[ENFP] ENFPS -- Are you difficult??

[sculpting]

Well I already stated my thoughts. I don't disagree with anything per se, you disagreed with me. I was just saying that ENFPs play the "misunderstood" or "other people are trying to control me" too readily sometimes.

My dear friend Ne. and yes, I will fight my way past people who I think are controlling me. It is an issue I am learning to handle. This crops up much more loudly in the baby ENTPs though.

The other issue is that I will then revert to Te control. Again, which is quite sensitive to others trying to do anything that "feels" controlling-which I can easily misinterpret.

 

[Moiety]

If I may hop in. I do not like being criticized. Especially when younger and especially if it is my idea. Typically I have attached a bit of emo to it.

So yeah, I will knee jerk get pissed-but within seconds I quell that as I know to make an idea better I need more data and feedback.

Oddly I hate criticism about me as well, but I SEEK it out as I seem to be on some sort of endless self improvement quest. Please send me all my trash so I can begin sorting through it.

ENFPs are actually over represented in substance abuse and self help groups. Unlike some other types which thrive on denial we seem to show up hands extended going "GAAAAWWWDDD, I am so fuuucked up, can you help me figure this crap out?"

Yeah but instead of being balanced about it, I think most of us either show extreme self-confidence or extreme self-doubt at any given time. I'd relate this to the self-centeredness I talked about before. It's either "I'm the king" (albeit a very prudent king, that doesn't go around telling everyone that at face value) or "I'm a loser". It's always very self-reflective.

 

[sculpting]

Sty is this self reflection a feature of Fi? Fi is a bit selfish.

There is something funny about having Te under Fi. When Fi screws up, Te serves judgment. We judge ourselves internally via Te, then feel a need to develop a Te plan to resolve?


Also self forgiveness...

 

[Moiety]

Sty is this self reflection a feature of Fi? Fi is a bit selfish.

I think it is. And more specifically, poorly developed Fi perhaps.

There is something funny about having Te under Fi. When Fi screws up, Te serves judgment. We judge ourselves internally via Fi, then feel a need to develop a Te plan to resolve?


Also self forgiveness...

Yeah I guess. Which can be a decision process trapped in a vaccuum. Isolated. Stems from self-centeredness (I'd use self-reflection to explain the exact same thing, but I just want to point out how defensive ENFPs can get with the right words thrown in ) and then is extroverted via the implacable Te.

There is no chance for criticism here : Fi says "You don't get me!" and can be as subjective and as different from others as it pleases, and Te has little regard for any sort of resistance anyway and is entirely objective in wanting something accomplished "no matter what". The ends justify the means so it's self-excused just like Fi.

Can you stop making every post about functions now?!

(you did mean Fi [in bold] right?)

 

[MafiaAngel180]

I got called paranoid two times this week by two different people. Maybe it's my N or maybe it's them. Heh. I dunno. It started a domino effect that made them think I was difficult. Also, I cut someone off when they were speaking. Oopsies. And they got severely angry and didn't want to speak to me. They said that I do it ALL the time. They said that I assume a lot of things too. And jump to conclusions. All of this may be personality, but it doesn't mean I shouldn't work on trying to balance myself out. All in all, I think I need to realize who the hell I'm talking to, and pay more attention about how I interact with them. Being an ENFP, it hurts when I have bad relationships.

 

[CzeCze]

I don't think I'm difficult to get along with. I'm actually quite easy to get along with. Other people have actually told me so. SO THERE?!?!??!?



When I was a small kid all the moms of the 'problem kids' in the neighborhood would ask my mom for play dates. I think 1 kid was kind of a bully or at least a loud mouth because I remember not liking playing with him. I don't think anyone wanted to play with him. Another kid I vaguely remember had the opposite issue - he was extremely shy and averse to socializing to the point he would pick up his toys and run from other children at preschool. But, he didn't seem to mind me.

So am I "difficult"? I don't think so.

I don't necessarily get along with everyone and I'm not saying everyone I know likes me. However, I'm pretty low drama and only get to moderate drama when dealing with high-drama individuals or when I date...but that's kinda common, no?

And considering all the idiots and troublemakers I know irl, I'll be damned if I get shuffled off with them or are even labelled as MORE difficult! WHATEVA! LOL.

I don't have a problem finding words. I don't think I speak unclearly. Maybe because I just find so many of them.

I know when I was younger it was more that I had a blockage and got really worked up internally so it much of the time, what was happening inside was never expressed. Or not expressed well.

