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[ENFP] ENFP girlfriend confusing me! Help!

A

A window to the soul

Guest
If she's really ENFP, then you, the INTJ, are probably not supposed to be so far-sighted. You're not supposed to make projections about what any future relationship looks like now that you've seen how unreliable she can be. You are, instead, supposed to go back over all manner of past events. You're supposed to rely on past feeling to bolster present feeling. You're supposed to want it back. You're supposed to worry considerably about the future if it cannot be as it was in the past. And you're supposed to show all of that to her in a way that makes it all look like a rock she can trust to always lean on, assuming she is inclined to lean. And then she will tell *you* about the future.
^ Agreed, but wouldn't that require him having some stones too? :cheese:
 

stringstheory

THIS bitch
Joined
Jul 12, 2009
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923
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1
anyonex.gif


-crickets-


By all means, feel free to counter my position.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
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4,310
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INTJ
^ Agreed, but wouldn't that require having some stones too? :cheese:

Presumably.

But it's considerably more easily achieved if one leads with introverted sensing.

Because that's what leapt out when I skimmed through recent posts in this thread: that everyone, including the ENFP herself, seems to be telling the INTJ to find the core of this relationship in detailed assessment and reverence for truths of the past. To have the stones to know what was and is "real".

Because, presumably, the NF probably already does know and needs you to join in to not just know it as real but also to make it as real now.



Disclaimer: this is just some functional observation from we here at the Ni Propaganda Desk.
 

fecaleagle

New member
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Messages
120
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INTj
By all means, feel free to counter my position.

Um hello?? Your IQ is obviously too low if you didn't realize that you had to look at her username and realize that she is a perfect girl with no flaws in actions, perceptions, thoughts, emotions, etc. That is her counterargument. Jeez! Chuck Norris worships the ground perfectgirl walks on :D

I think perfectgirl and my ex would get along quite well. They have quite the knack for understanding situations perfectly and not making any errors in judgment

As for the latest posts, I really do not understand. Staking our relationship on expecting me to disrespect her wishes and go "ravage" her? WTF kind of mind game is that? This is our RELATIONSHIP we are talking about here, not some fucking game! My ex needs to grow the hell up emotionally! It's sad when I'm the one that tells someone that they need to do that :) Honestly, she has the potential to be an awesome girl, but in the end I'm more of a catch than her...so please, check that mindgame shit at the door and realize who you could be with. /rant
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
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May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
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ISFP
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6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
As for the latest posts, I really do not understand. Staking our relationship on expecting me to disrespect her wishes and go "ravage" her? WTF kind of mind game is that? This is our RELATIONSHIP we are talking about here, not some fucking game! My ex needs to grow the hell up emotionally! It's sad when I'm the one that tells someone that they need to do that :) Honestly, she has the potential to be an awesome girl, but in the end I'm more of a catch than her...so please, check that mindgame shit at the door and realize who you could be with. /rant

1) You sound angry.

2) It really never hurts to go make a woman feel wanted/desired. It's really not THAT much of a mindgame...
 

