[ENFJ] ENFJs get mad?

[ceecee]

and how do we do that?

Find a perverted INTJ.

 

[Kymlee]

LOL.. ur funny Kymlee



Unfortunately yes... and every time that side comes out of me the next day when I'm self-reflecting I always think, "Who the hell was that guy?"



It's funny how you were trying to be sarcastic but unknowingly created some type of psychodynamic theory for the treatment of an ENFJ.

lol... Thanks!

I do always feel bad if someone is at the brunt of my anger, and usually I'm the first one to apologize, unless I really feel that the person deserved it (punishment fit the crime thing)

for sure, i do.

welcome to our dilemma...

I really would like to tone down this side of me, because honestly its completely unproductive and it can actually undo everything I work so hard to maintain in my life, which is along the lines of harmony, love, acceptance, you get my drift.

This other part of me that's basically a rageaholic needs to disappear. I think the only situation it would ever be useful would be as a scare tactic/defense mechanism if one was in a bad situation (life threatening, etc)

 

[The Third Rider]

The angry music thing does help.
Do any of you other ENFJ's feel like you have a completely Evil side to you? Sometimes, when I let stress/anger build up, it's like something is inside of me that's not human, its HORRIBLE. So I do my best to always stay calm and happy.

I use to just keep it to myself and let it built up and just "be" happy, but I found it that it wasn't the best for me. Sometimes you have to let the anger out and like my friend says conflict isn't the end of the world.

 

[Kymlee]

I use to just keep it to myself and let it built up and just "be" happy, but I found it that it wasn't the best for me. Sometimes you have to let the anger out and like my friend says conflict isn't the end of the world.

true... Normally, when I'm driving is when I can really vent, because I dont trust anyone to be able to handle the full shot of my anger, so its best when Im alone to let it out. hence why I said angry music helps.
Then I can go back to being happy and helpful as always.

I've been feeling lately, that I wear many masks, (not that I'm trying to be deceitful, but it seems to be expected of me...) and I'm struggling to find my self under all of this...

 

[toast]

I can be a white hot volcano of rage if its bad enough. I also do outbursts of frustration quite well & frequently. These are exposed to people I know well, though. Anger comes out as a very very cold apathetic bitterness to people I'm not close to. But I still hear that its scary, just in a different way.

 

[The Third Rider]

true... Normally, when I'm driving is when I can really vent, because I dont trust anyone to be able to handle the full shot of my anger, so its best when Im alone to let it out. hence why I said angry music helps.
Then I can go back to being happy and helpful as always.

I've been feeling lately, that I wear many masks, (not that I'm trying to be deceitful, but it seems to be expected of me...) and I'm struggling to find my self under all of this...

I know exactly what you mean, I am different things to different people but in between all of that you kind lose track of who you really are. :/ Not that you aren't all those other "masks" though, yeah weird....

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

Although fairly rare in frequency I get pissed off and can get exceptionally venomous when I've had enough. I generally do not yell when I'm very angry that's more the highly annoyed stage. Truly pissed off will on outside appearance seem like a rather calm moment as I carefully choose the words which are going to cut you the deepest. Whether or not I pull the trigger in that moment is a hard decision for me. I most often choose not to. Luckily for those in relationships with us they do not have to see this side much if ever.

 

[JustHer]

The ENFJ I know becomes a super jerk when he's mad... like he'll actually make fun of you and know how to upset you. But its okay because he's an ENFJ and if you pretend you're really hurt by what he is saying then he stops right away and feels bad.

 

[nynesneg]

So how do the rest of ENFJs handle the anger? Right now, I REALLY want to chew someone out against my better judgement. I just hold it all in and then become the Incredible Hulk at the last straw.

lol... this is so me.

When people upset me I initially get upset inside, but keep it there and digest it. Then I do one of several things:

Most of the time try to figure out what their point of view is, put myself in their shoes, and figure out how to best handle it.
Generally I'm trying to problem solve the situation without regards to my own emotions... I'm always doing this.

Then if the person did something I thought was stupid/bad enough against my moral code, I may go give them a piece of my mind. But those direct confrontational words only come because I think they deserve to be told by someone they were a d-bag.

Ironically, if I confront people it's days after I've cooled down my own emotions and I do it quite matter-of-factly. They automatically assume I was mad/upset though.

---------


My friends recently said I am "just like the Stepford Wives". lol. I'm not sure if it's in mannerisms, looks, or behaviours... or even if this is good or bad. But it describes my "niceness" by choice I suppose.

