From personal experience, an INTJ's intuition is RARELY off about these things.
Nor is an ENFPs. I think that INTJs and ENFPs have differing blind spots in their intuition, though. Ne and Ni are amazingly accurate. But when they f*ck up, they tend to f*ck up big time.
The ENFP is usually already DONE with a relationship mentally/emotionally long before the relationship actually ends.
Yes. This is true. But not because we want to hurt anyone or be dishonest, but because we can't bear the thought of hurting anyone or that our previous declarations of eternal love didn't turn out to be completely true. It's like it's super hard to give up our vision and to admit failure. Because that's how it feels for an ENFP who reaches the end of a relationship they've committed to.
Remember how different P and J are. I feel no compelling need to make decisions. I can let things hang in limbo far beyond the capacity of most INTJs. And, sometimes I have used this as a crutch for not facing things I don't want to face because they're painful, etc. I think back to my past relationships. And, usually there is a moment that I know in my heart that some line has been crossed. But I'm so horrified by the failure, the hurt, and that I'm even considering bailing on the relationship, that I try to convince myself that I'm wrong. There must be another option to fix things that I hadn't considered. I lie to myself. And, then I pass on that lie to others.
I've gotten wayyyyyy better about not doing this, but it's taken a lot of practice and a lot of pain to learn to call myself on my own bullsh*t.
They are also very good at OMITTING details and claiming it as truth. White lies, bullshit...We're honest to a fault...at least I am...I know no other way to live. I can't manipulate the truth or embellish it. IT IS WHAT IT IS.
Welllllll..... I understand why you say this. And yes, an immature/unhealthy ENFP can be extremely manipulative and extremely good at it. However, most of us won't do that because it goes against our value system.
I think what may rub an INTJ the wrong way about an ENFP is that "putting spin" on something is antithetical to the INTJ experience. And for the INTJ who has no natural ability in this area, it smacks of dishonesty.
Is this dishonest? Well it's a gray area and it depends on how much spin is applied. I can tell you from my own struggles in this area, that it took me some life experience to realize that it was important for me to stop and reflect to make sure that I didn't omit pertinent facts. I realized (after some painful life experiences) that just because I didn't give a damn about all the details and just because I knew the entire story and was making an earnest effort to tell only pertinent details to be more efficient, that other people might interpret this as me lying or at least as acting in bad faith.
Finally, let me point out that just because INTJs believe they are "telling it like it is" doesn't mean that their stories are always 100%. I think INTJs have the flip side of the same problem ENFPs suffer. An INTJ may feel like they are sharing the complete fact pattern. And, I do believe they always try to share all the facts as they see them. However, INTJs have a habit of dismissing out of hand facts that do not match up with their preconceived notions on things. Thus, all the facts as the INTJ sees it, is sometimes a skewing of the truth because what the INTJ sees as irrelevant information has already been cast aside.
My faith in ENFPs commitment to relationships is dwindling down the drain....
Sounds like you're in danger of taking a single incident and making a rule. Don't do that.
Forget that I'm an ENFP. The ENFPs I've known have by and large been some of the most kind, friendly, fun, and lively people I've ever known. And, I can't think of a single one in my acquaintance that doesn't have what I would regard as a mature/highly-evolved ethical system.
Young/immature/unhealthy ENFPs struggle with all the same issues all young/immature/unhealthy people struggle with. Basically, these ENFPs are idiots. But then again, who isn't an idiot when they're first starting out in life.
I'm not trying to excuse bad behavior. Sounds like fecaleagle's ex-girlfriend was making some dumb choices. But it's probably more complicated than a simple pat answer like ENFPs aren't committed to serious relationships. For example, she may have felt different ways in different situations.
All ENFPs have chameleon like qualities. We can instantly and non-consciously tailor our approach to the people around us. What we sacrifice in consistency we (hopefully) make up for with our ability to adapt to a wide variety of people. So it's possible that his gf truly meant what she said about missing fecaleagle and about being excited about meeting other guys.
What I would say to his girlfriend is that she has an ethical obligation to think through how such inconsistencies in her feelings will affect the people around her. Most ENFPs I know do this... but usually only after screwing up so badly from not doing this... that they firmly resolve never to make such a short-sited error in judgment again.
But you bring up a very, very good point.
You just PERFECTLY described my own experience with an ENFP friend (yes, a friend, not romantic partner) of mine. I also agree with everything else you said, except for this:
