[ENFP] ENFPS -- Are you difficult??

[MafiaAngel180]

Hello fellow ENFPs...I've been wondering...does anyone ever tell you that you are difficult to get along with? Do people get angry with you? Do you feel like sometimes you have to overanalyze everything you say because people take everything you say the wrong way? Do you sometimes feel that you have to walk on eggshells with people?

I've been having this problem. And I get so exhausted trying to communicate with people and get my point across that I just close up and shut down. (Which people also have a problem with.) At first I thought it was just with my SP boyfriend, who I'm having problems with. But it occurred to me that many people think I am hard to get along with. My SP mother hates the way I communicate and it frustrates her to no end. She gets very angry. I wished I could say it was just the SPs...but it seems to be more types than just that.

I just would like to know if anyone else feels this way. Maybe it's not a type thing. It might just be a me thing.

 

[Lady_X]

i'm really too sleepy brained to even attempt answering but maybe it'll make sense...we'll see

i think we can be confusing and frustrating. i think we can be so quick to pick out just a bit of information and think we have the full picture and respond to that but then we're lazy and don't realize not everyone else is seeing the same picture and the few details we provide is not enough...so it just isn't very effective communication...but we don't always do that....i should say me...maybe that's a me thing not an enfp thing.

but...i don't really have anyone say i'm difficult to get along with...but i'm sure that ^^ is annoying.

 

[ilovereeses]

I wouldn't say that I'm difficult to get along with, it's just hard to point out why I do something, because half of the time I don't even know, myself. And when I think I do, it's a complicated mess.

Example:

"Why did you tell him you loved him if you didn't?"

me: Uhh....because....I felt like I really did at the time because of blah blah blah, but then blah happened and changed it, but I wonder if I ever did because if I did it wouldn't have disappeared so fast. But I really love him as a person and I hate seeing him in pain, so maybe I do love him. He says that he loves me, so I felt obligated to love him back because I don't want to hurt him. But because I don't want to hurt him, that must mean that I really do love him. But if I did, wouldn't it be easier to figure it out? Wouldn't I say it in a heartbeat instead of talking in circles? What is love? Have I ever felt love?

yeah...super confusing.

 

[Laurie]

Yes, I hear it. Hang around here and you will find other crazy people like you.

 

[Thalassa]

yes.

 

[surgery]

Sorry, I'm not a ENFP, but I have to say my ENFP brother to be "difficult."

Within my immediate family, I would have say he's "the black sheep." He's very enthusiastic about things that interest him, but when someone else doesn't seem as interested I guess he feels rejected and misunderstood. Additionally, he displays little tolerance for doing things he doesn't want to (ie, school, work or even simple chores). And, in my experience, he rarely ever just complies for the sake of having a peaceful environment like the way my parents (ESFJ and ISFP) and I do.

Personally, I find his communication style very confrontational. He's quick to belittle other people's ideas, interests or actions.
For example, I showed him the profiles for ENFP and enneagram Seven. He skimmed both and confirmed they were accurate, but doesn't care to learn more or investigate further. That's would be fine if he didn't get angry when I don't immediately jump on bored to his ideas about reincarnation, 9/11, the benefits of marijuana, astral projection, extra terrestrials, etc. It's seems like that, to him, the fact that I am not crazy about motorcycles is evidence of my inability to understand what's really important in life. As if I can't see how money corrupts or that police abuse their power or that I'm a mindless sheep because I can tolerate the drudgery of our contemporary society's structure.

Typical of ENFPs he despises bureaucracy and routine and apparently see's it everywhere. I suspect he's a 7w8. I don't consider that inherently bad thing or thing he's wrong to think that, but he doesn't do anything constructive to

My ISFP mother often comments on his lack of self-esteem. Despite his personality type, which is often very optimistic, she notes that he's very pessimistic. "I'm not smart enough for school," or "I can't bare being at work" are common complaints. Essentially, he I think he's frustrated because he's unsure about what he wants to do with his life, his capacity to deal with reality responsibly, as well as how to manifest ideals.

Altogether, he must feel very victimized.

