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[ENFP] ESFJs and ENFPs

Waffle

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I started this thread over on PersonalityCafe, but I thought I'd share it here too.
I have a long history with a guy I believe to be an ESFJ. We had what is still t0o date my longest relationship, and we broke up because I have a depression meltdown, and he didn't think he was good enough to fix it. Oddly, we've stayed friends, and the feelings that we had for each other have floated between since. It's all very frustrating, and we have pretty much freely admitted to still loving the either intensely, and the feelings never really stopped. Sadly, being an ENFP who has been in a number of relationships and has spent nearly no time single, I decided now would be an excellent time to explore the world. This ESFJ has vowed to wait for me, but has promised me that he'll continue to explore options as well. He really is wonderful, but I can not be tied down at the moment.
Though both the ESFJ and ENFP's natural partners are introverted, I have found that I can't really truly understand introverts when we're in a relationship. They don't understand why I want to go out to big events and meet new people, and be social. I feel like extroverted types are much better for the ENFP. However, I have no idea what would be best for the ESFJ. I rather think the ESFJ-ENFP is a good one because the ESFJ acts as a sort of parent towards the ENFP, coddling us and helping us feel safe, while ENFP is always bursting with compliments and positive reaffirmation for the ESFJ. Plus both tend to be quite physically affectionate, while one can balance the home and the other can bring in new ideas to keep things interesting.

In short: ESFJ + ENFP = Good pair in my mind.

What do you guys think? Do you have any ESFJ- ENFP stories?
 

Laurie

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You think ESFJ & ENFP is a good pair but that INTJ & ENFP is a disaster? Srsly, I'm sorry, I don't get it at all.
 

Waffle

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You think ESFJ & ENFP is a good pair but that INTJ & ENFP is a disaster? Srsly, I'm sorry, I don't get it at all.

Olllllllllld. I've been proven wrong. it was a particular INTJ that threw me off.
 

ilovereeses

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I was with an ESFJ and it was my longest relationship too. It worked out really well until he scolded me for acting silly. He's also pretty sexist, but that didn't show up until later on in the relationship. I wonder if things could've worked out better if we had waited till we were more mature.
 

Waffle

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Oh, I didn't realize that you had changed your opinion.
I changed while the thread was going on, but I guess my post got bypassed as the crazy debate raged on.
 

Laurie

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Yeah probably, that was a wild thread.
 

Esoteric Wench

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ESFJ + ENFP = Good pair in my mind.

I've never dated an ESFJ, but I have a good friend who is an ESFJ. She does take care of me in many ways. And I do spice her life up a bit.

However, I can't really see me being happy dating an ESFJ. However, there is a lot of variability in how ESFJs operate in the world.

I think ESFJs, in their formative years, are supposed to pick up their values from the the values of the those around them. So if your ESFJ was raised around sexist people, he's going to be sexist now.

I still go back to the well hashed point on this forum which is ENFPs need lots of variety and to feel like they are not being controlled. I think for ESFJs, once they make up their mind, that's just the way things are. This would drive me INSANE.

ENFPs always see the possibilities... like Waffle is seeing the possibilities in this ESFJ. However, if you take time to sort through the facts, I think you'll find that seeing the potential in a relationship doesn't mean that's the potential that would be realized if a relationship were initiated.
 

Lady_X

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i could see esfj working more than intj for me..not that i know any intjs tho....also isn't ben harper an esfj? he's all kinds of cool. :D
 

Chloe

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i could see esfj working more than intj for me..


you may regret saying that. I did. :wubbie:;)

NTJs are the best match, imo. I thought i wouldnt like NTJs, but then I met INTJ and it was WOW!!!!like nothing before!! :wubbie:

... anyway.. I am not expirienced with ESFJ guys but I know my INFP friend is very into them. And one ENFP friend is also very attracted to ESFJ guys. However, I think it's only initial attraction and they (my friends) wouldnt work with them because of S/N differences...
 

Waffle

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I've never dated an ESFJ, but I have a good friend who is an ESFJ. She does take care of me in many ways. And I do spice her life up a bit.

However, I can't really see me being happy dating an ESFJ. However, there is a lot of variability in how ESFJs operate in the world.

I think ESFJs, in their formative years, are supposed to pick up their values from the the values of the those around them. So if your ESFJ was raised around sexist people, he's going to be sexist now.

I still go back to the well hashed point on this forum which is ENFPs need lots of variety and to feel like they are not being controlled. I think for ESFJs, once they make up their mind, that's just the way things are. This would drive me INSANE.

ENFPs always see the possibilities... like Waffle is seeing the possibilities in this ESFJ. However, if you take time to sort through the facts, I think you'll find that seeing the potential in a relationship doesn't mean that's the potential that would be realized if a relationship were initiated.

