[ENFJ] ENFJ: Friendly vs. Flirty

[Sparrow]

I get accused of flirting and even cheating when I’m NOT! Just because I’m friendly and nice to people doesn’t mean I’m going to jump in to bed with them. I treat guys the same way I treat girls, with respect…we are all human beings. I get to know people for who they really are, I care about people, and I’m not rude.

If guys try to hit on me when I’m not single, I tell them the truth, "sorry I have a boyfriend". I’m no idiot, I don’t give my number out to new people when I’m in a relationship. I know what is inappropriate. I’m not slutty at all…don’t look it and don’t act like it, not it period. I’m the kind of girl that makes a guy wait a long time…they must earn it! lol.

What am I supposed to do, not be nice to people of the opposite sex? Am I supposed to shew them away and say “hey I’m not allowed to talk to you because you’re a guy and I’m a lady”? Is it impossible for mature adults to have interesting or fun conversation? I dont think so...

LAME!

Thanks for hearing me rant….

 

[CocoB]

GIRL!! I feel you on this one LoL!!

I think it is just in us, especially us being female ENFJ's... It is quite funny though. When i think i am being friendly, most people view it as flirting. I mean, it has gotten to the point where i have no more male friends because they have all taken an interest in me!! And, if i make new ones.. it's only a couple of weeks or months before they end up liking me BIG TIME!! Even when i tell them i'm in a relationship or i'm just not interested in them in that way... I can still feel the TENSION in the air.. making it so akward!! Although, i will be completely honest.. I now have a better control over it and can realize what i am doing it when i am doing it. Because of my Fe, i can feel the change in someone's feelings; especially towards me. If i like the person, than i will continue my behavior and reel them IN!!

iF not, than i will stop all behavior and probably stop all contact depending on how serious the person is. I just think that since we a are big "people people" it is in our nature to focus our attention on other's... i don't think we mean to "flirt" but that is how it comes across.. and certain individuals don't like it and become jealous.. and automatically assume that we "like everyone" or "we're doing it on purpose"... But, really it's just our natural charm

 

[Litvyak]

There's a fine line between flirty and hostile, and a difference between a) being overly friendly and playful and b) having an interesting or fun conversation. People don't accuse you of being flirty without a reason. If it bothers you (I assume it does), you should tone it down.

"That's just the way I am" is still not a legitimate reason for any behavior. Change the way you are, then. Of course, you always have the option to not give a fuck about what others say.

 

[Unkindloving]

When i'm single, i have this problem. I prefer talking to males and tend to connect with them on a better level than females. Also, i am very adamant and encouraging when i consider someone a good friend of mine. A lot of people mistake this for being honestly interested in them, regardless of how much i warn or explain what makes me tick.
I'll admit, there have been a few times where i haven't made my intentions clear and i can't complain about those. The majority of times have been when i make myself very clear and being helpful gets taken differently, especially with exes. Obviously, if they can't understand that part of my basis is to be civil and helpful at times, then we have/had no business being together .

When in a relationship, i shut it off as best i can. I'll still express concern and interact, but my frequently used phrase is "I have a boyfriend, i'm solid". It's our fault in a number of cases, but in others it is the fault of people not being able to accept any warnings we give them or brick walls we put up. I've had people battle me on my interest in them and have had to share some pretty nasty thoughts that still didn't get them off of my back.

We may be too expressive and it can send out mixed signals, but people can also be too susceptible and oblivious.

 

[Virtual ghost]

When I was in school there was this one girl in my class that was almost certainly an ENFJ. (maybe ESFJ)

Anyway 50% of the boys drooled just be watching her and another 50% find her attractive. Especially since she was technically the first girl that got boobs. (and they got large with time actually).

Anyway I think she was pretty uncomfortable with all of that. But she played her role and she played it quite well actually.

 

[CocoB]

You see... I LOVE being an ENFJ... ROFL!!

 

[Sparrow]

Me too, it's just hard being a girl I guess . Thanks for the input guys n gals, I guess I should be not as outgoing.

