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[MBTI General] "Is something wrong?"

angell_m

Permabanned
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
818
MBTI Type
IxFx
Enneagram
5w4
"Is something wrong?"
or
"Are you alright?"

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, gets that question.

1.) I can't stand people asking me that, because I don't want to draw attention to myself in a sympathetic way.
2.) When I ask people that, and they say nothing is wrong, it makes me frustrated, and I want to ask again, and again, and again, untill I get a straight answer. Because I KNOW something is wrong.

Edited: Removed ", but they won't tell me." behind point number 2.
 

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
2,280
tha'ts why i kinda dig the sorta friends that
you don't have to say much to, and they
just get it.

sometimes just physical company is needed
more than words.

but that can also explain why sometimes
maybe that's why friends tend to have sex
during their downest times. so i don't know
if that's good bad.
 

strychnine

All Natural! All Good!
Joined
Jun 23, 2010
Messages
895
So you don't want people asking you that question, but you ask it "again, and again, and again" to others? :huh:
 

Queen Kat

The Duchess of Oddity
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Apr 3, 2009
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3,053
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7w8
I always say there's nothing wrong and then I smile. Always works. Wish other people would use that technique. They tell you there's nothing wrong, but in the mean time their body language is telling something completely different. But that's the thing that frustrates other people, when the things people say and their body language are not in tune with each other. If these things would be in tune with each other, then all this frustration wouldn't exist. I think, at least, that's how it works with me.
 

angell_m

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Messages
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tha'ts why i kinda dig the sorta friends that
you don't have to say much to, and they
just get it.

sometimes just physical company is needed
more than words.

but that can also explain why sometimes
maybe that's why friends tend to have sex
during their downest times. so i don't know
if that's good bad.

That's how it is these days with my closest friends, if you scratch out the sex part, because most of my friends are males.

So you don't want people asking you that question, but you ask it "again, and again, and again" to others? :huh:
Please don't get me wrong, I said I want to. Perhaps that last part in my sentence made it unclear since it literally means that I do it. I used to do it, but now it's more like an urge in the back of my mind to slap that person in the face to force them into telling me what's wrong, so I can fix it.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
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Instinctual Variant
so/sx
o_O

actually... i get this question very rarely.

i guess because if i'm upset, i either purposely show it, or i reallyy hide it. but that's good i guess, because if i want it to be known, i'll show it, and if i don't, then i won't.

but yeah, i find it annoying if i'm asked that. because either nothing's wrong, and i feel like that person 1) fails at reading people and 2) is digging for drama, or something really is wrong -- but since i haven't told them, it obviously means i don't feel like sharing.

i don't usually ask other people that though... depending on what they're like, i'll just ask them what's up (less... suggestive?) and then if i think they're being reluctant about something and i *really* want to know i'll come at it from a less blunt angle... ask about their day, or some project or something. lol. though with some people, you know they want you to ask. i can't say i haven't ever done that before.

Saint Kat said:
but that's the thing that frustrates other people, when the things people say and their body language are not in tune with each other. If these things would be in tune with each other, then all this frustration wouldn't exist. I think, at least, that's how it works with me.

me too. the physical mannerisms usually give it away. or the manner of speech, like talkative people being really quiet, calm people being edgy, or them coming back again and again to one topic, or avoiding one topic like crazy

also nice butters quote in the sig :tongue:
 

21%

You have a choice!
Joined
May 15, 2009
Messages
3,224
MBTI Type
INFJ
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4w5
I like it when people I care about ask me if something is wrong. It shows that they care and that they can see beyond the happy face I put up for the world.

Hmmm, people not close to me usually don't know when something is wrong, and I don't want them to know, anyway. :D
 
G

garbage

Guest
With friends, they learn over time that the question (especially repeated instances) seems like unnecessary prying to me, and that I'll tell them if something is indeed wrong once I've actually thought through it myself.

With acquaintances and strangers, I know that they don't genuinely care* and are asking just to be polite, so I don't mind shooting back a fake, polite "Just fine. :)"

* nothing wrong with this; if we all cared about everyone in the freakin' world, we'd exhaust ourselves
 

Pixelholic

New member
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Jun 20, 2010
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550
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ENFP
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8w7
I ask people if they're okay all the time. If they ask me I dodge the question or lie.
 

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
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enfp
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sp/sx
"Is something wrong?"
or
"Are you alright?"

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, gets that question.

1.) I can't stand people asking me that, because I don't want to draw attention to myself in a sympathetic way.
2.) When I ask people that, and they say nothing is wrong, it makes me frustrated, and I want to ask again, and again, and again, untill I get a straight answer. Because I KNOW something is wrong.

Edited: Removed ", but they won't tell me." behind point number 2.

I'm glad you started this thread. I almost started this thread a couple of weeks back. I really really.. REALLY hate it when someone asks me what's wrong. Even moreso, I hate it when they ask it over and over again. I also hate when people WANT you to ask over and over again because they like attention.

When I say, "nothing," why can't they leave it at that? I hate having to resort to, "Okay, it's something I just don't want to talk about it right now, can you please leave me alone?" It's a more proper response that people respond better to, but I think it would have been more polite of them to just leave me alone when I said, "nothing." Pet peeve alert!

