[NF] The NF Females' List of Deal Breakers

[Betty Blue]

Could you be anymore ENFP?

I could try.

 

[Poki]

Its strange. I am a list-o-phobe. I dont care if other people have lists, but i dont want to limit myself. I base myself on interaction with that person. I may enjoy something with one person and not another because of one strange thing that the other person does. But that strange thing makes something else fun that wasnt with the other person

 

[Qatie:)]

must haves:
smart
someone i can be my self around, and they be themselves around me
ambition
loyal
taller than me (shallow i know lol)
shows affection
butterflies
creativity
strong values

rather nots:
stuck up
pot
critical
low standards
younger than me

Deal breakers:
FOOOTBAAAAALLLLL.
bad hygene
creepyness
bad additude
cheaters. ew.
shows affection before emotionally connected
speaks of affection before emotionally connected

 

[LadyVioletBaudelaire]

Must Haves
Chemistry/Spark/Has that special something
Physical Attraction
Curious/Intellectual (Reasonably or better)
Artistic/Creative
Free/Adventurous/Fun
Energetic Masculinity and Dominance (if male)
Has a depth to them so they can understand me

Bonus Points:
Wants to travel
Likes to make excited plans
Eccentric
Spiritual/Into Personal Growth



Rather Not
Somewhat Abusive
Doesn't Respect Me
Not Into Me
Expects that I'll be Nurturing/Traditional
Is traditional/wants that kind of life
Wants kids in the future
Does 'soft' drugs occasionally


Deal breakers
Frequent/Dangerous Abuse
Not into monogamy
Has kids
'Country Boy'
Excessive Substance Use
Does not support my spirituality, personal growth, interests, etc. -- drags me down and stifles me


And I wonder why I'm single

 

[Poser]

Rather Not
Somewhat Abusive
Doesn't Respect Me

Am I reading this right? How much abuse are you willing to accept? Say on a scale of 1 to 10?

 

[LadyVioletBaudelaire]

I really wish and hope the answer is 0, but, I really don't know.

I mean what even is abuse? Does one slap in one argument count, is it worth ending a relationship with someone you love over? Regardless, I doubt I would be that strong. I've seen, for one thing my Mom be abused, though rarely physically. I think it would take exceptional strength to leave someone who you love, who has good-to-just-like-when-we-were-dating days. it can and is done, but would that be me?

I think, right now, if it was not daily or life-threatening, it would be hard for me to find that sort of strength. I mean, it's a really sad thing to say and a reason I need to stay single, but I don't know where the line separates acceptable and unacceptable. I don't think I would know when to run not walk away.

Back to the slapping example, what if I felt like I deserved it? I'm not an easy person to be around. It cannot be predicted, but at present, I would not have high hopes for myself.

 

[Poser]

I really wish and hope the answer is 0, but, I really don't know.

I mean what even is abuse? Does one slap in one argument count, is it worth ending a relationship with someone you love over? Regardless, I doubt I would be that strong. I've seen, for one thing my Mom be abused, though rarely physically. I think it would take exceptional strength to leave someone who you love, who has good-to-just-like-when-we-were-dating days. it can and is done, but would that be me?

I think, right now, if it was not daily or life-threatening, it would be hard for me to find that sort of strength. I mean, it's a really sad thing to say and a reason I need to stay single, but I don't know where the line separates acceptable and unacceptable. I don't think I would know when to run not walk away.

Back to the slapping example, what if I felt like I deserved it? I'm not an easy person to be around. It cannot be predicted, but at present, I would not have high hopes for myself.

I can get that. I can understand how it isn't really that simple once you have been involved and invested into a relationship. People will say just leave but I know it isn't always that simple (I still think they should but I realize it isn't easy). But this seems preemptive. You should go into a relationship thinking that any abuse is definitely a deal breaker. And you shouldn't ever feel like you deserve it. I know that I am not an easy person to be around either but I don't think I need to be slapped around. Ever.

