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[INFP] beaten down INFPs

chihuahuasrluv

New member
Joined
Apr 8, 2010
Messages
361
MBTI Type
infp
Enneagram
4w3
What happens to an INFP once the rose-colored glasses come off? Can you still be an dreamer when you've awaken to the cold, hard truth that is reality? Can you be still be an INFP type when you've become disenchanted with people?
 

Flutterby

New member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5
It's harder, but you most definitely can do it. It may involve a long period of not dreaming but eventually you come out the other side, still having dreams but being more realistic about what it takes to achieve them. Also, me, I'm an INFP/Type 5, so I just go looking for more and more information on how to deal with the world and deal with people and that gives me comfort and the ability to believe that I will find a way forward.
 

Eruca

78% me
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
939
MBTI Type
INxx
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I really cant relate to this.

As I grew up I wasn't idealistic. I never wore rose-coloured glasses. Nowadays I do have a dream but its one based on realistic expectations. Maybe I'm idealistic or an optimist (I sure try to be) but Im not naive nor am I dellusional. However, I have met a male INFP who truly lives with rose-coloured glasses and is actually dellusional in his view of the world. I couldnt live like that and as far as I remember I never have done.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Ime, the disenchantment is a defense mechanism. One you can keep up for a long time, but it makes you feel cold and dead inside. If the fear and disgust of people is greater than your natural instinct to enjoy them...you might get stuck there. Ime, not the best place to be. Though liking people is potentially hazardous, it's also a source of great joy. And I for one prefer to deal with painful emotions than isolation and no emotional connection whatsoever. This constant going back and forth to the world has also its benefits. If you can see past the pain that those people have inflicted and wonder why they woudl do such a thing (and I mean assess it without getting frustrated or hurt over it), you can understand how the outside world works...and you're less likely to be vulnerable to disappointment next time..coz you know what to expect and why they do things like that. You adjust your dreams and are able to see beyond the frustrations they caused you and also notice the good parts..the parts you didn't even dream up yet, and will also add to your inner world as enrichment. Eventually..you end up straddling two worlds. It's a magnificent sight :)
 

Hazle Weatherfield

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2009
Messages
62
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w4
I think a good question to ask would be can you become disenchanted with people as an INFP? And I say of course. Characteristics of INFP type point to a neutral sensitivity to people, not necessarily a positive one.
 

The Outsider

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2009
Messages
2,418
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
What happens to an INFP once the rose-colored glasses come off? Can you still be an dreamer when you've awaken to the cold, hard truth that is reality? Can you be still be an INFP type when you've become disenchanted with people?

You should keep in mind that INFPs are human too, despite what many of the descriptions would have you believe.
I don't really relate to anything in your post, I have always been a realist.
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
2,152
MBTI Type
XNFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
What happens to an INFP once the rose-colored glasses come off? Can you still be an dreamer when you've awaken to the cold, hard truth that is reality? Can you be still be an INFP type when you've become disenchanted with people?
I rather think I'm a prime example. Last time I checked I was still INFP.
 

soft

New member
Joined
May 1, 2010
Messages
61
MBTI Type
infp
i think i am a realist.. i mean, i know the distinction between my dreams and reality. i tend to get really depressed when i see things realistically, which is one of the reasons i tend to lean towards idealism. but i think i am well aware of reality..

idk, i confuse myself :shock:
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4sop
"What happens to an INFP once the rose-colored glasses come off?"

They become more balanced and healthier.

"Can you still be an dreamer when you've awaken to the cold, hard truth that is reality?"

Yes, the key is balance! It is hard to sway back and forth between being an idealist and a realist, but it can be done. Recognize what is impossible and let those go. Recognize what is possible despite a low chance of success and hold onto those. Don't over-stretch yourself with idealism. Talk to your friends who have different functions. Keep taking in information. Recognize that not everyone is Fi dominant and so their behavior is actually normal, not pure evil. :D It is very important for an INFP to still dream, we are who we are, but that doesn't mean we can't grow or improve or learn other traits. We have to protect ourselves sometimes.

"Can you be still be an INFP type when you've become disenchanted with people?"

Yes. Learn to see the world and actions through not only your lens but the other people's lens. If it's an istp, learn to see it through his/her ti, not your fi. It will explain their actions and you will come to understand how other people work more. If you view every single little thing through fi, it will be very, very depressing, impractical, and not worth it.

