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  1. #71
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    @op YES that is exactly me too.

    friends: uhhh like upwards of 300, and i don't just mean facebook friends i've met once in my life
    close friends: 10ish
    really close friends, like can call you in the middle of the night in the middle of a crisis and you won't say i owe you one: 2

    in my younger years (aka high school) i threw a summer party where i invited 100 people and expected about 60 to show. 13 showed. i was mortified back then (not to mention i wasted a ton of money on party supplies) but now i realize it's kind of just the way facebook events work - you click "yes" and then forget about it or something else comes up but enough people have RSVP'd yes or maybe that you don't really think much of it. except everyone does that, minus the people who actually care enough about you personally to put other things aside. i had tons of people tell me afterwards, man, i really wanted to come to your party, but _____ happened and i just couldn't make it! also i did not include alcohol in the description. that was a mistake.

    don't worry though, i perfected the technique in college. throw an event for 50 and have 250 show which is why college rocks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tigerlily
    I'm content that I've found a mate and we are compatible. He knows my strengths and weaknesses and accepts all of me. If something were to happen to him I would somehow cope because we have three children that would still need a parent. Friends wouldn't be much comfort to me in that situation. Only time would ease the pain, not words. Extroverts don't seem to get this.
    yeah i don't really get that. i'd be revving up my social circle engagement like crazy.

  2. #72
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I have 3 really close friends and a lot more that I'd consider surface level friends. It's not something I really count. When I used to have a facebook account, I had around 120 'friends' but alot of those were more like acquaintances and some were people I met on online forums that I've never met in person.
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  3. #73
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valerie View Post
    Do other INFJ's desire relationships, but then feel really drained by them?

    I always want friends, but then when people call or want to do something I tend to feel a little put-out or demanded upon. It's almost like I know I'm supposed to want friends, but I don't actually enjoy them.

    I also feel like I tend to do a lot of giving in a friendship and very little taking, which gets old after awhile.
    YES! Have you ever allowed someone to exhaust you until you find a reason to end the friendship? I never know when it's going happen, but it nearly always does when I am "friends" with someone and they're in my face constantly. I need my space and when I don't get it, I'm not very nice, but I can be very pleasant in small doses.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    I feel like I used to be in this position. TONS of surface level friendships. I would see them and we would hang out or maybe go out to dinner together. The number was too large to keep up with. But I did not have ONE deep or close friendship. It hurt. A lot. It was not until this past year that I have gained one person at that level and it took a lot of work.
    You shared that it took a lot of work. Can you share what you did, was it hard, do you think it is a more permanent part of your life now or is it something you have to keep working on, etc?

    Thanks in advance!

  5. #75
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    re. trying to take superficial relationships deeper

    perhaps it is difficult to convert from one type of friendship to another

    i'm good, very deep friends with an enfp, something which has developed recently, despite us knowing each other for a few years,

    but during that time there was always a clearly understood distance between us and we gradually moved closer when we felt comfortable to,

    i feel that if we had ever had a happy, smiling, socially functional, relaxed relationship on a superficial level we would never have become proper friends. because i would have been wearing my 'buddy' face rather than being my deeper self.

    if there is somebody i truly want to get to know then i'll edge towards them having little snatches of sincere conversation or listening to them to when they talk in a group to work out what they are *really* like. if i'm bubbly and chatty then that is a front that will stay there, that is probably in place because i don't see anything else ever existing between us.

  6. #76
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    I have 1. That's enough. If I had a girlfriend id have 2. Everyone else is cool, but they aren't family. Simple as that.
    Oh, its
    You
    ....

  7. #77
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    If I were to put it all together we're talking 500-1000.
    I've burned many bridges. So 50?
    But only 2-3 people I would enjoy spending time with.

  8. #78
    Senior Member Virulence's Avatar
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    Plenty of acquaintances and casual friends I can talk to or relate to on some small level or another.

    Only a handful of very close friends, though.
    I believe in make believe.

  9. #79
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    I have two best friends since childhood (ISFJ and INTJ). We don't live close to each other anymore, but we do our best to meet once every season. It's always comfortable when we meet. The ISFJ lives closer, and our birthday is around the same date, so we often have lunch together to celebrate. I also had a SFP best friend growing up (she was part of this group), but she moved on with her life and isn't in touch anymore, even if the ISFJ and myself tried to keep it going.

    I have a close ENFP friend and colleague right now (it's been going for around 3 years); we see each other regularly enough and have deep conversations. Another colleague is INFP and we share books, movies and occasionally see each other outside of work.

    I have plenty of church friends and I have a deep bond with them, seeing them as brothers and sisters, but I would say my pastor (INTP) is the closest. Conversations are great and we are always available to help each other out. He once said to me that what he liked about our friendship is that we don't need to reassure each other about it. We are friends, period.

    My ENTP uncle and ISFJ aunt (his wife) are and have always been very dear to me, and we see each other at least once a week. They are always available to help or encourage me when I need it.

    Those are the people I consider "close." I have plenty of other good acquaintances and help them readily when they need it, but I don't think we are close. Then again, life is a fluid thing, and the list can change with time, especially in the workplace.
    I remember hearing this in a Christian broadcast once: "God sometimes gives friends for a season, and others for a lifetime." It can be hard to let go of someone for me, so I am learning to set a healthy distance in my friendships.
    Last edited by KLessard; 09-03-2010 at 12:09 AM.

  10. #80
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    I have a similar problem to the OP.

    A lot of people think that they know me, quite a few people think that we are twins or could be best friends. Sadly, that's just not true . I have 3 really good close friends who I value over anything apart from family (even then, it would be a close call). Other than that, I don't think I have friends that truly understand me. A lot of people see that I like to talk a lot, they see that I like to make dirty jokes lol, they may know a few of my hobbies and they think they know me. Seriously, that's just a small, small part of me. Most people I know don't know much of an N I am and how much this means to me. As a result, I get along with a lot of people, people who think they know me really well, when in reality, they don't. It's quite frustrating really.

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