[NF] NF women, do you want kids?

[INTPness]

^^^Great song by the "Boyz".

 

[INTPness]

When I posted this thread, my "theory" was that NFP's would be more likely to "not want children" because they would be more reluctant/hesitant to give up their personal independence.

ajblaise alluded to this in post #19.

Even though the number of responses is statistically very small, so far the trend seems to be that INF's overwhelmingly want children while ENF's - not as much.

INF's - 21 yes, 3 no. (87.5%)
ENF's - 5 yes, 5 no. (50%)

Guys, if you want kids, find an introverted NF. If you don't, find an extroverted NF (no, I'm not really drawing that conclusion - yet!).

 

[cafe]

Maybe the idea of being tied down isn't that big a deal to someone who is already a homebody? I dunno.

I know my (I think) ESFP mom didn't want to breastfeed because she didn't want to be tied down. My youngest brother was born when I was 21 and when she said she didn't want to be tied down, I was thinking What difference does breastfeeding make in whether or not you are tied down? You have a kid you are tied down.

 

[Unkindloving]

I definitely don't want kids and i think that i've known that for the entirety of my life. I've never liked kids and never obsessively played with baby dolls. Most times i cringe when around them for too long or at the ridiculous creatures that people become when they are parents.

The reasoning...
I don't want to devote 18+ years of my life to teaching something else how to live. I am a firm believer in self-discovery, so i would rather devote my life to myself.
There's too much error in bringing up children or in being a parent. Yes, there are good moments, but i have watched people embrace dysfunction and then cause dysfunction. It's simply not for me.
I also have a niece and a nephew, so i'll spoil them rotten and bask in the fact that i haven't and refuse to pop one out.

 

[INTPness]

Maybe the idea of being tied down isn't that big a deal to someone who is already a homebody? I dunno.

Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking too.

 

[Curwhibble]

I do want children, it's getting to baby fever stage but i'm not sure whether I feel completely comfortable bringing more people into the world. Because I would like a small tribe of sproglets running amok in the countryside If I don't feel comfortable having my own I really, really want to adopt, then I can bypass the baby/pregnancy stage and leap straight into troubled teen stage.

I don't even view it as being tied down if i'm honest. If you make the decision to have children then it's willingly sharing your life with them and making them your priority, to me that's not being tied down.

 

[cascadeco]

Maybe the idea of being tied down isn't that big a deal to someone who is already a homebody? I dunno.

If it were truly that, I think we'd see the same sort of %'s if we did a poll for NT women, for SP women, for SJ women... so it's definitely not solely an E/I independent vs. homebody thing.

I'm actually kind of surprised at the overwhelming number of 'Yes, I want babies!' responses. Two female INFJ's I know irl are pretty much like me - 'Meh'/No about it (a 3rd INFJ had two children while in her 20's) and have never had a huge mothering drive/desire/instinct, amongst other reasons for being really hesitant over the idea of having kids.

 

[INTPness]

If it were truly that, I think we'd see the same sort of %'s if we did a poll for NT women, for SP women, for SJ women... so it's definitely not solely an E/I independent vs. homebody thing.

NT's are a different breed altogether (as are SP's and SJ's). I'd expect totally different percentages and for totally different reasons.

 

[paradox fox]

No kidlets for me!

 

[OrangeAppled]

I do not want to have children.

 

[Xellotath]

On further note,
I think I cant have children on -principle-.

I feel like I havent answered the question "why do I exist at all". Of course I do, rationally - I understand evolution and basic biology.

But none of these explanations account for the experience a person will have. As a parent you are directly responsible for everything your child experiences, after all, you pushed it into existence.

And do you have control over all the variables? No. Of course not.

I can't shake the feeling that its fundamentally irresponsible. It takes a lot of faith in your environment to do it. A kind of subtle megalomania, seeing as you're also placing faith in your abilities.

..I might be crazy though.

 

[stringstheory]

Well in my opinion I'm still too young for children or too young to know for sure myself (22), but I am leaning towards no for a number of reasons. The biggest reason being the fertility problems i have; it seems like to go through the process/effort to have my own children would be time consuming (and not in the fun way ) or expensive. I don't know if i'll have the means or the motivation to go through this kind of effort for children of my own.

