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  1. #21
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    On the other side of the coin, is it important for us INFXs to have more surface level friends or just more friends instead of bestest best friends? I can't open myself up to people I don't know extremely well, people who I don't really trust and with whom I don't share a relationship dynamic that I know really well. For example, I don't have any guy friends because I don't know how to cultivate that relationship. I am so, so reserved and I love my 'sisters'. But sometimes I see people whose birthday parties include 50 people and mine have always been a handful and some people may see it as 'sad' and I may feel envious/shocked/confused but I need my friendships to be deep and loyal and absolute. It's like sharing my very vulnerable self and I don't like it with too many people.

  2. #22
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    See, what you really mean EW, is that you would be screwed if your closest friend got hit by a bus, because you aren't as independent as I am. Not an insult, that's just how you are.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    See, what you really mean EW, is that you would be screwed if your closest friend got hit by a bus, because you aren't as independent as I am. Not an insult, that's just how you are.
    Im not afraid to say that *I* would be screwed/devastated if my one close friend somehow disappeared. I really dont know what Id do.

  4. #24
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I usually don't have more than 1-3 close friends at any given time, and I have a hard time thinking of 1 person I'd consider close right now....even my childhood best friend and I are not that close anymore. There's really no one outside of my immediate family that I'd feel ready to confide to in any real way. My standards for a close friend are high though.

    As for casual friends, I'd put that around 10 or so - people I see/talk to regularly and who would probably call me a friend also. I have a lot of friendly acquaintances who are something like friends in varying degrees - probably close to 100.
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  5. #25
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    re malkavia

    Yeah, and that's normal. I'm not. I grew up in a very isolated small town and then changed schools every year or so and then when I went away to college I was once again very isolated. So it's normal for me to not depend upon anyone else very much.

    That is not to say that I can't enjoy someone tremendously or grow to depend upon them. It's just that one, for me, is surely enough. It's 100% improvement!

  6. #26
    Senior Member paradox fox's Avatar
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    Hmmm. When I was in school I was only able to maintain about 3 friends max at any given time. That's it. No acquaintances. Then again I was pretty disagreeable the whole time I was in school. The disagreeableness kind of calmed down when I got to high school and joined the acting group. The 3 friends cap was still there, though. But whoever those 3 people were, we shared everything we had, good and bad. Two way connections of giving heart and receiving soul. Almost a psychic connection in some cases.

    I have 4 categories of people in my life: (1) strangers, like people walking down the street or people whose order I'm taking at the restaurant; (2) acquaintances, people I see on a regular basis and chitchat with; (3) friends, people I'm comfortable hanging out with or having a meaningful conversation with; (4) soulmates, the type of friends I can only have 3 of, but the best kind of connection to have.

    When I got out of school I thought Extraverts were happier people. They always seemed to be having fun, surrounded with people, nothing got them down. So I tried to be like them. I tried to make soulmate connections with everyone I deemed a friend. It was...absolutely...exhausting. That left me with a plethora of acquaintances, quite a lot of friends, and no category-4 soulmates.

    So I realized Extraverts have a totally different style of interacting with people. I thought they had like 40 or 50 soulmates, which made me think, "How can you possibly have the energy for that?? 3 takes it right out of me!" Important lesson learned about comparing myself to others and imagining things that aren't true. I'm still trying to recover from this... whatever thing that I did.
    Just because I'm an INFP doesn't mean I'm emo!

  7. #27
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Hey, cool question! The scenario frames it pretty well too.

    I used to have a lot of friends back in high school from different schools- once we started college? We all drifted apart. It was really nice too, because it was like our own huge click of friends, sorta like family.

    Then bullshit started happening, some people pointing fingers and calling others lesbians. Even if 1 or 2 were, so what? What happened to our friendship? (Not me- someone else that catty fights were targeted at). Why the drama? I was like, "What happened to our Vitamin C Graduation Song"??

    Nowadays, I have a few close friends, and I'm happy with it. I miss really being able to kick back and have those house parties we used to have where we'd do nothing but sit around, kick it and have FUN. Tell jokes. Do pranks. Laugh like hellll. Those were the good ol' dayz!

    Lastly, as I've gotten older (not in heart ) I realize- what's the use in having friends who don't really care? I'm glad to savor in the friendships with those who really do. I know I can be really bad at writing back, returning phone calls, but I do love those friendships, and need to work at not getting so caught up in shit in my life that needs to be done and having a balance between k.i.t.-ing without spreading myself too thin.

    Friends come and go. True friends are the ones who will 'recconnect' like it was yesterday.. no matter how much time passes by. It's the love we have for one another that makes it meaningful for me.

  8. #28
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post

    Do you think this is something ENFPs fall victim to? If it is, how do you think we as ENFPs can change this?
    I've decided that it's a fact in my life that there will always be hundreds of acquaintances around, and there will always be new friends. It doesn't matter who they are, there will always be plenty of people to socialize with, even when you don't keep up with all of them. I can't even get through a grocery store without talking to 6 different people. When you have that personality, it's impossible not to know a lot of people.

    What's important to know is who your close friends are, people that you really care about and who care about you, and people who have a deep connection with you, and family members. Just be aware of who you want in your life. You only need to focus on building and maintaining those relationships, and keep up with them. If I become very busy, I try to keep in mind those who I would like to keep in my life, and keep up with them. The other hundred can just do whatever they want.
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  9. #29
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    Yeah, and that's normal. I'm not. I grew up in a very isolated small town and then changed schools every year or so and then when I went away to college I was once again very isolated. So it's normal for me to not depend upon anyone else very much.
    I can relate to having a pretty isolated/solitary life, although mine was more to do with my personality/nurture than external factors like moving around a lot. I grew up not really depending on anyone else either, and still to this day don't really lean on my friends for support, or even talk through my problems/issues necessarily. I tend to try to solve for everything on my own. I think part of this was being raised to be 100% self-sufficient; I find I don't 'need' people for many things others might. Not that I view this as a wholly positive thing, because I don't...it's just how I tend to be.

    But, I really do value my close friends and our shared conversations/discussions, even though the nature of what I discuss might be more broad/philosophical rather than specifically emotional/vulnerable on my end. So I don't 'need' them necessarily for feeling-communication, seeing as I don't even communicate most of my feelings, but I do need them in my life as people who I connect with in other ways and feel kinship with - and with whom I feel understood and accepted. I know I'd have some serious loneliness issues if I didn't have them in my life, and I'd become really unhealthy. I've learned when I become too withdrawn/closed-off, my mind doesn't go to a very positive place. So, yeah, I do need my friends - my connections might just be kinda different from what others might have.
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  10. #30
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Yeah, I'll never know for sure if it's nature or nurture, but I think it's nature due to coming from a long line of loners.

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