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[NF] The NF Females' List of Deal Breakers

Esoteric Wench

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1. Must Haves
  • an intelligent
  • gainfully employed
  • atheist
  • with a penis
  • a sense of humor
  • and a gun
  • who loves me :wubbie:

Looking over these lists, I am reminded of an ENTP friend who used to say "Love is deciding what kind of fucked up you can deal with." Nobody is going to be perfect, and they're highly unlikely to even fit the list.

So I can't do it. I can't make the list. Go ahead and take my NF badge away. I'm just not enough of an idealist anymore.

LOL! I guess lack of penis would be a dealbreaker for me, too. But a gun? I don't get it marmalade.sunrise. Or it that just another euphemism for a penis?
 

Thalassa

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LOL! I guess lack of penis would be a dealbreaker for me, too. But a gun? I don't get it marmalade.sunrise. Or it that just another euphemism for a penis?

I've come to realize that I am more of a libertarian socialist, and that if I had children I wouldn't expect the public school system to be able to properly educate them, and at this juncture I don't expect the police to always be able to properly protect me.
 

debbiegirl

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Dec 18, 2009
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Must haves:
  • Consideration and acceptance
  • Sense of humor
  • Attractive, at least to me
  • Chivalrous and polite
  • Passion for SOMETHING. (ex. music, art, games, etc.)
  • Imaginative
  • Responsible
  • Sense of style
  • Common sense

Rather Not:
  • Picky eater
  • Alcoholic
  • Extreme metrosexual
  • Too intelligent(this being cause I sometimes feel inferior)
  • Likes/owns birds...
  • Too conservative or too liberal
  • Porn junkie(Don't really care if the guy watches it every now and again to stay....healthy...but excess of it is frightening..)

Deal Breakers:
  • Unadventurous
  • Rude
  • Inconsiderate
  • Excessive shyness
  • Clingy
  • Nagging
  • Arrogant and shallow
  • Extreme religiousness
  • Too muscular
  • Controlling
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
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Back on track! Yes! :)

I think for me, it boils down to 2 basic qualities: integrity/sincerity.

A guy who's a keeper usually has both IMO. Shows how truly confident of he is. Quiet humbleness. I dig.
 

Esoteric Wench

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I'm gonna add a list for "prefers" on here, ok? Ok

Must Haves
  1. Intelligence
  2. Educated/interest in learning or exploring new ideas
  3. Non-religious (aka anyone who believes in the contemporary concept of "God", sorry)
  4. Subverts gender/other social norms, whether intentionally or not
  5. Fun loving and/or a childlike joy. I am willing to accept immaturity as a side-effect of these qualities.
  6. sense of humour
  7. Kindness/empathy/sensitive
Prefers
  1. Nerds/gamers
  2. 'J' types; i'm a very strong 'P' and i like those who can keep me grounded
  3. Though i prefer someone who is "not religious", preferably enthusiastic about science (though it's ok if it's not on the same spiritual level as me)
  4. Ambivalent about children
  5. Politically aware and/or empathetic for those less fortunate
  6. Awareness of differences of personality (whether it's MBTI or anything else)
Rather Nots
  1. Competitiveness/Sports fans. Sorry i don't give a shit and i'd prefer not to have to deal with you caring.
  2. Not affectionate, or not willing to be a little more affectionate for my sake.
  3. Of the 'S' persuasion. Sorry, every strong Senser i've ever been with doesn't get me at all, and i don't get them.
Deal Breakers
  1. Pushy
  2. Self-absorbed
  3. Adheres to social norms without question
  4. Conservative, especially socially. Sorry we won't get along in a relationship, i work with gays.
  5. Controlling/violent

^^^^^^
I think this sums up the sports thing for me... and perhaps a lot of the ladies on this list who put sports fans in the rather not or deal breaker category. Well said, stringstheory. Oh... except for me, I have this visceral hatred of college football. It represents everything I can't stand about colleges and is my least favorite (read hate) cultural touchstone in the Southern United States. Ugh! (I may need to work on getting some balance on this, but not today.) <---- Oh, if you want to actually get up off the couch and play sports, that's OK with me. But watching it on TV? The entire culture surrounding it? Uh uh. Definitely a thumbs down.

Of the S Persuasion. So true. So true. Except for my Socionics dual which would be ISTP. That's the only kind of S I think I could have a successful dating relationship.
 

Ingrid in grids

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Loving the lists so far, NF ladies.

Must Haves
- Sense of adventure
- Sensuality
- Honest and open communication
- Wit, cleverness
- Ability to read me well
- Interesting and interested
- Thoughtful
- A somewhat similar sense of direction in life to mine, so that we can be partners in crime :cool:
- Thoughtful

Would likes
- Cheekiness
- Spontaneity
- Good taste
- Romantic and a little chivalric
- Good masseuse :smile:
- Liberal
- Active
- Experimental

Rather nots
- Obsession with sports
- Poor diet
- Bad taste

Deal breakers
- Shallowness
- Explosive, bad temper
- Aggressive and domineering (outside of the bedroom :smooch:)
- Poor humour
- Sexist
- Racist
- Ignorant
- Passive-aggressive behaviour; relationship games :nono:
- Snobbery/pretentiousness
 

Thalassa

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Yeah, I don't like the whole sports thing either, really I don't.

Clinical obesity is also unacceptable, as is unfettered rage.

I have standards of course, I just don't want my list to be unrealistic. I don't want to be alone...with a list.
 

Esoteric Wench

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Loving the lists so far, NF ladies.

