[NF] How do u deal with romantic rejection?

[Coeur]

Well, I immedietely go into 'tough girl' mode. I do NOT want to let myself slip into the vortex of depression. I make extra efforts to smile, be confident, and reach out to others. Oddly enough, I'm typically strongest in myself right after a rejection.

How I vent it is:
-Music really helps, both singing and listening. Especially when the lyrics match my emotions.
-Complaining to friends. I overdid this after my first breakup, so I've cut it down quite a bit.
-Giving other people the love I wish I had, because they could be just as lonely as I am.
-Finding something else to be passionate about.

Overall, I just attempt to focus on more positive things in my life. I used to overthink it (to 'sort out my brain' and not let anything be bottled up), but I've lately discovered that it makes me feel WORSE. So, now I just redirect things to something better.

In spite of all of this, it takes me a reaaally long time to get over a loss, depending on the duration of the relationship. I can think and do all the right things, but I can't help how I feel.

 

[toast]

I feel like I'm going through this right now... though I'm certain he'd say I'm the one whose rejecting. I go through patterns of distracting myself, dreaming & idealizing, then being crushed. Eventually the second step disappears and then the third. (Hopefully).

 

[Unkindloving]

I withdraw my emotions, but not myself.
Attempt to gain closure, assess the reason for rejection and the extent of my feelings, rationalize and think positively, and then cry in the privacy of my home if need be.

You could say i do fairly well with romantic rejection, for an ENFJ . Either that or i'm somewhat numb to it.

 

[Thalassa]

Ooooh....veeerrrry badly. First I have to hide and be alone, because I'll probably cry a lot and be embarrassed. Then I have to focus on myself and what else I have going on in my life, so I can pretend to be strong. It helps me to have friends and support and stuff. I usually have to write about things in my journal, and listen to music, etc.

It depends on the relationship, of course. If it's a short-term thing, or a crush turning me down, it's going to be an intense burst of sadness, but then I'll move on. In a more long-term relationship that's a much more complex and gradual thing. When I get out of a LTR - whether I am rejected or the one rejecting - I usually have to sort of "start over" my life in some way, whether literally or symbolically.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I've never experienced romantic rejection. You can't be romantically rejected if you have no romantic feelings to begin with. General rejection obviously sucks. Turning into a hermit is the way to go. The repercussions probably last for a lifetime.

I generally relate to this. I've never pursued someone I was really interested in; I tend to fantasize from a distance. The guys I date are ones who pursue me, and at best, they've mildly intrigued me.

So at worst, my ego has been bruised by guys who I was flattered to have received attention from, and then confused when they retracted it. I get over this pretty fast, because it's a shallow wounding.

I've done most of the rejecting in my dating experience otherwise, or there was a mutual disinterest in seeing each other again.

Mostly I try to avoid allowing it to happen, usually by rejecting people faster than they can reject me.

However if it does happen, whether romantically or not, I pretend to the world it hasn't bothered me, but I feel it quietly inside, and usually take it pretty personally. I just don't show it.

And this also....especially the top part. I tend to run away before I can even form an attachment.

I have been rejected by friends, and that stung a lot. I smarted over one ex-friend for years. I didn't let it show, and probably only my mom knew that it hurt me a lot. I did withdraw & become more guarded, but that might have correlated to being an angsty, brooding teen. As an adult, I think I move on a bit faster, but then I'm not letting people in very much.

 

[Lauren]

for me the comforting thought is that love doesn't disappear, even if the person you love goes away. love is always valuable as it is, or was. it reminds us what is important. it's always there, if you listen to your heart... only the fact that your heart is beating and you are feeling something is a reminder of that connectedness... you have to love yourself first. if you embrace life, rather than fear it... it will give you hope and a positive feeling in the core. it's not for nothing. i feel that deeply in my heart and i know that no matter what happens, nothing is going to take that away from me. love is, if you choose to love. love means letting go of people, but not of love itself. that's my view, simplified.

I generally agree with this. I recently feel deeply in love and, though I know he has feelings for me, I don't know if his go as deep as mine. We both seemed to fall at the same time....but since then neither of us have been able to voice these feelings (very frustrating set of circumstances have seemed to prevent that, or made it difficult to talk..after the time when we both gave each other a huge green light and things seemed to be headed for consummation of this passion for each other). We feel like the closest of soulmates, the oldest of friends; we read each other's minds in a way and feel deep compassion and trust. I'm grateful for the universe aligning to bring us together and to know this kind of tranformative love.