stalemate

Post-Humorously
Joined
May 6, 2010
Messages
1,402
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7w6
:yes: I seriously do think I have really gotten much more in touch with my Fi, although I have a long, long way ago as I get older. I mean, recently it has been developing more and more, but I really feel like this expedited the process. That's kinda how it works for us INTJs. We learn quick, and under pressure situations. The sad part is the inability of my ex to see me willing and working hard to pursue that growth, with the purpose of making both of us happy :( After my heartfelt letter (in which I abandoned all pride and made my self completely vulnerable for the first time in my entire life), she has the nerve to pick out a few poorly worded and innocent sentences and completely misconstrue and misinterpret them, to my horror. HELLO? Did you even read the letter as whole or did you analyze each sentence independently? That's what I get for being genuine, sincere, and apologetic. Everything I meant was from the heart and put the blame on me. Jeez lol, ENFPs can be the most. stubborn. type. of. all. Not to mention bringing up things that I said about possible future plans months ago, and the fact that I was unsure of them. Sorry I didn't give her a full update on the issue (umm could've simply asked) that I thought was dead because she never brought it up. Hello, the problem was resolved a long time ago in my head, and it should of been obvious if she had observed what I was now planning on in life and did ounce of logical thinking, or took 2 seconds to ask. Instead she makes the ridiculously asinine assumption that I knew my entire life plan far in advance, and completely made up this possibly shitty scenario and enjoyed watching her cry for the uncertainty of the future. That I took pleasure in it. She literally said all of that. That it shattered her emotional core. WTF? It didn't shatter your core, your ridiculous thinking process did. Honestly this girl seems to be on the verge of clinical psychosis, and this is coming from someone very knowledgeable in neuroscience. From personalitypage.com "ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions". Yep. That alone has ended an otherwise perfect relationship. I'm aware that my insensitivity when I said these recent hurtful things, but I apologized, took full responsibility, asked her to help me grow in these emotional areas, explained where I was coming from logically and emotionally, and said I was willing to try anything to avoid future pitfalls. Maybe one day it will click to her that what I have said and done has been truthful and well-intentioned, we just deal with things differently and she never communicated that to me. Then she will come crawling back to me begging for me back, dissatisfied with all the guys she has try to connect with. Sorry, but you're not gonna find someone that accepts you for who you are more than I did. Just had to vent the amount of injustice I have had to deal with. :doh: Sorry
At the risk of sounding like your ex (picking out a few poorly worded phrases out of a giant wall of text) the part in red sounds like you have regressed back to the Poo Poo Bird that we first met and that you still don't really think you did anything wrong. You act like her jumping to the wrong conclusion is the only problem ("alone") and that you did nothing wrong ("otherwise perfect relationship"). I am giving you the benefit of the doubt because I haven't read the rest of the thread since the quoted post, but that one sentence really puts a bad mark on any of your "growth" as seen earlier in this thread. Please don't use this as another example of an ENFP jumping to a wrong conclusion. I am just being open with you about how your words come across.

I am sorry that things didn't work out for you guys, but I hope you are learning/growing. You guys both screwed up, and you probably can't attribute as much of the faults to your MBTI type as you would like to believe. Just my 2 cents.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
You know when people say "it's great because of our shared N"?

No one shares their N.

And this thread is annoying for literally that reason. YOU ARE ALL leaping and bounding all over the place, being the N gods. You're not sharing N. You're doing N at each other. And in different directions too. And in effect you're all demanding that everyone else be the S. As in, "Here is my insight, now go build it into something concrete." And the price of that sort of approach is feeling, either when the other side doesn't see what you know, or when the other side doesn't get to communicate what they know.

I hereby pledge to not flesh out this idea nor explain why it fits here.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
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ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
You know when people say "it's great because of our shared N"?

No one shares their N.

And this thread is annoying for literally that reason. YOU ARE ALL leaping and bounding all over the place, being the N gods. You're not sharing N. You're doing N at each other. And in different directions too. And in effect you're all demanding that everyone else be the S. As in, "Here is my insight, now go build it into something concrete." And the price of that sort of approach is feeling, either when the other side doesn't see what you know, or when the other side doesn't get to communicate what they know.

I hereby pledge to not flesh out this idea nor explain why it fits here.

Kalach, while it pisses me off to no end to say this, I must admit that you do make an excellent point.
 

Poki

New member
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Dec 4, 2008
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Um hello?? Your IQ is obviously too low if you didn't realize that you had to look at her username and realize that she is a perfect girl with no flaws in actions, perceptions, thoughts, emotions, etc. That is her counterargument. Jeez! Chuck Norris worships the ground perfectgirl walks on :D

I think perfectgirl and my ex would get along quite well. They have quite the knack for understanding situations perfectly and not making any errors in judgment

As for the latest posts, I really do not understand. Staking our relationship on expecting me to disrespect her wishes and go "ravage" her? WTF kind of mind game is that? This is our RELATIONSHIP we are talking about here, not some fucking game! My ex needs to grow the hell up emotionally! It's sad when I'm the one that tells someone that they need to do that :) Honestly, she has the potential to be an awesome girl, but in the end I'm more of a catch than her...so please, check that mindgame shit at the door and realize who you could be with. /rant

You sound like your playing mindgame shit with yourself. Your playing emotional games with her. You have a goal, welcome to being J. You will continue to play mindgames with yourself until.

A. you let go of your goal
B. you reach your goal
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
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INFP
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4sop
You know when people say "it's great because of our shared N"?

No one shares their N.