Must Haves
- Sense of adventure
- Sensuality
- Honest and open communication
- Wit, cleverness
- Ability to read me well
- Interesting and interested
- Thoughtful
- A somewhat similar sense of direction in life to mine, so that we can be partners in crime :cool:
- Thoughtful

Would likes
- Cheekiness
- Spontaneity
- Good taste
- Romantic and a little chivalric
- Good masseuse :smile:
- Liberal
- Active
- Experimental

Rather nots
- Obsession with sports
- Poor diet
- Bad taste

Deal breakers
- Shallowness
- Explosive, bad temper
- Aggressive and domineering (outside of the bedroom :smooch:)
- Poor humour
- Sexist
- Racist
- Ignorant
- Passive-aggressive behaviour; relationship games :nono:
- Snobbery/pretentiousness

Wow! Ha ha ha! OK, i might have to agree that one. :blush: I think I just set the women's movement back by 20 years.
 

Thalassa

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Wow! Ha ha ha! OK, i might have to agree with that one. :blush: I think I just set the women's movement back by 20 years.

Nah, I don't think that what you want sexually has anything to do with feminist principles in other areas of life. Politics don't belong in people's bedrooms.
 

Ingrid in grids

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Marm, you literally just beat me to what I was about to say.
Embracing your sexuality as a female doesn't make you any less of a feminist. We still hold our intellectual ground.
 

Esoteric Wench

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Marmalade, I understand how you don't want to limit yourself with preconceived notions / or a list. However, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that if we were to combine all your comments in this thread, we'd have a rather robust list for you. :smile:
 

cafe

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I have been married to an INTP for the better part of my adult life. But I'll see what I can do.

What I like about him:
Funny
Intelligent
Ethical
Conscientious
Steady
Strives for competence
Nice looking
Natural scent smells good to me
Loving father to our kids
Is not a smoker, drinker, druggie
Only watches around one football game and one NASCAR race a year
Is always learning new things

What I might tweak if it wouldn't mess any of the good stuff up:
Healthier eater
Higher frustration point
A little more outdoorsy
More willing to help me with projects when it takes someone strong to do them

What I might consider divorcing him for (if it ever happened):
Turning into a control freak
Drinking, gambling
Ignoring me excessively
Extended voluntary unemployment
Serious mental illness
Infidelity
Porn use
Financial irresponsibility

What I would divorce him for:
More than one occasion of infidelity
Becoming violent
Becoming a substance abuser
Extreme financial irresponsibility
Other addictions, including porn
Hopeless mental illness (though I would still look after him if it was safe to do so)

That's all I can think of at the moment.
 

Saslou

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I am intrigued by these lists .. I suppose because i don't have one.

How much would you actually stick to a list of desires?

I know you're idealists but are you not being closed minded to an extent to other possibilities?

What if a man who was not highly educated, on a low income, short and bold showed interest in you, would you dismiss him because he didn't fit your criteria even though he could of potentially treated you like a queen, been fiercely loyal and had a high EQ.

OrangeAppled .. Loved the poem/song. That's what i would like from a man/relationship.
 

cafe

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I am intrigued by these lists .. I suppose because i don't have one.

How much would you actually stick to a list of desires?

I know you're idealists but are you not being closed minded to an extent to other possibilities?

What if a man who was not highly educated, on a low income, short and bold showed interest in you, would you dismiss him because he didn't fit your criteria even though he could of potentially treated you like a queen, been fiercely loyal and had a high EQ.

OrangeAppled .. Loved the poem/song. That's what i would like from a man/relationship.
You'd really get into a relationship with a man that had a long history of spousal abuse and infidelity, got drunk all the time, and didn't pay his child support?
 

Phoenix_400

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You'd really get into a relationship with a man that had a long history of spousal abuse and infidelity, got drunk all the time, and didn't pay his child support?

I don't mean to speak for Saslou, but my take on it is its kind of ridiculous to cut somebody for reasons that appear mostly superficial.

Saslou's examples were more superficial and status related.
Your examples have more to do with severe character flaws.
These are two ENTIRELY different things.

What if a man who was not highly educated, on a low income, short and bold showed interest in you, would you dismiss him because he didn't fit your criteria even though he could of potentially treated you like a queen, been fiercely loyal and had a high EQ.
Don't forget the bolded part of the argument.

:popc1: I enjoy this topic. Its always amusing to see some of the things that go on these lists. I must admit though, the lists made by the ladies on this forum are, for the most, not nearly as outlandish as some I've heard out in the real world.
 

Synapse

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Interesting lists, they are sensible however acceptance thresholds seem a bit much in some areas, the would likes and rather nots more so. How about being equally balanced in each others eyes. When you have that pretty much everything else follows, you aren't pandering to each others insecurities then, being each others navigators in life's corridors to teach each others needs and wants. maybe idealistic.
 

Billy

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I think it is because NFs (INFs in particular) seem to have a natural disdain for competition, and most sports are essentially competition for its own sake. Sports are also usually associated with brutish behavior.

(of course, im not NF, just an observation.)

I disagree, some NF's thrive on competition, especially males.
 

cafe

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I don't mean to speak for Saslou, but my take on it is its kind of ridiculous to cut somebody for reasons that appear mostly superficial.

Saslou's examples were more superficial and status related.
Your examples have more to do with severe character flaws.
These are two ENTIRELY different things.
My point is, it may not be a written or conscious list of deal-breakers, but she probably does have them.

I don't think most women, NFs least of all, are going to reject a great guy over the superficial stuff. I had a more detailed list once upon a time and I let the unimportant stuff go out the window when I met my husband because it didn't really matter that much in the great scheme of things.
 

miss fortune

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:rofl1: I was about to comment on that too!

though looking through the list I've discovered that for some aspects, if these ladies liked ladies I'd be a shoe in... in other aspects I'm the scum of the earth :cry:

I think I'll go start an arthouse thread that's gender equal :yes:
 
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