[NF] How can an NF be mean?

[seamaid]

Even the cutest puppy can bite if it feels a need to defend itself.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

My words were too incisive... This happens when I care more about truth or things being done right than the possibility of hurting someone's feelings.

+1

This is how it works for me. Sometimes I just get to the point when speaking the truth or defending an ethical stance becomes more important that not hurting someone's feelings.

 

[Virtual ghost]

What with N giving them unique insight into meaning and the ability to see multiple perspectives and F giving them consideration for others, how can someone honestly be anything other than the most virtuous of saints?

Why am I getting the impression you have never been in bed with an NF chick ?

 

[CrystalViolet]

Apparently I can be cruel. I've been informed of this fact today. Apparently, because I'm so sweet and nice, I blindside people, when I get all sarky or snap at them. It's like an emotional sucker punch, because I seem hit them where it really hurts. I'm not proud of it, but most of the time they've hurt me and I've been lying in wait. It's also kinda passive aggressive.

 

[The Curator]

Well, I am one person so I cannot speak for the masses so, I can be "mean" by being honest which really isn't mean. I am just so against being mean to someone, I firmly believe in the golden rule and that is accompanied by just because someone does something to you, doesn't justify you doing it to them implying that it is a negative thing that is.

 

[Malkavia]

NFs i know have a much bigger tendency to be pretentious than mean.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

Ever seen an INFJ with PMS? This is when an NF can be mean, not intentionally though.

No seriously, I suppose when someone gets on their bad side and pisses them off.

 

[woolgatherer]

I'm usually not intentionally mean even if I'm really mad or hate someone. I can be blunt though, with strange men who approach me in bars and say stupid or not so stupid things.

I might be accidentally mean by leading someone on and then not being interested or in some other ways that I'm not aware of. My dad, whose type I'm not sure of right now (INTJ??), can be very biting and sometimes I decide to bite back using the same methods that he uses. I still would never go as far as he does though and tend to be naturally restrained.

 

[Queen Kat]

I can be really mean, if I really hate you. Then I even plan doing mean things and it becomes a kind of hobby. I'm never intentionally cruel to people I like, but hurting people I don't like at all feels good and I don't regret those things either. I guess this is because of the way I was raised.

 

[Eruca]

I actually have a real talent for being mean. Not a tendency, just a capacity.

 

[sketchymcsketcherson]

I rarely desire to be intentionally mean to someone unless they really, truly hurt me. The problem with having Fi combined with Ne is that I usually don't talk things out with people, and I try to "read" between the lines of what the person said or did. And when someone wrongs me (sometimes unintentionally), it hurts me deeply.

What's worse, I hold grudges. Little doubts about people's actions grow and nag me. If you cause me enough pain, I will, quite frankly, be unable to forgive and forget. I'll try to read into the situation from countless different angles.

Why did you do it? Was it me? Was it you? Will you do it again? I've seen previous behavior that suggested that was coming. Should I forgive you?

It sometimes takes me weeks to forget damage caused by someone I trusted, and that is only because the stresses of everyday life distract me. If I'm alone in my thoughts, sometimes the wrongdoing will jump back into my primary memory, and I'll remember everything about the infraction. I'll remember your face, I'll remember the exact words you said, and I'll feel the same, stabbing pain I felt weeks ago.

That's why an NF can be so mean. We know immense amounts about those we trust and love. That means when we are betrayed by those who hold this sacred position in our lives, the pain is that much more intense.

When lashing out in response to emotional pain, NFs can customize their attacks to be like a spike in the sweet spot. It's a relief to see someone visibly shaken after one of these retaliations. It feels good to know that the world of hurt you feel inside that no one else really understands the magnitude of has been somewhat channeled to the offender.

Problem is, in the "calm after the storm," when you both take a step back and look at each other after the attack(s), then the remorse sets in. I feel bad after making someone tear up with a well-placed, personal attack, no matter how deserving.

