[NF] The NF Females' List of Deal Breakers

[Esoteric Wench]

That's kind of hilarious for you to say "especially" ENFPs when there's of few of them dating or married to ISTJs, on this site.......SJs are the dual of NPs...

Dual in what sense? Per Socionics, an ENFP's dual is ISTP.

Socionics: Dual Relations, Duality, and Dualization

Again, per Socionics ISTJs and ENFPs have CONFLICTING RELATIONS.

Let me quote from the socionics.com Website:

These are relations of constantly developing conflict. Conflicting relations have the worst compatibility between partners among all other relations. However, it does not seem to be so obvious, especially in the earlier stages of development. Conflicting partners appear rather attractive, interesting and with impressive abilities.

Both partners are usually convinced that they can coexist and collaborate quite peacefully, but soon it becomes apparent that something is always going wrong, making their relationship problematic. Both partners may mistakenly think that the cause of these problems is minor and easily fixed and that all they need to do is to show a little bit more effort in understanding their partner.

Unfortunately, these attempts to continue pushing their relationship any further will soon provoke an open conflict between the partners. When conflict starts, partners hit each other with arguments exactly in the direction where they can cause maximum pain. In return, the other partner may counterattack even more aggressively. With every conflict these relations become worse and worse.

Although Conflicting partners show confidence where their partner is unconfident, they are unable to protect and take care of each other's weak points. This regularly brings disagreement and disappointment into these relations. When after several fruitless attempts to establish a stable relationship the partners give up and break the relationship, they feel saved and released.

And, this mirrors my personal experience with ISTJs. My best friend in high school was an ISTJ. And, I still care about her very much but we are constantly in conflict.

You are correct, though, that there are ENFP/ISTJ pairings on this very Website. And, if that makes them happy, more power to them. But the thought of dating an SJ... ugh... I couldn't do it. And, methinks that I'm not the only ENFP on this site to feel this way.

Goes to show that there are limits to any typing predictions.

 

[kyuuei]

Hm.. I tried to think of a list, but I don't have many things to contribute.

Must haves:
Sense of humor
The ability to control one's temper
Ambition.. I don't mean control the world ambition, but at least ambitious enough to want something from life and work to achieve it.

Rather nots:
Excessive personality to where they're incapable of controling impulses to a reasonable measure
Inability to get along with my family and friends

Dealbreakers:
Drug abuse
a NEED to drink alcohol
Lack of hygiene
Pathological lying
Lack of monogamy in the relationship

...That's all I can really think of..

 

[Unkindloving]

After reading this thread, I want nothing to do with NF females.

GROSS!

I'm curious- what are the most off-putting factors?

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Ok, I know I'm late to the party, but I want to play, too.

1. Must Haves

• Self-knowledge
• Intelligence
• Education; values reading
• Ambition
• Self-deprecation
• Emotional integrity
• An interest in pop-culture and the arts
• Love of animals

2. Rather Nots

• Interest in sports (keep in mind, this is a personal preference; aside from midget wrestling, drag racing and bowling, I'm bored by all other professional sports).
• Smoking
• To quote Esoteric Witch: Overly-intrusive previous entanglements (this would include ex-wives and girlfriends, which I'm fine with, as long as they're not overly-intrusive).
• Children (they're not a deal-breaker, but if I can find a guy in my age group without them, that'd be great).
• Picky, unadventurous eaters
• Classic rock and metal fans
• Emo music fans
• Extremely extroverted; constantly needs to spend time with/talk with a large number of friends
• Disorganized
• No car... ugh. I'm just so sick of dating "transportationally challenged" guys. :rolli:

3. Deal Breakers

• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Ignorance
• Selfishness
• Intolerance
• Fat hate
• Does not value monogamy
• Wants children

I cracked up when I read your list. I MUST come over to your house and watch midget wrestling, drag racing and bowling, while making very derisive and witty commentary à la MST3K.

No car? Yeah, I think if you don't have your crap together enough to have a car you don't get past the gate. (Exceptions always apply of course.)

