked with me & NTs romantically, but then I seem to get these NTs who are very neurotic with more emotional issues than any NF I have ever met. The abrasiveness & belligerence is always a dealbreaker. I see signs of it in even relatively healthy NTs. I have been drawn to INTPs because of the ne-aux connection, but something always goes awry.... I think it's best to just to keep to friends for me & NTs (although I am willing to be proven wrong, but for now I am taken by an SF).

I also resent this idea that an NF needs a T to "think" for them :dry: (and when some NFs say this themselves, I cringe). I think just fine for myself & am in control of my own emotions, thanks! :tongue:

I understand the idea of someone complementing you, but often I see the T/F clashing as much as they round each other out.
 

entropie

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NF's not standing ? So finally my predictions come true, namely you need to be impotent for being a NF ?! :D
 

Sailboat

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I am quite fond of NT's. My sister is an INTP and my best friend of 9 years is an INTJ. I have had experiences with immature INTJ's, which was frustrating, but NT's at their best (healthy, mature) are wonderful. Great humor, and great conversation come to mind. They can also be very loving and loyal.
 
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