[MBTI General] I f*cked up my teenage years and I don't mind

[Queen Kat]

Every time I go to family reunions, or I meet old (or new) acquaintances or when I speak to strangers and I tell them about my life, they always tell my I fucked up my teenage years and therefore also the rest of my life. Why have I fucked it up?

- I've been in a fight with almost everyone I've met the last 6 years, because I was just trying to be honest and stay myself.
- My love life is totally fucked up and I'm attracting the wrong kind of men.
- I've continued a hobby that I've already had since I was 6 (writing), which made my peers hate me because sometimes I found it more important than homework.
- I don't get drunk every weekend, because alcohol makes me feel like I'm locked inside my head.
- I've never learnt to see what's so arousing about vomitting.
- I've never learnt to appreciate Uggs and skinny jeans.
- I've never learnt to resist ditching friends if I got tired and because of this I stood in the way of my own popularity.

In fact, I don't mind all of these things. I even like these things about myself. Then why am I posting this? BECAUSE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO MAKE ME BELIEVE ALL THESE THINGS ARE A HUGE PROBLEM ARE ANNORYING THE HELL OUT OF ME! AAAAARGH!!!

Family members.
Old friends and acquaintances.
New acquaintances.
Strangers who I have a talk with.

Almost everyone I speak seems to have a problem with the way my life went. They tell me that I should change my life before it's too late, because otherwhise I won't be able to get babies anymore. And I'm only 18! WTF?! So, appearantly this is what I'm supposed to do:

- Be normal.
- Collect friends and have shallow friendships with them.
- Get drunk.
- Vommit and be happy with it because it's normal.
- Have these shallow friends pick out a decent, boring boyfriend for me.
- Get married.
- Get babies. Two babies, to be exact.
- Get myself a nice office job and pretend it's what I've always wanted to do.
- Work until I'm 67.
- Retire and go hiking with fake teeth and kaki bermudas.
- Die.

That's fucking boring! Dude! That's not what I want to do with my life! But why do I take all of this so personally? I don't want to take it personally, but I can't help it. I do feel offended, because this way it seems like I'm some kind of lame robot. Now I wonder:

How on earth can I make sure that I don't take these boring expectations too personally? If I take it personallly, everybody thinks I do care and then they try to help me! HEEEEELP!!! :horor:

 

[Glycerine]

I really don't see anything outside the norm other than possibly the first point. You sound like a fairly normal teenager, to be honest. Those people just sound really judgmental... sorry for being blunt.

 

[Queen Kat]

I really don't see anything outside the norm other than possibly the first point. You sound like a fairly normal teenager, to be honest. Those people just sound really judgmental... sorry for being blunt.

Not in my neighbourhood.

 

[Phantonym]

Well, yeah, it is personal, it's directed at you. Are you sure you're not blowing this way out of proportion? Sometimes it may seem that the whole world is out to get you. But it's more about them than it is about you. You can't change others. Let them keep their expectations. Maybe if you keep telling yourself that every time you encounter such behaviour, you can learn to phase all the annoying stuff out. Take it as something humorous that doesn't really affect you. You keep doing the things you want to do, the things you think are right for you. It's your life, only you can be the judge on how fucked up your life has been so far. You are annoyed by people, people are annoyed by you, that's how the world goes round. And the haters gonna hate no matter what you do.

I don't think you can make sure that you don't have a reaction to what is said. How you deal with the reaction is something you can and have to work on. You can take it in but you have to let it go as well. In with the good, out with the bad. You already have an outlet in writing, you can use that to get the bad stuff out if you need to.

 

[Glycerine]

Ok then. I'm American so it could be a little bit different culturally but I have met many teenagers that fit your description. Most of them aren't even close to fucking up their lives. I seriously thought you were going to say something like you had like 3 kids, had aids, were homeless, and were in trouble with the law.

 

[Queen Kat]

Ok then. I'm American so it could be a little bit different culturally but I have met many teenagers that fit your description. Most of them aren't even close to fucking up their lives. I seriously thought you were going to say you had like 3 kids, had aids, were homeless, and were in trouble with the law.

No, I'm just a nonalcoholic teenager that doesn't like trendy stuff, doesn't want to be popular for the sake of being popular, doesn't want to get married and go to law school.

 

[prplchknz]

most teenagers aren't as bad ass as they make themselves out to be.

 

[ilovereeses]

- Collect friends and have shallow friendships with them.
- Get drunk.
- Vommit and be happy with it because it's normal.
- Have these shallow friends pick out a decent, boring boyfriend for me.

