[ENFP] ENFPs are you always the one to initiate and push?

[Malkavia]

ENFPs,

I have noticed something that seems to happen in my friendships and relationships. I am the one who initiates the friendship, I am the one who pushes to find out more of each other, see each other more, and I am also always the one pushing to go to the next level.

I honestly cannot think of a time when someone has done this to me instead of the other way around.

Have you ever felt like this? I feel like I am the only one in the relationship pushing to take it further. It can be tiring.

Reading this through again, it sounds pretentious. It's not. I promise.

 

[Lady_X]

yeah for the most part but because it so naturally accompanies interest for me i think i prefer it that way.

 

[stalemate]

I am usually the one to push. I've made the comment before about my best friend that I've basically had to drag the friendship out of him (he is ISTJ).

It fits my personality though and it doesn't tire me or anything. It is just how it goes...

 

[2XtremeENFP]

ENFPs,

I have noticed something that seems to happen in my friendships and relationships. I am the one who initiates the friendship, I am the one who pushes to find out more of each other, see each other more, and I am also always the one pushing to go to the next level.

I honestly cannot think of a time when someone has done this to me instead of the other way around.

Have you ever felt like this? I feel like I am the only one in the relationship pushing to take it further. It can be tiring.

Reading this through again, it sounds pretentious. It's not. I promise.

I've noticed that with some of my ESFP friends that are girls, they are the ones pushing a friendship with me, and one of my best friends is an EStP and I do feel like i have to push her to hang out

 

[ergophobe]

I do that a lot and it does come naturally and I enjoy it but I've also learned over time that it doesn't work for all relationships. For some of my best friendships, I've sat back and waited for the other person to reach out because that's what was needed and when they did, it was better for both of us. It felt more equal and balanced in the long run. A pet peeve for me is being taken for granted so letting the other person reach out helped.

I still think I'll do more of the reaching out and initiating and I am by far the more expressive in the relationship (shocking for us, right ), whatever it may be, but there is a fair amount done by the other person.

 

[seamaid]

Can I ask a personal question related to that? Are ENFPs always or most comfortable being the aggressor in a sexual relationship as well? As in, the guy really doesn't have to do anything other than have Mr. Happy out and just lay there waiting for the ENFP to initiate everything from first touch to kiss to everything (if the ENFP is female and the SO is male). Are you ENFP females quite fine with that?

 

[Lady_X]

mr. happy? haha omg
i like equality really...i want both people seemingly equally interested in pursuing and equally assertive about it...i don't want to be chased after and i don't want to chase.

 

[ergophobe]

^What she said.

 

[Rachelinpa]

yeah, i tend to jumpstart it at least. on occasion, however, ESFPs pursue me for a bit and i have to hide from them.

 

[Thalassa]

mr. happy? haha omg
i like equality really...i want both people seemingly equally interested in pursuing and equally assertive about it...i don't want to be chased after and i don't want to chase.

Agreed. I do have the ENFP "push" and I'm not afraid to initiate, even with more reserved or shy people, but when I start to feel like I'm chasing someone...I'm like wait...WTF is your problem? Are we not friends or what?

I don't want to bug people when they want to be left alone, and I also don't want to waste my energy on someone who doesn't appreciate it.

 

[CzeCze]

I like being chased - if I'm quite into the person. Otherwise it makes me feel uncomfortable since I'm being set up to meet some expectations (of reciprocation) that I'm not sure I can meet.

In friendships, I wouldn't say I'm always the pursuer. The opposite, the person *HAS* to make a good effort as well to get to know me and hang out, otherwise I will just fall off eventually. I don't think I've ever had a friendship where it was 80% me initiating and the person 20% I don't see how such a venture could result in a lasting friendship.

I do initiate quite a bit, but not so much that I feel that's what usually happens in my friendships. It's usually a joint effort. 60/40 or 40/60 or of course the magic "50/50". I have been happily surprised when people I have been really into were also really into me and initiated hanging out etc. It's nice to feel appreciated.

OP, perhaps you are surprising people or are attracted to extreme introverts for friends?

 

[garbage]

I like being chased - if I'm quite into the person. Otherwise it makes me feel uncomfortable since I'm being set up to meet some expectations (of reciprocation) that I'm not sure I can meet.

In friendships, I wouldn't say I'm always the pursuer. The opposite, the person *HAS* to make a good effort as well to get to know me and hang out, otherwise I will just fall off eventually.

this

Initially, it ends up being about 40% me, 60% them. I'm also pretty bad about not staying in contact if the other person also doesn't stay in contact. However, as soon as another other person initiates, I'm pretty much all over the relationship. I guess I just really like people with drive, and I guess I tend to view initiators as people with drive.

