[NF] Are NFs bad at making good decisions?

[RobinsonCrusoe]

Whenever I reflect on all the BIG decisions I've made in my life (career, relationship, health), i think I'm batting way below .500. Because NFs tend to make decisions based on emotions, i feel like we really do need support or guidance from our more grounded friends/family.

and i think this is even MORE important for NFPs because since they are so bad at making ANY kind of decision, they often just sit by and allow life/society/peer pressure/others make important decisions for them. does any of this ring true, based on your experiences?

 

[William K]

Whenever I reflect on all the BIG decisions I've made in my life (career, relationship, health), i think I'm batting way below .500. Because NFs tend to make decisions based on emotions, i feel like we really do need support or guidance from our more grounded friends/family.

and i think this is even MORE important for NFPs because since they are so bad at making ANY kind of decision, they often just sit by and allow life/society/peer pressure/others make important decisions for them. does any of this ring true, based on your experiences?

I would say no, at least not worse than any other type. What we ARE bad at, is getting over a bad decision and over-analyzing it to see what we could have done better. Speaking as an INFP, I have trouble with hasty decisions as there are too many alternatives and I seem to choose the bad ones. And of course, there is the matter of the practicality of the decision. But it's really just a matter of perspective. We are good at some types of decisions and not so good at others.

And even batting .300 is still a damn good hitter in the majors

 

[cafe]

I'm happy with who I married, how many kids we had and when, my decision to stay home with them, and buying our house. Could have done better on some of the less big decisions.

 

[Rebe]

Have I made bad decisions? Yes.
Have I learned tremendously from them? Yes.
Have I made good decisions? Yes.

Nothing about NFs points to inevitably making bad decisions. Yes, we are more likely to be swayed by emotions, but some decisions can only be made with your 'heart'. Emotions are not all bad. NFPs might procrastinate and hold off on important decision making sometimes, but not always, it really depends on the situation and on the person. I personally struggle with Ne gone haywire sometimes, okay, a lot of the times. It's like my mind is zooming back and forth and again and again. I have learned to sit down, make a list and go over my options, list the pros and cons.

I had a make a huge decision a few months ago that involved a lot of money. Whenever I feel that I regret it, I think about it more thoroughly and closely and realize that my reasons for it haven't changed. I made a huge decision based on the limited options I had. Whether it is right or wrong still can't be determined fully right now, but I don't regret it. I am proud that I made myself do something kind of risky in order to gain something important back. I had to do it anyway so I mustered up the courage and took the risk and I did it. Thinking is not our dominant forte, but we do have some of those skills.

Since NFs are so analytical and self-aware, I think they learn a lot from bad mistakes and so, in the future, make better choices. Sometimes bad decisions cannot be avoided so we need to learn to stop kicking ourselves too hard about it (I do that a lot) and move forward.

 

[Mr. Beanie]

Or are we just good at making bad decisions?

Sorry, had to do it.

Anyway, I have a few decisions that I regret a bit, but none that I haven't been able to turn around. I've been trying to stop the looking back and regretting that I tend to do. Trying to focus on the now (which, admittedly, I suck at).

I think, like William and Rebe said, we NFs tend to look back and wish we'd have done something different, even if doing something different wouldn't have made too much of a difference. It's that way with all my friends/family who are NF.

 

[Hate]

Or are we just good at making bad decisions?

HaHaaaaHaa.... Story of my life...

So then technically I would be a good decision maker then right?

 

[clairebear8]

I think when it comes to their personal lives, NFs may be a little indecisive, yes, but I don't think NFs make BAD decisions very often, as in reckless, thoughtless, selfish, stupid, etc. Maybe the ENFPs once in a while, but most of the NFs I have met are pretty conscientious and grounded. NF's learn how to stick up for themselves eventually, after which they don't make the bad decision of trying to decide other people's lives for them (except maybe ENFJ), because that usually doesn't go well after a while. I think ENFPs might have the most trouble out of the NF types in terms of getting influenced/pushed around, and don't realize it until it's too late if they haven't spent some time to get to know themselves.

 

[Hate]

after which they don't make the bad decision of trying to decide other people's lives for them (except maybe ENFJ), because that usually doesn't go well after a while.

Have you had this happen to you with an ENFJ?

 

[Skyward]

'Good'? You mean like 'the best one out of a list that are possible'? The reason I think NFs aren't good at making decisions is that their F blocks out some of the decisions just 'because I don't like them' or 'they're bad/evil/whatever.' We're also more avoidant of problems than NTs who seem to thrive on them.

Besides, what makes a decision good or bad? There are few truly 'bad' decisions and few truly 'good' decisions. I say if you're fine with your life, then the decisions you've made haven't been all bad.

 

[Hate]

Besides, what makes a decision good or bad?

Ummmm....that's an easy one.....jail time or no jail time..

Good decision = no jail time

Bad decision = jail time

*but then again we probably live in two different worlds.

 

[Malkavia]

I love all the major life decisions Ive made. Remember, F is about values too.

All my large decisions have been based off who I think I am and who I want to become. I have no regrets.

 

[Phantonym]

I don't think NFs are any worse than any other type when it comes to making decisions, good or bad ones.

