[INFP] How To Get An INFP To Sleep With You

[demimondaine]

singapore slings > connection

 

[Talisyn]

How to get an INFP to have casual sex with you most likely involves making an INFP believe it's not just casual sex. There you go.

True enough for me. Hmm the fantasy... maybe. The reality- no, not at all.

 

[Nomorenames]

I was wondering how many of you have had or desired casual relationships, rather than a lifelong search for The One.

I'm on a lifelong search for the One. I'm already done with this week's One. Gotta go find next week's. I'll take a break after that and maybe start again when I go down to Cabo. I'll try to fit as many Ones as I can at that time.

 

[*poke*]

Agreed - it would have to be VERY extraordinary circumstances for me to jump right in, and I just might jump right out. I don't trust too quickly formed feelings, so it's very unlikely for me to act on them in the moment. I am almost too cautious. People tend to grow on me rather than impress me immediately anyway. But I am looking for something "deep & meaningful", which to me means that there is some substantial emotional/intellectual/spiritual connection in addition to physical.

I like the way you phrased your reply, I think it more accurately says what I was trying to: not that someone looking for a meaningful relationship might "jump right in" to one, but that finding a meaningful connection might inspire so much excitement that you desire to form a close bond very quickly. Also the question wasn't entirely about sex but using that as a springboard to talk about different types of casual relationships. He doesn't seem to be on board with casual at all, and I respect that since I think we have similar approaches to a relationship, we are just looking for it to go different places right now.

i like sex just as much as anyone else but i need to feel a certain connection first. i need to trust people first, and keep in mind that sometimes a certain person will earn that trust quicker than others. that's just how it is.
2. once the topic comes up don't hide any intentions. make sure she's being really clear about what she wants and you make it really, really REALLY clear what you want. and i mean REALLY clear because if the INFP has even the slightest hope of being exclusive with you she might be inclined to get herself into something hoping you will change your mind.

Thanks for your comment, this completely reflects the dynamic between us so far, and I was just wondering if it is a pattern with INFPs or possibly other types. Although I wouldn't suggest placing much stock in quick judgments I do tend to make and trust my own , so when I find that implicit trust and connection with someone I do get very excited. Once I realized that the mutual excitement was kind of at odds with the context in which we are currently looking for different levels of commitment (I wouldn't say this is typical of me, but I have just gotten out of another serious relationship which I can't expect someone new to measure up to in my mind), I had to be VERY clear about our limits. I tried to be clear right from the start because I think you're right that as long as his hopelessly romantic idealist self conceived of the possibility we could be exclusive, he would fall pretty hard. Sadly even though I tried to be clear that's what ended up happening, and I had to apply the emergency brake to even our more intimate friendship, because the reciprocated feelings that would slip out ended up feeding the fire.

 

[*poke*]

@Udog - they'd better be stale peeps!

*poke* - my twin sister is an ENFJ, and I've learned that the problem isn't type, it's your penis. The penis is the problem. Being a woman makes being an ENFJ a much easier experience. So, go blame your anatomy,

Perhaps I haven't accurately conveyed that I'm female? Stringstheory seemed to reverse our roles too, perhaps it's just rare enough to see a female ENFJ pursuing a male INFP for this type of relationship? It's not a situation I ever idealized or imagined myself in, so it's pretty foreign to me for the same reasons you thought it improbable . I think it has a lot to do with the particular situation and dynamic between us, and runs contrary to the pattern I have seen of NFs avoiding casual relationships (or at least only seeking them with the intention of finding something deeper). The kind of relationships each of us is used to having or idealizing is not, well, reflected by this post I have made . Which is why it's an interesting situation I wanted to hear more thoughts on.

I'd love to know what you mean by connection, *poke*. To me all in all it sounds like friends with benefits. Or maybe even not friends - just with benefits. But seriously, I am interested in your way of understanding the connection. Depending on the meaning it can have different quality in my eyes.

I guess it does sound like friends with benefits, I don't think either of our types could have any kind of relationship if the premise of trust and friendship wasn't first there. So perhaps what differentiates this from a romantic relationship is simply the level of investment.

