[INFJ] Where's my lover...

[Kelemvor]

Hello !
I'm posting here cause it's the section where I feel the most comfortable. Don't know why tho

First of all, I'm very pleased to be here. Pardon my enthusiasm, but I was feeling all alone for too long...

Here's my story. (I never been bright for this kind of things...)
I felt in love with a married INFJ...
Everything began here.
I don't know how or why, but it's happened. We lived great moments, but we (I) decided that it must have an end.

Later, I realised, that it was already too late for my part...I was too attached to her, really too much...

I returned to her and begged for pardon, and to leave her husband for me...
Her attitude toward changed from white to black. She became cold and said that she love her man and will never leave him for me. She also said that she did not want to have to deal with me anymore.
I don't know why but I felt in her at this moment a great sorrow too...

Times later, I saw her with another man who wasn't her husband...
I never felt such an intense pain in my life. This pain kept on and on during months...

Some months later, I heard that this man was going to get married. And by coincidence, she too was on her way to divorce...

My pain attained paroxysm.

It had to stop ! I decided to demand her directly if it happened something between the two of them. She answered negatively and said that it was just her confident. She took it bad by the same opportunity...

I didn't trust her. I went directly to the other guy and asked him the same thing.
He confirmed that he was getting married but with another women and treated me as a paranoid. He said that it's been a very long time since the last time he spoke with her.

Perhaps I'm really paranoid ?
Why did she divorced ?!! She said that she'll never do it...

I know that she left his husband for another one, I'm sure of this statement.


I'm here cause I thought some INFJ might help me with this.
So please...

 

[Rainne]

Now this is why you should never get too attached to things.

 

[Synarch]

Comedy gold!

 

[Qre:us]

What exactly, pertaining to the situation, are you looking for help with? What is the outcome you want to achieve?

 

[Thalassa]

Now this is why you should never get too attached to things.

No, this is why you shouldn't get involved with people who are already married.

It's not even a matter of morality - it's a matter of self-interest.

 

[Kelemvor]

What exactly, pertaining to the situation, are you looking for help with? What is the outcome you want to achieve?

Did she lied ? IS she lying ? Are they lying ? Or I'm I just insane...

WHY was she avoiding me while the only thing that I did was loving her ? Did she really do that cause she was married ?

I'm telling my self that...perhaps...she left her husband for me and thought that I didn't want to assume responsibility, and that I was just acting...cause I cut contact with her. (The pain was insupportable...)



I forgot a detail...
After I spoken to the other guy about the relation between the two. I had a conversation with a friend of her and I told her about the conversation I had with the men.
By mistake this one repeated all to the women I love. She said that she became furious after she took acquaintance of what I did. Why ?!

 

[Synarch]

You sound like a wingnut to me and like English might be your third language.

 

[Fidelia]

She told you that she was done. She doesn't want you in her life. She doesn't want you talking to acquaintances and accusing them of being her lovers and she most certainly doesn't want you to repeat the conversation you had with her acquaintances to her friends and hear third hand that you not only aren't getting the message but you are becoming a little...paranoid and stalkerish. At this point, cut your losses and realize she's not ever going to come back to you. The more you push, the more adament and angry she is going to be. If you haven't been doorslammed yet, you will be soon.

 

[Kelemvor]

You sound like a wingnut to me and like English might be your third language.

It is !
Bien vu.

She told you that she was done. She doesn't want you in her life. She doesn't want you talking to acquaintances and accusing them of being her lovers and she most certainly doesn't want you to repeat the conversation you had with her acquaintances to her friends and hear third hand that you not only aren't getting the message but you are becoming a little...paranoid and stalkerish. At this point, cut your losses and realize she's not ever going to come back to you. The more you push, the more adament and angry she is going to be. If you haven't been doorslammed yet, you will be soon.

Ok...most probably...thank you.
And about the fact that she was lying or not ? What do you think ?

 

[heart]

She sounds like trouble, like she doesn't know what she wants. You're likely better off.

 

[Kelemvor]

She sounds like trouble, like she doesn't know what she wants. You're likely better off.

What do you mean ?!

 

[fill]

Synarch nailed my first reaction to reading this.

What do you mean ?!

Get your hand away from the stove that keeps burning you.

Have you thought of this: she is one in 6,692,030,277 people on this earth. If she can find more men, you have the capability to find another woman.

Get over her - there's no need to bring up such a mess. I'm in your place right now, hating something that hurts you, but - really - you've got to move on.

Focus on another part of your life like work and it'll just happen. It does.

 

[heart]

What do you mean ?!

You had a near miss. Count yourself lucky and breathe a sigh of relief. She's someone else's problem now. You deserve better than she gave.

 

[Kelemvor]

Synarch nailed my first reaction to reading this.



Get your hand away from the stove that keeps burning you.

Have you thought of this: she is one in 6,692,030,277 people on this earth. If she can find more men, you have the capability to find another woman.

Get over her - there's no need to bring up such a mess. I'm in your place right now, hating something that hurts you, but - really - you've got to move on.

Focus on another part of your life like work and it'll just happen. It does.

What if all that is my fault ? What if I was just as paranoid as the other said ?
What if she really divorced because of me ?
I won't stand the feeling of having destroyed her life.
No...I cannot move on...

INFJ's never express them selves directly. It's perhaps just me...but...it's like I felt that she was telling me to be patient...

 

[heart]

^ She's an adult, she knew what she was doing, right?

 

[Kelemvor]

You had a near miss. Count yourself lucky and breathe a sigh of relief. She's someone else's problem now. You deserve better than she gave.

Extroverted and Introverted really not think the same way

 

[Kelemvor]

^ She's an adult, she knew what she was doing, right?

I'm an adult too !

 

[heart]

I'm an adult too !

But you aren't responsible for what she choses to do. Even if you want to be.

 

[Kelemvor]

But you aren't responsible for what she choses to do. Even if you want to be.

I told her to leave him...

 

[heart]

I told her to leave him...

She's an adult. She's not bound to obey you. Anyway, she told you no and asked you to get out of her life. Chances are she didn't leave him for your sake.