[Fi] Fi: Internal vs external affirmation?

[sculpting]

Hi guys-

this is a weird question so I am not sure I will phrase it quite the right way so please feel free to correct or redefine.

Many ENFPs I have ever met have a tendency to seek external affirmation and feedback. This intuitively makes sense for me-I tell you how I feel about an issue, you mirror that, and feel the same way, thus I know what I felt was "okay" or maybe "not okay". Maybe I over reacted or under reacted, I dunno. Sometimes it really is just plucking the Fi connectivities as well-"Is this person still my friend?" I have tried to recognize this as I have aged.

Since Fi is internal, I assume we are using our external emotional response to a situation to build/prune the Fi rules-the branches of our Fi value systems maybe? But since we are extroverted we will do this partially externalized since we have to "think on our feet"?


So do other enfps do this same thing? Does this^^ or parts of it sound familiar?

How do INFPs validate that they are feeling the "right" thing in response to an issue? How do you know if your value or subsequent emotive response being analyzed by Fi is correct since you are introverted? What do you compare it against?

(This may make no sense at all....)

 

[Lady_X]

makes perfect sense. there are quite a few issues that i've thought enough about that i'm very clear on but there are others that are new and i might occasionally process them out loud making statements or questions in an exploratory way as i define them...bouncing them off of others varying perspectives....and sometimes i am clear but can't verbalize my reasoning to someone else so i discuss it with someone in hopes of finding more words to express the feeling...if that makes sense.

 

[Amargith]

It's about setting a baseline for yourself and being in touch with reality. That's what makes you do that. Also, many of us get forcefed some Fe, and as F's we're more sensitive to what others think, in our own way as we tend to value their opinions and happiness.

 

[OrangeAppled]

If I grasp what you're getting at, I don't tend to seek external validation for my emotions or values.

My emotions are weighed against my values to see if they are appropriate. This is why my emotions are not always in-line with what is expected socially. However, this does not mean all of my emotions are rationalized. More often than not, Fi reasoning wins out, by searching for the meaning in the emotion & the best way to use that information so as to promote positive internal emotion & to not intrude on other people's mental peace.

My values are based on broad, sort of hazy yet sure, core concepts of right and wrong; the values being somewhat specified so as to fit my needs as an individual. I turn inward to reason through a feeling & see if it is valid by how it relates to those base concepts, I consider many angles so as to be sure I have the right one (I often play devil's advocate with myself), I consider what outcomes similar values have led to in the past, I consider any indications of how these values could play out in the future, and lastly, I seek out external facts which validate the feeling (yes, that's right, I tend to not seek out facts which could invalidate it - inferior Te! ).

Only when I am totally stumped do I seek external validation; most of the time, it's not figuring out how I feel or whether it is right, but figuring out how to act that stays in accord with the feeling. Maybe I feel I am missing possibilities, or I don't like my options and want some more input. I prefer to get ideas from people or to bounce ideas back & forth than to get validation, basically. Not to say that validation is not nice, but it's not necessary to be sure of what I feel.

More often than not, I may feel deep down that something is wrong or off, but I have a desire anyway, and I look to other people to justify the desire. This rarely leads to anything good.

Oh, and not to say I do not value other people's opinions & input. Often I seek input, not to validate my feeling, but so as to act in a way that does not trample someone else's feeling.

 

[yvonne]

*ponders*

i'll use a metaphor. imagine a circle in your head. the circle has a solid centre and it sort of gets hazier gradually from that centre. the centre is the core of my Fi. everything that i encounter/ experience in life that i "take in" sticks to the far side of the circle. from there i bring them to test in the centre. they either pass, or fail the test. this is a constant, continuing process and the centre, while fairly solid, also is fluid.

 

[CzeCze]

I think Fi and Ti are both ways to reason. Both take external cues and fact(ors) and mash them down into a 'correct answer'.

I think for an Ne dom, the constant gathering of moar info or need to externally find clues is to be expected.

I think for Fi doms, the internal mashing process takes longer and more is drawn directly from the psychic-emo soup of Fi.

Or am I just making that up?

 

[CrystalViolet]

No, I have to ask some times, just to make sure my reaction isn't disproportional. Like the time I was really offended at some one talking on their mobile in the bathroom. Mostly it's checking to see if what I'm about to do is socially accpetable...I like to check before I'm about to offend people, LOL. Some times I need a calming opinion before I go on a minature crusade, but mostly it's because I need more information before acting on the Fi itch.

 

[Arclight]

Hi guys-

this is a weird question so I am not sure I will phrase it quite the right way so please feel free to correct or redefine.

Many ENFPs I have ever met have a tendency to seek external affirmation and feedback. This intuitively makes sense for me-I tell you how I feel about an issue, you mirror that, and feel the same way, thus I know what I felt was "okay" or maybe "not okay". Maybe I over reacted or under reacted, I dunno. Sometimes it really is just plucking the Fi connectivities as well-"Is this person still my friend?" I have tried to recognize this as I have aged.

Since Fi is internal, I assume we are using our external emotional response to a situation to build/prune the Fi rules-the branches of our Fi value systems maybe? But since we are extroverted we will do this partially externalized since we have to "think on our feet"?


So do other enfps do this same thing? Does this^^ or parts of it sound familiar?

How do INFPs validate that they are feeling the "right" thing in response to an issue? How do you know if your value or subsequent emotive response being analyzed by Fi is correct since you are introverted? What do you compare it against?

(This may make no sense at all....)

Fi is only my dominant function so it is not the only function at work when I make a decision, an evaluation or Heaven forbid, a judgment on something.
Fi might get the final say, but not before I have consulted my thoughts and considered the feelings of others and potential consequences.
There is also history I can draw on.
I also don't mind asking others for advice.

 

[Rebe]

My friends all complain that I ask for advice, but I never take them. This is especially true in 'relationship' issues. That's one issue I struggle the most with and cannot readily say this is the right thing for me to do/say.

I only do what my friends advice if it makes 'sense' to me. Now, what that 'sense' is made of, I am not sure, probably Fi. On one hand, I believe in the importance of 'experience' but on the other hand, I have hardcore values that these 'experiences' tend to collide over. So I seek out my friends to see if I am overreacting, how 'normal' people deal with it... I never follow someone's advice above my own. Making mistakes is important to determine our own boundaries and reactions, not just society norms or whatnot.

For less personal issues, I do the same thing. Ask for their opinions and then shift that through my own opinions and sharpen my position. With broad issues, I like to read up on sources. It would make me happy if my friends agree with me, but it is not absolutely necessary, esp. if I believe without a doubt about my stance.