I see Fi as this great quality for us (and for humankind :yes: :yes: :yes:), but we need to not max it up to more than it needs to be, because we live in a world not dominated by Fi. Use Fi effectively. Control. Awareness. Other functions. :) Know your own limits when it comes to holding onto ideals. Don't let yourself be beaten down because the only one doing that is you, attitude is important.

I am very much an idealist but that doesn't mean I don't accept reality. Sometimes, it is hard for me to see at the grits and the cold logic, but after every experience, I get a little better. I pick myself up a little quicker and recognize the problem before it gets out of control. I love my idealism. I have standards and I have integrity and I am proud of that, don't let the world or other people make you feel ashamed to have these qualities. At the same time, don't feel that you need to defend them every single time to every single person, that would just be exhausting. Do it when it can change something.

Also, I am not a rose-colored person about everything. I am quite a pessimistic person. And I think humanity is not as "awesome" as people like to believe. For every life, someone else is dying a miserable death. For every happy person, there is someone devastated. For every human being, some animal is without necessary resources. I tend to roll my eyes when people are overly sentimental about how extraordinary humanity is. But I am not a miserable person. I smile and laugh a lot. Balance!
 

BRMC117

is an ambi-turner
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
781
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
3w2
I had to do this at a young age, I HAVE to be realistic. I still dream and make believe, but, not as much or as in depth however.

Learn to see the world and actions through not only your lens but the other people's lens. If it's an istp, learn to see it through his/her ti, not your fi. It will explain their actions and you will come to understand how other people work more. If you view every single little thing through fi, it will be very, very depressing, impractical, and not worth it.

Very well said Rebe
 

BlueinGreen

New member
Joined
Apr 2, 2009
Messages
105
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I've never quite known what to make of the infp description of "idealist." I guess I have some pretty important values and I wish that reality was more in line with those values, but it is what it is and I acknowledge that. I suppose I am an idealist to that extent, but I would wager it's a minority of us who really see the world through "rose-tinted glasses", as the above posts by infp's exemplify.

Maybe it's the realization that the world isn't flowers and bunnies that makes many infp's sink into depression, but I seriously doubt many of us saw it quite that way in the first place. I suppose a less exaggerated framing of that statement may be true to an extent, but I think a a fair number of infp's are quite cynical and jaded to the world around them, at least relative to what the descriptions would have you believe, as having one's head totally in the clouds is perhaps indicative of something pathological. Infp's are not just "dreamy", they are also dark, edgy, goofy, quirky, and sometimes straight up rebellious. That is why we count in our ranks people ranging from Albert Schweizer to Kurt Cobain. Talk about different reactions to reality...

Anyhow, I think most of us left our head in the clouds somewhere back in childhood, where the rose-colored glasses were more apt to be on. It doesn't mean we aren't still dreamers, but we haven't totally split off from reality as many descriptions would seem to imply.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
What happens to an INFP once the rose-colored glasses come off?

I don't believe I've ever had any rose colored glasses on....in fact, I've always disliked that phrase being used to describe INFPs.
I think that being an idealist means having a vision of perfection - an unattainable concept that serves as motivation. It doesn't mean viewing the current world as ideal - quite the opposite (idealism does NOT make one an optimist). Because of my idealism, I go through life with a critical eye. However, it also spurs me to try and create some semblance of this vision in reality.

Can you still be an dreamer when you've awaken to the cold, hard truth that is reality?

Reality doesn't touch my imagination; in fact, the further I am from the ideal, the more I engage in fantasy. Dreaming serves as an escape, which helps to cope. Plus, both can influence the other. I can adapt my dream to make it more achievable & I can try to bring my reality closer to my ideal. My "dreams" are not inflexible, concrete, or specific. They are rather vague feelings - which means I can create many avenues to seek something resembling them in reality that are not, well, unrealistic. This does not mean I am not unrealistic at times (because I am A LOT) - but when reality does slap me in the face, I can withdraw/get depressed or I can look for some other possibility. I think this is why exercising Ne is emphasized for INFPs to be healthy - it keeps you out of the "Fi Si loop". The "Fi Si loop" is when an INFP allows harsh reality of past experiences to keep them down instead of looking for future ways to adapt. I guess it is accepting that adapting is not always a compromise in integrity, and in that way, you can function as a dreamer in reality.

Can you be still be an INFP type when you've become disenchanted with people?

I was never enchanted with people to begin with. I had enough early childhood experiences to make me wary of people from a young age. I've always been guarded. I used to have much more disparaging views of people, and I still have these thoughts sometimes.

