[MBTI General] xNFP females, do you tend to be better friends with males?

[OrangeAppled]

You know I experience that too.

I've also noticed that I feel somewhat of a connection to people if they like the same art/music/film I like. It makes me feel like I have something in common with them that goes beyond words. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I know my ENFJ sister doesn't really get it...she's like "those are just sounds, and pictures, and colors...it all comes down to how someone treats you"...and yeah, there's truth in what she's saying too, but she doesn't get it.

Although I have some ENFJ friends who get it (I thought it was rather NF...maybe not), and we bonded over it.

I love this quote from High Fidelity (the movie): "What really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter."

I've actually had to tone down my feeling there - it too easily becomes snobbery. It became a means of isolation instead of connection... But the general feeling always remains intact.

 

[wolfy]

I love this quote from High Fidelity (the movie): "What really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter."

Great movie, great quote and really true. When you share interests you share a cultural bond.

 

[Thalassa]

Although I have some ENFJ friends who get it (I thought it was rather NF...maybe not), and we bonded over it.

I love this quote from High Fidelity (the movie): "What really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films - these things matter."

I've actually had to tone down my feeling there - it too easily becomes snobbery. It became a means of isolation instead of connection... But the general feeling always remains intact.

Yes it can become snobbery, but then again it can make the people who you do connect with that much more special or meaningful. Maybe that's an E4 thing?

My ex is an xSFP and he very much is the embodiment of that High Fidelity quote...to the point of snobbery...so it's not just an NF thing. I don't know if I has anything to do with type, maybe it's an Fi thing in general.

 

[Southern Kross]

In what way do you cope with the contradiction? Connecting and being a loner.

This is the central issue when one is an introvert, especially a IXFX. I struggle with finding an equilibrium. My life is a series of push-pull actions with the people around me.

I think it's rather common for INFPs to connect through the arts. I relate to people through what they create & what I create. I mean, if I read a passage in a novel that really resonates with me, then I feel a little less alone in the world.

It's also a constant struggle of modifying my behavior & mindset to be more inline with my goal, which is to connect with people.

I know what you're talking about. The most satifying thing for me is uncovering or experiencing an emotional truth, even if it is through a inanimate medium. The difficulty starts when trying to find a way to experience deep emotional truths with other human beings...

 

[A window to the soul]

In what way do you cope with the contradiction? Connecting and being a loner.

Social interactions are not hard for the INFP if it's quality time with a select few that they care about. Who does the INFP typically care about: those that protect their feelings and have their backs when they're stressed. Trust is key. Never betray the INFP's trust by sharing things the INFP told you with other people. Never manipulate the INFP's feelings, as they'll see through it and resent you. An INFP will look forward and want to connect with you, if you are trustworthy, REAL, and respect/accept them for who they are.

From my understanding of an introvert (like my girlfriend, for example), the connections feel deeper if they are not spread too thin? Maybe that is the reason for your loner / connector conflict.

INFP's please correct me if I'm wrong here...

When treated with care, the INFP is crazy passionate and intense (perhaps ravaging, lol ). Which requires some quality recharge time. I can only guess that because INFP's don't typically share their emotions verbally and flirt all over town like their extroverted counterparts, that all of the INFP emotional energy gets bottled up just waiting to be unleashed (I'm guessing upon the person(s) they care about). therefore, the more time you allow the INFP to recharge, the deeper, more intense the connections would be.

 

[alcea rosea]

To the op: I have friends of both genders and I see no difference in which is better. I think it's more up to the personality of my friend than the gender.

 

[Amargith]

I get on easier with men yes. A lot easier. I grew up with two older brothers, no sisters, and guys have always had the whole direct confrontation thing if something was wrnog instead of the festering, knife in the back approach women seem to prefer (something that drains me incredibly). The rivalry between women gives me a splitting head ache.

I have no illusions about what (some) men want, and I make clear from the start what I have to offer. After that, we get along famously most of the time, or we part ways. I tend to enjoy the difference between the sexes and the benefits it brings to both parties, as well as enjoy the relaxed atmosphere guys usually bring to the group (women do the social status thing more, ime, which drains me).

I did have two great female friends when I was 19 at school. The bond I had with one of em was exactly what I was looking for, though it could still be deeper. The other came close. Sadly the one moved to another country after that year and the other quit school and we drifted apart.

They were the only girls that had accepted me for who I was and cheered me on, instead of being threathened or whatever, up to this point. In fact, I'm suspecting one em to have been ESFP, and man, she knew how to have fun, instead of frown at me. The other was an INFP, so sweet and so encouraging. No judgement whatsoever existed in that group. It was like a safe haven.

Though I have a great group of friends atm, it's not the same. I miss it very much so. Sisterly bonding ftw!

 

[Scott N Denver]

guys have always had the whole direct confrontation thing if something was wrnog instead of the festering, knife in the back approach women seem to prefer (something that drains me incredibly). The rivalry between women gives me a splitting head ache.

Let us pretend for a moment that I am a woman, and Satine I would like to say "Oh I just LOVE your outfit, especially those shoes! Where did you get those??? I *must* shop there [internal thought: cuz, you know, I would just LOVE to get my clothes from the gutter]" Note to self: don't become falsely-flattering backstabbing woman, it doesn't look too pretty...

Ok, with that joke over now, reversing the inflection of this thread, as a male NFP I would say that I generally get along better with women than men.

 

[Moiety]

Not this guys and girls being friends shit again...yeah let's both go to Vegas and hang out buddy. Just as buddies of course. I mean, a guy and girl can be really close, not be ugly or deformed gender specimens and still be 100% platonic, damnit!