 

[entropie]

Guess we can sum this thread up with the words:

'Must be into me'

Tho I am quite sure not every male NF would like that

 

[Isis]

Why are there not LIKE buttons on here?!?!?!

NF female deal breaker hmmmmm.....

false sense of bravado (turn off!)
liars
stealer (this disgusts me beyond measure)
racist / make racist comments (puke!!!)
not being authentic

 

[Triforce]

How do you girls intend to reveal if he is creative. Creativity comes in many flavours.

 

[fripping]

it's me, i'm the dealbreaker.

 

[Standuble]

Wow, if the terms and conditions the NF women have posted in this thread are relatively representative of the whole then I'm changing my preferences. Sounds like a very classic case of the costs outweighing the benefits, makes me wonder whether breaking your back to fall inside a woman's parameters would justify the results. Why do you feel like you deserve a man who would do that much and be that much?

If I intend to meet someone I may have to tell them to stuff their lists and that she would have to meet my standards or else she's out the door. Just to be gender equal of course. It would make an interesting experiment at least to allow her to discover just how much/little her list means to her in the constant face of potential failure (at least how much I mean to her for that matter.)

 

[RoadPaveMent]

My must have's: believes in compassion for all, sensitive to social issues, sexually potent, has any possible mental illnesses under control, does not want children, somewhat effeminate (or female ;D), polyamorous but not promiscuous, able to hold a job, physically attracted to each other, good communication skills, wants to settle down in a middle-class area and not move around a lot.

After reading other people's, I'd like to add: can tolerate a cat, does not think their religious beliefs would make me happier or more moral, or that they have to save my soul from hell, can be the dominant in bed, aged up to ten years older than me, but not that many years younger because then they wouldn't be an adult.

I can't make a deal breaker list, though, bcuz it's too long, and often obvious.

 

[DaniaWania]

Must Haves:
Depth of Thinking, Reason
Asks questions
Open-Minded with a Wide World-view
Artistic or with an Appreciation for Art
Spiritual, non-Religious
Egalitarian


Would Like:
Many common interests between us
Hobbies
Educated, i.e. Knowledgeable in some worthy field
Young at heart, doesn't take self too seriously
Sense of Humour
Romantic, in a quirky way


Deal Breaker:
Religious
Super masculine or feminine
Aggressors and Pushovers
"I am right, you are wrong" in discussions
Obsession with death metal, pop, rap, hip-hop or dancehall
Hollywood mentality - Obsession with parties, fashion, celebrity gossip
New York Mentality - Obsession with money, social status, power
Doesn't like reading
Jar head sports fanatics
Glued to the TV, video game
Didn't enjoy JUNO

 

[DaniaWania]

Wow, if the terms and conditions the NF women have posted in this thread are relatively representative of the whole then I'm changing my preferences. Sounds like a very classic case of the costs outweighing the benefits, makes me wonder whether breaking your back to fall inside a woman's parameters would justify the results. Why do you feel like you deserve a man who would do that much and be that much?

If I intend to meet someone I may have to tell them to stuff their lists and that she would have to meet my standards or else she's out the door. Just to be gender equal of course. It would make an interesting experiment at least to allow her to discover just how much/little her list means to her in the constant face of potential failure (at least how much I mean to her for that matter.)

Its never about breaking your back to meet someone's requirements. I don't think you should change who you are to make someone like you. Someone WILL like you for who you are... I trust that. I think my list is very specific, there aren't many people like me and there aren't many people who I would like (long term).. such is life. I am prepared to wait or do without because I know what I need.

There is always compromise when people date, eventually you find out what you absolutely cannot stand and what you can... some women may be shallow or overly specific because they are inexperienced or they choose not to lower these standards based on experience.

What are your standards? Answer them here or post a link to a previous response. Are you saying you have none or that everyone would agree that they are not unrealistic? Don't let the women in here shape your idea of NF women on the whole... unless of course you are seeing a trend here

-Dania

 

[Standuble]

Its never about breaking your back to meet someone requirements. I don't think one should change who they are to make someone like you. Someone WILL like you for who you are... trust that. I think my list is very specific, there aren't many people like me and the aren't many people who I would like (long term).. such is life. I am prepared to wait or do without because I know what I need.

