[MBTI General] xNFP females, do you tend to be better friends with males?

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I think you've got a good point. Maybe I will gain access to more complex emotions by trying to connect. Good point!

This works with self-analyzation, too. If you need an emotional translation you just ask an NF. I've done it quite a few times... it helps equal our pragmatism. Though if you aren't safe you can get caught in a depression, been there too. I just got out of it actually.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Does this work well in a work enviroment too?

I don't tend to become friends with co-workers. I'm very private & keep them at arm's length. Most don't seem aware I exist outside of the job...

The one time I really became friends with someone I worked with, it blew up in my face. I became emotionally invested (and somewhat blinded by it), she did not, and she had no problem screwing me over.

 

[Synarch]

This works with self-analyzation, too. If you need an emotional translation you just ask an NF. I've done it quite a few times... it helps equal our pragmatism. Though if you aren't safe you can get caught in a depression, been there too. I just got out of it actually.

Welcome back.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Is this your opinion after the betrayal? Is the enviroment that you work in not suitable for friendship creation?

 

[CzeCze]

I think this thread is a great example of what Highlander meant in his thread about 'Ne dominance' on the forum. LULZ.

Only comments right now - I think Synarch you are overstating the case of biology = destiny. I think girls are made aware of motherhood and "playing house" but I think a lot of it is cultural conditioning and mimicking what is seen around us and learning what our standards of gender behavior are. Young girls are not fully aware of what motherhood or what childbirth means or the concept of the 'womb' until later...I think. I think it's more that boys are not ever really conditioned to prepare for fatherhood in any meaningful way that he is connected to the child, when children play house it's usually the dad/husband ordering others around or being catered to.

While I think this is true sometimes, I also think that NFPs can be very aware of non-tangible clues, like "emotional vibes" & that sort of thing. I can usually sense when a guy finds me attractive - I just tend to become too humble/insecure to ever initiate even when I get clear vibes. In a friend situation, I'd take care to make it clear I don't have any romantic interest if I got that feeling (and yes, I have done that before).

For me, the thing with the weirdos latching on has more to do with misplaced pity/compassion than not being aware of their intentions.

I am also not one to flirt without some genuine interest & tend to send aloof/disinterested signals to men, even unintentionally when I do find them attractive.

I think that's very reassuring to hear. Honestly, after my personal experiences with some INFPs I know they specifically can not discern these vibes and are surprised, defensive, hurt, angry, etc. later when they realize their "friend" was trying to get in their pants, is in love with them, wants to date them or is pissing off the person they're actually dating (*ahem*) with their obvious advances.

OP where are you??? Let us know what you think of the responses and your thread. Is this helpful?

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Welcome back.

Thanks. It's good to be back.

 

[CzeCze]

BTW, ReflectR, please use the 'multi-quote' function, when you post 3 times in a row it kinda gets spammy. (BTW I've noticed this with some other NT members)

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

How do I do that? I have wanted to.

Never mind I think I figured it out.

 

[Synarch]

I think this thread is a great example of what Highlander meant in his thread about 'Ne dominance' on the forum. LULZ.

:hi:

Only comments right now - I think Synarch you are overstating the case of biology = destiny. I think girls are made aware of motherhood and "playing house" but I think a lot of it is cultural conditioning and mimicking what is seen around us and learning what our standards of gender behavior are. Young girls are not fully aware of what motherhood or what childbirth means or the concept of the 'womb' until later...I think. I think it's more that boys are not ever really conditioned to prepare for fatherhood in any meaningful way that he is connected to the child, when children play house it's usually the dad/husband ordering others around or being catered to.

That's probably true. My explanations are often rather concrete. On the other hand, this cultural conditioning could have originated in biological fact. Like, if you are producing milk, it makes more sense that you be the most motivated caregiver. The male can go hunt while you caretake, etc. Otherwise, I concede your point. The problem I have with cultural arguments is that cultural factors are often nearly universal (when it comes to gender) and cultural factors are extremely difficult to analyze.

 

[Southern Kross]

Both. I would see this more directed towards non-romantic though.

Well, this is an issue I have had to come to terms with. I used to be pleasant to people that I felt no connection with but internally I said "this isn't my type of person" and distanced myself. I've since learned that I can get along with practically anyone and that I should make the effort to do so. I realised I don't have to be 'best friends' with someone to enjoy their company and that I can have fun exploring the other sides of myself when with someone very different from me. I still desperately yearn for connection though...

Romantically, no connection does not work for me; connection = attraction to me. Its like being dead inside without it. Forcing myself to give it a go even though I don't feel any connection tends to be disasterous. It would be like forcing yourself to sleep with someone you found utterly unattractive, hoping it would result in attraction.

