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  1. #41
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    I'm not worried about how I look or the pain, it is the intrusion, I think, like you said. Not even the physical intrusion or the mechanical act, something different still, it's the entire experience...maybe it's a trust/vulnerability thing...opening up to someone who is there to judge your health level* and in an unequal relationship, someone you haven't let in. I'm just thinking...the stressful factor is definitely the presence of and relationship with the doctor for me. For a stranger to see my bodied-ness (not the actual body, but a concept in my mind)...is stressful. Pap smears are probably a good exercise for us that way.

    *I dunno, I feel responsible for my own health. Like if something goes wrong it's my fault. I could have eaten better, I could have gone for a check-up sooner, I could have known (because I always think of the worst case scenarios, hi, Ni) etc. etc. Is this inferior Se...need to control the Se environment?

    I always dread it and try to occupy my mind with other stuff. It's a completely irrational fear. After all they are there to help you. Writing this out certainly helped me! That and actually telling people how you feel about it...my ESFJ mother is pretty level-headed about it...works well.

  2. #42
    Senior Member Froody Blue Gem's Avatar
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    This certainly applies, I wonder if not so much being comfortable with body has anything to do with se-inferior. I know bodily awareness is a si-thing so having terrible si would feed into it on some level. I know not being in the moment does. I don't like clothes shopping or when people bring up my body in conversation and immediately want to change the subject. I was never abused but I have had people say mean things and had a negative experience.

    Nothing too serious but something that feeds into it that I don't want to delve into. I've also been generally shy and this overlaps. There have been insults people have been made about the way I look that make me self-conscious and make me remember them down the road. My being uncomfortable doesn't quite compute to everyone. I was in a store trying on clothing, some were too small and the next size up was too big. My mom said the store must be for someone with an alien body but the though creeps into my mind, what if my body is the weird thing?
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