[ENFP] ENFPs what's the longest you've remained single?

[phoenix13]

23 years. As an idealist, I wouldn't accept less than ideal.

 

[Ratsimoan]

7 years. I hate being single, it SUCK !

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Wow, I've gotten the "people are boring" vibe from an ENFP before, but that didnt stop them from over-the-top socially engaging everyone.

I find a lot of people boring... but that doesn't prevent me from talking to them. I had never really thought about it this way before, but it's true. I guess there's a big difference in me talking to someone (easy) and me sharing my "true" self with someone (difficult and I'm very reluctant to do this).

So back to the OP's questions...

• What's the longest you've stayed single (including short-lived relationships and/or not-so-serious ones)? Let's see... I guess 4 years. And, I mean SINGLE. No romantic entanglements of any kind. This was in my early 20s. Then, I went from one serious relationship to the next with usually 1-2 year break in between.
• Do you feel you always need to be in a relationship with someone? Why so? No. I feel very little need to be in a relationship with someone, actually.
• For instance, when you get out of a relationship, do you soon after involve yourself in another one? What need is it that being with someone fulfills (even if you recognize that someone will only be a temporary part of your life)? I normally take a long time to get over someone. LONG time. So this doesn't apply to me. But I do have lots of friends and acquaintances. I hop around among my friends, in the same way that some ENFPs date around. I guess I find people fascinating. I love to watch and learn about people.

I think that ENFPs have a wide variety of behaviors on this subject. And, I'm guessing you think that ENFPs hop into a new relationship as soon as they leave an old one? I don't think this is true for all ENFPs. We tend to be polarized: either lots of hopping around or sort of INFJ-y.... by this I mean very cautious about taking the plunge but once they're in, they are IN for the long haul and very loyal. I fall into this second category.

For example, I have NEVER been one to casually date or be wishy washy in my romantic feelings about someone. I'm either not interested or fully engrossed. And, back to my first comment, I am very, very, very picky. Most potential suitors bore me. I've gotta find a guy reallllly interesting to even dally with the idea of dating him.

But I think to the casual observer it might be hard to differentiate between my casual and serious interest in someone. And thus it might appear I flit around aimlessly chatting people up. Not so. I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm being kind and friendly to everyone around me... and watching and learning about them, too.

So how does the non-ENFP tell the difference? I think that ENFP Saltine said it so well in this post when she said, "I personally bond through vulnerability..." That's how to know if an ENFP is realllllly interested in you. Does she/he bare her soul to you? Not just funny comments about her/his banal and absurd life, but really deep and personal stuff. <Sigh.> I take that risk with very few indeed.

 

[Pixelholic]

What's the longest you've stayed single (including short-lived relationships and/or not-so-serious ones)?

Five-ish months. I actually started dating a girl I didn't like out of desperation.


Do you feel you always need to be in a relationship with someone?

Kind of?

Why so?

At this point, I've been in a relationship with someone for so long that I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Hell my relationship is currently long distance and it's driving me to near insanity.


For instance, when you get out of a relationship, do you soon after involve yourself in another one?

I don't really go out of my way to (okay, yes I do.) Usually if I'm falling out of a relationship I'm already starting to look ahead to the next one. The aforementioned desperate girlfriend from above is a good example of that, I met someone else whom I got along with better (and wasn't crazy) and within a few weeks of breaking up with her I was dating the new girl.

What need is it that being with someone fulfills (even if you recognize that someone will only be a temporary part of your life)?

I dunno, I just like the companionship and camaraderie of a relationship. It's like your adventuring buddy, you gotta have an adventuring buddy (or adventuring buddies, I mean you gotta have a fleshed out party /nerd)

 

[BlueScreen]

Do you feel you always need to be in a relationship with someone? Why so? For instance, when you get out of a relationship, do you soon after involve yourself in another one? What need is it that being with someone fulfills (even if you recognize that someone will only be a temporary part of your life)?

oops, I forgot the second question.

