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  1. #21
    Member thirtiesgirl's Avatar
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    I'd agree. I've always had trouble articulating what I feel. Moreso when speaking face-to-face as opposed to writing. I'm much more comfortable with writing. I hate to say it, but I've also noticed that as I age, I'm getting worse at expressing things. I used to be pretty good at it during college and for several years after. I think I had a lot of false confidence at that age, thought I could do no wrong, knew everything in the world...which in turn, made it easier to speak my mind. These days, my confidence is more based on my life experience, personal growth and maturity...but also the fact that I recognize that I don't know what I don't know, which can often tangle me up when I try to explain how I'm feeling to someone else. Sometimes that can be so damn annoying.
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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evi View Post
    This all sounds incredibly familiar. Pausing and breathing helps m. I've found that people that really care to know what's in my head will give me the time to untangle the mess. As for everyone else, most of the time I don't want them to know anyway.
    EXACTLY. That is so true.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  3. #23
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    That's why INFJs are better communicating in writing than extemporaneously.
    I agree! Most of the time when I try to verbally communicate something complicated I have to sort of 'rehearse' it first in my head. If I'm emotionally-charged, though, it would still come out a ramble and I usually end up forgetting what I'm trying to say.

  4. #24
    Member Sailboat's Avatar
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    Sometimes I know how I am feeling and how I want to express it verbally, but I can never find the right words. It's as if my head is full of strings and I am trying to unravel them to find the right one so I can say what I am wanting to say. It's frustrating, because I can feel something very intensely on the inside, but on the outside it comes out as silence or maybe four words. Taking a moment to really think about my answer helps.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    What about this one -- you get an idea and just keep expanding on it and let your imagination run wild, talking aloud to someone else, like "oh! we could do this, and then we could do that, and then that would allow the other, and then ... and then ... etc." Two weeks later that person says what about the thing you were gonna do? and you don't even know what they're talking about, and they say remember when you said you could do this and then do that, etc.? And you're like, "I said it COULD be done. I didn't say I was going to do it!" People get confused when you talk about possibilities of things that could develop at some future time and don't realize you're just relaxing your mind.

  6. #26
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    Omg i totaly identify with wot u wrote. I am the same. This aspect of me, i feel, undermines my inteligence coz i dnt knw how to expres myself easily verbaly.

  7. #27
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Good point -- writing is ALWAYS my preferred medium, to the point of sending many more e-mails and reports at work, rather than going and explaining it. I'm with everyone who has written so far about INFJ issues and self-confidence issues... I have them both

    Is part of it practice as well?

  8. #28
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stalemate View Post
    I'm not INFJ but even I have this problem sometimes. I guess over the years I've gotten better at knowing when to do what CuriousFeeling described and when to just let the disorganized rambling take over.

    I work with an INFP and if he asks me a question I can give him the rambling version and say "was that an answer?" and usually he'll respond and tell me all the various things he heard that applied to his question in some way. Sometimes he says I didn't answer him but gave him a lot of good info and he'll reword the question. It is actually pretty great because he can get things from me that he wouldn't get if I tried to organize the thoughts perfectly before speaking. But, if I try this rambling technique with SJs I just get "huh?" so I watch myself around them.

    So, my advice is to know your audience. I don't think this is always necessarily a problem. If you are with the right person you can feed off of each other.

    This guy is impressively patient. Where do you work?

  9. #29
    Senior Member Froody Blue Gem's Avatar
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    I have trouble putting my thoughts into words, I'll have an idea of what I want to say but it comes out completely wrong. It takes me a little while to get them out so I often pause when gathering my thoughts, an there are people who don't have patience for this. I may try to reword what I want to say but I give up if they don't get it after a few times. It's exhausting just to process my thoughts and translate them into words.

    There are times I rehearse what I'm going to say if I know I need to say something to someone. Or I may think I'm wording something in a way that people will understand but it doesn't quite come out right. I'm used to being in the world of my head so verbalizing my thoughts has always been a little alien. if I'm interested in a topic, I can go on and on but people may pick out a point that was in my mind not the pinnacle main point.
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  10. #30
    Junior Member foxtrot's Avatar
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    HI HollyGolightly, I did have this problem when I was younger. surprise though, it is actually something you can work on and vastly improve. i would say that i have become very comfortable being extremely accurate and articulate in expressing myself, both in writing and verbally (in certain circumstances) almost all the time. journalling helped me with expressing myself in writing. that is something which felt natural to me. expressing myself verbally, especially in person is a different story. at this point in time, i feel confident doing this, but this took many painful conversations and painstakingly working on this skill. but it is just that - a skill, and you can improve it.

    when i was in high school, i was at times vastly shy and had very little confidence with confrontation. sadly, i have had to have many difficult and painful conversations in my life. at first, it helped me a lot to write down some of my thoughts or the things i wanted to talk about in dot points before i had a difficult conversation with someone. being INFJ, no matter how much i hated having these difficult, emotional conversations, if it was the right thing to do, i had to do them regardless. the more of these difficult conversations i forced myself to face - always with honesty, integrity, and forcing myself to say exactly what i really mean - the more confident i became in communicating (both difficult conversations and normal ones).

    i still ramble sometimes, but i also noticed that i would do this because i didn't know exactly what to say, or more often, i felt pressured to answer immediately. in time i have learned to spot when this happens and allow myself to be quiet and think in silence until i am ready and comfortable enough to answer. one big thing that effects my ability to articulate myself is how calm or comfortable i feel. i have learned that personally, if i am very tense or stressed, pushing through that first block of getting a difficult conversation started means i will be able to push forward and get the rest of how i feel out.

    i swing between rambling away (mostly to family or in situations where i just get carried away by something - this embarrasses me when i do it in front of people i don't fully trust or know yet), being quiet, and being extremely succinct and well expressed. rambling (when i can't seem to shut up) is a warning sign to myself that i am uncomfortable in a situation, or there is something i should be aware of (stress, etc). contrary to what seems to be the general agreement here, anyone who i have shared my thoughts or writing with have said that i am extremely articulate - however, this only happens when what i have said to them or given them to read has had enough time for me to form my thoughts calmly and carefully.

    take your time to think about what you want to say, and try not to let your surroundings or other people put pressure on you when you are trying to formulate your thoughts. you are allowed to think carefully before you answer, don't feel the need to apologize for that. don't worry about struggling with expression - it will come naturally with practice and time.

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