[NF] unexpected visitors at your home

[ElizaJane]

It's not about cleaning up the place or anything, it's more about mental preparation for people, indeed, invading my place. I consider my home my absolute sanctuary, it's "My place" as well.

Well said! I feel the same way — mental preparation is essential.

 

[Lux]

I hate when people do that. I absolutely hate it.

I also hate when you go out with friend(s) and all you want to do is go home and have it quiet, but they follow you in your door... And then ask if you have anything to drink... and you (I) cannot be rude... and then they stay... It happened last night.

Thanks for this thread, now I don't feel like such a jerk that all I could think about was how annoyed I was.

 

[Tallulah]

Word to the mental preparation thing. I hate thinking I have some time to myself and someone showing up unexpectedly. Especially on Sunday. People who want to drop by and see you on Sunday are the worst.

 

[Ivy]

She left her kids there? Ugh.

I don't let people in if I'm not expecting/mentally ready for company. My house is usually a mess- come to think of it, that might be why I keep it messy, so I control when company can stay. I always have that ready-made excuse ("oh, I would invite you in, by my house is super messy") so they say what they need to say on the doorstep and then we part ways amicably.

 

[neptunesnet]

Relating this back to type, I think self-pres variant people would most likely dislike when others invite themselves to our homes more than other instincts. A sx|sp here!

I hate when people just pop up at my house. I don't like it. However, I can't tell them that. It hurts their feelings But seriously, if you want to come over, ask me a few days in advance, so I can clean and organize and then we can hang. I can't pinpoint exactly why I'm that way. I'm just very private, and I feel like my home is my sanctuary, like someone else here said. It's a matter of trust, and I won't allow just anyone inside. Further, I've always thought my house to be separate from everything else. It's where I can find solitude and quiet and have some *me* time, and when I choose to leave the house only then do I feel obliged to interact with other people. Not otherwise. I hate being caught off guard at my own place.

Also, I'm always half-clothed when people come by. I'm never prepared.

 

[Kanamori]

I don't mind most of the time. I can be a pretty big shut-in, so it's kind of nice when people drop by for a quick chat.

 

[Malkaro]

Yes,I understand you perfectly.
Although...are you sure you`re an E?

 

[Arclight]

Yes,I understand you perfectly.
Although...are you sure you`re an E?

I have noticed that ENFPs despite their Eness display some very Iish behaviors.. I refer to them as the Intoverted extraverts.
But once home, I don't think E or I matters.. Home is a perosnal space and some people regardless of being E or I do not like that pesonal space invaded..

 

[Oaky]

hmmm... never had this problem. Very few people I meet in my daily life know where I live and I only, in the past 4 years, had invited friends over 4 times... I guess people get the idea that I don't want to be bothered at all when I'm at home.

 

[Glycerine]

Even as an ENFJ, I would HATE for that to happen. I want it planned or I will ask the person when and if they want to hang out.

 

[uumlau]

This. I am drunk.

I drank the whole time she was here.

I value my time alone. I have my little condo, my isolated spot. It is my shelter in which I sit and just chill. On the weekends I dont plan things-mostly I just chill out with my kids. I sit on the front steps while the toddler plays with his toys in his pile of sand. Sometimes I read a book or I paint little pictures. I let my thoughts drift through Ne, watch the clouds, watch the wind in the trees...think about topics of interest to me.

I showered this morning, put on a little sundress and just savored a day without plans. So I was sitting ruminating on antisocials thread, when someone knocks at my door.

It is another enfp. She comes in, starts talking and stays for two hours. She leaves her two children behind for me to watch. She drinks my beer, eats my food, and just talks. For two hours. She wouldnt leave. She talks about things I do not care about.

I feel-OFFENDED. My sanctuary has been invaded. This IS MY PLACE. If I wanted you here, I would have invited you. I would have asked you here. To just stop by, hang out for two hours? I was so pissed. If I wanted you here I would have answered your phone calls. I did not.

The only person who can do this-my best friend ENTP. The rest of the world-Fuck no. If I do not invite you, do not just drop by unannounced. If you do so, make it a few minute visit then leave. Dont just hang out.

Fuck.

So the point of this thread-Am I alone on this one? Do other people find this offensive and annoying?


(gO DRUNK POSTING!)

No, you aren't alone in this.

Then again, I'm INTJ. I would bore the hell out of her and she'd leave cuz I'm so boring. I could even explain the Pauli Exclusion Principle and its role in keeping her from falling through the seat in which she is unwelcome to sit. It's possible that they could be stubborn and keep staying, and I could do silly obnoxious things like play computer games and ignore her, but you know ... before that ...

... before everything else ...

... if I didn't want her as my guest ...

I'd kindly ask her to

...

leave.

And give 'em that INTJ look.

Ya know?

(I'm not drunk, but I'm going to be dancing tonight, and I'd rather keep my balance. Maybe after that ... )

PS - if you ever wanna borrow that INTJ stare, I rent it to ya, real cheap.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I hate people dropping by unexpectedly; they NEED to call first. It was never a problem when I lived alone - people couldn't get in my apartment building unless I let them in.

Now that I live in a studio/cottage behind a house, people can get to me easier, or they stop by when visiting my parents next door. Argh!