If this is "normal" to them, then their lives are messed up.

 

[Queen Kat]

Adults want me to be that bad too.

 

[Glycerine]

No, I'm just a nonalcoholic teenager that doesn't like trendy stuff, doesn't want to be popular for the sake of being popular, doesn't want to get married and go to law school.

Practically all the XNFPs I know are like the way you described yourself. It's a vibe of nonconformity. It's quite refreshing.

 

[cfs1992]

Just be yourself! Some people think they know what is good for us... but they're totally wrong. The best way to enjoy your life is doing what YOU, only YOU think is good. Everybody wants everyone to be group-oriented and lose their own personality... Just follow your own way, and it will make you happy. And don't mind about what people say!

 

[cfs1992]

If this is "normal" to them, then their lives are messed up.

Totally agree.

 

[Virtual ghost]

How on earth can I make sure that I don't take these boring expectations too personally? If I take it personallly, everybody thinks I do care and then they try to help me! HEEEEELP!!! :horor:

Find a INTJ and learn from him/her. (seriously)


I mean I am pretty similar to you when it comes to this. (except the emotional part)

 

[Scott N Denver]

If this is "normal" to them, then their lives are messed up.

+1. There must be some massive cultural differences at play here. Different people have different ideas of what friendship is and what they want from it, but I doubt most people aim to have shallow friendships. People seem to usually try to be "friendly" with people they know but only see rarely, neighbors etc. The marriage, kids, job, pretending you like your job is probably more common though. People usually want to think that what they did was valuable/meaningful/worthwhile.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Conformity isn't always bad if the ideals are meaningful, but conforming to those ways seems... illogical.

 

[cafe]

You can't help it that you're not stupid.

Actually, you don't sound that different from my kids (three of my kids are teenagers - 17, 15, 13) and I'm pleased as punch they are such good kids.

The important thing, IMO, when you have family like you are describing is becoming financially independent so the level at which they can screw with your life is minimal. Peers that are not your friends don't matter all that much. They are probably idiots anyway and you don't have to deal with them a whole lot once you get a little older.

If you want to be a writer, it doesn't hurt to study that, but it is also a good idea to get some kind of training that can net you a dependable job with wages that can support the basics of living.

 

[Rebe]

That's fucking boring! Dude! That's not what I want to do with my life! But why do I take all of this so personally? I don't want to take it personally, but I can't help it. I do feel offended, because this way it seems like I'm some kind of lame robot. Now I wonder:

How on earth can I make sure that I don't take these boring expectations too personally? If I take it personallly, everybody thinks I do care and then they try to help me! HEEEEELP!!!

I feel for you ; high school was sort of like that for me. All these girls talking about things that made me want to smack them silly but I couldn't yell at them for being stupid because well, I was quiet and meek then and ... it didn't seem like it was my role to play ... and it'd exhaust me and it'd be endless. You will meet people who are conformers and are not in agreement with your principles, it will bother you, even upset you, but you will never get rid of that. Having a small group of friends who are similar to you or at least accept you will help immensely. Carving a path for yourself and staying on that path no matter what will be helpful. Finding people you admire and holding them close has helped me. People around me want to find a good job, settle down, get married and have kids. But I want to travel and change the world. My parents wish to god I would do what everyone else is doing but I am an idealist and I am willing to risk a lot for my ideals. Know your strengths and build yourself a defense shield. I read biographies about people who have changed the world and I feel less insane and less scared. There is a saying, pick a hill that you are willing to die on and stick with it. If you want to be a writer, stick with it no matter what ... etc.

 

[miss fortune]

everyone feels like a failure to our families... my cousins and I once sat around and discussed that- we're all smart kids, and friendly and polite for the most part (we're even a decent looking bunch! ) but we've all f*cked up in some way

- one cousin had a kid with her boyfriend, dropped out of college and then dumped him

- another cousin is gay

- another has a juvie record for shoplifting

- my sis has dropped out of college 4 times

- I can't find a job for the life of me

it doesn't change when you reach your 20s, as we have proven... everyone always feels like they disappoint their families- and the cool part though, is the families usually may express disappointment, but they still tend to love you and help you out when needed

 

[Rainne]

Remember guys, take comfort in the fact that there's always someone more fcked up than you.

 

[Drezoryx]

wow ur close friends and family are taking you down the road of alcohol and shallow friendships? whats wrong with them?

keep away from such ppl! stick it out! and yeah that life plan sucks real bad. do what you want, as you want!