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  1. #81
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Hey guys,

    I read an interesting post in another forum. It was posted by an INTJ saying he had a really deep moment with his brother. His brother is ENFP, very popular, and very likable. It was his birthday and he came home to find his ENFP brother alone. He asked him why he was alone and he responded, "nobody called. I have hundreds of friends on facebook, got hundreds of "happy birthday" comments, yet no one called. If people like me so much why didnt just one person call to take me out?"

    Ouch. I feel like I used to be in this position. TONS of surface level friendships. I would see them and we would hang out or maybe go out to dinner together. The number was too large to keep up with. But I did not have ONE deep or close friendship. It hurt. A lot. It was not until this past year that I have gained one person at that level and it took a lot of work.

    Do you think this is something ENFPs fall victim to? If it is, how do you think we as ENFPs can change this?
    Yes! I have had similar experiences in my life. And most peopel expect me to be the one who takes the contact etc. That is usually my way of working but still it sucks and I have lost interest of many people because of this. I'm tired of being the one who is expected to be the one who calls and asks people how they are and listens to their problems. I kind of lost my faith in people a long time ago. Got too much stuff to my face. Now I have very, very few very good friends, 1-2, still lots of "surface" friends, but it's not rewarding or good that surface thing. I think I'll stop contacting most of them if the things won't change with them. I'm so bitter, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by animenagai View Post
    I have a similar problem to the OP.

    A lot of people think that they know me, quite a few people think that we are twins or could be best friends. Sadly, that's just not true . I have 3 really good close friends who I value over anything apart from family (even then, it would be a close call). Other than that, I don't think I have friends that truly understand me. A lot of people see that I like to talk a lot, they see that I like to make dirty jokes lol, they may know a few of my hobbies and they think they know me. Seriously, that's just a small, small part of me. Most people I know don't know much of an N I am and how much this means to me. As a result, I get along with a lot of people, people who think they know me really well, when in reality, they don't. It's quite frustrating really.
    I totally relate to this too.
    I feel I use too much time trying to get to other people's levels and understand them and such and at the same time nobody really does any effort trying to know me and trying to reach my level and trying to understand me. Maybe I ask too much? Maybe I expect people to be as I am when they are not me? Althought I'm naturally interested about people but these days, I'm quite reserved and keep most of the people away even if they would think that I'm really open. That shows me how little do they understand me.

  2. #82
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    Yes! I have had similar experiences in my life. And most peopel expect me to be the one who takes the contact etc. That is usually my way of working but still it sucks and I have lost interest of many people because of this. I'm tired of being the one who is expected to be the one who calls and asks people how they are and listens to their problems. I kind of lost my faith in people a long time ago. Got too much stuff to my face. Now I have very, very few very good friends, 1-2, still lots of "surface" friends, but it's not rewarding or good that surface thing. I think I'll stop contacting most of them if the things won't change with them. I'm so bitter, lol.



    I totally relate to this too.
    I feel I use too much time trying to get to other people's levels and understand them and such and at the same time nobody really does any effort trying to know me and trying to reach my level and trying to understand me. Maybe I ask too much? Maybe I expect people to be as I am when they are not me? Althought I'm naturally interested about people but these days, I'm quite reserved and keep most of the people away even if they would think that I'm really open. That shows me how little do they understand me.
    In my experience, we get tired when we make such efforts because they are not necessarily wanted. Those "efforts" might just tire people too. Then we get told we are too intense. It is wiser to let people come to us and to welcome them when they come, to allow the relationship to be a two-way street thing. Y'know what I mean?

  3. #83
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    In my experience, we get tired when we make such efforts because they are not necessarily wanted. Those "efforts" might just tire people too. Then we get told we are too intense. It is wiser to let people come to us and to welcome them when they come, to allow the relationship to be a two-way street thing. Y'know what I mean?
    I understand what you mean. I don't think I'm trying to drill myself into other person's brain and I haven't been seeing that kind of reaction in their faces, lol. I am extroverted, almost 100%, so, it'll be hard for me not to go to somebody's level. Very hard. Actually quite impossible. My solution is to withdraw, to see as less people as I can so there will be no problem with people. Not probably the best solution, but the only one that works with me. And when away from people I'm more able to feel my own emotions, not the emotions of others.

    I like how you write there "we get tired", it's a good feeling to know that there are people who understand the difficulties in these things.

  4. #84
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I only have a few close friends, but I've never had a best friend. As for others, I've always sort of been on the outskirts of different circles. I might meet people from two different cliques, and get a "small world" vibe going on sometimes. I just never get very close (sometimes I'd like to). I wish I had more options to make close friends.. even close ones now are busy or people are getting old or having families or whatever. Everything's kind of changing in the past few years, and I'm doing my own thing more than usual.

  5. #85
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    I don't think I've ever assumed the extroverts I've known had more friends than the introverts I've known. I've noticed extroverts usually have more "surface-level" friends, yes, but not any more close friends.

    It makes me sad to think of people who seem like they have it all just because they have a lot of acquaintances, but nobody realizes they don't have any close friends, and nobody bothers to get closer because of their assumptions.

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