I see what you mean. My ESFJ wasn't raised in a supper huggy home, so he's not super huggy. However, I brought the cuddly side of him. I think ENFPs have the power to bring out the potential in anyone, because we want to see them living their lives to the fullest.
Though a lot of MBTI description websites discourage an ENFP-ESFJ relationship, many ENFPs seem drawn to the ESFJ. Those MBTI websites often call this a "Benefactor-Beneficiary" relationship. But maybe this is that relationship in a positive light. They worry that once the beneficiary doesn't need anything anymore, they will the leave the benefactor. But in this case, the ENFP will always be in need of someone to tell them how lovely and amazing they are, and to hug them and to tell them it's ok. The ESFJ can provide this phenomenally, and is often just happy seeing the ENFP thrive. I guess it may feel like they fulfilled their duty. I actually don't think that's an unhealthy basis for a relationship, and have often seen that be a basis for a lot of longstanding relationships.
 

Lady_X

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you may regret saying that. I did. :wubbie:;)

NTJs are the best match, imo. I thought i wouldnt like NTJs, but then I met INTJ and it was WOW!!!!like nothing before!! :wubbie:

... anyway.. I am not expirienced with ESFJ guys but I know my INFP friend is very into them. And one ENFP friend is also very attracted to ESFJ guys. However, I think it's only initial attraction and they (my friends) wouldnt work with them because of S/N differences...

cheese chloee? haha i like it. :smile:
 

Esoteric Wench

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NTJs are the best match, imo. I thought i wouldnt like NTJs, but then I met INTJ and it was WOW!!!!like nothing before!!... However, I think it's only initial attraction and they (my friends) wouldnt work with them because of S/N differences...

I'm with Chloee on this one. INTJs and INFJs are awesome matches for me. I've dated both. Would love to have dated an ENTJ but never had the opportunity. There's just gotta be an N in there somewhere.
 

ilovereeses

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I think ENFPs have the power to bring out the potential in anyone, because we want to see them living their lives to the fullest.
Yes!

Though a lot of MBTI description websites discourage an ENFP-ESFJ relationship, many ENFPs seem drawn to the ESFJ. Those MBTI websites often call this a "Benefactor-Beneficiary" relationship. But maybe this is that relationship in a positive light. They worry that once the beneficiary doesn't need anything anymore, they will the leave the benefactor. But in this case, the ENFP will always be in need of someone to tell them how lovely and amazing they are, and to hug them and to tell them it's ok. The ESFJ can provide this phenomenally, and is often just happy seeing the ENFP thrive. I guess it may feel like they fulfilled their duty. I actually don't think that's an unhealthy basis for a relationship, and have often seen that be a basis for a lot of longstanding relationships.

It really is a good relationship, he always had something to teach me, and I was always eager to listen. Of course there was the problem of him thinking that he was smarter than me, but then I'd prove him wrong and he'd praise me every time I impressed him, which I liked a lot. They love to compliment, and ENFPs love to be complimented. As long as they both have the same values and the ESFJ has a tolerance for silly ENFP behavior, it's a very good relationship.
 

ilovereeses

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Would love to have dated an ENTJ but never had the opportunity. There's just gotta be an N in there somewhere.

My best guy friend is an ENTJ and there were moments when we liked each other, but never dated. I was attracted to his confidence and loved listening to all his theories. He's a really brilliant guy. But I was completely turned off by how judgmental he is. He's extremely loyal, though, once you get close to him.
 

Waffle

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My best guy friend is an ENTJ and there were moments when we liked each other, but never dated. I was attracted to his confidence and loved listening to all his theories. He's a really brilliant guy. But I was completely turned off by how judgmental he is. He's extremely loyal, though, once you get close to him.

That's kind of why I like the INFJ and ESFJ over the ENTJ and INTJ. The feeling function really cushions the judging function. They're a little less... harsh with their thoughts. My ENTP mother, though on the same wavelength of thoughts most of the time, can really rub me the wrong way with how she states things. They can be harsh and to the point of being rude. ENTPs like to steal the spotlight, but it seems to always be in a light less charming than the ENFPs around me. I'm working on my relationships with the ENTPs (There are a few) I know.
 

Waffle

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Yes!



It really is a good relationship, he always had something to teach me, and I was always eager to listen. Of course there was the problem of him thinking that he was smarter than me, but then I'd prove him wrong and he'd praise me every time I impressed him, which I liked a lot. They love to compliment, and ENFPs love to be complimented. As long as they both have the same values and the ESFJ has a tolerance for silly ENFP behavior, it's a very good relationship.
Yeah! As long as your ESFJ can take being shown wrong (Which I've seen a lot of ENFPs happy to do. We're show-offs. :D), it can be a pretty good relationship.
 

Hellokittykitty

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I normally go for INTJ ( and still like them a lot) bur recently I've been drawn to a particular ESFJ

He's really handsome and sweet but I feel like it's fake sometimes. He was home schooled and has strong moral values.

He also doesn't respond to my humor. He's very under exposed. But I like him. He has innocent eyes and can seem introverted at times.

I know he's probably not interested in me but I just want to do naughty things to him haha! Just being honest! Everything about his body screams " kiss me please"!!!!!! Hahaha!
 

Saslou

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^^^

Oh darling .. Stop speculating :D .. Although please don't ask him if he is fake, lol. How do you know he is not interested? You need to be direct and tell him you want to do naughty things to him .. Bite the bullet and go for it. That's exactly what i'd do.

Good luck.
 

Aleksei

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I'm... kinda scared to death of the prospect of dating an SFJ. :horor: It'd be like dating my mother. :azdaja:
 
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