Now, I can still keep my cards close to my chest, but I feel easier and breezier inside and I feel comfortable speaking when I want to. Most of the time. When I am angry or upset, I feel I express myself more quickly and well, just better than most of my friends with a few exceptions. The friends who are exceptions I aspire more to be like. The rest of my friends are either very nice people and constantly "let things go" or else are more avoidant and likely to say 'this isn't worth it' and write everything off.

For me, if it I'm ticked off or concerned or it regards a relationship I value or basically I care, it's always worth it.

So no, I don't think I'm a difficult person and I don't feel it's difficult to articulate my thoughts.

An ENFP male friend of mine, he can be difficult to get along with because he's a diva. And kinda a drama queen. And has a temper. But, he's generally entertaining and charming so's he's still quite popular.

 

[alcea rosea]

that's a good point. controlling types will certainly think us difficult.

+1

Actually we will think of you more as challange.

But you are NT... SJ's certainly see us ENFP's as difficult.

It's a lot more difficult to love or tolerate someone who is all over the place because we are demanding constant adaptation form other people, and not everyone is capable of that, nevermind the fact we don't always see ourselves has having an obligation to compromise in the whole equation either.

I agree on the bolded part. I think Ne in ENFP's need constant change and at the same time we demand constant change from the people around us or we deliver them constant change. But not all like constant change. For ENFP, constant change is a must and people who cannot stand constant change, cannot probably stand living with and ENFP...

It's always someone else's fault.... but if the ENFP is one of the least controlling types, that means most others are always more controlling by default...so complaining about other people being too controlling doesn't mean squat. Unless the ENFP prefers to live as a hermit he/she will have to adapt a bit too. Or just not truly care about anyone as just be his/her naturally self-centered self.

That is why ENFP-ISTP pair works. Neither is the controlling type and both can give eachother the room to breath in. It's just up to choosing the kind that suits your personality...

I think if all us ENFPs had our way, we could do any and everything without anyone judging us and we'd always be loved and well liked by all. Is that good? I don't think so.

Why not? I love harmony by default (like Lady X writes below).

well i think that's not seeing it accurately at all. i think many enfps are naturally very loving, helpful and cooperative people and have a preference for harmony. i believe we only expect the same freedom we give to others and i also think we can be great team players but chose not to infringe on the rights of the individuals within the group. i personally do not feel much control in my life now and really only have from one person ever so it is not as if i go around believing everyone is trying to hold me down...i do not.

to answer the title question, yes, ENFPs can be difficult

No, we aren't.

I don't think I'm difficult to get along with. I'm actually quite easy to get along with. Other people have actually told me so. SO THERE?!?!??!?

Me too, I think I'm very easy to get along with. I've been told so too. But some told I'm very difficult and very hard to understand, and too complicated. And too emotional. It only depends on the person I'm asking.

 

[sculpting]

I think it is. And more specifically, poorly developed Fi perhaps.

I use the term "underdeveloped" as poorly developed might actually be something else. I could see poorly developed as having really weird values due to strange early life stress yielding someone like a terrorist. My Fi is underdeveloped-at that of a child.

Yeah I guess. Which can be a decision process trapped in a vaccuum. Isolated. Stems from self-centeredness (I'd use self-reflection to explain the exact same thing, but I just want to point out how defensive ENFPs can get with the right words thrown in ) and then is extroverted via the implacable Te.

There is no chance for criticism here : Fi says "You don't get me!" and can be as subjective and as different from others as it pleases, and Te has little regard for any sort of resistance anyway and is entirely objective in wanting something accomplished "no matter what". The ends justify the means so it's self-excused just like Fi.

Can you stop making every post about functions now?!

(you did mean Fi [in bold] right?)

Self-centered is self-reflection I suppose, but in an attempt at full disclosure, I am cool using the slightly less optimistic word. It is what gets applied to us externally by others, so we might as well understand how we are perceived externally.

It looks self centered as we externalize our findings to the world, unlike our introverted INFP siblings who engage in self-relfection. We also tend to do so very quickly-thus the judgment is more primitive than an INFP. (They are very wise in matters of Fi)

I actually meant Te-the bolded part, but I think it is situational. Fi can judge, then serve punishment via Te or we can just judge based upon Te. This second part gets us out of a lot of the neurotic behaviors-we judge ourselves in comparison to external objective metrics. "How does my work compare to bob's work?" rather than get trapped in the weird NeFi "My work must be horrible as nobody gave me affirmation today..."