I also just naturally tend to respond to people as they act/react to me (tone of voice, attitude, ...). Dunno, that's just how I'm built

Typically, those relationships/friendships that I've initiated have fallen off. Maybe I only initiate relationships with rocks

 

[Tallulah]

My ENFP and ENFJ friends have definitely been the pursuers, but that's because I am a pretty introverted person, and I have to get to know you slowly. They tend to want to know all about me RIGHT AWAY, which can freak me out sometimes. It actually makes me panicky. Once I get to know you, and you're not always initiating and pushing, I will reach out to you. There are some people who never give the other person the chance to initiate, b/c they don't let much time pass between meetings/phonecalls/texts. I have to recognize your absence sometimes. :-D

 

[kiddykat]

Not always. Mostly a mutual thing for me. Either that, or something about a person just captivates me for some reason. It's a feeling I get.

Like my ISFJ friend from waay back? Something about her, her aura, I was just like, "I gotta approach this girl. I just know it." We shared the best memories I will never forget. I'm talking about having fun and doing funny things together. Hell yeah.

Ironically, I think I've been pursued hard by introverts for some odd reason. Come to think about it my introverted friends were the first who initiated contact. My extroverted friends- it's more like we end up bagging on things or just finding something to laugh about. Then I get all shy, because I'm like, "Wow.. You're fabulous." I noticed I used 'like' 'like' two or 4 times already.. Excited just thinkin about them! Like OMjosh.

 

[Lightyear]

ENFPs,

I have noticed something that seems to happen in my friendships and relationships. I am the one who initiates the friendship, I am the one who pushes to find out more of each other, see each other more, and I am also always the one pushing to go to the next level.

I honestly cannot think of a time when someone has done this to me instead of the other way around.

Have you ever felt like this? I feel like I am the only one in the relationship pushing to take it further. It can be tiring.

Reading this through again, it sounds pretentious. It's not. I promise.

I have experienced exactly the opposite. As a general pattern I am attracted to ENFPs, they start sooner or later to find me rather interesting too and get all fascinated, there are long, deep conversations but as soon as there is any physical distance between us (they live in a different part of the big city or even a different country) they fall off the face of the earth and after unsucessfully trying to keep the friendship going by sending them messages, emails etc I throw up my hands thinking, "I am tired of that shit. If you don't want to stay in contact, we don't stay in contact. End of story." And that's that. Apart from very, very sporadic messages where the ENFP tells me every six months or so that s/he is thinking about me and misses me which makes me think, "So why do you seem to be unable then to do something simple like answering an email or initiating any kind of lasting contact?" Similar pattern goes for INFPs.

 

[infjwatching]

ENFP Love em

I find this partly to be true as an INFJ, my ENFP really pushed and pursed me. I agree that he really pushed and pushed for deep emotional intimacy, I'm glad he did. I always hold a part of myself back and he helped me open up. The best lovers hands down! So I love you ENFP's.

Don't stop pushing the reward is worth it.

ENFPs,

I have noticed something that seems to happen in my friendships and relationships. I am the one who initiates the friendship, I am the one who pushes to find out more of each other, see each other more, and I am also always the one pushing to go to the next level.

I honestly cannot think of a time when someone has done this to me instead of the other way around.

Have you ever felt like this? I feel like I am the only one in the relationship pushing to take it further. It can be tiring.

Reading this through again, it sounds pretentious. It's not. I promise.

 

[sculpting]

I have experienced exactly the opposite. As a general pattern I am attracted to ENFPs, they start sooner or later to find me rather interesting too and get all fascinated, there are long, deep conversations but as soon as there is any physical distance between us (they live in a different part of the big city or even a different country) they fall off the face of the earth and after unsucessfully trying to keep the friendship going by sending them messages, emails etc I throw up my hands thinking, "I am tired of that shit. If you don't want to stay in contact, we don't stay in contact. End of story." And that's that. Apart from very, very sporadic messages where the ENFP tells me every six months or so that s/he is thinking about me and misses me which makes me think, "So why do you seem to be unable then to do something simple like answering an email or initiating any kind of lasting contact?" Similar pattern goes for INFPs.

yes, I totally do this. I cant speak for all enfps, but I am very guilty of this. Typically my best friends are all entps though, so we can go five years with very minimal contact and then hang out and be good friends again. Every major change involving distance will change my friend set.