Saddest thing I can think of right now. I've got nothing left to give at the moment. I can't even define "goals" anymore because I don't even have the energy to idealize. I don't currently believe in a happy ending, which is what I want. I would have said I wanted a relationship where we have methods to communicate that work, and ways of getting what we want from each other, and ultimately a loving relationship that adds to our lives rather than substracts or compresses them down. I can't believe this is possible right now because it would take equal effort from my end, and as you put it, I'm at the end of my rope.
Now all I have is pipe dreams I shouldn't even indulge.
I have had trouble with the idea of accepting that I have nothing left to give but that doesn't have to mean I've "given up on him." In my past relationships I disconnected from serious relationships through a permanent shift in attachment that went hand in hand with how much of a priority they were to me. I explain it as the difference between caring about someone and just caring about their well being. The first becomes the second, and the second is pretty all inclusive of anyone in my life. So I go from caring about them on a level where they really impact my life to being concerned about them when I think they could use the support. It is a drastic change and so far it has been irreversible. I've tried reconnecting and it just doesn't work.
I was worried this would happen with him. I swore up and down that I wouldn't 'give up' on him. His friends, his family, everyone in his past just threw their hands up at one point or another and said: "I'm done." I'm hoping by not having a goal in my head I can just focus on the things I have more control over and get my strength back without having to talk myself into severing with him. It isn't easy because compartmentalizing like this is not something I'm naturally good at, but if I just see things as being 'on hold' until I am level enough to come up with something else, maybe I can heal without having to sever all ties.
Oh, and your description of the "roller coaster" with the ENFJ sounds pretty accurate to his position. He just freezed up when I displayed any moods and this inflamed things for me, shutting him down more. And so on...
I think maybe ENFPs have more luck with ISTPs because they share the spotlight they put on others. The spotlight is on themselves, not in a selfish way, but in things like personalized compliments or words of affirmation, they might be more likely to praise someone indirectly by saying "I'm really happy when you..." or "I like your taste in..." I am too direct and have trouble being in my own spotlight. Focusing on myself is uncomfortable for me, and that I never do it is uncomfortable for him. Fortunately I have no choice but to learn at this point because I'm a complete wreck. haha.
My 'decision' at this point is to try to get grounded and get some energy and confidence back. If, at some point I get clarity again I'll probably come to a more detailed goal. Right now I'm pretty fried and thinking clearly about the future is just impossible.