I do have to emphasize the importance of Si in combo with Te. I do have a blatant disregard for rules, however I very consciously choose not to abide by them-based upon past reflections-"what happened the last time I didnt follow this rule?" "How much money/inconvience/time did it cost?" "What happens when bob doesnt follow this rule?" Very quickly you learn that many rules need to be followed in spite of NeTe's innate disdain for authority. Not because the rule is judged by Fi as being of value-but because TeSi says that not following the rule is inefficient.

(However Fi has a huge say. Rules may be discarded but people are to be treasured and not harmed.)

I know I am a function junkie-but I guess I understand this stuff via the pattern from the underlying functions-then I can identify a common solution that fits most enfps. I speak in funky letters but the corrective plan is in action items.

 

[William K]

It looks self centered as we externalize our findings to the world, unlike our introverted INFP siblings who engage in self-relfection. We also tend to do so very quickly-thus the judgment is more primitive than an INFP. (They are very wise in matters of Fi)

You give us too much credit The worst-case scenario for an Fi-dom is when he totally shuts out all external inputs to the judgment and relies solely on his values. That is as selfish as you can get. No amount of rational/logical arguments would work and neither will appealing to do it for the "greater good" of society/mankind. It can be truly intimidating to be faced with a person who has made up his mind and will not be budged by any outside influences.

 

[uumlau]

I use the term "underdeveloped" as poorly developed might actually be something else. I could see poorly developed as having really weird values due to strange early life stress yielding someone like a terrorist. My Fi is underdeveloped-at that of a child.

I believe I understand what you mean by this, but I think it is off in a couple of ways, and the usual MBTI shorthand is getting in the way of understanding.

Thought number one: I've often noted that for myself, the problem was not really that I had a weak or underdeveloped Fi, but rather that I did not like what Fi had to say, so to speak.

Thought number two: Fi "feels childish" to most people, I've observed, even many Fi doms. It's so very internalized and subjective, it's ourselves at our most raw, it's all the ways in which we don't measure up to what we want to be ... of course it feels "childish." My point being, perhaps it actually isn't childish, but only feels that way.

Self-centered is self-reflection I suppose, but in an attempt at full disclosure, I am cool using the slightly less optimistic word. It is what gets applied to us externally by others, so we might as well understand how we are perceived externally.

It looks self centered as we externalize our findings to the world, unlike our introverted INFP siblings who engage in self-relfection. We also tend to do so very quickly-thus the judgment is more primitive than an INFP. (They are very wise in matters of Fi)

INFPs? They are not immune to Fi foolishness. The ones that do get past the foolishness, however, have a rich source of wisdom, indeed ... in part because the lessons are rather difficult.


...


Fi is difficult to deal with because it can be difficult to separate the subjective subject matter from the functional processing itself. It is not that one who is "wise in Fi" somehow lacks "childish" emotions. Wouldn't that be boring! Rather, I believe one with "wise Fi" can take those emotions and find the wisdom within. Rather than being randomly driven by emotional whims, one with "wise Fi" processes those whims in such a way that transmogrifies capriciousness into prudence.

There are some threads about Ni that have been popping up of late, and the issue is similar. Ni offers up all sorts of nonsensical associations, many of which border on sheer paranoia. One becomes "wise in Ni" by understanding how the "nonsensical associations" really work, turning weird randomness into predictive insight.

...

Perhaps the most useful Fi-processing-tool I've found is the notion of "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." What makes Fi formidable is that it can be this raw, unhindered wanting, often without rhyme or reason. One just wants, and having one's desires thwarted hurts. The problem is that we often want things that are just plain bad for us. The "wisdom," then, comes in the self-understanding about what things are good to want, and what things are bad to want.

The wanting doesn't go away, but rather it is addressed by learning what you really want. And sometimes what you really want bears little or no resemblance to what you think you want. I spent decades chasing what I thought I wanted. Then I learned, in a bass-ackwards sort of way, that what I really wanted to do was ... dance.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Perhaps the most useful Fi-processing-tool I've found is the notion of "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." What makes Fi formidable is that it can be this raw, unhindered wanting, often without rhyme or reason. One just wants, and having one's desires thwarted hurts. The problem is that we often want things that are just plain bad for us. The "wisdom," then, comes in the self-understanding about what things are good to want, and what things are bad to want.

