[MBTI General] Taking out your emotions on someone

[Rainne]

Hi,

I've noticed that when people are angry or sad about something, they sometimes project their anger and sadness to those around them even though the people around them are not even remotely related to the source of their anger/sadness.

Is this normal?

Personally when I'm upset about something, I try not to show it because I find it's unfair to spread unpleasant feelings to those around me when they're not the cause of my problem.

 

[gromit]

Is this normal?

Well it's fairly common, but I don't think it's the healthiest way to deal with a situation. People are not always healthy and they are not always reasonable.

 

[Lux]

I think everyone does it to some extent at some point. You're right, it is unfair, but we are humans.

I try not to take out my emotions on others. At times, not often, they admittedly get the best of me, but since I know this about myself I usually remove myself from the equation until it passes.

When people do this to me, I try to realize what's going on. Usually in both instances if I know the reason, it makes my own emotion much easier to control.

 

[Rebe]

I absolutely hate it when people take out their anger or whatever bullshit on me. One of my friends do that a lot, she constantly treats me as her therapist and every moment we spend together as a therapy session.

I rarely do that - and if I am extremely angry, I am just quiet. Sometimes I can be cranky, but I often keep it to myself and focus on the nice person in front of me and chirp away. This is a personal tick of mine.

 

[Unkindloving]

I vent to certain people who i feel close to, but i never direct the emotions at them. If i do start to treat someone differently based on how i'm feeling, i catch on fairly quickly and apologize.

I've taken anger out on my Dad here and there, but we somehow end up closer for it. It's never a nuclear blowout though.
I took upset out on a friend a few months ago by becoming quiet and unresponsive. I explained the reasons why, how it was unintentionally directed at them, and apologized for it a bit after the incident though.

 

[Charmed Justice]

Personally when I'm upset about something, I try not to show it because I find it's unfair to spread unpleasant feelings to those around me when they're not the cause of my problem.

I pretty much feel the same way about it, which is not to say that I never do it. Sometimes it's inevitable, depending upon how long you feel a certain way, the cause, and how easy it is for you to isolate yourself from people so that you can unravel.

 

[kiddykat]

Yeah-

I rarely take my anger out on others. If I'm mad, like really really mad, I can be cranky, but usually I go to the source for my anger. I go directly to that person and confront them.

 

[Malkavia]

I notice I disappear if Im mad. I do not see people as much out of fear I will take out my emotions on them. It soon passes and I come back out of my shell.

 

[kiddykat]

^I do that too!

Whenever I'm in a bad mood, I hermit myself into my room, just so that I don't spoil the fun for others.. it'd make me feel like a total nincompoop if I did.

 

[toast]

I'll just be honest and say that it happens when I'm in a period of stress and its people I'm close to. Like today, we are (I am) planning a vacation tomorrow and there are six of us, right in the middle of my finals (we are leaving for the beach right after I'm done with my last test in the morning)... and my hyperactive 10 year old sister is here, on her first period, with three new ferrets that break out of their cage... and the van we are driving burst a tire, right after we bought a new one on another rim this morning... etc. (and this is all today).

I don't like it. I would have loved to go off and get all ISTPey on my laptop in the middle of it (like my ISTP did), but I was stuck, or felt stuck with too much responsibility to shrink away, so... I was not too fun to be around. If I get bad enough I apologize, but usually when it happens, you could probably NOT convince me there was another way without being the friggen Buddha.

 

[Phantonym]

Well it's fairly common, but I don't think it's the healthiest way to deal with a situation. People are not always healthy and they are not always reasonable.

Yes, I agree. Sometimes things just nag you long enough end before you know it, you snap. And even if it is only for a second, the damage is done already.

As Lux pointed out, when I see people doing that to me, I try to analyze their behaviour as well, to put myself into their position so that I wouldn't really be offended by their outbursts too much.

Personally I do take out my emotion on people when I'm stressed or really tired. I can be really nasty. And it happens more with people I'm closer to. I don't enjoy it, that's for sure, and I feel really bad afterwards. I do try to recognize when I get this way and hold back and I usually manage to do that with strangers or people who don't know me that well.

 

[sculpting]

I notice I disappear if Im mad. I do not see people as much out of fear I will take out my emotions on them. It soon passes and I come back out of my shell.

^I do that too!

Whenever I'm in a bad mood, I hermit myself into my room, just so that I don't spoil the fun for others.. it'd make me feel like a total nincompoop if I did.

Oh, god I thought this was just me...I try to just retreat but sometimes I will push others out as well to increase my breathing room.

Hi,

I've noticed that when people are angry or sad about something, they sometimes project their anger and sadness to those around them even though the people around them are not even remotely related to the source of their anger/sadness.

Is this normal?

Personally when I'm upset about something, I try not to show it because I find it's unfair to spread unpleasant feelings to those around me when they're not the cause of my problem.

Are these people directly saying you are the cause of the emo or are they just releasing emotions in your proximity? I know the EXTPs and even my ISTP husband seemed to echo what you are saying regarding not spreading unpleasant feelings to others. EXFPs will share in an attempt to validate the emotion, but this bothers Fe users a lot.