However, I don't think he's intentionally mean and doesn't understand why we so frequently misinterpret his intentions. There is almost constantly tension between him and my parents or myself because he just comes off so aggressively among seemingly trivial things. Around his friends, he's always goofy, sweet and charming, but at home . . . !!!!

I know other ENFPs, but none of them are as intense as him. However, they aren't as imaginative, philosophical or idealistic. He has good qualities, but they just aren't particularly practical.
Maybe the problem is he (and I) are just spoiled--way too much television and not enough discipline as children.

Again, sorry to turn this into a rant. Of course, I am not saying that this is typical ENFP behavior or that you, MafiaAngel, behave is similarly because of your type. I just though it would be relevant to your questions.

Do any of you ENFPs have some constructive advice I could relay to him about escapism, being bored, setting goals, etc? I don't want to sound like I am trying to control him, which I think he resents deeply. Just help because I'm not blind to what he may be experiencing.

 

[Lady_X]

helpful post actually i think.

the only advice i can offer about the career stuff is find something you love and are good at. we really really struggle doing anything we're not excited about.

god that's awful :/

 

[surgery]

helpful post actually i think.

the only advice i can offer about the career stuff is find something you love and are good at. we really really struggle doing anything we're not excited about.

god that's awful :/

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

I initially typed him as an ESTP because he's so good with technical skills like drawing, building with legos, racing and music.
Yet, he rejects the idea of teaching guitar, though it's one of his passions.
He probably doubts whether it would be exciting or challenging for him.
He's also recently shown interest in cooking, but hasn't taken much initiative in pursuing a career in culinary arts.

The only "ideals" that he has expressed to me have been:

Racing motorcylces while being "an advocate for peace" and living a nomadic life on his motorcyle in Italy.
He prefers Southern Europe because of the climate and because, apparently, there are less rules/police regulation on the roads : )

Do any of you ENFPs have stories about how reality forced you to commit to a career, etc. or would that derail the thread?

 

[Lady_X]

haha...he sounds interesting.

um...it probably would yep but i think reality can't help but force most people to find work and since you know you have to do something it might as well be something you're good at and enjoy right? so...he's just going to have to try something and see how it fits...what's the alternative?

 

[surgery]

haha...he sounds interesting.

um...it probably would yep but i think reality can't help but force most people to find work and since you know you have to do something it might as well be something you're good at and enjoy right? so...he's just going to have to try something and see how it fits...what's the alternative?

Living with my parents until he's forty, freeloading off friends, homelessness, crime, jail, premature death.

I just fear that he'll never be able to translate his passions into a stable career, so he'll end up on the streets, instead.
Something tells me that's more likely than roughening it out at a routine job that he hates.

 

[Drezoryx]

@surgery give it time, leave him alone let him figure it out and yea its the security net of the family/parents which keeps him from realising the truths about life perhaps if u can find a way of creating situations which make him see that security net for what its worth and that it wont last forever and he will need to make one for himself, that should do the trick. trouble is that will require u to pull the rug under his feet, atleast temporarily to shock him into waking up, maybe send him off to a rough trip?

with entps thinking is weak so whatever the environment throws at ya thats overwhelming, its all taken at once. once thinking develops, ideas can be sized up for what they are worth. so entps usually need Ti to be worked on and lots of quiet time to reflect on what their intuition (their main interface with the environment) has been overwhelmed with. So Ti helps them judge stuff. Some of it comes with age and experience and some of it needs to be consciously developed. (check this out too ENFP Personal Growth)

suggesting or directing are not great ways to proceed here. maybe gift him a trip/book which conveys what you want conveyed. oh and keep at the tests and mbti bit, every few days pick it up for discussion. discuss different types of personalities, ask him to identify some of the friends and suggest how could they do things better... if it genuinely catches his interest he will be onto his case pretty fast.