The wanting doesn't go away, but rather it is addressed by learning what you really want. And sometimes what you really want bears little or no resemblance to what you think you want. I spent decades chasing what I thought I wanted. Then I learned, in a bass-ackwards sort of way, that what I really wanted to do was ... dance.

Uumlau, This has given me some food for thought. Really. Having just got my fingers burnt, perhaps for this reason. Maybe it was just a timely lesson, seeing as I'm one that doesn't usually lose her head over wanting.

 

[sculpting]

I am on blackberry so can't quote quite right, but:

For sty-a last thought. Our Fi judges others but our Te seems to act like a sliding forgiveness scale to decide what "judgment" should be externalized based upon our ability to understand and Ne-see why they may have done what they did. It is why we appear very forgiving of others. "Bob was very rude to me but I understand he thought he was being helpful in his honesty, so it's okay"

Problematically we apply the highest Te standards to ourselves. We do not forgive ourselves for our own blunders when we hurt others. We then become highly self critical. We feel our core-our fi judgment is flawed?

I dunno. This is very hard for me as given my status as an Ne monster-I can "see" every perspective, thus feel it is not my place to externalize my Fi judgments at all. Thus I ignore them.

But to not use a function is to not develop it. I think an essential aspect of developing Fi for an enfp is that it has to be tested via externalization. If you do not use Fi you do not calibrate the Fi judgment via practice-thus when forced to use it, it implodes under pressure.


William-this is where the infps are very valuable-by self reflection they learn to use Fi as a tool for emotional regulation and processing. It seems to become very complex. Where an enfp will often rapidly externalize the judgment with minimal processing under emotional stress-the emo dump or the bitchslap.

While I much apprecaite understanding why enfps do this, and at least knowing there is a reason, it still doesn't make the behavior a socially acceptable one. In worst case scenario I think this tert Te funneled emo may result in physical violence. So it may seem like I am seeking an answer for me-but I really am following this line of thought on a much broader context. Can a skill set of learned Fi emo management techniques that infps employ via self reflection be taught to help fi maturation? Yeah I dunno...

Uuummmlllaaauuu

I know the mbti shorthand is annoying and reductionist. Everytime I use I fully recognize the smeared, convoluted nature of what I really mean and how it is intangled into a world of other things. But it is how I structure the thoughts.

When I say childish fi-i mean its judgments are simplistic. People are almost all "good" unless they are "bad"for instance. This leade to some of the screwed up issues with forgiveness above and inability to self forgive. There is not enough Fi ruleset complexity to handle complicated emotional situations-so they result in a breakdown and remolding of sorts as all the emo overflows the circuitry. This is a hard way to learn Fi.

For me Ne wants things-not Fi-no boundaries, no rules, endless exploration in spite of Fi's hesitation.

Te feels like "hunger". Or playing a game, it is strength-it is a dark aspect at times.

Fi is hidden away and protected.

Part of the reason I seem so spastic here is that I allow Ne to run at full speed, which in turn lets that childlike Fi peek out as well. It almost pulls it out. So it is a safe playground of sorts.

But yeah all of the above is thinking aloud half thought thoughts...

(Also I recognize I say "we" and "enfps" but I really am looking towards those I see in the real world who face some of the same things I see in myself. We are actually pretty well employed, life is stable, things seem good-yet internally we feel not quiet...)

 

[PeaceBaby]

It is not that one who is "wise in Fi" somehow lacks "childish" emotions. Wouldn't that be boring! Rather, I believe one with "wise Fi" can take those emotions and find the wisdom within. Rather than being randomly driven by emotional whims, one with "wise Fi" processes those whims in such a way that transmogrifies capriciousness into prudence.

I have already elaborated on my distaste for the word "childish" (not to mention whims) in other threads so won't expand on that here.

Suffice it to say that "wise Fi" in my opinion digs deep enough to recognize the true source of origin, the seed of each strong emotion. Then acts or chooses to release. The seed thus is nurtured to grow or blows into the wind.

"Wise Fi" enables choice that simultaneously honors yet transcends emotion.

Edit: I don't dislike your quote above though uumlau. I just take issue with a few of the words, as is my wont.

 

[uumlau]

I have already elaborated on my distaste for the word "childish" (not to mention whims) in other threads so won't expand on that here.

Suffice it to say that "wise Fi" in my opinion digs deep enough to recognize the true source of origin, the seed of each strong emotion. Then acts or chooses to release. The seed thus is nurtured to grow or blows into the wind.