Sure, I make decisions based on emotions. Wouldn't have it any other way even though it's caused me a lot of grief when they haven't turned out to be that great. Because every decision I've made has felt like it is the right and good one at the time and I wouldn't have really listened to anybody giving me guidance. While I do take it into consideration and I don't go about making decisions without any reason involved, I would never let anybody make decisions for me either, no matter how good they happen to think it is for me. The only thing I can regret about making bad decisions is the awful long time it takes to get over the consequences. Time I could have spent more usefully.

 

[woolgatherer]

I've made a lot of decisions that have gotten me hurt, and often I know that's likely but do it anyways. I'll deal with the consequences later. My bad decisions might mostly be in relationships with the kind of people I choose and how much I tolerate.

And yes I have a hard time making any decision a lot of the time.

 

[Kasper]

Sounds more like a personal thing than a NF thing, my INFJ sis is a sound and grounded decision maker, she is influenced by her F in her decisions but not usually at the expense of common sense and logic.

 

[sculpting]

Sounds more like a personal thing than a NF thing, my INFJ sis is a sound and grounded decision maker, she is influenced by her F in her decisions but not usually at the expense of common sense and logic.

Perhaps this is because "common sense" is actually an amalgam of what is logical and what is value based?

I had a discussion with the boyfriend yesterday regarding "subjective" value based decisions that result in somewhat unpragmatic results in society. The final solution is not the most practical result-but is it still the correct result for the society making the choice?

I have to assume we were equipped with these funny "values" via evolution for a reason-thus at times the ability to bypass direct efficiency/pragmatism/logic and use values does provide the best solution for the welfare of the group at large.

OP-I long ago decided that logic was one of my few "values" thus almost always go with the logical choice-unless it will inflict pain upon others. At that point I then have to take a complex approach to the problem-which can leave me with feelings of guilt at times. But in general this strategy has left me with few decisions I regret. I am happy in general.

 

[Queen Kat]

I've never made a bad decision in my whole life. These decisions were all good. Nananananana!

 

[CuriousFeeling]

I tend to be quite logical when making a decision, actually. If the evidence in front of me suggests I should do A, and A is the best option, then I will do that. This is when I mimic the INTJ. But I also hope that option A will also make me happier in the long run.

Perhaps I've made bad decisions regarding who I've dated since the NiFe vision takes over and I think "I'll make this person better!" and they didn't fulfill the vision I had in store for them. I learned that lesson in the first relationship I had. Second relationship I listened to my gut more, and when the guy I was involved with started getting too clingy and weird for me, I made a quick exit. As much as I cared for him, I knew it wasn't going to work. I wanted him to be more logical and use common sense.

When it comes to choosing a career, major, etc., I get very pragmatic about it. If I went with my feelings, I probably would be a musician at this point, but I decided that financial stability was more important to have in this day and age, so I went for science.

Also, my parents are thinkers too. Growing up with an INTP and ISTJ certainly helped cultivate my Te and Ti processes, which in turn I end up making decisions with my head first, then heart. Just, like an INTJ, romantic relationships are my Achilles heel.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Doesn't ring true for me. I have always been a "head over heart" person in decision making - sometimes to a fault. I do not make big decisions based on emotion, and I can ignore my own emotion when I SHOULD listen to it. Emotions are important signals - they should not be followed blindly, but they also should not be totally disregarded.

I do not have trouble in making big decisions either - I have trouble in small decisions because they don't matter much to me (ie. Friend: "What do you want to eat for lunch?" - Me: "IDK, whatever you want."). When it comes to large matters, I usually have a very clear idea of what I would like, and then I see how reasonable it is to achieve it.

I admit I may put a lot of time/effort into exhausting possibilities first, but this research often aids in good decision making. It's just so exhaustive that it drains me, which is probably why I avoid responsibility for smaller decisions. Occasionally, I do over-think it and end up so exhausted that I don't make the best decision. It's kind of a "I'm tired of this subject & so I'm picking this option that seems easy."

Strangely enough though, I am happier when I make decisions with my heart lately - I think it is a more refined/accurate system for Fs to make value-based decisions, but people in general usually discourage it. If we make bad decisions, maybe it's because our decision-making process is devalued by society and we've come to distrust it? I'm trying to trust it more and have seen some benefits.

As for family/friend guidance, I can actually say that my biggest mistakes in life often came with their blessing....which just goes to show that many bad decisions can seem pretty good at the time (hindsight is 20/20).

 

[cascadeco]

First thought was... it's entirely subjective whether one thinks one person makes 'bad' decisions and another makes good ones! How do you determine what constitutes a good decision and a bad one?

To the OP, none of it really rang true. Like pretty much everyone in the world, yes, I have made some decisions that, were I to do it again, I might do otherwise. But, you only know what you know at a given point in time - I decide on things to the best of my current knowledge/ability, and where I'm emotionally at in life. Also, I've changed some over the years, so I give myself that grace too - what I once decided upon was a reflection on where I was at then, and if the situation would come up a second time, I might decide differently based on new information/perceptions/etc.

I've always put a lot of thought into pretty much everything I do, so as a general rule I don't think I make bad decisions. At least, from my own viewpoint. And I've also never really felt I decide things based on feeling/emotion. My own feeling/emotion is an important factor, but there are a lot of others and at times I've overrode the 'feeling' in favor of other elements. If anything I overanalyze and remain motionless longer than maybe I 'should' - but, I tend not to be dissatisfied with end results/decisions.

 

[Arclight]

I am where I am supposed to be, therefore every decision has brought me here.
I base my decisions on subjectivity. But I can look at the results objectively.
Objectively, all I have done is learn.