 

[surgery]

@surgery give it time, leave him alone let him figure it out and yea its the security net of the family/parents which keeps him from realising the truths about life perhaps if u can find a way of creating situations which make him see that security net for what its worth and that it wont last forever and he will need to make one for himself, that should do the trick. trouble is that will require u to pull the rug under his feet, atleast temporarily to shock him into waking up, maybe send him off to a rough trip?

with entps thinking is weak so whatever the environment throws at ya thats overwhelming, its all taken at once. once thinking develops, ideas can be sized up for what they are worth. so entps usually need Ti to be worked on and lots of quiet time to reflect on what their intuition (their main interface with the environment) has been overwhelmed with. So Ti helps them judge stuff. Some of it comes with age and experience and some of it needs to be consciously developed. (check this out too ENFP Personal Growth)

suggesting or directing are not great ways to proceed here. maybe gift him a trip/book which conveys what you want conveyed. oh and keep at the tests and mbti bit, every few days pick it up for discussion. discuss different types of personalities, ask him to identify some of the friends and suggest how could they do things better... if it genuinely catches his interest he will be onto his case pretty fast.

Thanks for the advice. I agree that his auxiliary function needs some development, but obviously I can't force that.
Also, the "suggesting and directing" is true, since I feel that he must hate being told what to do and sense that in any sort of suggestion.

Also, does thinking about the possibility of having to make decision irritate ENPs? I wonder if he just trying to engage him in a conversation about what he envisions for himself in the future would be welcomed at all.

 

[Drezoryx]

Thanks for the advice. I agree that his auxiliary function needs some development, but obviously I can't force that.
Also, the "suggesting and directing" is true, since I feel that he must hate being told what to do and sense that in any sort of suggestion.

Also, does thinking about the possibility of having to make decision irritate ENPs? I wonder if he just trying to engage him in a conversation about what he envisions for himself in the future would be welcomed at all.

setting a positive example of self is much more powerful. engaging him in such a conversation is not a good idea. if he starts it then you could pick it up and listen and nod in agreement at most, because once he feels free then he will start discussing new visions everyday. it will piss you off, but if you act pissed off he will shut down. the option of engaging him today (while he is telling you his new vision) in his last weeks vision you liked will shut him off too. the ways out is developing Fi and settings examples.

you can lay sugar cubes to lure the mouse into the mouse trap but you cant direct the mouse into the mouse trap! you cant engage the mouse into the benefits of moving into the mouse trap nor can you ask the mouse how he envisions moving into the mouse trap!!

 

[Skyward]

ENFPs are [too] difficult for ME (its the other way around )

I tend to bother my ENFP friend with my snarkiness (Gotta love the ESTP shadow) and perfectionism, but that's because they aren't so worried about everything 'fitting together.' They get all impatient like 'cmonnnnn lets gooooo' and then I'm like 'GTFO I'm working here!' then they're like fiiiiiinnnnne *huff*.

 

[CzeCze]

Hello fellow ENFPs...I've been wondering...does anyone ever tell you that you are difficult to get along with? Do people get angry with you? Do you feel like sometimes you have to overanalyze everything you say because people take everything you say the wrong way? Do you sometimes feel that you have to walk on eggshells with people?

I've been having this problem. And I get so exhausted trying to communicate with people and get my point across that I just close up and shut down. (Which people also have a problem with.) At first I thought it was just with my SP boyfriend, who I'm having problems with. But it occurred to me that many people think I am hard to get along with. My SP mother hates the way I communicate and it frustrates her to no end. She gets very angry. I wished I could say it was just the SPs...but it seems to be more types than just that.

I just would like to know if anyone else feels this way. Maybe it's not a type thing. It might just be a me thing.

Can you give us more examples? And how old are you?

How exactly do you communicate? What specifically do people get angry at you about?

As for your mom - if you don't see eye to eye, I wouldn't necessarily blame it just on yourself and think something is "wrong" with you. Some people just love criticizing their kids or want their kids to be Exactly Like Them. Parents also have a job (and actually more of a responsibility IMHO than their kids have to them) to try to understand their children and communicate clearly with their kids so that you at least understand why they are getting angry with you.

 

[Amargith]

Thanks for the advice. I agree that his auxiliary function needs some development, but obviously I can't force that.
Also, the "suggesting and directing" is true, since I feel that he must hate being told what to do and sense that in any sort of suggestion.