 

[themarlins]

One of the more annoying things about ENFJ's ime.

 

[TopherRed]

You know you want this Marlins. Unless you're a dude, then you want them, hopefully. :X

 

[Sparrow]

I admit some people probably think im annoying and thats fine....I know im still growing as a person, Ive got mad things I could improve on personality wise.

 

[TopherRed]

Aw, to Janeen. (see I can do that, and she won't mistake it as flirting because we're both ENFJs and that'd be grossness)

 

[Sparrow]

Aw, to Janeen. (see I can do that, and she won't mistake it as flirting because we're both ENFJs and that'd be grossness)

Your a doll ! Im just in a bad mood right now....someone told me to "shut the fuck up" "I dont want to talk to you anymore" and I got butt hurt. We are too sensitive at times huh....bummer.

 

[themarlins]

it's annoying when you are dating an enfj.

look, i dont care if you flirt with other people when im not around. but dont pull that sh*t when i'm in the same room as you.

there was this one enfj. she liked me alot and i liked her too. i invited her out to a party as my date. she ended up flirting ("being friendly") with every guy there. total attention wh*re. i know she didnt mean anything by it, but that was just her nature. afterwards i told her i didnt think things would work out between us and we broke up.

 

[Sparrow]

but what i was trying to say is that its really not flirting ! well not my case anyway.

 

[TopherRed]

Marlins, I would argue that you were dating a really really immature ENFJ. Most of the time, our attention-whoring can look like flirting, but we learn how to attention whore without that component as we mature. Then we don't attention-whore at all.

Ever thing maybe your ENFJ really was flirting with the entire room, and that you're pissed off with it because you made the wrong choice? Don't get mad at us, and don't beat yourself up too much for it; at least you didn't try to date an SP.

 

[Sparrow]

But it could also be insecurity on the other persons behalf right?

 

[Rainne]

I get accused of flirting and even cheating when I’m NOT! Just because I’m friendly and nice to people doesn’t mean I’m going to jump in to bed with them. I treat guys the same way I treat girls, with respect…we are all human beings. I get to know people for who they really are, I care about people, and I’m not rude.

If guys try to hit on me when I’m not single, I tell them the truth, "sorry I have a boyfriend". I’m no idiot, I don’t give my number out to new people when I’m in a relationship. I know what is inappropriate. I’m not slutty at all…don’t look it and don’t act like it, not it period. I’m the kind of girl that makes a guy wait a long time…they must earn it! lol.

What am I supposed to do, not be nice to people of the opposite sex? Am I supposed to shew them away and say “hey I’m not allowed to talk to you because you’re a guy and I’m a lady”? Is it impossible for mature adults to have interesting or fun conversation? I dont think so...

LAME!

Thanks for hearing me rant….

They're just jealous you're getting all the attention.

 

[Sparrow]

lol its not like i was getting all the attention...its just conversation really. it would feel awkward to just sit there and not say anything. Like what CocoB said, "ENFJ's are people people" . Shit I even talk to bums every now and then if they needed someone to talk to, we are all humans! Its sad when people tell them to fuck off. But I have recently learned that not everyone deserves my attention...still working on boundaries, i could probably get into trouble someday. Years ago I was robbed at store that I worked at...and my dumb ass tried to talk the guy out of it. He did open up to me...he told me why he was doing it...luckily he really didnt have a gun. ENFJ in the house lol.

 

[Lily flower]

So how do you know if an ENFJ is actually attracted to you or is just being friendly?

By the way, I am an INFJ, but I have the same problem. My husband calls me "innocently seductive."

 

[Rebe]

I sort of have the same problem.

Apparently, I am being perceived as very friendly and approachable so guys hit on me all the time even though I am only being friendly. I was not at all flirting and I did not at all want to get into your pants. It ruins the 'friendship' from then on though I am always diplomatic. No one just wants to 'talk' and be 'nice', they ALL want something. Okay, not all, some of them are just flirty nice but with no intention of asking me out.