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  1. #1
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
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    Default ENFJs how do you stop yourself from being taken advantage of?

    It is a common theme in my life to have people take advantage of my kindness. It can be hard for me sometimes because helping people is one of my modivations in life.

    ENFJs (NFs are welcomed as well), how do you ignore your feelings and turn away from a bad person.

    What is some advise to tone down the Fe and act on the truth.

  2. #2
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    use some more Ti?

  3. #3
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
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    LOL, thanks. I was just feeling pretty depressed as I sometimes allow people to take advantage of me. Sleeping over it helped me feel a lot better.

  4. #4
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Care to give examples of how people take advantage of your kindness?
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

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  5. #5
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
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    Sure.

    While I don't want to go into any specific details, I will give you the general idea.

    One example would be homeless people asking for money. Before I use to always give them money no matter what because there is always always that chance that person really does need the money. Sometimes it is still hard for me to turn my back on them because there is a huge force telling me they might be telling the truth. I think I solved this problem by offering food, gas, etc other than money. They tend to leave me alone most of the time.

    Another one would be doing other people's jobs for them. I was raised to get the job done no matter what. If you are not going to get the job done, then I will get it done because it needs to get done. This one isn't too bad as it doesn't happen very often.

    Burrowing money. Lately it seems like I have my own lending business because I have some friends who really needed money. I know I can trust the people I lent my money too, but I don't want it to be a reoccurring theme. Should I charge interest?

    Con artist. I've been conned once before because there was a huge force telling me they might really need help. It sucks because during that time I had a gut feeling that they were bad news. I've encountered a con artist twice in my life, and the second time I caught it before I handed over the money. I mean I had the money in my hand, then I told them they were a con artist before I handed my money to them. I almost got conned again, but if I had listened to my gut feelings from the beginning, it wouldn't of gotten that close in the first place. I just need to trust my gut feelings more.

    People who pretend to be your friends, but hate you and/or are jealous of you behind your back. How do I confront those people?

    Needy people who try to be around me 24/7 because they have a low self esteem and emotionally leech off of me. I found some ways to take care of them, but any advise is still welcomed.

    Anyways, those are examples I could think of off the top of my head. I know I should use Ti, but that is an ENFJs worst function and it seems to prove true to me. How do I apply Ti in my life to balance my Fe?

  6. #6
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    experience

    Eventually, you're just all, "sorry, dude vv"


    maybe also keep in mind that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else, and that includes standing up for your own interests and not being pushed around

    It's one thing to know that that's true, but to feel it, experience it, and live by it is another animal entirely.

  7. #7
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I can't do function talk because it makes my brain hurt... but you need to assess yourself and situations.
    There's a certain way i feel about things that developed through my ex best friend (infp, methinks). She was the sort of person who had too big of a heart for everyone/everything else, but had no sense of self-preservation. A prime example was how she would force herself or her boyfriend to finish food when they were full because she felt so terribly for the starving Ethiopians. This is fine in theory, but she also had self-image issues that would lead to stints of bulimia and self-injury.
    Basically, she was fueling her own misery because she was driven to do something for the sake of other's misery.

    You need to think about yourself and if you can genuinely feel comforted with the thought of throwing your money, time, effort, etc away at people with potential failure. You really shouldn't and therein lies what should help you contain it.
    If you're going to feel used and regretful, don't do it. This is one of the biggest things we as ENFJs struggle with. Feign Fi or something. Becoming more and more fed up will push you in that direction, but if you can assess it better then you won't need to be pushed so far.

    YOU ARE IMPORTANT. The privilege other people can get from an ENFJ is feeling important through us, but we need someone to make us realize we are important if we can't realize it ourselves. You can't be their support beam if you have no support in yourself. If you need to take time to develop that support before you can properly assess and help others, do so. The reward will be greater for everyone in that case.
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  8. #8
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    How about ignoring people's needs unless they are close to you? Typically, I do little things for people but I usually don't let them encroach on me (for non-kin). Ti IS crucial.

  9. #9
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yloh View Post
    Burrowing money. Lately it seems like I have my own lending business because I have some friends who really needed money. I know I can trust the people I lent my money too, but I don't want it to be a reoccurring theme. Should I charge interest?

    Con artist. I've been conned once before because there was a huge force telling me they might really need help. It sucks because during that time I had a gut feeling that they were bad news. I've encountered a con artist twice in my life, and the second time I caught it before I handed over the money. I mean I had the money in my hand, then I told them they were a con artist before I handed my money to them. I almost got conned again, but if I had listened to my gut feelings from the beginning, it wouldn't of gotten that close in the first place. I just need to trust my gut feelings more.

    How do I apply Ti in my life to balance my Fe?

    I'm trying to imagine what it might be like to have Ti as your last function. It's probably similar to mine, but just way less pronounced. My Ti gets verbalized when someone really irks me or puts me into a bad spot, to the point to where I don't really have much leverage (my choices are becoming very limited) to work with other than to use my words in a way that will kind of remove the pressure and stress from me (and, unfortunately, usually back onto them). It often frames things in a way that will simultaneously (a) cause them to have to reflect on what they are doing and (b) why their actions are ridiculous.

    So, if someone was taking advantage of your giving nature and said, "I need some money. Do you think you could lend me some again?"

    Some possible Ti responses might be:

    -I won't be loaning you any more money until and unless you pay me back in full for what you already owe me. Which reminds me, do you have my money? Something? Anything? A dollar? Buy me lunch today? I'm willing to work with you here, so I'm all ears.

    -LOL. I was just going to ask you if you could lend me some money. I've been short ever since you borrowed from me and I could really use it right now. So, what do you say, do you think I can borrow some money?

    -The next time we talk about money, it needs to be you giving me some. (turn radio back up and continue rocking out)

    -Nope. Don't have it. Sorry. No can do.

    It may sound harsh to an NF, I don't know, but sometimes when you're backed into a corner you just have to let the Ti fly. It has a way of backing people up and making them reflect on their own actions. And that can be a good thing.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


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  10. #10
    Senior Member Yloh's Avatar
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    Thanks for the advise everybody.

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