 

[Red Herring]

Mostly male friends here. There are some women I inmediately connect with, but they tend to be oddballs and/or prefer male friends as well. The conversations just tend to be different. My theory is that the best exchange arises from mixed company (also true for room mates).
Only girls:
Only guys: :workout:
mixed company: both at their best behavior, trying to contribute something interesting that refers to the human experience instead of being the stereotypical gender specific babble (where-did-you-get-those-shoes on the one hand and pissing contests on the other)

 

[Moiety]

Mostly male friends here. There are some women I inmediately connect with, but they tend to be oddballs and/or prefer male friends as well. The conversations just tend to be different. My theory is that the best exchange arises from mixed company (also true for room mates).
Only girls:
Only guys: :workout:
mixed company: both at their best behavior, trying to contribute something interesting that refers to the human experience instead of being the stereotypical gender specific babble (where-did-you-get-those-shoes on the one hand and pissing contests on the other)

Where did you read that? C'mon, say it.

 

[Red Herring]

Just a personal observation. You have people of gender A sitting at a table, having their typical gender A conversation. Then one or several members of gender B enter the room (who on the way there may have had a gender B conversation) How are they going to converse? In a somewhat gender neutral lingua franca: touching on topics that interest both.

 

[alexshippee]

I mostly get along with other females.
I think I have three male friends that I actually talk to on a regular basis, but other than them, I can hardly talk to guys about things for very long.
I feel like I have to not embarrass myself I guess..

 

[angelhair45]

I did not expect this to be 20 pages when I woke up this morning, but I am truly fascinated by the conversation so far. If it tells you anything about they way I feel about males, I want to take both the ENTP boys home with me and love them


I'm only on page 13, so I will comment more later.

 

[angelhair45]

Sorry if it's a rambling mess of words below. I tend to do that.

I wonder if the fact that I can separate love and sex makes a difference? Of course that wasn't the case when I was younger, but it may be a factor since I am now married. If I couldn't separate the two it might be weird to be around other men and feel attracted to them sexually, but I don't mind sexual tension, and don't see it as getting in the way of friendships. Maybe because I'm very sexual so it's just biological for me to want to be around them? I'm just learning to "type" others, but from what I know so far my male friends have pretty varied types, but I definitely feel connected to some more than others.

Of course this could be more type than gender. It just appears that it's mainly women from my standpoint, and from who I've met. Some of the reasons I don't enjoy company of other women:
-Cattiness, but this doesn't bother me now like it did when I was younger
-Not much in common
-Most women I know are not free thinkers. Most free thinkers I've met are male. Women seem much more bound up by society and I am not. Women won't talk about a lot of issues I will. When I was a teenager I talked a lot about sex, masturbation, etc and it turns most females off.
-Women seem to dislike unconventional and see it as "attention getting" etc. Maybe I've just need to meet some women of a different type, but most women will make a lot of digs about my personality and I hate pressure to change who I am.
- I don't know about the jealousy thing. I don't think I am that great that a lot of women would be jealous of me. I do know females who have felt that way though.
- One thing I have always hated is when women get together to talk bad about men. I remember when I first witnessed this in jr. high. Certain groups of girls would start to get the "girl power" thing going and then talk down to and about the guys. I couldn't jump on that bandwagon. I don't have much bad to say about them, and I definitely don't want to alienate them. I just don't feel like my common ground with other women should be how much the men in our lives, or men in general suck.

As far as knowing how others feel about me. When I am my extraverted self I can pick up on things pretty well. I'm very much aware of attraction or not on their end. When I am my introverted self, well then that is another story. I have no clue. My perception becomes skewed once I introvert.

 

[Moiety]

Just a personal observation. You have people of gender A sitting at a table, having their typical gender A conversation. Then one or several members of gender B enter the room (who on the way there may have had a gender B conversation) How are they going to converse? In a somewhat gender neutral lingua franca: touching on topics that interest both.

You made it sound like the only thing guys discuss between themselves is "guy topics" and the only thing girls discuss between themselves is "girl topics".

Also, that they are at their best behavior which I don't even know what it means but doesn't sound too right.

 

[Thessaly]

I really love the variety of exchanges in this thread. ENTPs, ENFPs, and INFPs always move along threads about interpersonal topics quite well since we're all full of Ne ideology.

To answer the OP, I do not have any male friends that are not family. I have never sustained a friendship with a male in my life. I have enjoyed my platonic interactions with them in a variety of environments that forced our congregation (work, school, friend's bfs etc..), but otherwise my contact with men is largely romantic/sexual.

I came to the conclusion a long time ago that this was due to my highly feminine nature. I don't think there is anything masculine about me aside from my well developed Te and ambition. I truly enjoy being a woman and wouldn't have it any other way. Even the most androgynous men will respond sexually to me for this reason.

With that said, I will say that almost all my female friends are T, athletic, logical types (although I refuse to say masculine, because they are all quite beautiful and fashionable). Because I have quite high emotional intelligence I tend to be weary of other F-dom women. They take advantage of my emotionally intuitive and empathetic nature and as said previously lack boundaries (which trust me are useful and incredibly important to maintaining respectful relationships). Women typically lean towards talking about feelings and problems or "connecting". This is draining for me for my well of empathy and support is bottomless. T women don't dwell too long on certain emotions and don't endlessly enlist my emotional support or exploit my intrapersonal/interpersonal insights.

So perhaps my answer to your question is no I don't tend to have better male friendships, but better female friendships with male dominant brains

 

[Synarch]

I did not expect this to be 20 pages when I woke up this morning, but I am truly fascinated by the conversation so far. If it tells you anything about they way I feel about males, I want to take both the ENTP boys home with me and love them

Yuck.

 

[Thalassa]

Yuck.

Yeah, that's totally gross and uncalled for.

I mean she can have them all.

DO NOT WANT.

 

[Amethyst]

Maybe it's just an N thing...I can't stand most women.