"Wise Fi" enables choice that simultaneously honors yet transcends emotion.

Edit: I don't dislike your quote above though uumlau. I just take issue with a few of the words, as is my wont.

Yeah, the main thing I was trying to get at is that the feelings/motivations/Fi-stuff doesn't just automatically come out all mature, grown-up and sophisticated. It starts out as a tangled mess, same as everyone else.

It is the behavior and the choices that one makes that is mature or not. The feelings are what they are, no more, no less.

It is thus easy to mistake oneself for feeling childish or silly and having to contain childish feelings (as much as you dislike the word, that is often the perception), when really one is already processing them in an adult manner.

 

[uumlau]

Uuummmlllaaauuu

I know the mbti shorthand is annoying and reductionist. Everytime I use I fully recognize the smeared, convoluted nature of what I really mean and how it is intangled into a world of other things. But it is how I structure the thoughts.

When I say childish fi-i mean its judgments are simplistic. People are almost all "good" unless they are "bad"for instance. This leade to some of the screwed up issues with forgiveness above and inability to self forgive. There is not enough Fi ruleset complexity to handle complicated emotional situations-so they result in a breakdown and remolding of sorts as all the emo overflows the circuitry. This is a hard way to learn Fi.

I wonder if this isn't a case of using Te instead of Fi. It is tempting to go from a notion of a "ruleset" to believing that one's Fi judgments should be reasonable, orderly, sophisticated. Remember that you're the one who pointed out that Fi often processes after the fact, when emo is done "overflowing the circuitry". Fi isn't the feeling, but gradually coming to an understanding of the feeling. The feeling is still "this is good, that is bad," but Fi comes along and adds color to the black and white, connects these lessons over here with those over there, that builds comprehension out of disparate building blocks. Your posts demonstrate a solid understanding in this regard - but the understanding doesn't make the black and white feelings go away, or make them "feel" more "nuanced."

For me Ne wants things-not Fi-no boundaries, no rules, endless exploration in spite of Fi's hesitation.

That makes sense, that Ne tends to drive you, as an Ne dom.

Te feels like "hunger". Or playing a game, it is strength-it is a dark aspect at times.

Now this is an interesting perception. It sounds like Fi, not Te, to me. Perhaps this is the "mood" Fi adopts upon deciding that Te is necessary.

Fi is hidden away and protected.

Your emotions are, yes, behind the obfuscations of the ever-exploring Ne. Fi is continually evaluating, though.

Part of the reason I seem so spastic here is that I allow Ne to run at full speed, which in turn lets that childlike Fi peek out as well. It almost pulls it out. So it is a safe playground of sorts.

Careful, we don't want to upset PB.

I think this is a case of Ne and Fi working together, but operating in introverted mode, that Ne is "exploring" Fi, in a way.

But yeah all of the above is thinking aloud half thought thoughts...

(Also I recognize I say "we" and "enfps" but I really am looking towards those I see in the real world who face some of the same things I see in myself. We are actually pretty well employed, life is stable, things seem good-yet internally we feel not quiet...)

I don't think intuitives are very "internally quiet": our minds keep on following implied connections.

 

[sculpting]

I have already elaborated on my distaste for the word "childish" (not to mention whims) in other threads so won't expand on that here.

Suffice it to say that "wise Fi" in my opinion digs deep enough to recognize the true source of origin, the seed of each strong emotion. Then acts or chooses to release. The seed thus is nurtured to grow or blows into the wind.

"Wise Fi" enables choice that simultaneously honors yet transcends emotion.

I hope my term "childlike" is not taken incorrectly-I specifically use that wrt myself. The bolded above is kind of what I am getting at. The ability to insert pauses, then dig very deep contemplatively. PB when you say release would that be the same as to forgive? I guess I use forgiveness in this manner-to release strong emotions. But self forgiveness...

I wonder if this isn't a case of using Te instead of Fi. It is tempting to go from a notion of a "ruleset" to believing that one's Fi judgments should be reasonable, orderly, sophisticated. Remember that you're the one who pointed out that Fi often processes after the fact, when emo is done "overflowing the circuitry". Fi isn't the feeling, but gradually coming to an understanding of the feeling. The feeling is still "this is good, that is bad," but Fi comes along and adds color to the black and white, connects these lessons over here with those over there, that builds comprehension out of disparate building blocks. Your posts demonstrate a solid understanding in this regard - but the understanding doesn't make the black and white feelings go away, or make them "feel" more "nuanced."

