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[INFJ] INFJs & Articulating Their Thoughts & Intuitions

HollyGolightly

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I have real trouble with this. I ramble far too much. People get so impatient with me because I really can't get to the point. Or it will be because I explain it in a really bad way and then someone jumps on me and says exactly what I said in a different way that's easier to understand but as if they thought of what I just said.

It's mainly through verbal communication that I have these problems but it can happen when I'm writing a post or during a conversation on msn. It's really bothering me because I really can't express myself properly. When I'm calm and comfortable I'm not so bad but most of the time I feel socially awkward and I don't feel very sure of myself. It doesn't help when peopel talk over me because they are getting impatient with my rambling.

I have read that having difficulty articulating thoughts and intuitions is a common trait in INFJs so I was wondering if there were any INFJs that have overcome this problem and could share some advice? It's really knocking my confidence, to the point where I just don't participate in discussions even when I feel strongly about something or if I have something interestng to add.
 

CuriousFeeling

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Oh man, this sounds too familiar. I was like this from day one. My family would ask me what I was doing, and I'd give them an extended rambling dissertation. I do very well in providing explanations behind scientific theory, though.

What you've experienced is what I call the untangling of the Ni mental spaghetti. Everything comes out from the back of our heads like this blob of thoughts, and it comes flying out all at once. Our buddy, tertiary introverted thinking, attempts to make sense of our intuitions, but Ti doesn't work very well on the fly cos it isn't our preferred function. It's kind of slow and likes to digest things in a systematic fashion in our heads. What I do before I fling the mental spaghetti is to stop and think about what I am going to say, pause for a couple seconds to untangle it. Then the words come out much easier when I know exactly what I want to convey to another person. I find this works much more effectively when explaining scientific theories to a class.

Emphasizing key points helps too.
 

HollyGolightly

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Thank you, CuriousFeeling :)
I think it's a self confidence issue as well. I don't have that much fo a problem with it when I am comfortable. I think it's because I am overly conscious of the fact that the other person wants me to get to the point so they can say something.
 

stalemate

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I'm not INFJ but even I have this problem sometimes. I guess over the years I've gotten better at knowing when to do what CuriousFeeling described and when to just let the disorganized rambling take over.

I work with an INFP and if he asks me a question I can give him the rambling version and say "was that an answer?" and usually he'll respond and tell me all the various things he heard that applied to his question in some way. Sometimes he says I didn't answer him but gave him a lot of good info and he'll reword the question. It is actually pretty great because he can get things from me that he wouldn't get if I tried to organize the thoughts perfectly before speaking. But, if I try this rambling technique with SJs I just get "huh?" so I watch myself around them.

So, my advice is to know your audience. I don't think this is always necessarily a problem. If you are with the right person you can feed off of each other.
 

CuriousFeeling

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Thank you, CuriousFeeling :)
I think it's a self confidence issue as well. I don't have that much fo a problem with it when I am comfortable. I think it's because I am overly conscious of the fact that the other person wants me to get to the point so they can say something.

Yeah, self-confidence can definitely cause issues. I know the feeling. I can be saying something, and afraid it would come out sounding the wrong way and I'd look like an idiot. Makes me feel a bit self-conscious. Then, the self-consciousness leads to rambling, and people get a bit impatient, or I hear the sound of silence, crickets, and watch the tumbleweeds going past.
 
S

Sniffles

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Yes I commonly have this problem too. It seems my mind is not always capable of articulating its own thoughts; and often I can't do so on the fly either. I often notice that for brief but very intense moments, my mind is able to fully articulate itself to a great extent. Comfort is another factor as well. In more comforting and laid-back situations, I can more easily open myself up and express my views.

Hope this helps, cause I'm still worn out from the weekend.
 

Tiltyred

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That's why INFJs are better communicating in writing than extemporaneously.
 

HollyGolightly

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That's why INFJs are better communicating in writing than extemporaneously.

Yeah, I much prefer to say what I need to say in a letter or something. If people are goingthrough a hard time I often write them something in a card because I know if I say it verbally I will mess it up.
 

Billy

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I dont think its that we cant get to the point, its that we have a different way of communicating the torrent of thoughts in our heads. A lot of people I meet say that they like the way I talk, the people that don't probably aren't worth knowing anyway.

I overcome a lot of the verbose nature actually by expanding vocabulary. I used to be a voracious reader and would force myself to learn dozens of new words every week that I found useful. Why struggle to find the words when 1 or 2 will do.... maybe get a thesaurus lol.
 

Tiltyred

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One thing I do that makes for confusion is describing the process or sequence of events that led me to the point I'm trying to make -- but I never articulate the actual point. I expect the other person to have stayed with me through the process and I want to see them get it themselves. Most of the time that doesn't happen. Either they don't get it at all and have no idea why I'm telling them what I'm telling them, or they come to a completely different conclusion because they focused on a different piece of the story. It's the non-directiveness of it all. It's one reason I feel more relaxed around other intuitives, especially other INFJs. They can usually follow my process and are interested, and will respond in kind with their own. Other people just find it annoying and I feel more and more estranged because misunderstood.

So now I come out with the conclusion first and let myself be led by the response to that. Which is backwards to the way I want to talk, but that's the only way it works in most cases.
 

whatusername

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I think, for me, nothing beats taking a good deep breath or two before speaking. That, or making an internal catalogue of statements, or how everything should go. (I know it sounds tedious, but as Billy put it, "torrent of thoughts." It needs to be streamlined, at the moment before actual speech.)
 

ChocolateMoose123

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Ever try to get an INFJ to explain why he couldn't explain things well?

I did. No luck. :doh:
 

whatusername

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Ever try to get an INFJ to explain why he couldn't explain things well?

I did. No luck. :doh:

Hahaha. Sorry, I can't explain it, but this made me laugh.

Wait maybe I can explain it, let me try. LOL.
 

Vasilisa

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You are not alone. I notice I tend to naturally have a circular pattern in my articulations.

Academic and technical writing can train you out of it somewhat. For speech, I'm not so sure. I love listening to great lecturers, but unfortunately, it doesn't seem possible to glean great speaking skill that way. I suppose that it too, takes practice.
 

ReadingRainbows

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So I'm doomed? :p

Noooo. Actually, I consider myself an EXCELLENT communicator. On most things, I know what I'm saying and how to say it. I always stop in conversations to make sure the person I am talking with understands what I am saying though, so if there are any discrepencies, we can handle them ASAP, instead of wading through something that was misunderstood 20 minutes earlier.
 

LotsOfHeart

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I have this problem maybe a little bit. For me, I think it's just a matter of remembering what your actual point is when you're talking about something. If you get too caught up in small details you're likely to forget where you are. Everybody does it, but I think INFJs need to watch out for it.

Then again, my problem with finding when to interject at that right time (I'm not good at this at all) really makes things difficult. Oftentimes, I never even get to speak because someone keeps interrupting me. It's part of the reason I sometimes resist hanging out in big groups.

I definitely understand not being able to articulate how you feel. Sometimes I get really weird feelings/attachments to people and things that are very strange and hard to explain. I don't know why I get attached, but once I do, I'm stuck and I can't always explain why. I don't care to, though, but it makes me feel good to be myself, and I don't have any regrets in that anymore.
 

Evi

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This all sounds incredibly familiar. Pausing and breathing helps m. I've found that people that really care to know what's in my head will give me the time to untangle the mess. As for everyone else, most of the time I don't want them to know anyway. It's also helps to remember that it's not a bad thing to go back and refine/define a point one was trying to make earlier in a conversation.
 
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