 

[Thalassa]

Dual in what sense? Per Socionics, an ENFP's dual is ISTP.

Socionics: Dual Relations, Duality, and Dualization

Again, per Socionics ISTJs and ENFPs have CONFLICTING RELATIONS.

Let me quote from the socionics.com Website:



And, this mirrors my personal experience with ISTJs. My best friend in high school was an ISTJ. And, I still care about her very much but we are constantly in conflict.

You are correct, though, that there are ENFP/ISTJ pairings on this very Website. And, if that makes them happy, more power to them. But the thought of dating an SJ... ugh... I couldn't do it. And, methinks that I'm not the only ENFP on this site to feel this way.

Goes to show that there are limits to any typing predictions.

ENFP and ISTJ share all of the same functions in MBTI ...Ne/Fi/Te/Si....Si/Te/Fi/Ne

 

[onceuponatime]

I'm curious- what are the most off-putting factors?

Well for starters the long ass nitpicky lists in this thread.

 

[Lady_X]

ENFP and ISTJ share all of the same functions in MBTI ...Ne/Fi/Te/Si....Si/Te/Fi/Ne

in opposite order tho.

 

[stringstheory]

Well for starters the long ass nitpicky lists in this thread.

Methinks you're making a lot of assumptions. I see none of those as nitpicky nor unrealistic so what makes you say so?

 

[Thalassa]

in opposite order tho.

Right...and as we mature we develop our tertiary and inferior functions, and therefore have more in common and should be able to appreciate, and even balance one another, in theory.

The reason why ISTp is dual of ENFP in Socionics is the same damn functions, btw.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

ENFP and ISTJ share all of the same functions in MBTI ...Ne/Fi/Te/Si....Si/Te/Fi/Ne

in opposite order tho.

Yeah. I hear what your saying marm, but I think of INFJs and ENFPs as being mirror relations.

INFJ = Ni > Fe > Ti > Se > Ne > Fi > Te > Si
ENFP = Ne > Fi > Te > Si > Ni > Fe > Ti > Se

And whenever I talk to an INFJ, boy can I tell. I want to say, "Get out of my head, you damn, INFJ."

Of course, they look at me like I have Tourette's when I blurt out such nonsense.

 

[onceuponatime]

Methinks you're making a lot of assumptions. I see none of those as nitpicky nor unrealistic so what makes you say so?

Well IMO they're a bit unrealistic and I find it to be a turnoff. Nobody has to agree with me, I didn't mean to offend anyone, it's just what I think about it. Now you can all calm down and go back to being self-absorbed.

 

[Thalassa]

Yeah. I hear what your saying marm, but I think of INFJs and ENFPs as being mirror relations.

INFJ = Ni > Fe > Ti > Se > Ne > Fi > Te > Si
ENFP = Ne > Fi > Te > Si > Ni > Fe > Ti > Se

And whenever I talk to an INFJ, boy can I tell. I want to say, "Get out of my head, you damn, INFJ."

Of course, they look at me like I have Tourette's when I blurt out such nonsense.

What's weird is that I'm not attracted to other NFs at all...feels like brother/sister or something I guess...INFJs are great and awesome as friends but I'm usually not attracted to them at all.

To each his or her own. I don't think that it's fair to say that all NFs don't want to be with SJs, or that you shouldn't want to be with another NF as an NF just because I personally find it somewhat incestuous.

I'm more balanced on N/S though I think and I seriously think all of my relationships that lasted six months or more were with SFs (eSFP the longest so far)....also including two ISFJs.

INFJs and ENFPs share NO common functions, ftr.

 

[Abstract Thinker]

Just wanted to chime in here and say that I'm really enjoying this thread. I've LOL'd several times while reading it.

And as an INFP hetero male -- oh goodness, should I say this? -- okay I will:

I'm really a "vibe" person with a totally open mind, but if I was ever to make a list for potential women, I think it would look a lot like the lists you ladies are making. I couldn't help noticing that.