Not really. I used to chase and idealise love a lot, but never wanted to be in a relationship unless I could see it as better than being single. I'd move to very close to it, but if it wasn't quite there or didn't seem right I was reluctant to even give it a try. Partly because I didn't want to take the other person on a ride into anything deeper if I wasn't all in, partly because I have a strong drive to freedom and hate being trapped or restricted by things. As much as I justified to myself that it was the first part, the second was probably the stronger reason. I hadn't been in that many relationships, but I'd seen the effects of various things and helped out many friends who had been in them. I didn't particularly want to be in the same position, and figured it would bring a lot of the things I enjoy doing and exploring to a halt. After being in one for six months I've found that is true, but I don't mind it so much. I can see benefits in being single or dating, so what I'm driven toward probably depends where I'm at.

 

[BlueScreen]

I dunno, I just like the companionship and camaraderie of a relationship. It's like your adventuring buddy, you gotta have an adventuring buddy (or adventuring buddies, I mean you gotta have a fleshed out party /nerd)

I'm similar. I want someone to share it with.

 

[Malkavia]

I find a lot of people boring... but that doesn't prevent me from talking to them. I had never really thought about it this way before, but it's true. I guess there's a big difference in me talking to someone (easy) and me sharing my "true" self with someone (difficult and I'm very reluctant to do this).

I've never thought about it like this either! I guess its true. I wonder why we still talk to people even if we know from the start they probably arent going to get to know the true us. Maybe to satisfy our extroversion?

I think that ENFPs have a wide variety of behaviors on this subject. And, I'm guessing you think that ENFPs hop into a new relationship as soon as they leave an old one? I don't think this is true for all ENFPs. We tend to be polarized: either lots of hopping around or sort of INFJ-y.... by this I mean very cautious about taking the plunge but once they're in, they are IN for the long haul and very loyal. I fall into this second category.

For example, I have NEVER been one to casually date or be wishy washy in my romantic feelings about someone. I'm either not interested or fully engrossed. And, back to my first comment, I am very, very, very picky. Most potential suitors bore me. I've gotta find a guy reallllly interesting to even dally with the idea of dating him.

But I think to the casual observer it might be hard to differentiate between my casual and serious interest in someone. And thus it might appear I flit around aimlessly chatting people up. Not so. I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm being kind and friendly to everyone around me... and watching and learning about them, too.

So how does the non-ENFP tell the difference? I think that ENFP Saltine said it so well in this post when she said, "I personally bond through vulnerability..." That's how to know if an ENFP is realllllly interested in you. Does she/he bare her soul to you? Not just funny comments about her/his banal and absurd life, but really deep and personal stuff. <Sigh.> I take that risk with very few indeed.

Estoric get out my head!

I am the same way. Ive only dated twice, but both were because it was serious business.

 

[Neo.bahamut.r]

It would depend on definition. The last time I was in love was two years ago. The last semi serious relationship was a year and a half ago. I still enjoy life being single but there's always that void I wish to be filled. The problem I have is that due to my childhood I was unable to learn all the social skills needed and I have a difficult making new friends. That of course makes making new girlfriends, rather difficult.

However, on a similar note, I have been able to fill this void at least partially with a girl I met briefly a few years ago who, despite living several states away, has kept me in her life long-distance to fill the voids in her life as well (she's in an unsatisfying marriage). Either way, I still have the desire for a true love relationship but am unfortunate in finding one.

 

[boondocked]

What's the longest you've stayed single (including short-lived relationships and/or not-so-serious ones)?

I had never stopped to think about it before you asked, but I haven't been single for more than about three weeks since I began dating nine years ago.

Do you feel you always need to be in a relationship with someone?

Nope. I never actively seek boyfriends. I really think I'd be perfectly happy without one, but when I discover a new, compelling person (and I find a lot of people compelling), and the opportunity arises to get to know them on more intimate terms, I take it. I have a hard time saying "No, you're absolutely fascinating, but I need some time alone."

For instance, when you get out of a relationship, do you soon after involve yourself in another one? What need is it that being with someone fulfills (even if you recognize that someone will only be a temporary part of your life)?

I'm more a long term gal myself, because I like to really delve into a person and share something big. My relatively few flings were pretty painful for me. But so are my breakups, it isn't as if anyone's just another ex-boyfriend to add to the pile of past boyfriends. It isn't as if I just blink a few tears and then move on to the next, although I'm sure it must seem like that sometimes. It isn't as if I ever think of these people as filling a need. I like them, sometimes love them, and want to be around them, that's all. I'm always upfront with them about who I am and what I can offer them. And I miss them all long after I stop talking about them. It's exactly as if, excuse the super romantic imagery here (NF what?? ), but it's exactly as if each new boyfriend builds a room for themselves in me and when they vacate the space, it's completely empty and feels it. But...I've got other rooms. I might always miss them, sometimes pretty painfully, because nobody else is like them, but there's more life to live yet. I think I've always hoped to find someone who might make me feel differently. I do think it's possible. After all, my ENFP ex-boyfriend was exactly like me until he found one pretty all-consuming passion.

