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[MBTI General] xNFP females, do you tend to be better friends with males?

Lady_X

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Men sometimes enter relationships where the implicit motivation is sexual. Then it often turns out the woman wants more. Rather unsurprising.

Women sometimes enter "platonic" relationships with men where the implicit motivation is friendship. Then it often turns out the man wants more. Yet, this is surprising.

so...in the first scenario...he just wants sex? does this happen so often that he thinks that's the likely outcome?
 

Synarch

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so...in the first scenario...he just wants sex? does this happen so often that he thinks that's the likely outcome?

I have seen it happen. A friend of mine has been dating someone he was just supposed to be having sex with. It's the way the game is played. And was ever thus.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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I have fallen victim to the second scenario a few times.
 

Synarch

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Here's the irony. The best way to get a woman to want to have sex with you is to be friends with her without ever suggesting that you ever want anything more. Gradually, she will wonder why you never flirted or made a move and it will drive her crazy.
 

Rebe

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^ fell for that once. It was good though, cruelty aside.

Just kidding. My heart wasn't really involved in that game.
 

Rebe

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It worked because I was in a very, very, very bad place. I was (am) young and curious and not afraid of exploring and I was intrigued by his personality, not what he was or was not offering. I am less intrigued by that sort of game after that. I like to do things at least once. I don't like using other people's data, I need to create my own. When people tell me, don't do that, I always wonder why and they never have good enough answers. I need better sources. :)

It doesn't work on a healthy, self-respecting woman, not for long.
 

Synarch

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A lesson I have learnt by obtaining and creating a strong T. Sad though.

Eros thrives in the distances between people. Men and women have to be distinct to feel attracted across that distance. As masculine identity develops away from women it can feel like a separation but that separation is what allows you to develop a true respect and admiration for the feminine principle.
 

OrangeAppled

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like he wants to be sex buddies and she wants to be friends or they are sex buddies and she wants a relationship?

i don't know...i'm completely out of this whole sex buddy loop...i know nothing about it...have no friends who've ever been in that situation either. it seems like some new concept or fad that happened while i was away or...something.

This doesn't go on with my friends either...

I notice that some guys are only friendly with women in groups & would only pursue spending time with a woman outside of the group if there was other motive than friendship. Then there are some guys who seem to cultivate individual friendships with many women (and even if they don't hang out alone a lot, there is a more personal aspect than just a group one), and it doesn't appear they are after all these women sexually/romantically (in some cases, I know the moral stances of these guys). And yeah, a LOT of those guys are Feelers. IDK, maybe they are just casting a wide net & biding their time, or maybe they actually enjoy women as fellow human beings without needing sexual value attached to them - what a crazy thought.
 

Synarch

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And yeah, a LOT of those guys are Feelers. IDK, maybe they are just casting a wide net & biding their time, or maybe they actually enjoy women as fellow human beings without needing sexual value attached to them - what a crazy thought.

Are these men compelling to you as men? Or, do they feel like boys or neuters?

I enjoy women as fellow human beings. I just can't separate that out if there is attraction. I don't have control over that really.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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Eros thrives in the distances between people. Men and women have to be distinct to feel attracted across that distance. As masculine identity develops away from women it can feel like a separation but that separation is what allows you to develop a true respect and admiration for the feminine principle.

The disconnection allows for something to BE created?
 

Synarch

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The disconnection allows for something to BE created?

Absolutely. Until you can be independent from women you will never see how beautiful they can really be. Too much identification and familiarity robs them of their potent mystery and robs you of the joy in that.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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This doesn't go on with my friends either...

I notice that some guys are only friendly with women in groups & would only pursue spending time with a woman outside of the group if there was other motive than friendship. Then there are some guys who seem to cultivate individual friendships with many women (and even if they don't hang out alone a lot, there is a more personal aspect than just a group one), and it doesn't appear they are after all these women sexually/romantically (in some cases, I know the moral stances of these guys). And yeah, a LOT of those guys are Feelers. IDK, maybe they are just casting a wide net & biding their time, or maybe they actually enjoy women as fellow human beings without needing sexual value attached to them - what a crazy thought.

I would say that most of these men have feelings for the girls, this seems unavoidable, but understand that speaking these feelings is an all too permanent decision to make, or not.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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Absolutely. Until you can be independent from women you will never see how beautiful they can really be. Too much identification and familiarity robs them of their potent mystery and robs you of the joy in that.

I feel like I knew this already, but I'm glad we could reason it out. :yes:
 

OrangeAppled

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Are these men compelling to you as men? Or, do they feel like boys or neuters?

I enjoy women as fellow human beings. I just can't separate that out if there is attraction. I don't have control over that really.

I don't know what you mean by "compelling" to me as "men". A few are quite attractive physically, but that doesn't mean I find them attractive for myself as far as having any romantic interest. Or maybe I would be interested in circumstances were dramatically different.

I definitely don't seem them all as boys or sexless, even if I don't happen to find them attractive. There are a few I almost regard as gender neutral in the sense that I lose all male/female dynamic, but that is rare. There is a different dynamic with my male friends than female, as I said in my first post in here, so most seem to be "compelling as men" in some way.

I also recognize that in such situations, romantic feelings could grow, which is why I think that male-female friendships have to be dealt with carefully in situations where it's not appropriate for more to grow.
 

Synarch

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I don't know what you mean by "compelling" to me as "men". A few are quite attractive physically, but that doesn't mean I find them attractive for myself as far as having any romantic interest. Or maybe I would be interested in circumstances were dramatically different.

I mean do you feel their presence in the world as men? I think this is what I mean by sexual energy. Even when I am not thinking of sex I still feel a woman's presence as something distinct. Very different from how I sense men around me. Women stick out. If you do not feel their presence as men, then perhaps true friendship is at work. I am just thinking out loud.
 

OrangeAppled

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I would say that most of these men have feelings for the girls, this seems unavoidable, but understand that speaking these feelings is an all too permanent decision to make, or not.

So if a guy has about 4 female friends he considers good friends, then has feelings for all of them? These friendships continue even when said guy has a girlfriend?

:huh:

IDK....I am not naive so that I don't recognize that a man making efforts to see & communicate with a woman apart from some social group is usually because he has romantic/sexual interests, but I do think that friendships can form beyond casual, friendly acquaintance in a group.


I mean do you feel their presence in the world as men? I think this is what I mean by sexual energy. Even when I am not thinking of sex I still feel a woman's presence as something distinct. Very different from how I sense men around me. Women stick out. If you do not feel their presence as men, then perhaps true friendship is at work. I am just thinking out loud.

Yes, that's what I meant by "male-female" dynamic, but I don't think it is sexual either, as far as sexual attraction or tension goes. It may be sexual in the sense that I do feel some different air about them and it changes the way I respond to them.
 
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