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[NF] Need for Human Contact/Touch

sculpting

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Joined
Jan 28, 2009
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4,148
i neeeeeeeed that rush of oxytocin! wish i didn't need people to provide it though.

my mind will go to dark places if my partner does not touch me for a whole day. i will bite his hands off, and justify if it by saying: what! you don't seem like you need them anyway!

Yeah, there is something about touch. Taste, smell go along with it for me.

I am very particular about who touches me. There is an ESTJ I work with who tries to flirt with me by little touches all the time. It is so repulsively inside of my space. I dont want to incinerate the guy, but when you touch someone and they flinch away-well that is a sign.

However for those I care about touch is everything. I feel compelled to reach out and touch them, their faces. For my baby the best thing is to bury my face in his neck or kiss his cheeks, not just for a second, but for a full deep moment of contact. I engulf him then let him go.

Lovers-Ah I think touch may be how Fi communicates...

I've spent most of my life thinking its 'wrong' to show affection to people. But it doesn't mean I didnt crave it.. pets were an excellent outlet for me. I think having pets in my life is a large part of why I'm functional now.

This is very familiar. Growing up I did not like to be touched by people at all, thus animals were a source of physical affection. I remember burying my face into my horse's neck, feeling that warmth and strength.

I'm always reminded of the Hug-Me-Pillows:

hug-me-pillow-450x441.jpg

My dream lover! Does he take out the trash too?
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
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1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
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8w9
Yeah, there is something about touch. Taste, smell go along with it for me.

I am very particular about who touches me. There is an ESTJ I work with who tries to flirt with me by little touches all the time. It is so repulsively inside of my space. I dont want to incinerate the guy, but when you touch someone and they flinch away-well that is a sign.

However for those I care about touch is everything. I feel compelled to reach out and touch them, their faces. For my baby the best thing is to bury my face in his neck or kiss his cheeks, not just for a second, but for a full deep moment of contact. I engulf him then let him go.

Lovers-Ah I think touch may be how Fi communicates...

could you back this up with more info? i'm interested.

i know touch is soo important to me in a romantic relationship. It's my love language!! :hug:
 

sculpting

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Jan 28, 2009
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could you back this up with more info? i'm interested.

i know touch is soo important to me in a romantic relationship. It's my love language!! :hug:

You know I dont have solid data on this. (And now I just looked at all my beautiful INFJ loves in this thread and by no means want to make any claims on Fe. Sorry, I only speak Fi, so Fe seems to have it's own story to tell!)

For me? Well this is highly subjective-and likely TMI-but-When younger I met the world with a very defensive Te barrier-even with my ISTP spouse. There were moments were touch was nice but it did not form a core part or our relationship. Te doesnt feel open or honest the way I use it and I never trusted him with my emotions.

EDITED to delete 5 am explicit content. (Do all ENFPs have a TMI problem?) In short touch=yummy=emo connectivity.

But if you listen to the INTJs-touch is everything for them as well. It kept coming up in the ENFP-INTJ love thread awhile back. I would suggest that maybe the lower a cognitive function Fi is-tert or inferior-the harder it is to describe what it feels? Thus touch becomes more and more important in communicating that affection? Just my guesses though. Even with aux Fi, I can barely tell others how I feel-my throat closes up. But maybe it is Se too. I dont have that one, but it seems very important for the INTJs.
 

mr.awesome

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Jan 2, 2010
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INFP
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4w5
i am extremely touchy feely. also in a non sexual way, i sorta get in peoples bubbles but i just learn to recognize whos bubbles i can violate without them being offended or wierded out :] trial and error kinda thing. haha
 

LindseyLadybug

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Oct 18, 2008
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202
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INFJ
Aw, Lindsey, I understand where you are coming from. I hope you find more dear people in your life who will be glad to give you hugs when you have the blues.

I try to treat people how I want to be treated. So if someone lets me know they are sad, or if I can sense it, I ask if they need a hug. I know for a fact that people have been moved by it. This may work for you too, once people know you are pro-hug, they may repay you in kind.

:heart: :hug: :heart:

Thank you, Vasilisa! :) Me too.

Yeah, if it's a close friend I'll ask if they need a hug or just put my hand on their shoulder. With any other person, it feels unnatural and awkward. You have a point though.
 

LindseyLadybug

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Oct 18, 2008
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Thanks Lindsey. :hug:

I just don't get enough hugs, I understand where my reaction are from and am getting less guarded, hugging my friends in moderation who want to be hugged. I still get suspicious, over thinking why. The other day the human resource lady went up to me and congratulated me, wanting to hug me and saw I tensed up so instead she just rubbed my arm in a congratulatory way and left which felt good.

You're welcome. :hug: If I don't know the other person well, I too get suspicious when they hug me. But I agree, even just a touch on the arm is comforting.
 

LindseyLadybug

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Oct 18, 2008
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I am very particular about who touches me. There is an ESTJ I work with who tries to flirt with me by little touches all the time. It is so repulsively inside of my space. I dont want to incinerate the guy, but when you touch someone and they flinch away-well that is a sign.