And this thread is annoying for literally that reason. YOU ARE ALL leaping and bounding all over the place, being the N gods. You're not sharing N. You're doing N at each other. And in different directions too. And in effect you're all demanding that everyone else be the S. As in, "Here is my insight, now go build it into something concrete." And the price of that sort of approach is feeling, either when the other side doesn't see what you know, or when the other side doesn't get to communicate what they know.

I hereby pledge to not flesh out this idea nor explain why it fits here.

:rofl1: Truth.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
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18,235
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sx/sp
and!! kalach...you say that as if it's a bad thing! it's like a million alternate realities...there is no truth only perception. :D
 

Rebe

New member
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Nov 15, 2009
Messages
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INFP
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4sop
one of our perceptions has got to be true - we covered all grounds
 
A

A window to the soul

Guest
Presumably.

But it's considerably more easily achieved if one leads with introverted sensing.

Because that's what leapt out when I skimmed through recent posts in this thread: that everyone, including the ENFP herself, seems to be telling the INTJ to find the core of this relationship in detailed assessment and reverence for truths of the past. To have the stones to know what was and is "real".

Because, presumably, the NF probably already does know and needs you to join in to not just know it as real but also to make it as real now.

^ A 'real' man. <3
OP: Listen and learn from the wisdom of a fellow INTJ .

You sound like your playing mindgame sh-- with yourself. Your playing emotional games with her. You have a goal, welcome to being J. You will continue to play mindgames with yourself until.

A. you let go of your goal
B. you reach your goal

^ A straight shooter. <3
OP: Allow the sexy ISTP's/ESTP's to show you how its done. Less talk, more action. Remember that.

Um hello?? Your IQ is obviously too low if you didn't realize that you had to look at her username and realize that she is a perfect girl with no flaws in actions, perceptions, thoughts, emotions, etc. That is her counterargument. Jeez! Chuck Norris worships the ground perfectgirl walks on

I think perfectgirl and my ex would get along quite well. They have quite the knack for understanding situations perfectly and not making any errors in judgment

As for the latest posts, I really do not understand. Staking our relationship on expecting me to disrespect her wishes and go "ravage" her? WTF kind of mind game is that? This is our RELATIONSHIP we are talking about here, not some f-ing game! My ex needs to grow the hell up emotionally!

^ i don't like my username.

P.S., mhmm, ravaging would be good. No talking though, mkay... :smooch:
 

fecaleagle

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2010
Messages
120
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INTj
I am now like 80% sure she blew all of this out of proportion and it was all just a game and excuse to be with other guys for a while. The Ni is piecing it all together. I hope I'm wrong
 

slowriot

He who laughs
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
1,314
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5w4
Congrats on blaming others for you own emotionality. Paranoia is such a wonderful thing when fueled by negative feelings, isnt it?
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
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Messages
4,310
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I am now like 80% sure she blew all of this out of proportion and it was all just a game and excuse to be with other guys for a while. The Ni is piecing it all together. I hope I'm wrong

It's possible. And working through that possibility in your head is probably one of the more unpleasant parts of not being in trustworthy communication.

But...

if you were to remember that, at least by your typing, she's N too, then you could get some insight into how she did see unexpectedly way more in a few words than she perhaps should have. And similarly that you may be doing the same with a small number of her actions.

It's not automatic that you're wrong. It is possible however that there's a different, perhaps unfamiliar perspective which will show you more of what's happening. It'll probably be technically just as bad, but maybe not as intrinsically terrible as the slutty ESFP image you can see.

Difficult times.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
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Messages
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A little housekeeping is in order:

^ A 'real' man. <3
OP: Listen and learn from the wisdom of a fellow INTJ .

The fellow INTJ wasn't being at all S about that "presumably". I do agree that the NF probably does know what is "real"... to her. And for a fellow N also looking for what's real, that does not mean the other N's answer is the answer. Rather it means that in discovering ones own answer, one now has to go through the process a few extra times, not just from experience to perception to decision, but from experience, to perception, and then ricocheting off in another direction toward another's unfamiliar perception, and then into some really odd perception loops that I don't know how to describe, and possibly eventually one day back to decision.

and!! kalach...you say that as if it's a bad thing! it's like a million alternate realities...there is no truth only perception. :D

Hmmm... but you say that as if it were a true thing.

:harhar:



And now back to the regularly scheduled T-baiting.
 
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