Secondly, I want to make a career in Social Work with my community and unfortunately this means I might have to give that up. If I'm working in this kind of a field, I want to fully dedicate myself to assisting my community, and I also would want to have a lot of time to invest in raising my children on my own so I don't think I would want to try and juggle both, especially considering the state of maternity leave in this country.

So in conclusion....I have no idea, leaning slightly towards "no".

 

[revolve]

i do not want a child of my own. the cons outweigh the pros, for me.
i am enfp.

 

[SillySapienne]

I definitely want to have at least one kid!!!!

Definitely.

 

[Charmed Justice]

I had my first and only biological child in my early 20's. I went from not wanting any children, or just one, to wanting about five after dating my ex who had a large family with young children I really bonded with.

I would love to have more children, but expansion is stalled until my relationship dramatically improves. My ability to give right now is lower than what I believe to be fair for another child.

Maybe the idea of being tied down isn't that big a deal to someone who is already a homebody? I dunno.

I know my (I think) ESFP mom didn't want to breastfeed because she didn't want to be tied down. My youngest brother was born when I was 21 and when she said she didn't want to be tied down, I was thinking What difference does breastfeeding make in whether or not you are tied down? You have a kid you are tied down.

One of my best friends, an xNTJ, said something similiar. She stopped nursing after 2 months because she was tired of being "tied down". She's quite the responsive mommie though.

I don't recall ever feeling tied down by being a mother, even after nursing for three years. Different folks, right?

 

[cafe]

One of my best friends, an xNTJ, said something similiar. She stopped nursing after 2 months because she was tired of being "tied down". She's quite the responsive mommie though.

I don't recall ever feeling tied down by being a mother, even after nursing for three years. Different folks, right?

I guess so. I've felt downright suffocating, clawing at the glass trapped on more than one occasion and am too lazy to mess with washing a bunch of bottles when I've got a milk spigots sticking right outta my chest.

I would feel more tied down by having more dishes to wash and having to remember to pack bottles when I went someplace. I certainly wasn't going to get very far without my kids because I didn't have a lot of people offering to babysit.

 

[CzeCze]

What's more beautiful than creating a life and helping to shape it into the best individual it can be? And I think the bond between a child and their mother is equally as beautiful. I think it's totally worth giving up your independence etc.

I would even adopt a child. Most people seem to want to adopt babies...but I wouldn't mind adopting a teenager...even one with behavioural problems. A lot of people I have spoken who claim to have maternal instincts just seem to like cute little kids...like it said in the OP, they have the attitude: "yes, kids are cute. I think it would be fun." I dunno, I just think what I feel is so much stronger than that...I'm more than prepared to take the rough with the smooth. I don't think I would ever be able to say that my life felt meaningless or empty...and feeling will be so worth all the "not so fun stuff" that would come with being a parent.

I can resonate with this.

NFs do want kids.... they just want them 10 years later than an ESFJ wants kids.

True, my maternal instincts didn't kick in until my early to mid-20s which some might say is early? Before then it was all more like 'big sisterness', not mom-ness. I knew I wanted to have kids since I was a late teen at least, but always pushed the time back and back and back. It's amazing how "young" you feel (and maybe act ) the older you get. I especially can't imagine having a child right now in my life considering how unsettled/between careers/between cities/single I am.

 

[Charmed Justice]

I guess so. I've felt downright suffocating, clawing at the glass trapped on more than one occasion and am too lazy to mess with washing a bunch of bottles when I've got a milk spigots sticking right outta my chest.

I would feel more tied down by having more dishes to wash and having to remember to pack bottles when I went someplace. I certainly wasn't going to get very far without my kids because I didn't have a lot of people offering to babysit.

Yes, precisely! The conveniences of modernity aren't always that convenient. The last thing I needed was more dishes to wash, and more things to carry along with me.

 

[disregard]

I only want a child when I'm "established", financially.

I don't want my children to grow up poor. :horor:

Not so much for them, but because I don't want to live my mother's life.

 

[scortia]

I wouldn't mind a kid someday, just to make a positive impact on their life (I'd hope). I'm not really picky... by childbirth, adoption, whatever works. The only reason that I'd want to give birth would be to see if my eccentric genes can be passed on or not.

But, if I never take care of a kid I'd be fine. For one, I'm going to be the only person in my family responsible for my mentally handicapped brother when my folks go. He's like taking care of a big 2 year old anyhow. Also, I love my independence and not having to sacrifice it to an ankle biter is fine by me haha.