[NF] Severely Shy, Overly Body Conscious

[Lady_X]

^^^ yes exactly. if you can get a valium for a dentist visit you should be able to get one for that as well...especially given your history and god it makes me mad how an experience like that just effects someone their whole life....

 

[Randomnity]

I hate pap smears too....and your emotional reaction makes total sense considering your history. I don't even have a reason and it freaks me out. I'm somewhat more comfortable with women doing it, I suppose you might be much more comfortable with them too?

I'm supposed to go yearly and I'm overdue, should go soon. I hate being naked in front of a stranger, especially *that* naked. It doesn't help that it hurts either (for me, at least) ! Bleh...has to be done though, I guess.

 

[Alwar]

I don't even have a reason and it freaks me out.

I had a girlfriend like this who told me she went to a male gyno once and cried the whole time and never went back.

 

[sciski]

I fully trust another woman doing something like a Pap Smear, but I still can't shake the paralyzing fear. Like I have to be perfect or I can't have anybody that close to me. That sort of proximity to me, and I'm literally quivering and fighting the powerful urge to run away.

Have you shared some of these thoughts with your doctor? Sometimes part of the stress can come from trying to hide our weaknesses or act in a manner that is incongruent with our inner selves (ie trying to be 'adult' and calm when inside you're freaking out)... sharing will leave you incredibly vulnerable, but it seems your other alternative is crippling fear, so you won't have much to lose.

FWIW, your response is perfectly natural given your history. Your doctors seem to understand this.. maybe you need to understand it yourself? You are not required to be perfect, calm, or cool. Sure, admire these things in others, but pretending to be these things when you're not will just give you pressure that you absolutely do not need.

I usually don't let it stop me, but I'm concerned by my reaction.

Let yourself be you. Give yourself a break.

Oh, I just read what Orobas said. Yes, that (including the Te ass-kicking part). And

 

[disregard]

I cannot even fathom having a male gyno.

I don't even like having a male doctor or dentist.

 

[Laurie]

I agree about the valium - I got over the female dr/male dr when my sister became a medical assistant and was choosing dr's based on ability rather than gender of the dr. I had a really bad experience as a preteen - a male dr. we were going to for hyperactivity did a full exam (not pap, but I had to take my pants off) without my parents in the room when I didn't know he was going to. I was scared of drs for years, especially male drs.

You are basically putting yourself in the place of having no control when you go to a dr. especially a gyno, I remember feeling that way. You might want to ask around to some friends about what their drs are like, my (male) gyno is actually very caring and wonderful.

hugs

 

[Vasilisa]

I never had a problem like this with the doctor, Domino, but I feel for you. I was always shy in a locker room and I have some body issues, too. I can't relate entirely, but sympathize. Clearly your trauma has to do with the physical exam distress. Abuse like that is so evil. But you mention that you are so worried about being perfect. Are you worried the doc will see something wrong with your body? Evidently a number of women are worried enough about it to consider having cosmetic surgeries.

I can be paralyzingly looks-conscious when it comes to going out. I don't know why but I feel like if I don't look perfect, all the people who may have considered me decent looking or cute up to that point will suddenly "see" that they were mistaken all along. I guess part of me doesn't think I'm nice looking, and its some kind of ruse I have to keep up. I don't know what makes me worry about something like that, it sounds so stupid when I actually voice it, but I thought I would be brutally honest since you were and let you know you aren't alone. Maybe it is insecurity + nfj that makes us this way.

 

[Lady_X]

wait...did i miss something domino? do you have actual image issues as well?

 

[Domino]

I'm going to try to access my Fi. I think that will help. Probably bringing Jaye along when it comes time.

Or I'll just knock myself out with a shoe and have it over with unconscious.

I'm glad I'm not alone in this feeling, at least.

Yes, I've had hideous image problems since childhood. I didn't take teasing well and I got teased a lot for some reason. I was publically humiliated a few good times too about my appearance, in a fashion that would have fit a movie perfectly. This, while getting cat-called, stalked and told that my clothes were too tight to rape me.

 

[miss fortune]

I suggest making jokes with the doctor... that always takes away the awkwardness of someone examining my nether regions up close and personally to me

comments like... so, how's it going down there?

you're buying me dinner after this, right?

I meant to dye that first

lame, but continually talking offers a great distraction

 

[Domino]

"That syphilis lookin' any better?"

"I have both sets. You'll be wanting to check my prostate too."

"So... looks pretty good down there for 15 years of professional whoring, eh? I do exercises."

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

"Kagels huh..."

 

[miss fortune]

see... you're GETTING IT!

now, when you actually say those things to a doctor you are too pleased with yourself to be thinking "oh god, should I have gotten a brazilian beforehand?" or "is she judging me?"

 

[Domino]

"Kagels huh..."

Rhymes with, but not as good as, bagels.

see... you're GETTING IT!

now, when you actually say those things to a doctor you are too pleased with yourself to be thinking "oh god, should I have gotten a brazilian beforehand?" or "is she judging me?"

I'm going to have to try that.

 

[miss fortune]

bad jokes make everything better... I secretly suspect that I like them better than I like good jokes

 

[kyuuei]

I wish I could at all sympathize with this mentality.. I couldn't even begin to give advice on this. I find imperfections to be perfect in their own way.. there's no way I could love anyone for who they are or how they looked if I was so irrationally harsh on myself. It just doesn't translate in my head that *I* must be perfect but no one else is obligated to be perfect. I'm not. I won't be. Which I'm okay with, since perfect is a very slutty term. It can be used to describe anything and everything, and holds about as much water as a wire basket. A perfect specimen for one person is a disgusting creature to another. I don't let the people that find the specimen disgusting overshadow the people that find it perfect.. because if they don't see the perfection in it, they probably aren't meant to, and thus their opinions won't count the same way.

/rant.

My point is, bad jokes have worked in the past, and absolute silence is sometimes reassuring for me. I couldn't care less if my doctor judges me, only if they do what I'm paying them to do correctly. I'm not going to get with my doctor anytime soon, so it just doesn't weigh anything in my mind. What I CAN assure you of.. is that whatever it is you do/dont have, look/lack, they've seen someone less attractive and more attractive than you. You probably won't stick out at all aside the actual job. I'm just a student.. and I'm already pretty numb to things most people consider 'gross'.

 

[Halla74]

I never considered using a midwife. My ESFP bff Shorty uses one. And it makes a difference?

A midwife might be helpful, but her assistance pales in comparison to the level of service provided by a surrogate mother.

Ohhhh yeeeeah!

 

[ReadingRainbows]

Domino, I feel for you. I really do. Some Doctor's have received training to treat patients with more sensitive needs. Usually it is encouraged to have a dialog with your doctor about things like this so they can treat you better. I've been there. I usually remember that anyone giving my exam has been certified and has a medical license for a reason. I also use female doctors for exams. Basically it's imperative that you talk to them, or give them the jist of the situation.
Its the only I advice I can really give :/

 

[Oberon]

You should look for a doc who is also an amateur magician. He could pull coins out of there, nine yards of silk scarf, a bouquet of flowers, you name it!

...it does make me wonder if THAT would make you laugh...

 

[Giggly]

There is nothing pleasant about a pap smear.