 

[Lightyear]

I've never been romaticly rejected, but I can deal with normal rejection easily. When people reject me, I'm just like "Fuck them" and then I go on with my life. They don't know what they're missing. I'm awesome. they're dumb. Like that.

I think I am similar. I have never been rejected by someone who was really close to me since I am very, very picky whom I let close and if you have only seen my outer layers anyway I don't really care that much if you reject me. You obviously don't know what you are missing.

 

[MrRandom88]

being nf and all? recluse urself or shout it out?

romantic rejection vs. rejection in general

just brainstorming

on a recent cruise I totally got backhanded slapped to the face (i definitely deserved it though haha) but i actually walked away from it laughing really hard...i see it as a good story to tell now

Usually though, when i can tell the girl im interested in isn't interested back I tend to just ignore them from then on. I gotta work on that one :/

 

[Wild horses]

Same as how I deal with most things.. I laugh (Mature of me I know).....

 

[kyuuei]

There is a sense of trying to avoid rejection in the first place.. most definitely. I sometimes feel rejection from people before I ever try for the potential of it in the first place..

But it is what it is. I don't think I take it very personal.. I'm not everyone's flavor, just like lots of people aren't mine. If I based my self worth on the opinions of others.. I don't think I'd be worth much of anything at all. It's a flimsy thing to base myself on.

Yeah, it hurts a bit.. and I'll be sore on it.. but I mainly feel more rejection from friends, than I do strangers of love interests. For example, if I were to be so bold as to ask someone for their telephone number, even though I'd be too nervous to use it, and I'm told no.. it only tends to confirm my inability to ask others later on to, like I said at first, avoid rejection.

I get dumb about things sometimes too, admittably.. Like, I still get nervous PMing people in ventrilo, even though I talk to them just fine and comfortably all the time in open room.. I tend to let people call me, or PM me, so I know I'm not being a bother to them. I'm still hung up on the fact that I may be annoying to people who are being too nice to me to tell me I'm annoying..

 

[Snuggletron]

I usually only want to get romantically involved with some ideal girl who is inaccessible in some way (I don't know her, she lives far away, etc.), so I build up a fantasy and usually get too attached to the fantasy I don't make it a reality because I'm honestly afraid that the fantasy will get destroyed (either by rejection or success even, since the success won't live up to what I hold up above me).

yeah, I sed it.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

Depends on the circumstances. When I was younger, I took it to heart and cried my eyes out over it. I suppose now things have changed. I don't really cry that much anymore, just take it as a challenge to advance to the next level. Perhaps there's someone better suited for me out there.

Recently I was rejected, turns out the guy wasn't that into me, he's still in love with his ex girlfriend. He was still friends with her, which I had no problem with. The thing that drove things home was when he gave me a link of his ex's recent songwriting work, where she used an excerpt of a theme he had played and recorded. It hurts, and I got angry/upset afterwards, but there's not much I can do about it. I was kind of anxious about the situation to begin with, and that doesn't make for a healthy relationship.

 

[Pandar]

From what I read on the first page I pretty well fit in. Oh joy. Yeah with romantic rejection I just avoid my feelings and people so that I can not be rejected. If I am rejected in some way (even after a relationship has started) I grieve privately and only a few close friends know about it. To be honest I did not have my first boyfriend til I was almost 18 and I immediately lost interest and left the relationship. My second (and current boyfriend) I dated almost immediately thereafter. So I don't have much experience with rejection in regards to lovers. Friends and family? Heck yes. But I try to pretend it doesn't bother me.

 

[Quiet]

!!! I think I am so hard on myself...

It seems that most here deal with it by reacting to it in some way, I think that is more healthy because it's a form of expression. I usually express it by writing about it in the form of journaling or poetry. It's so introspective though, instead of going out there and being badass

I guess I should try it but I wouldn't know where to start, haha.

 

[Malkaro]

I usually only want to get romantically involved with some ideal girl who is inaccessible in some way (I don't know her, she lives far away, etc.), so I build up a fantasy and usually get too attached to the fantasy I don't make it a reality because I'm honestly afraid that the fantasy will get destroyed (either by rejection or success even, since the success won't live up to what I hold up above me).

yeah, I sed it.

You pretty much nailed it for me.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Romantic rejection. I guess I just usually pick myself up and move on. Get depressed for a little bit but there is always some one new on the the horizon. I guess I don't tend to let people close any more. As for other rejection, yeah, I get upset, but I just move on. There's nothing else to do really. You could cry about it but that's just wasting energy.
I worry about the the relationship I'm on the brink of now though. This one is different.