There is always compromise when people date, eventually you find out what you absolutely cannot stand and what you can... some women may be shallow or overly specific because they are inexperienced or they choose not to lower these standards based on experience.

What are your standards? Answer them here or post a link to a previous response. Are you saying you have none or that everyone would agree that they are not unrealistic? Don't let the women in here shape your idea of NF women on the whole... unless of course you are seeing a trend here

-Dania

Excuse my above comment. I was in a bad mood at the time and reading the thread (and observation of the emerging pattern and trend) was the straw that broke the Camel's back. The statement I was making initially was that the man would have to essentially continuously jump hoops and break their back to stay inside the seemingly extremely slim band which would allow attraction to continue. However I was asking the question whether said woman deserves such a man who meets her expectations in the first place? They are very specific (even if they are not quantified in an objective sense) and if the ideal man also has expectations of his own then one would have to sacrifice and judging from some of the posters in this thread it would not be them. Why should it be the man instead? P.S. I was not criticising your choice at all or anyone's in particular, just the general theme.

I was also stating at the end that in my case I would not break my back to jump through the hoops I mentioned above (even though I would not match the criteria in numerous cases.) Even though I am an NF male I am probably just like other men in that I don't really need a relationship to be happy. The woman would have to prove to me essentially that a long term relationship with them exceeds the potential cost of the sacrifice of potential self-actualisation which could have been achieved by having full autonomy over my life (as well as the benefits of being single.) If my partner put on the squeeze I would seriously consider leaving them rather than being someone who has to suffer to maintain the attraction and many men would be the same. A word of caution to you ladies there.

My standards for a woman would be:

- Good genetic diversity. The only criteria for this really is to have no inbreeding in your ancestry in the last 3 generations. This may be why I'm usually attracted to Asian women as the difference compared to my genetic background (Caucasian British) would soften any issues caused by recent inbreeding.
- Able to interest me on an intellectual level. I am not a man to ask for the housework, cooking or cleaning to be done (if the need is there I would be ok with doing it myself) but someone I can learn from and debate with is something I can't do on my own.
- Preferably good in bed, though I'm ok with celibacy and if the situation becomes dire I could always fall back on porn.
- Would not be a financial drain. Blame the self-preservation in me but I'm a bit stingy. I'm happy to make you happy by sharing my money (I'm actually rather quite rich for a 25 year old) but I will become annoyed if it's carelessly squandered.

As for physical attraction, there is no standard. Someone I was in love with once was less than five foot tall and I have been attracted to larger women in the past too. I don't know who I will find attractive beforehand (though Asian women have traditionally turned my head the easiest) but often its not who I should find. My colleagues call me insane (and even gay!) for being shown images of hot models and movie stars and ranking them low in terms of attraction and looks. The only issue is that the open ended nature of who I would find attractive is often ofset when I lose attraction in my current interest (if I really like someone however this does not occur.)

Excuse the long response.

 

[DaniaWania]

Excuse my above comment. I was in a bad mood at the time and reading the thread (and observation of the emerging pattern and trend) was the straw that broke the Camel's back. The statement I was making initially was that the man would have to essentially continuously jump hoops and break their back to stay inside the seemingly extremely slim band which would allow attraction to continue. However I was asking the question whether said woman deserves such a man who meets her expectations in the first place? They are very specific (even if they are not quantified in an objective sense) and if the ideal man also has expectations of his own then one would have to sacrifice and judging from some of the posters in this thread it would not be them. Why should it be the man instead? P.S. I was not criticising your choice at all or anyone's in particular, just the general theme.

