[NF] When your parents don't support your NF dreams

[groovejet02]

Say "yes, yes, yes" and do what you want anyway.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Thessaly,
I've come into this late.
Follow your dream. Don't let anyone talk you out of it. I let my mother talk me out of my one true love...sure, it wasn't a stable career (I wanted to be an actress), but I never tried either. I was good. I was really talented, and it was taken away from me by a really cheap trick from my mother. Ultimately, it's better for all your family, in the long run, because you won't resent your parents, if you try.
Trust me, you don't want to be trapped in a job that you tolerate (ok, I do like it) for the rest of your life, just because your parents thought you were too smart to do what you wanted. Every time I try to get out, I just get sucked back in. Every time. Please, don't do what your parents want. Follow your dream.

 

[Rhapsody]

I feel your pain, Thessaly! I went through something very similar. From when I was ~15 - 20, I fought with my mom regularly because I wanted to go into the arts but she wanted me to go into science. In undergrad, I got a degree in bio, but when it came time for me to apply to grad school in biology, I dropped science entirely and started pursuing my dream to become a fiction novelist. My mom was not happy at first (although she wasn't as bad as your parents seem to be - all our years of arguing about it beforehand had worn her down, I think) but slowly over the course of a couple years she came more and more on board with my plans, and now she is completely supportive.

How long has it been since you abandoned going to law school? It sounds like it's been a while, but if you just did it recently (like within the last year), it's possible your parents still need time to process it. I think it took my mom two years after I left science before she fully came over to my side.

The main thing that I think really began tipping my mom over to my side was when I told her how depressed I had been during my last couple years of college while studying science. It sounds like you've probably tried the angle of arguing that you'll be much happier in fashion than in law, but I bring this up because, as many others have said, parents usually do ultimately want their kids to be happy. Even if it has been a while since you abandoned becoming a lawyer and your parents still aren't supportive, I don't think you should despair that their disapproval will constantly be popping up like a herpes outbreak forever. It might take years, but if they were good parents before this rift happened, and they see you happy and thriving and fulfilled in the fashion world, I think they will eventually accept your decision.

In the meantime, Yloh's advice is really good. Especially if your parents are Js, it might help to gain their support if they know you have a plan in place for the future. If you haven't tried it already, tell them what steps you're taking to ensure that you'll be able to get a job in the fashion world that will allow you to support yourself. Come up with multiple plans to tell them if you have to, which might help ease their fears over you going into a field that's not as stable as law. The only time my mom (INTJ) brings up science now is when she's afraid I won't be able to get a job once I graduate from the MFA program I'm in. When she does, I remind her of the different writing-related job paths/grants/etc. that I could go for even if I don't hit the jackpot and become a best-selling novelist (lol).

Good luck, Thessaly! I'm sorry you've had to choose between your dream and your parents' approval for the time being. I know how disheartening and frustrating it can be to have your parents fighting your wishes. It's like constantly trudging forward into a strong wind, but you'll be a stronger person for having fought for your dream, and when you're older you won't ever have to wonder what happened to the young, passionate you who dared to dream big because by going into fashion you'll have saved that part of yourself from dying. I hope that your parents come around sooner than later and learn to appreciate your talents, your determination, and your bravery.

 

[Yloh]

This is a tactic I've never tried. I've argued from many angles, but using my own values and desires rather than theirs. Definitely worth a try. Thanks

No Problem, I hope you can bring peace with this situation in the end.

You make a very interesting point which should be addressed on an MBTI board: their intention may not be to hurt, judge, or criticize her dreams but to protect her with what they view as a more stable choice if they are SJs (or even NJs). It took me years (and also learning about MBTI) to realize that often when my grandparents seemed harsh or closed minded they really wanted what they thought was best for me. I know that sounds cliche, but it's often true when talking about SJ parents or grandparents.

I know just how this feels as I was raised in a very SJ environment.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Don't you think that's a bit harsh? I honestly think they feel worse about me not going to law school than I do about their insensitive guilt trips. They hand me brochures mailed to them by interested law schools when I visit and tell me it's not too late. It's kind of sad.

It's your life, not theirs. They'll come around when you're happy/successful. They fear the uncertainty, most likely.

Difficult to do maybe, but not harsh. You are not at fault here.

Say "yes, yes, yes" and do what you want anyway.

And what they said.

 

[Queen Kat]

If you don't want to become a lawyer, then don't become one. It will turn you into a bitter, sad and eventually a lonely person.

Didn't mean to scare you, but I've been something like that too. I was supposed to become a laboratory worker and invent a new kind of tomatoes, that I'd call after my father because he's the best daddy in the entire universe and also the most intellectual anti-social person ever imagined. When he discovered I wanted to become a psychologist, he panicked. "WHAT?! You're going to work with sick PEOPLE?! What did I tell you?! People are stupid, especially when they're sick! Take a look at grandma! She's old and rusty and she's also stupid! You see!!!" Anyways, I ignored my father's wishes and now I only do the things I want to do and not the things he wants me to do. He's slowly starting to get used to it.

 

[Tiltyred]

Be successful and they will apologize.

Also get your independence as soon as you're able, so you won't have their lack of support dragging you down.

 

[Tiltyred]

Be successful and they will apologize.

Also get your independence as soon as you're able, so you won't have their lack of support dragging you down.

 

[Thessaly]

If you don't want to become a lawyer, then don't become one. It will turn you into a bitter, sad and eventually a lonely person.

Didn't mean to scare you, but I've been something like that too. I was supposed to become a laboratory worker and invent a new kind of tomatoes, that I'd call after my father because he's the best daddy in the entire universe and also the most intellectual anti-social person ever imagined. When he discovered I wanted to become a psychologist, he panicked. "WHAT?! You're going to work with sick PEOPLE?! What did I tell you?! People are stupid, especially when they're sick! Take a look at grandma! She's old and rusty and she's also stupid! You see!!!" Anyways, I ignored my father's wishes and now I only do the things I want to do and not the things he wants me to do. He's slowly starting to get used to it.

LOL

Thanks everyone for your support. I actually feel hopeful now that things may get better with time. And yes my parents are SJs (Mother = ESFJ, Father = ISFJ)