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Thread: Need to Fi

  1. #81
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    451 sx/so
    ENFj Ni


    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I notice the quote uses the word "assess". To me, that's accurate. I identify the emotion, but I may not feel that emotion in the moment. There is a recognition of something I know or have known, and I can use that to extrapolate what the other person may be feeling. I say "extrapolate" because INFPs often report being able to accurately grasp that which they have not directly experienced.

    I have helped people clarify how they feel by doing this also. I just offer suggestions and the person will verify that I hit the nail on the head. They sometimes get excited when this happens because they needed that clarification much more than any advice.

    If I were to become emotional with them, then I'd lose that clarity though. When that happens (because it does sometimes), then I may egg on their emotion instead of helping them deal with it, which usually is not positive.
    Thanks for the feedback. I sometimes wonder about this book.....but it sounds like it's spot on in this regard.
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

  2. #82
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    5&4 sx


    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    You got it. Your mood is the lake, turbulent with everyone else's energies.

    That's why "strong Fi" people often try to protect the lake, cut off or limit flows from the streams ... no streams or streams only flowing out, not in.

    You are so on the Fe side of F, blocking off the streams seems wrong, but then you don't know what to do with your lake.

    So interesting.

    I find that although I am most comfortable inside my lake I feel it's wrong to block my streams too frequently or too often. When I find that balance, I feel the most happy. When I don't, I feel either like the streams are polluting my lake [and I hate myself] or my lake is too vulnerable and not immune enough to enough impurities [and then I secretly hate myself] - both of which are not very good.

    With the streams, you get to control them to a large degree. That's the "Fe" ability. Fi is bass-ackwards from that. You don't "control the lake," you "understand the lake." Your lake isn't shallow, you just haven't explored its depths, yet.

  3. #83
    A passer by yvonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010


    ^ yes.

    to orobas, i didn't mean to hurt you with my posts. i hope you didn't take it that way. it's sort of like... i'm going through stuff in my own life right now and i mirror what you're writing to my feelings and maybe then what i'm writing can sound a bit judgemental, or something?

    i'm also still quite new here and i'm excited there are people here with whom i can talk about lakes and streams with!

    but honestly... even the fact that you are thinking about these things... it tells me that you can't be a bad person, but a nice person.
    Enneagram 5w4.

  4. #84
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Wow, that is so wild. I am only truly emotional when I am by myself. Otherwise, I tend to hide it. I mean, sometimes, it creeps out, but it's very awkward, not the socially acceptable way.

    I find this fascinating...

    But as others say about Fi, it's a judging function- it's something in your gut that says 'this is right' or 'this is wrong'. It can be very powerful. It may seem irrational, like- 'I can't explain why this is wrong to me, it just is'- but deep down, it's intensely rational, as in- 'Life must be valued. If life is not valued, the world will turn to ruin, for rampant disrespect/disregard for life in all its forms is unsustainable. Therefore, I will not step on this insect, I will not buy fur, I will smile at this panhandler no one else will look at.'

    Fi is about universal values vs the values of an individual society. It's just rooted in internal self-worth. That's why some see it as selfish. But healthy Fi is about as unselfish as you can get, because you are always considering the cause and effect of your thoughts and actions and whether they are 'true'. It just looks different than Fe. Think St. Francis of Assisi (Fi) vs uh, I don't know... some Fe user saint...

    Sorry to color this with my Catholic education, but The Fi-user would stand up against the errors of the church, where the church has strayed from the universal values, while the Fe-user would be a 'defender of the faith', I would think... Neither is more or less noble, it just prioritizes different things.

    In my opinion, anyway...

    Why do you need to develop Fi, anyway? You've got Fe... let it do its work, use it with your Ni to understand yourself and what matters to you.
    It's interesting... this thread and this INTJ girl I know have been eye opening to me. I always knew I was Fe dom.. but I didn't realize what that entailed fully.

    You know how some extroverts NEED to be around people, not just so they have someone to talk to, but they need someone to bump data off of. My cousin is an ENTJ for example, he cant do anything alone he needs people around him to bounce info and data off of constantly so he can work things out in his own mind..

    well duhhhh Fe is extroverted... it takes the same path. I do the same thing except instead of logic i do it with my feelings.

    I like my battleship analogy. I wanted to develope more Fi because;

    1. I can Fe and main line empathize with everyone I meet, I can feel what they feel, im an emotional vampire, but i empathize with them easily...

    This is in contrast to my girl who is an INTJ she says she cant empathize with hardly anyone and shes selfish (her words). I am just seeing her Fi, she knows what she wants how she feels...

    I can empathize with others but I cant empathize with myself, and this leads me into particular predicaments. Having friendships im good at, having relationships, not so much. I have had to learn to not b e a doormat which is my natural inclination as a Fe dom, whatever you want, whatever makes you happy I have no preference. Any idea how many times I have said that?

    The trick is to know when I mean that, but I have a terrible time knowing right away, this means we never watch the movie I want, or eat where I want because I dont know what I want and she does! (knows what she wants)

    I think figuring out how Fi works and exercising it a little more might be useful for me.
    Ground control to Major Tom

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