I was also stating at the end that in my case I would not break my back to jump through the hoops I mentioned above (even though I would not match the criteria in numerous cases.) Even though I am an NF male I am probably just like other men in that I don't really need a relationship to be happy. The woman would have to prove to me essentially that a long term relationship with them exceeds the potential cost of the sacrifice of potential self-actualisation which could have been achieved by having full autonomy over my life (as well as the benefits of being single.) If my partner put on the squeeze I would seriously consider leaving them rather than being someone who has to suffer to maintain the attraction and many men would be the same. A word of caution to you ladies there.

My standards for a woman would be:

- Good genetic diversity. The only criteria for this really is to have no inbreeding in your ancestry in the last 3 generations. This may be why I'm usually attracted to Asian women as the difference compared to my genetic background (Caucasian British) would soften any issues caused by recent inbreeding.
- Able to interest me on an intellectual level. I am not a man to ask for the housework, cooking or cleaning to be done (if the need is there I would be ok with doing it myself) but someone I can learn from and debate with is something I can't do on my own.
- Preferably good in bed, though I'm ok with celibacy and if the situation becomes dire I could always fall back on porn.
- Would not be a financial drain. Blame the self-preservation in me but I'm a bit stingy. I'm happy to make you happy by sharing my money (I'm actually rather quite rich for a 25 year old) but I will become annoyed if it's carelessly squandered.

As for physical attraction, there is no standard. Someone I was in love with once was less than five foot tall and I have been attracted to larger women in the past too. I don't know who I will find attractive beforehand (though Asian women have traditionally turned my head the easiest) but often its not who I should find. My colleagues call me insane (and even gay!) for being shown images of hot models and movie stars and ranking them low in terms of attraction and looks. The only issue is that the open ended nature of who I would find attractive is often ofset when I lose attraction in my current interest (if I really like someone however this does not occur.)

Excuse the long response.

You have been excused, since I read it all.

News to me

Agreed.

Didn't understand that... but cool.

Hilarious

So, good sex and conversation with a certain race woman who isn't too expensive.
I don't think you are unrealistic at all... kinda vague to me though but I guess you could keep up or put up with a lot of personalities.

Your partner shouldn't be TOOO hard to find.

 

[Standuble]

You have been excused, since I read it all.

News to me

Agreed.

Didn't understand that... but cool.

Hilarious

So, good sex and conversation with a certain race woman who isn't too expensive.
I don't think you are unrealistic at all... kinda vague to me though but I guess you could keep up or put up with a lot of personalities.

Your partner shouldn't be TOOO hard to find.

The blue part is my experience speaking to a number of men, I made a mistake not expressing that it wasn't constant for all men.
The red part was a bit of a clumsy term for me to use. I suppose a better is "your predecessors weren't Ptolemies."

 

[DaniaWania]

The blue part is my experience speaking to a number of men, I made a mistake not expressing that it wasn't constant for all men.
The red part was a bit of a clumsy term for me to use. I suppose a better is "your predecessors weren't Ptolemies."

You are hilarious you know...
and
I had thought only a few weirdos like myself didn't need a relationship to be happy... now I am guessing women need to step back and re-prioritize.

 

[small.wonder]

Getting in on this quite late-- I've always had a list though, so I may as well post!

Must Have
- Morals and Spiritual beleifs that align with my own (this is a personal conviction and needs not to be critiqued)
- Strong sense of self and goals, I cannot complete you.
- Passion for a vocation or hobby.
- Intelligent.
- Ability to find strength in vulnerability and humility.
- Protective instinct that stems from love, not anger.
- Actual physical strength to back up the above, I should not be able to beat you up (not that I would).
- Sense of humor.
- Good with kids, animals and the elderly. Showing kindness to those weaker than you.
- Love of the outdoors, nature and expoloration.
- Physically attractive to me and natural chemistry.

Prefer
- Lumberjack-ish (kidding...not kidding )
- Romantic and thoughtful
- Direct communicator

Deal Breakers
- The obvious: Illegal or destructive activities/tendancies
- Toxic traits: dishonest (with self or others), controlling, abusive, lack of motivation or life progress, can't admit current or past failures, can't forgive.
- Lack of personal hygeine.
- Fake.
- Conceited.