[INFJ] INFJs, what qualities/characteristics...

[Dali]

.. would your ideal significant other possess?

Curious.



p.s. My apologies in case this has already been addressed.

p.p.s. No, I do not mean to use the information for evil.

 

[kccrush]

My preferred mate is ENTP or ENFP. Or somewhere in the middle. Definitely more extraverted, but someone who also is understanding of the intravert's perspective. Also, someone who can talk about their feelings, but who doesn't overpower me with them (that's what I'm there for . Someone who can help me make hard decisions and stay focused on the big picture. Someone who challenges me and who lets me teach them what I know and like. Someone who's beautiful, sexy and a great kisser.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

My preferred mate is ENTP or ENFP. Or somewhere in the middle. Definitely more extraverted, but someone who also is understanding of the intravert's perspective. Also, someone who can talk about their feelings, but who doesn't overpower me with them (that's what I'm there for . Someone who can help me make hard decisions and stay focused on the big picture. Someone who challenges me and who lets me teach them what I know and like. Someone who's beautiful, sexy and a great kisser.

Wow! If I lived in San Franscisco, I'd hopping the bus on my way over to your place right now.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

Prefered mate? When I see one I like I know it. Its more of a going through life and meeting people and seeing what jives and what doesn't but if we are on the subject of shopping lists for mates here it goes -

1. Responsible
2. Caring
3. Must Cuddle
4. Must not condemn my craziness
5. I would totally love a partner who would enjoys cleaning and organizing because I sure don't.
6. Sense of Humor
7. Is willing to listen and participate to hours of psychological jargon
8. One who doesn't yell so much
9. One who is willing to take care of mundane tasks such as paying bills and reminding me to do little stuff I forget on a daily basis.
10. One who will talk about emotions for hours on end with me.
11. And of course the respect rules go into play too.

Really type doesn't matter if my list of demands are met as far as I am concerned, your perfect, lets sign the paperwork and get you hired in!

 

[Phantonym]

Prefered mate? When I see one I like I know it.

Exactly! For me, it's difficult to start making any lists about certain characteristics. It's all about the person in question, what works for one person doesn't work for another. I could dream up all kinds of "ideal" characteristics but sometimes a person comes along who has none of those and they're absolutely perfect.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

Exactly! For me, it's difficult to start making any lists about certain characteristics. It's all about the person in question, what works for one person doesn't work for another. I could dream up all kinds of "ideal" characteristics but sometimes a person comes along who has none of those and they're absolutely perfect.

Amen Sister!

 

[scortia]

I've yet to find someone remotely filling the bill, unfortunately:

Humility
Respect for life in all forms
Cynicism towards what is accepted as status quo
A sense of humor not founded in hate
Is NOT overly romantic - I hate being praised endlessly, I dislike traditional romance greatly
Does not need me to stand on his own two feet, stands up for himself if need be
Knowledge seeker
Has some degree of nerdiness so I can discuss philosophy or comics with him
NOT a hardcore gamer
Has a passion that gives him a purpose in life that is all his own

Being a vegetarian, environmentally-conscious person would be nice, but not necessary. Also, preferably NF or a healthy NT or the Artist type.


I have yet to discover a person in person with even 2/3rds of these things. So sad.

 

[INTPness]

Prefered mate? When I see one I like I know it. Its more of a going through life and meeting people and seeing what jives and what doesn't but if we are on the subject of shopping lists for mates here it goes -

1. Responsible
2. Caring
3. Must Cuddle
4. Must not condemn my craziness
5. I would totally love a partner who would enjoys cleaning and organizing because I sure don't.
6. Sense of Humor
7. Is willing to listen and participate to hours of psychological jargon
8. One who doesn't yell so much
9. One who is willing to take care of mundane tasks such as paying bills and reminding me to do little stuff I forget on a daily basis.
10. One who will talk about emotions for hours on end with me.
11. And of course the respect rules go into play too.

Really type doesn't matter if my list of demands are met as far as I am concerned, your perfect, lets sign the paperwork and get you hired in!

Out of curiosity, if someone could do all of those quite well, except for #5, 9, and 10, would you still consider that a pretty close fit? I think I'd probably fit well with an INFJ, but I'm only capable of doing 5, 9, and 10 in fits and starts. None of this "hours on end" in any of those three categories.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

Couple of my criteria:

1. Intelligence. Both emotional and intellectual. I like a balance between heart and mind. Someone who I can carry on an intelligent conversation with, but turn to when things get tough.
2. Integrity. He holds true to his values, doesn't fall for peer pressure, has little need to join the status quo, and embraces individuality. Having mutual respect for each other is essential.
3. Common values. Passion for science, music, literature, similar philosophies, treating others fairly, is open-minded with spirituality, moderate political platform.
4. Independent and responsible. Gets things done without having to be badgered to start a project, doesn't fall for peer pressure, is a leader.
5. Sense of Humor. As long as it isn't childish or annoying, I'll take it.
6. Keeps his cool. If things get bad, he keeps his cool and solves problems without too much emotional drama. No clingy-ness, please.
7. Steady income/ job. For pragmatic reasons. In order to support a family, he's going to have to have a stable income that will pay bills.
8. Household skills. This includes being able to fix things around the house, pay bills on time/early, financial management skills, computer/ technology savvy, basic cooking, first aid, what cleaning stuff you should or shouldn't mix together. I like working with someone who knows how to run a household along with me, instead of having to take care of everything for him. It's a team effort.
9. Good with kids and pets. Understands their needs well, and how to take care of them.
10. Is romantic and good in bed.
11. Is attractive in my eyes.
12. Someone who loves me.