 

[*poke*]

How to get an INFP to have casual sex with you most likely involves making an INFP believe it's not just casual sex. There you go.

Case closed!

 

[stringstheory]

Perhaps I haven't accurately conveyed that I'm female? Stringstheory seemed to reverse our roles too, perhaps it's just rare enough to see a female ENFJ pursuing a male INFP for this type of relationship? It's not a situation I ever idealized or imagined myself in, so it's pretty foreign to me for the same reasons you thought it improbable . I think it has a lot to do with the particular situation and dynamic between us, and runs contrary to the pattern I have seen of NFs avoiding casual relationships (or at least only seeking them with the intention of finding something deeper). The kind of relationships each of us is used to having or idealizing is not, well, reflected by this post I have made . Which is why it's an interesting situation I wanted to hear more thoughts on..

Personally, i find it's just rare enough to see a male INFP

 

[colma]

Personally, i find it's just rare enough to see a male INFP

Oh come on, we're not that elusive you know!

 

[stringstheory]

Oh come on, we're not that elusive you know!

Then where are ya'll hiding? Come on out please!

 

[colma]

You probably already know a few... we're the ones you talk to in passing acting all disinterested 'n stuff while joking and being smiley for no reason (there's a reason). Grab that dude by the headphones.

 

[runvardh]

Then where are ya'll hiding? Come on out please!

I'm on the train with the green backpack and the large black umbrella. I'm listening to my ipod and looking out the window if I'm not sleeping. I probably look like I'm trying to ignore you when you sit beside me and I hide my eyes behind mirror sunglasses.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I'm listening to my ipod and looking out the window if I'm not sleeping. I probably look like I'm trying to ignore you when you sit beside me

That's pretty much how I can be spotted also .

 

[A window to the soul]

I'm on the train with the green backpack and the large black umbrella. I'm listening to my ipod and looking out the window if I'm not sleeping. I probably look like I'm trying to ignore you when you sit beside me and I hide my eyes behind mirror sunglasses.

That's pretty much how I can be spotted also .

^ +1

...lol, we sound so stuck up here and so I've been told. ...and behind my groovy shades I'll be curiously listening and watching out of the corner of my eye, hmmm....

 

[Talisyn]

^ +1

...lol, we sound so stuck up here and so I've been told. ...and behind my groovy shades I'll be curiously listening and watching out of the corner of my eye, hmmm....

Me, I just avoid all forms of public transport. lol (Ok, so, we just don't have it here.) But this so amuses me because yeah, I'll try as hard as I can to look like I'm ignoring you, but for sure doing the very same- observing and listening... all while hoping you do NOT talk to me. But if you do, I'll be nice... and I might even like you.

Ok so this is off topic

 

[colma]

I'm on the train with the green backpack and the large black umbrella. I'm listening to my ipod and looking out the window if I'm not sleeping. I probably look like I'm trying to ignore you when you sit beside me and I hide my eyes behind mirror sunglasses.

+1 ^

You can usually find me in transit

 

[*poke*]

The next person I see on a train with mirror sunglasses and an umbrella, I'm going to march right up and sit down next to them, stick my hand out, and be like "so you don't know me, but I like you and we're going to be friends."

 

[Nomorenames]

The next person I see on a train with mirror sunglasses and an umbrella, I'm going to march right up and sit down next to them, stick my hand out, and be like "so you don't know me, but I like you and we're going to be friends."

don't be alarmed if the police get involved

 

[Synapse]

just say you want to f*ck their brains out, that usually works like a charm.

okay maybe not. there is this emotional connection business to content with unfortunately.

 

[runvardh]

The next person I see on a train with mirror sunglasses and an umbrella, I'm going to march right up and sit down next to them, stick my hand out, and be like "so you don't know me, but I like you and we're going to be friends."

don't be alarmed if the police get involved

Or you end up with a creeper...

Then again, I find "Creep" by Radiohead hits a little too close to home in places.

 

[*poke*]

just say you want to f*ck their brains out, that usually works like a charm.

okay maybe not. there is this emotional connection business to content with unfortunately.

Yeah, haha what NFs have YOU been talking to??