Especially the sports thing. I don't get it either. Too cultish, like a fraternity (or sorority).

Is that a uniqueness of the INFP male? Is it the only type where the list would look the same regardless of gender?

Maybe. I don't know that much about MBTI, but it's true for me.

 

[Lady_X]

in theory...perhaps. if they can see value in doing so.

really hard for me personally to imagine it.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

What's weird is that I'm not attracted to other NFs at all...feels like brother/sister or something I guess...INFJs are great and awesome as friends but I'm usually not attracted to them at all.

To each his or her own. I don't think that it's fair to say that all NFs don't want to be with SJs, or that you shouldn't want to be with another NF as an NF just because I personally find it somewhat incestuous.

I'm more balanced on N/S though I think and I seriously think all of my relationships that lasted six months or more were with SFs (eSFP the longest so far)....also including two ISFJs.

INFJs and ENFPs share NO common functions, ftr.

marm, I would never presume to tell you your type, but I've gotta say that there has been more than one occasion that I've said to myself, she sounds more ESFP than ENFP.

But then there are other times that you sound more ENFP. So I get both signals from you.

Either way, predicting the way any two types interact does have it's limits.

 

[Thalassa]

Ok, fine, I'm ESFP.

I'll take my toys and go home.

 

[stringstheory]

Well IMO they're a bit unrealistic and I find it to be a turnoff. Nobody has to agree with me, I didn't mean to offend anyone, it's just what I think about it. Now you can all calm down and go back to being self absorbed.

You're still making a lot of assumptions, i am perfectly calm

I ask because where you seem to see "nitpickiness" I see people speaking through experience. I am very particular, and is that picky? Yes. But NITpicky? Not a chance, all of deal breakers/must-haves i listed might seem that way to you because maybe they aren't important qualities to you. They are to me. Unrealistic? Certainly not; all the people I've dated/had relationships with "met" this list. i've already said this many many times, but the list comes from my analyzing of my past relationships (the good and the bad). It doesn't dictate my choice in partners, rather my choice in partners dictates this list.

So i ask again, what here seems nitpicky and unrealistic?

 

[Thalassa]

I don't understand how you guys DON'T see the nit-pickyness and unrealistic parts...it's kind of baffling to me...prplchknz felt compelled to make an entire thread about it...for people who are supposedly so self-aware, there seems to be a lack of awareness about how others might possibly view this...if I am, indeed, an NF, and so is prplchknz, then we really must be able to take ourselves out of ourselves and see the way NF idealism can look to others...otherwise, I give up and hand in my NF card, seriously...

 

[Unkindloving]

Well IMO they're a bit unrealistic and I find it to be a turnoff. Nobody has to agree with me, I didn't mean to offend anyone, it's just what I think about it. Now you can all calm down and go back to being self-absorbed.

I'll admit, i haven't read through the thread fully yet. Personally, i take no offense though. I know that my list is in place because i've dealt with compromise and found i don't enjoy it, but i also refuse to whine about people not fitting the criteria. That's a decision that people need to make and and accept based on their guidelines.
I've found that a lot of people either have very few guidelines and have found themselves in miserable/failing relationships or people who have extensive guidelines and find themselves bawwing about how no one fits them. There are in-betweeners and exceptions, but those are prevalent.

 

[Abstract Thinker]

I don't understand how you guys DON'T see the nit-pickyness and unrealistic parts...it's kind of baffling to me...prplchknz felt compelled to make an entire thread about it...for people who are supposedly so self-aware, there seems to be a lack of awareness about how others might possibly view this...if I am, indeed, an NF, and so is prplchknz, then we really must be able to take ourselves out of ourselves and see the way NF idealism can look to others...otherwise, I give up and hand in my NF card, seriously...

Not trying to speak for others, but maybe the NF idealism and imagination makes these kind of lists possible and fun, but in a whimsical way?

Like I've seen mentioned on this thread already, when love actually happens the list goes out the window, and fast.