 

[Billy]

Someone worthy of my trust
someone worthy of my loyalty
someone who is willing to work and make things work right
someone who is willing to tell me when im wrong without hurting me
someone who would never betray me


I can accept most any type of person and learn to get along with them, but when it comes to dating and I am in a relationship where my heart is invested, I can be quite demanding, I would do anything for my love, i would die, bleed, kill, for her... but I kind of need the same in return.

As for preferences.. hmmm

I like girls who are smart and funny, intelligence is a big boost, huge kudos for understanding half of my references lol.

I like geeks but its not required, im a geek though so i like having things in common.

Someone open minded and non judgmental, I dont want to be pushed around i dont want to have to explain why im a grown man and I dont have to get permission to go have fun with my brothers or my friends.

I like my woman to be attractive
fit
intelligent
girly
feminine

 

[whatusername]

I've recently come to the conclusion that I want someone with extroverted sensibilities, yet understands the need for "quiet time." Someone who is a voracious reader. Of course, open-minded (and all those descriptions reserved for personal ads).

Nonetheless, the first conversation is the clincher, so I can't go into detail about whether I like someone unless I've had a long conversation with them. :hi:

 

[Esoteric Wench]

I've recently come to the conclusion that I want someone with extroverted sensibilities, yet understands the need for "quiet time." Someone who is a voracious reader. Of course, open-minded (and all those descriptions reserved for personal ads).

Nonetheless, the first conversation is the clincher, so I can't go into detail about whether I like someone unless I've had a long conversation with them. :hi:

That's interesting. I've never thought about it before, but it's those first one or two conversations that tell me a lot.* And if I think back to the guys that made me knobby knocker in the knees, it's always at the end of that conversation. There's a certain ineffable quality that I pick up during these exchanges.

And, I've also come to believe that the Introverted / Extraverted pairing works best for me. I've only had one serious relationship with an Extravert. It was nice in its own way, but I think that being around Introverts helps me turn inward and reflect more easily. Sometimes this can be hard for me to do because I find it difficult to close off the outside world.

My I/E couplings seems to have the right push and pull of mental energies for me.... even if, upon occasion, I've got to pull stuff out of you guys like teeth from a proverbial hen. :chicken: <---

*I think it's important to note that the first conversation can be either written or spoken. A brilliant email exchange will work... as long as it's shortly followed up by a scintillating personal interaction.

 

[the state i am in]

i don't have prescribed lists of "qualities" (read: adjectives) that a person must have.

i think there's a kind of yin-yang element to love. something that stimulates yang energy and something you receive in return. i'm figuring out how to balance this.

i probably lean towards Ne doms as far as its impression on me, a kind of intoxicating effect. but i appreciate MANY aspects of relationships that become real once you experience them.

yet, i know i do need serious intuition. i don't feel like i can be recognized as much as i want to be recognized without it. i don't feel like my mind can be recognized in the way i want it to be recognized without it. the "what could be" is very important to me, provides meaning and something to pull me into the future.

i like the partners-in-crime talk that infjs and entps bring up frequently. a kind of mutual inspiration. i like working together on something that we both feel passionately about. i like the energy of Ne doms (e7s) who have more initiation, more immediate spark, something to catalyze me into motion. i just get jacked up on my own adrenaline, but it doesn't motivate me to do/act as much as it motivates me to imagine. so i love when others have the ability and desire to carry out some of my ideas together.

i also deeply value Fi and the place it makes for you in its own world. i value trust very very much bc it is difficult for me to easily accept/build/create. i'm realizing that i value someone who can ground me and be somewhat stabilizing. i think this means said person must have her shit together better than me, at least when it comes to day-to-day life. i really value T types in this regard. i also highly prize being loved the most.

 

[Piedpiper]

Someone who:
1. Has a humble spirit.
2. Is more fiscally responsible than I am
3. Has a side of their personality that they will only share with me
4. Is not obsessed with going out and seeing a billion other people.
5. Sees beyond the physical world.
6. Keeps at least good care to their bodies; doesn't over eat and sit around all the time.

As someone on this thread posted earlier, "I'll know when I see them" =).

 

[cascadeco]

I don't know. I've never been good at creating lists regarding particular traits, even though I believe in my head there are some very broad necessities when it comes to what I desire out of a relationship and a partner. Sometimes I think the overarching, general qualities I seek are often more rare and more hard to find than the particulars. Probably because my 'generals' in essence are a sum of little particulars which I have never seen the point of detailing out. (or it would be too discouraging if I ever tried that )

Anyhow, bottom line is I desire a mutually good/beneficial connection & dynamic, a complementary partner who understands me and is proactive in demonstrating that desire to dig me out. But also one who provides a contrast to me - understanding and loving who I am, BUT nudging/challenging/encouraging me to strive for more. And vice versa. Shared interests/passions (as one example, I tend to be a fairly physically active person, so I tend to desire someone who is also like that, because quality time together is very important to me and if he sat on the couch all day or played WOW all of the time, we'd basically not be doing a whole lot together at all), but also independent and completely self-sufficient and happy on his own..but desirous of a relationship. And, last but not least, sizzling chemistry! lol.

Generally speaking extroverted intuitives fit the bill. Momentum and energy/chemistry never tends to occur with introverts.

Edit: I realize this post was basically worthless because I didn't really give any specific QUALITIES, but honestly for me to be able to do that I'd have to sit here for quite a long time, really contemplating it so that I am able to articulate it well, and I just don't want to spend the time doing that.

 

[whatusername]

*I think it's important to note that the first conversation can be either written or spoken. A brilliant email exchange will work... as long as it's shortly followed up by a scintillating personal interaction.

Yes, definitely. One learns multitudes about a person by the way he/she writes.