Hope this helps!?!

 

[RobinsonCrusoe]

i'm 24, never had a girlfriend. i'm very very very afraid of commitment. i'll own up to that.

had many many girls along the way to share myself with, but when it came time for me to step up to the plate and ask her out to make it legit, i high-tailed it outta there.

i know that girls want a sense of legitimacy to relationships. i'm perfectly fine if it's left ambiguous...so that whenever either of us want out, it can just happen...no big heartaches, fights, dramas necessary. and since i can't ask a girl to do that, i choose to be unattached.

i actually don't mind too much. my sex life is erratic, but the sense of freedom it gives compensates well for it. the problem is that relationships, even bad ones, mature you...and perhaps one of the reasons why I still act like a 5 year old is probably because i haven't experienced a true relationship yet.

 

[Lady_X]

my ENFP ex-boyfriend was exactly like me until he found one pretty all-consuming passion.

what do you mean by that?

 

[alcea rosea]

Maybe I am wrong, but I have a feeling ENFPs can't stand to be single for very long (both men and women).

So out of pure curiosity and desire to debunk or confirm my hunch I'd like to ask you all:

What's the longest you've stayed single (including short-lived relationships and/or not-so-serious ones)?

Do you feel you always need to be in a relationship with someone? Why so? For instance, when you get out of a relationship, do you soon after involve yourself in another one? What need is it that being with someone fulfills (even if you recognize that someone will only be a temporary part of your life)?

I've stayed single probably about 3 months at the longest. I have felt like I always need to be on relationship. But I think that need is decreasing as I'm getting older.

I had the need to be with another person because I didn't feel whole when alone. I simply didn't know how to be alone and I certainly didn't want to be alone. But I've learned that too when getting older. I can handle myself when alone, I am in peace with myself and I don't need other people and situation to feed me energy and ideas.

 

[You]

Most of my life. So far 3 years to be honset. But including not so serious, I'd say...uh...about a year.

 

[boondocked]

what do you mean by that?

He found a girl that he loves so completely that, if they broke up, I think it would take him years to get over her enough to date anyone else. He wouldn't be able to compartmentalize his feelings for her, and dating anyone else would feel like a poor substitute. It's definitely a new development for him. His attitude toward every previous relationship (including ours) was a sort of 'let's see where this goes' easy-going-ness.

 

[Lady_X]

He found a girl that he loves so completely that, if they broke up, I think it would take him years to get over her enough to date anyone else. He wouldn't be able to compartmentalize his feelings for her, and dating anyone else would feel like a poor substitute. It's definitely a new development for him. His attitude toward every previous relationship (including ours) was a sort of 'let's see where this goes' easy-going-ness.

right...yeah...okay thanks.

 

[mmhmm]

a few years after college with dating here and there.
i don't know if it's so much my personality type, as it is my own personal development that has to do with my attitude towards relationships.

i was much more co-dependant when i was in my teens.
in my early 20s i just tried to do everything the exact opposite as my teen years.
and now in my late 20s, i'm just on a search for balance.

and sometimes a search just has to be done alone.

 

[ergophobe]

The longest period of singledom was somewhere between 4-5 years, recovering from a very young first love.

For the other questions, I couldn't have said it better myself -see Esoteric Wench's response.

In short - I'm picky, I'd rather stay single than get involved with someone lacking potential longtermness. I still have periods of 1-2 years between relationships. I don't do casual and I don't feel like I have to be with someone constantly. I'd rather use the single periods, however long they are to concentrate intensely on relationships with friends and family and work.

 

[the state i am in]

this thread would be better (science!) with enneagram + instinctual subtype.

 

[thescientist]

this thread would be better (science!) with enneagram + instinctual subtype.

I agree

Also, I wonder if the degree of their "E" might have something to do with it...the more Extroverted, the more you need to surround yourself with people?

 

[angell_m]

Aww, thought it said INFP. I wanted to surprise everyone by saying 6 years.