I'll ask someone "What's wrong?" one time out of politeness but always leave them alone after that.
 

King sns

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So you don't want people asking you that question, but you ask it "again, and again, and again" to others? :huh:

Yea, I think the irony was the point of the thread :)
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
I think that if your non-verbal and verbal messages match to create a consistent message, no one will need to ask you what is wrong. If you don't want to talk about it, either hide it enough that no one will ask or don't go out where you will see people. Otherwise, it is often perceived as wanting to be cajoled or just being sulky and punishing those around you for something they aren't responsible for.

If something is truly wrong, and you can't hide it but don't want to delve into it, you should assure the person that it has nothing to do with them and that you just need some time to process it. If it does have to do with them, but you're too upset to discuss it productively, it only seems right to tell the person that you need some time to gather your thoughts and then go for a walk or something.

For me, I appreciate when people do care enough to ask if everything's alright. I try to be pretty upfront, although I am unlikely to spill to someone who isn't very close to me. I realize that there are some Fe/Fi differences on this though. What seems caring to me, may seem invasive to a Fi user and what seems sulky/rude to me may seem more like just being authentic and not fake when you aren't feeling something to a Fi user.
 

King sns

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I think that if your non-verbal and verbal messages match to create a consistent message, no one will need to ask you what is wrong. If you don't want to talk about it, either hide it enough that no one will ask or don't go out where you will see people. Otherwise, it is often perceived as wanting to be cajoled or just being sulky and punishing those around you for something they aren't responsible for.

If something is truly wrong, and you can't hide it but don't want to delve into it, you should assure the person that it has nothing to do with them and that you just need some time to process it. If it does have to do with them, but you're too upset to discuss it productively, it only seems right to tell the person that you need some time to gather your thoughts and then go for a walk or something.

For me, I appreciate when people do care enough to ask if everything's alright. I try to be pretty upfront, although I am unlikely to spill to someone who isn't very close to me. I realize that there are some Fe/Fi differences on this though. What seems caring to me, may seem invasive to a Fi user and what seems sulky/rude to me may seem more like just being authentic and not fake when you aren't feeling something to a Fi user.

I agree with the Fe/Fi thing.
I'm very private about my feelings and always was amazed when people wore their hearts on their sleeves. If I'm really upset, it's common sense to me that people should let people have their privacy, and it's impossible for me to open up my heart to those who are perceived to be "haggling" me. And I've also wondered if this is an Fe/Fi thing.
 

Lauren

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Dec 7, 2008
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255
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INFP
I think that if your non-verbal and verbal messages match to create a consistent message, no one will need to ask you what is wrong. If you don't want to talk about it, either hide it enough that no one will ask or don't go out where you will see people. Otherwise, it is often perceived as wanting to be cajoled or just being sulky and punishing those around you for something they aren't responsible for.

If something is truly wrong, and you can't hide it but don't want to delve into it, you should assure the person that it has nothing to do with them and that you just need some time to process it. If it does have to do with them, but you're too upset to discuss it productively, it only seems right to tell the person that you need some time to gather your thoughts and then go for a walk or something.

For me, I appreciate when people do care enough to ask if everything's alright. I try to be pretty upfront, although I am unlikely to spill to someone who isn't very close to me. I realize that there are some Fe/Fi differences on this though. What seems caring to me, may seem invasive to a Fi user and what seems sulky/rude to me may seem more like just being authentic and not fake when you aren't feeling something to a Fi user.[/QUOTE]

:yes:
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
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Messages
14,497
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INFJ
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve though and tend to be quite private with my feelings too. To me, it's just a matter of giving people the necessary information so that they are not left having to deal with the cloud of my bad feelings or are left feeling responsible for something that had nothing to do with them. I'm not advocating giving people information that you don't feel ready to share or feel that it is inappropriate/unnecessary to given the kind of relationship you have to that person. It seems to me that from a Fi perspective, that could be workable as long as the questioning party does not persist after they've been assured that their help is not required. Similarly, as a Fe user, I think I can learn to not expect a Fi user to ask about my well-being if I understand that they are trying to not be intrusive as they themselves would wish. I can also learn that they will feel burdened by my problems in a way that I would not were they to tell me theirs, so it is maybe better to share them with someone else if it is not absolutely critical.
 
G

garbage

Guest
Unfortunately, you also get people who call to ask the dreaded "Is something wrong?" question, then essentially demand a response from you.

Yeah. When someone else imposes, I can't help it when they read my nonverbal cues and then proceed to act on them. The best way for people to avoid not having to deal with my negative feelings is to stop attempting to pry into them before I'm ready to talk about them.
 

Fidelia

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Do they not stop if you say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to talk about how I'm feeling. The best thing you could do is give me some time to myself right now."?
 
G

garbage

Guest
I try to get that point across.. but, well, I like your specific phrasing. Might have to try it when this stuff pops up again :)
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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Messages
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I think the issue for most Fe users is that they feel a little bit responsible for other people's happiness/making things work for all and they also want to be helpful. If you assure them in that way that they actually are being helpful, they are more likely to be able to leave you alone rather than continue prodding. They also tend to do that because in Fe language, that's what seems caring to them. I appreciate it when someone does show concern and don't perceive it as invasive. If I don't want to disclose information, I just am specific about what they can do and it's usually all cool.
 
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