Also, does thinking about the possibility of having to make decision irritate ENPs? I wonder if he just trying to engage him in a conversation about what he envisions for himself in the future would be welcomed at all.

LOL..ohhh this sounds wayyyyy tooo famililar

Give it time, and ask him those Fi-questions (so what do you feel passionate about, why, how do you view other people, who are you, etc) to get his Fi going. Don't tie it in with *anything* in his life that could suggest that he needs to shape up his act coz that will bring out the porcupine reaction.

Keep prodding it..it's hiding in there somewhere

 

[alcea rosea]

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

I initially typed him as an ESTP because he's so good with technical skills like drawing, building with legos, racing and music.
Yet, he rejects the idea of teaching guitar, though it's one of his passions.
He probably doubts whether it would be exciting or challenging for him.
He's also recently shown interest in cooking, but hasn't taken much initiative in pursuing a career in culinary arts.

The only "ideals" that he has expressed to me have been:

Racing motorcylces while being "an advocate for peace" and living a nomadic life on his motorcyle in Italy.
He prefers Southern Europe because of the climate and because, apparently, there are less rules/police regulation on the roads : )

Do any of you ENFPs have stories about how reality forced you to commit to a career, etc. or would that derail the thread?[/FONT]

My original thougt of your first post, surgery, was that are you sure your brother is ENFP? Based on your description (and not just the motorcycles) I would say he is not... Just based on what you wrote there.

 

[alcea rosea]

Hello fellow ENFPs...I've been wondering...does anyone ever tell you that you are difficult to get along with? Do people get angry with you? Do you feel like sometimes you have to overanalyze everything you say because people take everything you say the wrong way? Do you sometimes feel that you have to walk on eggshells with people?

I've been having this problem. And I get so exhausted trying to communicate with people and get my point across that I just close up and shut down. (Which people also have a problem with.) At first I thought it was just with my SP boyfriend, who I'm having problems with. But it occurred to me that many people think I am hard to get along with. My SP mother hates the way I communicate and it frustrates her to no end. She gets very angry. I wished I could say it was just the SPs...but it seems to be more types than just that.

I just would like to know if anyone else feels this way. Maybe it's not a type thing. It might just be a me thing.

Maybe you are surrounded by the kind of people that don't understand you? Maybe you are going through a phase where you are also searching for yourself and thus people can sense that you aren't sure of yourself and that is why you feel they are treating you wrongly and not understanding you?

 

[Malkavia]

I wouldnt say Im "difficult", I usually try my best to unite people under a banner and inspire them. How old are you?

I AM stubborn however. My idea is always right, obviously. I cant let things go and its a problem. THAT can make me difficult I think.

 

[sculpting]

Do any of you ENFPs have stories about how reality forced you to commit to a career, etc. or would that derail the thread?[/FONT]

I had my first child very young which forced me to commit to completing college to be self supportive.

ENFPs are [too] difficult for ME (its the other way around )

I tend to bother my ENFP friend with my snarkiness (Gotta love the ESTP shadow) and perfectionism, but that's because they aren't so worried about everything 'fitting together.' They get all impatient like 'cmonnnnn lets gooooo' and then I'm like 'GTFO I'm working here!' then they're like fiiiiiinnnnne *huff*.

I wouldnt say Im "difficult", I usually try my best to unite people under a banner and inspire them. How old are you?

I AM stubborn however. My idea is always right, obviously. I cant let things go and its a problem. THAT can make me difficult I think.

Both of these sort of highlight things my entp friend says about me. I can quickly grasp the big picture, and skip all of the details-aka the Ti system she is trying to build. She also says enfps always think we are right. And we do right up until you provide us with more data-at which point we change our minds and are right again... I think this is because our Ideas are grounded upon ideals. We "value" the idea we just came up with, thus will spring to it's defense, even if it is kinda wrong as we attached some Fi to it.

Fine, if actually an Fi problem, but the innate Fi defense response-"Of course I am right"-is not fine if it is a calculus problem.

Oddly, internally we feel as though we are very flexible, but externally this can look odd as you will see different facets of our personality as we mold to others around us to match them. All facets are very real-but we can look like we have no fixed core as a result-yet have a very firm sense of identity.