Um, I may have mispoken-I think a well developed Fi can process the emotion while it is occurring to a certain extent. Some sort of parallel processing. However an undeveloped Fi just gets overwhelmed, all wires get cross connected and the whole thing melts down and then you see an emotional response rather than an Fi analyzed, weighed, decided response.

The feeling-ew, that is so muddy-but I think the Fi response must combine aspects of the initial emotion (Id suggest also mirrored response), an analysis of how that compares with what you have seen historically, an analysis of how you responded in the past and what worked/didnt work, and a subsequent Fi judgment of how you feel about it now. (All of this is based on an FiSi ruleset of axioms/theroems and the like). All occurring very quickly to generate that "gut" feeling we call Fi-which can then be further analyzed on a more aware level. Then we can decide if we wish to take action on the Fi judgment or refrain.

But note the perception functions-Si. I think for NFPs that means we really do form Fi "rulesets", and it can be hard to modify or change those sets. They really "feel" like rules I must abide by-even if not Te logical. It hurts if I choose not to as I feel reflected pain.

Now this is an interesting perception. It sounds like Fi, not Te, to me. Perhaps this is the "mood" Fi adopts upon deciding that Te is necessary.


Your emotions are, yes, behind the obfuscations of the ever-exploring Ne. Fi is continually evaluating, though.

So these two comments-this is where I step away from the other enfps I think. I can turn off the emotive response and choose not to feel anything. In not feeling I also choose not to use Fi-which uses feelings as a source of input (??) thus it certain aspects of Fi never get developed. Ew, even weirder, it is like I tell Fi that the Te answer will always be best, then choose not to feel emotion, then only use Fi if the Te answer triggers a very strong Fi gut response of WRONG based on one of the very simplistic childlike Fi rules. The Fi is like a very deep river that I maintain a distance from, but use as a compass in large decisions to gut check the logical decisions.

Often Fi is silent. To the point I will start down a fairly cold NeTe path of analysis and then Fi catches up and goes-":you know that isnt very nice..." Then I am like "oh, uh, good point..." But only in thought-those weird Fi rules prevent actions that will hurt others-unless massively overwhelmed with emotion.

 

[Moiety]

Why not? I love harmony by default (like Lady X writes below).

Because the ENFP's actions wouldn't be filtered in any way. That's assuming ENFPs can do no wrong. Which is not true.

Perhaps the most useful Fi-processing-tool I've found is the notion of "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." What makes Fi formidable is that it can be this raw, unhindered wanting, often without rhyme or reason. One just wants, and having one's desires thwarted hurts. The problem is that we often want things that are just plain bad for us. The "wisdom," then, comes in the self-understanding about what things are good to want, and what things are bad to want.

The wanting doesn't go away, but rather it is addressed by learning what you really want. And sometimes what you really want bears little or no resemblance to what you think you want. I spent decades chasing what I thought I wanted. Then I learned, in a bass-ackwards sort of way, that what I really wanted to do was ... dance.

Wise words. I specially agree with the first paragraph and think more FPs should learn to constantly realize that as a means to self-actualize and be happy.

 

[KutthroatKawaii]

Supporting a 7 (ENFP)

Sorry, I'm not a ENFP, but I have to say my ENFP brother to be "difficult."

Within my immediate family, I would have say he's "the black sheep." He's very enthusiastic about things that interest him, but when someone else doesn't seem as interested I guess he feels rejected and misunderstood. Additionally, he displays little tolerance for doing things he doesn't want to (ie, school, work or even simple chores). And, in my experience, he rarely ever just complies for the sake of having a peaceful environment like the way my parents (ESFJ and ISFP) and I do.

Personally, I find his communication style very confrontational. He's quick to belittle other people's ideas, interests or actions.
For example, I showed him the profiles for ENFP and enneagram Seven. He skimmed both and confirmed they were accurate, but doesn't care to learn more or investigate further. That's would be fine if he didn't get angry when I don't immediately jump on bored to his ideas about reincarnation, 9/11, the benefits of marijuana, astral projection, extra terrestrials, etc. It's seems like that, to him, the fact that I am not crazy about motorcycles is evidence of my inability to understand what's really important in life. As if I can't see how money corrupts or that police abuse their power or that I'm a mindless sheep because I can tolerate the drudgery of our contemporary society's structure.