When I am home, I often am in my PJs with no makeup and my place is a disaster - nothing is meant to be seen by anyone but me.

 

[durentu]

Dropping by unannounced, I extend that privilege to very few people. If they do, that's when I do that errand I was putting off.

 

[sculpting]

Why were her kids allowed to stay? I would have said, "Your kids don't have to go home, but they have to get the heck up outta here."

She picks my older son up twice a week to hang out with her kids. I have tried to pay her for this, but she refuses. It ends this week.

Funny, my mom does this crap-care about me because I help you and love you, so you should love me and help me. A childhood of guilt trips means that now when I help people I do so almost coldly. I want to help, very much so, but I turn it into a business transaction to keep it from becoming any sort of emotional obligation on their part towards me. For this same reason, I HATE to be helped.

I thought by keeping her kids, she might leave. Well first I tried a beer-when the beer is done she will leave right? No. What if i keep her kids? No. What about after some food? no. Finally I had to put the toddler down for a nap....

What do you ENFP's have to say in regards to the balance between alone time and having others around/being lonely?

For me-my home is where I hide. It is Si refresh time or Ne dream time. All of my friends are at work, so I engage with people there mostly. But I dont need many people, just a few good friends.

Sky is right-it is something about being mentally prepared to have people over-there is a mental effort-focus required for those interactions. By just showing up you are asking me to "work", if I didnt seek your company. If I sought you company I would find it refreshing actually and be excited.

She is a nice person, and I am being mean by being so cranky but urghhh.

And U if you start telling me about the Pauli exclusion principal, I'd likely crack open another beer and start asking questions about astrophysics. Talk about tax codes if you need to scare off ENFPs...

 

[uumlau]

And U if you start telling me about the Pauli exclusion principal, I'd likely crack open another beer and start asking questions about astrophysics. Talk about tax codes if you need to scare off ENFPs...

*takes notes*

Got it!

*adds Pauli Exclusion Principle to list of Oro-discussion topics*



I can understand the guilt angle. But if you and she switched places, wouldn't you be horrified to learn that she hosted you in her home, all the while she was fuming that you wouldn't leave? Wouldn't you wonder why she didn't have the guts to just say so, or at least come up with an excuse to end it more smoothly?

I also suspect that it was a bit of the frog being placed in the pot, and the heat being turned up ever so slowly, that by the time you became aware that you needed to jump out, it was too late. You were already cooked.

 

[Kasper]

People know better than to do that to me.
I won't answer the door.

Samsies. Unless you're family (who sure as hell know better anyway), unannounced and uninvited mean I won't be answering the door.

 

[SillySapienne]

Hate solicitors and unexpected visitors, even if said visitors are friends.

I don't like being forced into a social situation, period.

There are exceptions to this, like emergencies, and certain people who have a special quality of never invading my space.

 

[ObeyBunny]

This. I am drunk.

I drank the whole time she was here.

I value my time alone. I have my little condo, my isolated spot. It is my shelter in which I sit and just chill. On the weekends I dont plan things-mostly I just chill out with my kids. I sit on the front steps while the toddler plays with his toys in his pile of sand. Sometimes I read a book or I paint little pictures. I let my thoughts drift through Ne, watch the clouds, watch the wind in the trees...think about topics of interest to me.

I showered this morning, put on a little sundress and just savored a day without plans. So I was sitting ruminating on antisocials thread, when someone knocks at my door.

It is another enfp. She comes in, starts talking and stays for two hours. She leaves her two children behind for me to watch. She drinks my beer, eats my food, and just talks. For two hours. She wouldnt leave. She talks about things I do not care about.

I feel-OFFENDED. My sanctuary has been invaded. This IS MY PLACE. If I wanted you here, I would have invited you. I would have asked you here. To just stop by, hang out for two hours? I was so pissed. If I wanted you here I would have answered your phone calls. I did not.

The only person who can do this-my best friend ENTP. The rest of the world-Fuck no. If I do not invite you, do not just drop by unannounced. If you do so, make it a few minute visit then leave. Dont just hang out.

Fuck.

So the point of this thread-Am I alone on this one? Do other people find this offensive and annoying?


(gO DRUNK POSTING!)

You sound like an I. That is how I am about my room. I hate it when someone walks into my room and uses my computer. I hate it when someone takes my food from the fridge and eats it-even when it is clearly marked.

 

[kiddykat]

I grew up with a few different family members where it was often that people (friends/loved ones) barge in and pay a visit. Felt like communal living.

My aunt's family would literally have the whole church over at her house so that they do these Friday mass at home kind of thing (very traditional Roman Catholic stuff), and then we'd bust out all the food, drinks, munchies n' stuff.

A few of my friends like to barge in on surprise- especially my closest ones who basically grew up with me, and then moved far away. Instead of calling, they show up as a surprise.. it catches me off guard especially if I'm not properly dressed (not dressed or just rolled out of bed- but we're like family so it's whatever). I do appreciate telling me before hand.

 

[William K]

You sound like an I. That is how I am about my room. I hate it when someone walks into my room and uses my computer. I hate it when someone takes my food from the fridge and eats it-even when it is clearly marked.

I doubt it has much to do with I/E. It's mainly about having the boundaries you set being trampled on and over.

*puts up the stakes and barricades around his personal space*