I, of course, have no problem getting kids excited, coming up with cool projects to do, etc. etc.
My biggest problem is when I have to be "the meanie." I find it so difficult to be tough enough and maintain tough standards all year (I teach High School). It's not that I want to be liked. It's more that I can see all the possibilities and permutations and have trouble deciding that the standard I've set is indeed the final standard. I might allow a kid to change the requirements for a project mid-project if it seems like what s/he wants to do would be really cool! But that messes up my consistency with everyone else.
Sometimes, too, I "fall" for my students' excuses and let them turn things in late or "forget" to take the late points off because I can't stand the confrontation with the parent that will undoubtedly ensue. I mean, confrontation almost causes me physical pain and I cry when I get angry and I never EVER want to cry in front of parents.
But this is no good. I just had my eval today and I need to work on this.
Does anyone have any advice? Doesn't have to be from teachers - anyone who has advice for an ENFP on how to become more firm and consistent.
Thanks.
I rather doubt that my advice will be helpful to you, but it is worth a short. At the very least, I am hoping you might benefit from the method of problem-solving that I'd recommend to you.
Here is how I'd go about your situation if I was in your shoes, this will take a good amount of time and energy, but if you get it right, it can be quite effective.
1. Clear your mind. Right now you're consumed by anxieties, fears, sentiments of grief, self-pity and so on. There is no way you'll be able to think clearly as long as you're stuck in that mentality. If you don't have a way of clearing your mind, practice meditation: this is a proven method to help you avoid getting consumed by the onslaught of negative thoughts and sentiments.
2. Outline the key facts of your situation. For example, ask yourself: what is it that you want to accomplish? I imagine it may be difficult to answer this question as there is a great deal going on now. So, don't aim too high: let's just say your goal is to do your job in a manner that is as least stressful as possible and accords with your conscience.
3. Outline realistic negative consequences that could befall you. Are you on good terms with your colleagues? What about your administrators? How would they react if you were to upset a parent by imposing legitimate penalties upon their child? Quite likely, many would support you and would most likely allow you to simply do your job by enforcing the policies of your curriculum. Nonetheless, you need to look around and make sure that's the case.
Did you know that narcissism is on the rise in the student body? A wealth of empirical evidence exists that kids have been becoming less empathetic, more self-centered and ultimately, more narcissistic since the 1970s. As for parents? They tend to see little value in genuine education and the rigorous standards that come with it, they merely see schooling as a vehicle of upward socio-economic mobility for their children. Of course, this is a generalization, but I am sure this is true for the majority of parents, otherwise why would they take issue with legitimate penalties you impose upon their kids.
In my experience with college and high-school kids, I can tell you this: they'll generally do everything in their power to get the grades they need because they've been led to believe this is the way to be "successful" in life or at any rate, that's what pleases their parents. Given their overly inflated self-esteem and propensity to be very self-centered, why should you pity them?
If you feel that some your kids don't fit the above articulated description, make an exception for them. However, the decision concerning who incurs a penalty and who does not is ultimately yours, otherwise the kids would not be able to cherish the hope of getting their parents to influence your judgment.
In short, make sure you can't get in trouble with your administrators and then you penalize the kids accordingly. They're narcissists who have no concept of what it means to put forth an honest day's work, you can be sure that most of them deserve. You've got to stop thinking about how you might hurt the kids' feelings and ruffle the parents' feathers and do what your duty as an educator behooves you to do. Given how self-centered the kids are becoming and how poorly disciplined they tend to be, why should you think that they don't deserve to be penalized or that an appropriate punishment for irresponsible behavior won't do them good?
Perhaps so. 