I don't have a "most people are bad/good" attitude though, but I admit I try to give people the benefit of the doubt without being naive. I've actually become more compassionate in the process - I used to expect people to live up to my high standards, not because I thought they could, but because I thought they should. Now, I'm more realistic, which makes me more forgiving & accepting, even if my opinion of people on the whole is still rather low.
 

phthalocyanine

#005645
Joined
Jun 2, 2009
Messages
679
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx
i think a great deal of my "INFP idealism" actually stems from reacting to a broken, screwed up world... i never related much to the INFP descriptions describing someone who would shrink from harsh reality, unable to bear it - when i am confronted with harsh realities, it very much makes me want to create a new current, a positive change...in a way it's energizing; a reminder that i can and truly want to try to do what i can to remedy the state of the world. starting small isn't always easy, especially with a greater vision, but it can be a great morale booster to accomplish even the smallest task. (it gives even this cynic some confidence that these things can be done)

it might sound strange for an INFP, but i think i really feel happier knowing i have the opportunity to do some good in the mad world than i do simply dreaming up things in my head. the dreaming is the first step, the source of the real-life goals. it's not a finite occasion, but a step in a process... i suppose the "healer" label resonates with me greatly in this light. i see what is broken and i think of ways i can help fix those things. i channel my "fire" regarding injustice and suffering into a palpable drive to do something to make it less of a problem.... for example, i hate how society demonizes/ignores the homeless. so i have developed a habit of carrying snacks in my bag, so when i'm out and come across a homeless person, i can chat with them for a few minutes and give them something to eat. sure, i'm not ending homelessness, but i'm doing a small part to improve a specific person's situation. and that's better than feeling helpless and doing nothing at all.

i don't find it easy to remain untouched by the pain and injustice around me, admittedly, i am quite sensitive...and it can be difficult to be aware of so much that's wrong in one's personal life, or family, on one's block, in one's nation, and beyond...but i can't bring myself to apathy. i recognize that i feel upset or hurt by these things because i care. and i believe that change is possible... and it's that desire to change things for the better that motivates me, even when i do feel a grating cynicism.

for me ideals aren't passive, far off fairy tales, they're visions for a better day on the horizon....a call to action.

anyone who knows me would probably say that i am quite cynical. it's true that humanity is sordid and often rather cruel. i'm not one to sugar-coat. but it's in facing the truth as honestly as possible that people can come up with viable solutions. it may not be easy to face harsh truths, but if we grit our teeth and bear that burden, we're one step closer to what we want - positive change.

i'm hard-wired to give a crap. i've learned to appreciate that more and more as i grow older. i used to resent it a lot, of course. it can seem ceaseless, tiring, and annoying to be concerned with things others don't seem to notice or care for much, but sometimes when i interact with others, i realize that it can be a sort of inspiration to them. this kind of puzzles me (my sense of how i affect others is pretty piss poor), but i'll take it.

if we step outside of our introverted, overly-polite bubbles a bit and vocalize our concerns, we may find that not only do others understand, but share our plights more than we may think. they may even be grateful that we shared. it proves that we get pissed off, too, at least.
 

Wonkavision

Retired Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
1,154
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
What happens to an INFP once the rose-colored glasses come off? Can you still be an dreamer when you've awaken to the cold, hard truth that is reality? Can you be still be an INFP type when you've become disenchanted with people?

They become misanthropic to the extreme! Like THIS:

laughstrips1.jpg



By the way--the above is an excerpt from:

Amazon.com: Misery Loves Comedy (9781560977926): Ivan Brunetti: Books
 

flameskull95

New member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
314
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
INFP's are really actually pro, when I switch to reality, my Te and Si kick in, and I turn badass, - but I can fully handle the cold hard truth of reality now, - even better than most sensors.
 

Robopop

New member
Joined
Mar 28, 2010
Messages
692
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
INFPs, I have a grand offer, come to the dark side, get with the T. It is so comfortable not worrying about the world's "big problems". Reality is cruel, stop believing in this world. So what do you say? :devil:
 

Arclight

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
3,177
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Every time I crash. I just become a little bit more determined to not let it drag me down. I don't always do well with it.,but for the most part I can recover whatever life has beaten out of me.
In extreme cases it can become a catylist for growth.
And I think in my case, complacency is my enemy, So I have been known to remove the rose colored glasses myself the odd time or two.
 
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