Ugh! I hate it when people can't take a hint! If touch is one's love language, that kind of touching is all the more offensive.

However for those I care about touch is everything. I feel compelled to reach out and touch them, their faces. For my baby the best thing is to bury my face in his neck or kiss his cheeks, not just for a second, but for a full deep moment of contact. I engulf him then let him go.

Same here. It's like my words can't even begin to express how much I love those I hold dear. It's like a magnet. I just have to show it. :)
 

LindseyLadybug

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Oct 18, 2008
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i am extremely touchy feely. also in a non sexual way, i sorta get in peoples bubbles but i just learn to recognize whos bubbles i can violate without them being offended or wierded out :] trial and error kinda thing. haha

Haha. Trial and error, indeed. ;) Wouldn't it be nice if we could just walk up to someone and ask, "Are you touchy feely?" without sounding slightly creepy?
 

durentu

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Mar 18, 2008
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It's basically hormones. Specifically serotonin, vassopressin and oxytocin. You can check with Dr Helen Fisher about the details.

I haven't gotten around to figuring out how to increase vassopressin and oxytocin by natural means, but for serotonin, I found that eating bananas, warm/hot shower in the morning, sleeping under a heavy blanket or if you can get yourself into a padded squeeze box, those generally increase serotonin. It also depends if you have enough serotonin receptors as well. There was a link between menstruation and serotonin levels, but I lost that research a while back.

In general cases, exercise and music seems to be a way to "reset" all the hormone imbalances, assuming that there isn't a problem underneath.

Serotonin is about that calming feeling and vassopressin/oxytocin is that 'belonging' feeling.
 

Lightyear

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Jul 3, 2008
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It's basically hormones. Specifically serotonin, vassopressin and oxytocin. You can check with Dr Helen Fisher about the details.

I haven't gotten around to figuring out how to increase vassopressin and oxytocin by natural means, but for serotonin, I found that eating bananas, warm/hot shower in the morning, sleeping under a heavy blanket or if you can get yourself into a padded squeeze box, those generally increase serotonin. It also depends if you have enough serotonin receptors as well. There was a link between menstruation and serotonin levels, but I lost that research a while back.

In general cases, exercise and music seems to be a way to "reset" all the hormone imbalances, assuming that there isn't a problem underneath.

Serotonin is about that calming feeling and vassopressin/oxytocin is that 'belonging' feeling.

Dude, I prefer just a simple hug from another human.
 

MrRandom88

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Mar 26, 2010
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INFP
It's basically hormones. Specifically serotonin, vassopressin and oxytocin. You can check with Dr Helen Fisher about the details.

I haven't gotten around to figuring out how to increase vassopressin and oxytocin by natural means, but for serotonin, I found that eating bananas, warm/hot shower in the morning, sleeping under a heavy blanket or if you can get yourself into a padded squeeze box, those generally increase serotonin. It also depends if you have enough serotonin receptors as well. There was a link between menstruation and serotonin levels, but I lost that research a while back.

In general cases, exercise and music seems to be a way to "reset" all the hormone imbalances, assuming that there isn't a problem underneath.

Serotonin is about that calming feeling and vassopressin/oxytocin is that 'belonging' feeling.

very interesting i like the way you worded this.

I'm sorta at the point right now where i don't even know if i'm feeling a normal "calming feeling"...like im never stressed out at all really i just kinda feel right in the middle, not sad and not happy. meh
 

cafe

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I don't think your brain really notices that much difference about how the correct hormones get into your bloodstream as long as they do.
 

ceecee

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Apr 22, 2008
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That's a good idea. I should preface my requests. I actually have a friend who is ENFJ like you and she is wonderful. She doesn't just speak to me at a distance, she takes my arm or puts her arm around me. She's my favorite person to hug and receive hugs from. One time when I was going through a difficult circumstance, she offerred to let me talk with her about it. Then when I couldn't talk anymore without feeling like I was going to cry (and I didn't want to cry in front of her), she just held me. I always thank her when she does something for me and ask her how she's doing. Or I'll send her an e-mail during one of her busy weeks with a funny video attached because I know she does a lot for others and gets little to nothing in return. :) I feel guilty for asking her for much because she gives so much.

ENFJ's give the best hugs. They do it exactly the way you need it when you need it.
 

copperfish17

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Dec 13, 2009
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sp/so
ENFJ's give the best hugs. They do it exactly the way you need it when you need it.

I second that. :yes:

The only person I hug on a regular basis/hug voluntarily is an ENFJ. :hug:
 

LindseyLadybug

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Oct 18, 2008
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ENFJ's give the best hugs. They do it exactly the way you need it when you need it.

It's so true! I don't know how she does it. This past week we were able to hang out a little more than usual which was nice considering our busy schedules this semester (and because I've been wanting people like her around obviously). At one point she put her arm around me and I put both my arms around her. It was hard for me to do because I can be shy about it, but she didn't think it was strange or embarrassing. She noticed I was shy and told me I could hug her any time I wanted. :) How nice it is to find people who aren't threatened or weirded out by hugs!
 
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