 

[Synarch]

BTW, ReflectR, please use the 'multi-quote' function, when you post 3 times in a row it kinda gets spammy. (BTW I've noticed this with some other NT members)

I confess that I do this on purpose. Often I want each reply to stand on its own so people don't feel like I am just cramming them in with everyone else (feels like you're answering people in a round robin).

 

[OrangeAppled]

Is this your opinion after the betrayal? Is the enviroment that you work in not suitable for friendship creation?

Oh no, I had no rule, it was always just my way of being. I've always been a loner. I know that sounds contradicting with my desire to connect, and it's something I struggle with...

And no, I don't think I need to connect to people to do my job and would find it tiring. Maybe I'd make more money if I did though - probably a mistake

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

BTW, ReflectR, please use the 'multi-quote' function, when you post 3 times in a row it kinda gets spammy. (BTW I've noticed this with some other NT members)

:hi:

Figured it out! See?

That's probably true. My explanations are often rather concrete. On the other hand, this cultural conditioning could have originated in biological fact. Like, if you are producing milk, it makes more sense that you be the most motivated caregiver. The male can go hunt while you caretake, etc. Otherwise, I concede your point. The problem I have with cultural arguments is that cultural factors are often nearly universal (when it comes to gender) and cultural factors are extremely difficult to analyze.

I have to comment on everything though... alright.

 

[Synarch]

Oh no, I had no rule, it was always just my way of being. I've always been a loner. I know that sounds contradicting with my desire to connect, and it's something I struggle with...

From my understanding of an introvert (like my girlfriend, for example), the connections feel deeper if they are not spread too thin? Maybe that is the reason for your loner / connector conflict.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Well, this is an issue I have had to come to terms with. I used to be pleasant to people that I felt no connection with but internally I said "this isn't my type of person" and distanced myself. I've since learned that I can get along with practically anyone and that I should make the effort to do so. I realised I don't have to be 'best friends' with someone to enjoy their company and that I can have fun exploring the other sides of myself when with someone very different from me. I still desperately yearn for connection though...

I had the same mindset & have come to the same realization pretty much. Still, those people are not my close friends. I've simply realized I can relate to them on some level and enjoy them, despite what initial appearances may have been. Getting along with people is rather easy for me, becoming close is not.

From my understanding of an introvert (like my girlfriend, for example), the connections feel deeper if they are not spread too thin? Maybe that is the reason for your loner / connector conflict.

Absolutely yes....there's only so much energy to go around.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Well, this is an issue I have had to come to terms with. I used to be pleasant to people that I felt no connection with but internally I said "this isn't my type of person" and distanced myself. I've since learned that I can get along with practically anyone and that I should make the effort to do so. I realised I don't have to be 'best friends' with someone to enjoy their company and that I can have fun exploring the other sides of myself when with someone very different from me. I still desperately yearn for connection though...

Romantically, no connection does not work for me; connection = attraction to me. Its like being dead inside without it. Forcing myself to give it a go even though I don't feel any connection tends to be disasterous. It would be like forcing yourself to sleep with someone you found utterly unattractive, hoping it would result in attraction.

I can understand that.

Oh no, I had no rule, it was always just my way of being. I've always been a loner. I know that sounds contradicting with my desire to connect, and it's something I struggle with...

And no, I don't think I need to connect to people to do my job and would find it tiring. Maybe I'd make more money if I did though - probably a mistake

In what way do you cope with the contradiction? Connecting and being a loner.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I'm still really interested, but I need to go to sleep! Talk/respond to all of you soon. Sleep well, or if it's still day time where ever you are have a good day.

 

[Southern Kross]

I had the same mindset & have come to the same realization pretty much. Still, those people are not my close friends. I've simply realized I can relate to them on some level and enjoy them, despite what initial appearances may have been. Getting along with people is rather easy for me, becoming close is not.

Agreed. For INFPs, close friendships can't be manufactured, they need to come easily and naturally, and 'natural' relationships are very rare. I don't know about you, but most interactions are such hard work for me.

 

[OrangeAppled]

In what way do you cope with the contradiction? Connecting and being a loner.

I think it's rather common for INFPs to connect through the arts. I relate to people through what they create & what I create. I mean, if I read a passage in a novel that really resonates with me, then I feel a little less alone in the world.

It's also a constant struggle of modifying my behavior & mindset to be more inline with my goal, which is to connect with people.

 

[Thalassa]

I think it's rather common for INFPs to connect through the arts. I relate to people through what they create & what I create. I mean, if I read a passage in a novel that really resonates with me, then I feel a little less alone in the world.

You know I experience that too.

I've also noticed that I feel somewhat of a connection to people if they like the same art/music/film I like. It makes me feel like I have something in common with them that goes beyond words. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I know my ENFJ sister doesn't really get it...she's like "those are just sounds, and pictures, and colors...it all comes down to how someone treats you"...and yeah, there's truth in what she's saying too, but she doesn't get it.