Typical of ENFPs he despises bureaucracy and routine and apparently see's it everywhere. I suspect he's a 7w8. I don't consider that inherently bad thing or thing he's wrong to think that, but he doesn't do anything constructive to

My ISFP mother often comments on his lack of self-esteem. Despite his personality type, which is often very optimistic, she notes that he's very pessimistic. "I'm not smart enough for school," or "I can't bare being at work" are common complaints. Essentially, he I think he's frustrated because he's unsure about what he wants to do with his life, his capacity to deal with reality responsibly, as well as how to manifest ideals.

Altogether, he must feel very victimized.

However, I don't think he's intentionally mean and doesn't understand why we so frequently misinterpret his intentions. There is almost constantly tension between him and my parents or myself because he just comes off so aggressively among seemingly trivial things. Around his friends, he's always goofy, sweet and charming, but at home . . . !!!!

I know other ENFPs, but none of them are as intense as him. However, they aren't as imaginative, philosophical or idealistic. He has good qualities, but they just aren't particularly practical.
Maybe the problem is he (and I) are just spoiled--way too much television and not enough discipline as children.

Again, sorry to turn this into a rant. Of course, I am not saying that this is typical ENFP behavior or that you, MafiaAngel, behave is similarly because of your type. I just though it would be relevant to your questions.

Do any of you ENFPs have some constructive advice I could relay to him about escapism, being bored, setting goals, etc? I don't want to sound like I am trying to control him, which I think he resents deeply. Just help because I'm not blind to what he may be experiencing.

I'm an ENFP 7w8 and I can tell you that this is actually a highly accurate and fair, constructive criticism. I'm 28 now and finally starting to become aware of all of what you just described and am starting my journey into being genuinely mature. I'll say that all that conspiracy theory shit is him projecting his suffering in feeling rejected by or out of sync with his parents/family. I'll tell you that if there's anything I wished had happened for me when I was younger, it was to have people explain and connect possibility and expansion of joy to taking on responsibility. That life can ultimately be a joyful experience -- if only we can learn to have faith in ourselves and accept the full spectrum of reality on OUR terms (and this is NOT an easy thing for us to do). The most supportive thing you can do is to treat him with unconditional positive regard (and a hell of a lot of patience). He might appear aggressive and rash, but you're actually dealing with a rather skittish and timid character. When he's coming to you with these crazy ideas, just listen, and try to be encouraging of him. When you do that, he'll learn over time that you're "safe" and will open up more and more, and be increasingly open to your suggestions and overall influence.

I've learned that there is no perfect career or perfect experience. Most will turn out to be pretty good if it's in his spectrum of interests and he sticks with it. He just has to take the plunge and try something. Something small and not too overwhelming (but exciting!?!) that he could build upon later if he wanted to.

"Additionally, he displays little tolerance for doing things he doesn't want to (ie, school, work or even simple chores). And, in my experience, he rarely ever just complies for the sake of having a peaceful environment like the way my parents (ESFJ and ISFP) and I do." -- This is something I am currently analyzing and struggling with inside. I've found that while, yes, Fi does influence this a bit, mostly this is my 7 fear. 7's core wound is around their central caregivers not fulfilling a crucial, central need for them, leaving them feeling abandoned and like they have to do it all on their own. They get "stuck" in this mode of feeling "starved" and demand to be fed by the world...But also hover a few feet away from anyone who's actually trying to hand them "food"...Because they're hurt and afraid and doubt themselves. Blame themselves for their feelings of hunger and emptiness. In my personal experience this is my 7 fear of giving up my energy and my personhood only to wind up not receiving back in the way that I need. It is my current goal to actively experience that that isn't true. With that I keep this acronym in mind:

F.alse
E.vidence
A.ppearing
R.eal

The best indicator of a type 7's level of health is how well they tolerate stress and responsibility. The more they're giving and feeling connected within their giving, not just feeling obliged and controlled, the healthier and happier a 7 you're experiencing. A healthy 7 is extremely productive and innovative!

 

[StarFollowed]

I am perceived as a little bit difficult to get along with by XSFJs. No one else really seems to perceive me in that way. I’m very go-with-the-flow.

XSFJs, I think, tend to see me as a bit difficult due to the Fe/Fi clash, and because I resist their socially-imposed rules and criticism the most. I abhor being criticized unfairly.

 

[Red Memories]

I am occasionally viewed as difficult yea