 

[Hate]

I do always feel bad if someone is at the brunt of my anger, and usually I'm the first one to apologize, unless I really feel that the person deserved it (punishment fit the crime thing)

Yah I know exactly what you mean.. I think this is what I was trying to say but didn’t elaborate enough.. I guess the point I’m trying to bring up is that even if the person on the receiving end of my anger deserved it or not.. I usually still question, “Who the hell is that evil twin that dwells inside of me.” Whenever someone is on the receiving end of undeserved anger, I definitely immediately recognize that I was in the wrong and I am genuinely sorry. If someone is on the receiving end of some deserved anger, I am in the same boat as you as far as a “punishment fit the crime thing.” But in either instance I always trip out on the evil twin that lurks within me.

 

[Kymlee]

I know exactly what you mean, I am different things to different people but in between all of that you kind lose track of who you really are. :/ Not that you aren't all those other "masks" though, yeah weird....

Ya, it is weird... I feel like I have no one that I'm close enough to, to talk to about how I feel... You can get to levels with people, but there are always limitations to someone's understanding, and for me, it always ends up making me feel truly alone. I hate this, but I guess we live with it right? That's just the way it is.

Yah I know exactly what you mean.. I think this is what I was trying to say but didn’t elaborate enough.. I guess the point I’m trying to bring up is that even if the person on the receiving end of my anger deserved it or not.. I usually still question, “Who the hell is that evil twin that dwells inside of me.” Whenever someone is on the receiving end of undeserved anger, I definitely immediately recognize that I was in the wrong and I am genuinely sorry. If someone is on the receiving end of some deserved anger, I am in the same boat as you as far as a “punishment fit the crime thing.” But in either instance I always trip out on the evil twin that lurks within me.

ENFJ= super conscience... I think I said in a different thread, how I think it's interesting that we have this immense power for control of another being, the ability to tear them to pieces, but because of our character, always wanting to uplift others, and help, etc, we maintain control (mostly) on that "evil twin"

Just crazy when you think about the natural order of things

 

[The Third Rider]

Ya, it is weird... I feel like I have no one that I'm close enough to, to talk to about how I feel... You can get to levels with people, but there are always limitations to someone's understanding, and for me, it always ends up making me feel truly alone. I hate this, but I guess we live with it right? That's just the way it is.

I see what you are saying, I am sure you must feel a little emotionally neglected. Sometimes you feel like crap but strap on a smile but you really just want someone to ask you how you are feeling. My friend is currently dating this girl that while she has a lot of friends none of them are close to her and in the past she seems to have used her boyfriends as best friends. She sometimes tells my friend things that make him say "WTF?", things that you tell your best friend not your boyfriend. Sorry to hear.

 

[lilypad]

I definitely relate to the evil twin idea suggested.

I really have to be pushed, not once, but dozens of times.
Then this girl comes out of me I don't know.

I become possessed! It's awful! It's as if I use every piece of confidential information or personality defect I've noticed and just go and let rip. It's terrifying!

It makes me feel tremendous shame. Thankfully at 29 I have only done it a couple of times and only in a very bad relationship where I was being treated as a doormat and was physically abused.

Bad times
x

 

[Sparrow]

 

[Lily flower]

I've been married to an ENFJ for 17 years and I have never seen him blow his top. I can tell that he is mad by a subtle shift in the look on his face, but nothing like what people are describing on here. I do know another ENFJ who never blows his top, but he can be very cutting/blaming in his comments when someone blames him for something.

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

ENFJs don't get mad. They get really whiny and annoying, for the most part. Sorry, but all the ENFJs I know (including my mom) just bitch and whine when they're upset.

 

[skylights]

one ENFJ i know can project coldness like no other. it's not blowing up at all, it's very calm and controlled. and sometimes very cutting. i feel like there is a tipping point though, like once you've passed that there's no turning back.

but then, i know this person pretty well, and i can usually make them laugh even when they're in death mode.

 

[Sparrow]

I have another image for you guys...this ones cute .

 

[Domino]

"Finish Him" is now my new motto.

 

[Arclight]

ENFJs don't get mad. They get really whiny and annoying, for the most part. Sorry, but all the ENFJs I know (including my mom) just bitch and whine when they're upset.

Gawd!! This post is whinny and annoying.. Were you trying to imitate what you were talking about as an example or was this purely accidental?

Just saying.