Happy NF friend == loyal, caring, kind
Wronged NF friend == hurt, untrusting, sad

 

[Ghetto_mocha]

By covering up their true feelings with a lenient smile, letting that build up, and exploding over something trivial rather than dealing with the real issue.

 

[fuzzy4brains]

But as I viewed him from this perspective, instead I totally forgave him for every hurt he ever had done to me. All of that potential for destruction and pain to another? Totally held in check by these weird invisible strings of "do no harm to others".

Hurting others=bad.

I love this--yes, this is why the question comes up, "How can an NF be mean?"

I can be ruthless under the correct circumstances, though. If you're hurting someone else with undeserved malicious intent, you had better run when I show up.

Also if I'm on a narrow focus to do something my moral code compels me to do, I tend to skip niceties.

 

[soft]

sometimes i think i'm mean at my core. i get angry and irritated with people just like everyone else.. i'm just not very expressive about it. conflict is too stressful so i just avoid it any way i can.
i very rarely will snap back at someone who pisses me off but it's usually really vicious. i always feel terrible about it after, though.

everyone always tells me i'm really nice, but it is one of the things i worry about the most. i really want to be a nice and good person, but sometimes i think deep down i'm just an asshole.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I think for being the "nicest" sort of person it would help to be an extrovert. I tire too quickly of people and then what good is that in terms of helping them?

I generally have a distanced way of viewing people, each one like a wave on a lake that is acted upon by other waves. Sometimes I get frustrated when I can see someone hurting or embarrassing other people, and there is this thick wall there. Sometimes I get frustrated and say something really blunt to try to resonate through that wall. Sometimes I've said something to reflect towards them the sort of hurt they are causing others in hopes they will wake up. I don't think I hate anyone, but have felt frustration at thick-headedness like that. Then I once again realize they are just another reactive Being. Each person is what humanity looks like when subjected to a certain set of conditions. Humanity looks like me from my set of conditions, and it looks like you from your set of conditions, and it looks like a tyrant from another set of conditions. It's all connected which is at once the most depressing concept imaginable, but occasionally comforting.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Fs, when functioning normally and not grappling with any major issues, are usually warmer than Ts functioning normally. But if the F type is struggling in any way, or the T type is doing well, the T oftentimes seems warmer and more considerate. I find that when anyone puts up a wall, F or T, they can start down that 'mean' road, depending on the circumstances that follow.

Furthermore in F types, Fi feels moody and aloof when its stressing. Fe feels manipulative and callous when its stressing; it's a bit different. I think when T types stress it's just feels more socially apathetic, like they don't even have the time of day to be bothered at all.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

This happens when I care more about truth or things being done right than the possibility of hurting someone's feelings.

+1

I try to be considerate of people's feelings. But I also try to do what is R-ight (that's Fi for you). If I get to the point of caring more about being right than hurting your feelings, you better watch out. I call this personal phenomenon "pulling out the knife." And though I don't do it very often, when I do do it, it can hurt the recipient like hell... but is usually well deserved.

Is this mean? In my mind, there is a difference between telling someone something they are not going to like but need to hear; and hurting someone just because you are thoughtless or you get off on hurting other people. The latter is mean. The former is.... well, I'm not sure unpleasant is the same as mean. So I'd don't know what I'd call it. Perhaps karmic re-balancing.

 

[Poki]

Fs, when functioning normally and not grappling with any major issues, are usually warmer than Ts functioning normally. But if the F type is struggling in any way, or the T type is doing well, the T oftentimes seems warmer and more considerate. I find that when anyone puts up a wall, F or T, they can start down that 'mean' road, depending on the circumstances that follow.

Furthermore in F types, Fi feels moody and aloof when its stressing. Fe feels manipulative and callous when its stressing; it's a bit different. I think when T types stress it's just feels more socially apathetic, like they don't even have the time of day to be bothered at all.

+1