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[ENFJ] ENFJs: Do you get stuck on a romantic interest?

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
Inter..esting :dry:
What does the ENFJ do to you? Show me on this dollie where they touch you. :yes:

HAHAHAHAHAHA

well, that just seems kinda like one of those things that should be.... you know


a secret

:devil:

hahahahahaha! no but really, for the longest time I thought she was another ENFP... i guess that J comes out once they get too satisfied... :newwink:
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
4w5
HAHAHAHAHAHA

well, that just seems kinda like one of those things that should be.... you know


a secret

:devil:

hahahahahaha! no but really, for the longest time I thought she was another ENFP... i guess that J comes out once they get too satisfied... :newwink:

:laugh: Mayhaps... and there are no secrets from enfjs! You've a lot to learn, mister.
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
:laugh: Mayhaps... and there are no secrets from enfjs! You've a lot to learn, mister.

hahahahahahahaha!

well, usually the ENFJ has to confess all secrets FIRST, and then maybe the ENFP will bust out some that are kinda equivalent... if we feel guilty enough. haha :cheese:
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
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4w5
hahahahahahahaha!

well, usually the ENFJ has to confess all secrets FIRST, and then maybe the ENFP will bust out some that are kinda equivalent... if we feel guilty enough. haha :cheese:

Aw this is if we don't sense them at first, but i do see/have experienced your point. It's also if the enfp can shut up long enough to hear the secrets :smooch:
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
Aw this is if we don't sense them at first, but i do see/have experienced your point. It's also if the enfp can shut up long enough to hear the secrets :smooch:

hahaha yeah i guess thats true too... personally though I like asking questions instead if answering them though... ^^
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
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4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I have had the extreme misfortune of being loved back by my love interests.
 

Neutralpov

New member
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
310
INTP - 1.5 year relationship, very easy to continue to talk to him.
ESFJ - 1.5 year crazy love relationship, still talk to him but it's a bit more challenging.

Oh please explain which is best or what the differences were! Which would you see yourself with in the end?

I am so curious!
 

Yloh

New member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
183
MBTI Type
ENFJ
It depends on how far we have gone in the relationship.

If it is just a simple interest and I found out she is not interested in me, I can brush it off over night easily.

If we became good friends, actions made me believe we would be starting a relationship in the future, and then find out a relationship will never happen ... then it can take me some time to let go. I go through the usual stages of denial, anger, hopeful, etc. It may take me a few weeks to let go, but it will happen.

Ultimately my attitude is "She doesn't want a relationship, so lets look somewhere else". I'll still be a good friend to her because it would suck to loose what has been developed.
 

The Third Rider

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2007
Messages
763
MBTI Type
ENFj
Once I am rejected I move on and just drop the whole thing. Now if my feelings don't want to go away I will cut all contact with that person.
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
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ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
I know this ENFJ man, who's completely hung up on this woman. They dated, they broke up, she dated other men, had kids, went back to him, they played house for a while. Broke up.

She's from this broken family and has been on her own since she was 14. They are both in their late 20's now.

He can't let her go. It's been years since they last dated. He thinks it's his mission in life to save her, or something. He likes complex/complicated women.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
The most I've ever moped is about one month and then one day I woke up feeling fine and refreshed.

Many people believe the longer you grieve the end of a relationship, the more deeply you loved with the person. I can see if you were with someone for a long time, but I know people who want to throw themselves off a bridge over a two month relationship that primarily existed through text and emails.
 

Neutralpov

New member
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
310
Does it work?

Once I am rejected I move on and just drop the whole thing. Now if my feelings don't want to go away I will cut all contact with that person.

:hi: Does this work though? It makes it more like they are always on my mind when I am trying hard to cut contact and seeing them.

Also I think most of us have long relationships. What about them? I never get over them in weeks. How do you guys handle them?
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
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INFJ
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6w5
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sp/sx
I'm not an ENFJ, but I've plenty of experience with them. Based on those experiences and what they've told me, it's very difficult for them to move on from a love interest. That torch doesn't burn out quickly or easily. And resentment is part and parcel to their approach when things don't go in a direction of forming a relationship with their crush. They don't do it because they truly despise the person. It makes it easier for them to deal with their hurt feelings, without becoming an emotional mess.

I've seen them stop being friends with people they crushed on (without success) to preserve their dignity. They still care for the person, but they won't show it anymore.

I'm an INFJ rather than ENFJ, but sometimes I think I come across more ENFJ...strong Fe...maybe this is an NFJ thing generally. The above sounds EXACTLY like me. I still tend to end up being an emotional mess for a while though. :(

I do experience resentment, which I usually feel is partly warranted (ie. if the person led me on without actually being interested), and partly just my weirdness, but I guess it's one way of dealing. I'm not good at the "just remember the good times you had with that person (whether in a relationship, or as friends though you wanted more)" thing. If I remember the good times, I find it painful because it makes me think of what might have been had things been somewhat different. Feeling resentment and dislike isn't great either, but it's kind of a way for me to put the person out of my life and move on.

It probably sounds a bit cold, btw. But it's for emotional self-protection - though perhaps the self-protection comes too late when I'm already hurt. I haven't cut many people out of my life and I am a very loyal friend. But if I do cut someone out of my life it's likely to be an ex, or someone I had strong feelings for and it never happened or worked out. Their presence in my life proves to be too draining, painful and difficult to deal with - even long after the fact.
 

Lauren

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
I make them aware of it. I will actually feel uneasy and incomplete if i don't make them aware of it, even if it is a dead end situation or one that i'm working toward getting over.
The length of time depends on how interested i am in them or how close we are. If we are quite close and i am very interested, i'll keep them up to date on the status of my feelings, but reassure that the friendship is more important. It may make them uncomfortable, but i find it explains a lot of my own actions before i even act.
I move on and hope at the same time, it's strange. I'll think "This is irrelevant at the moment, but who knows what the future may bring." Yay rationalizing?
Moving on = Clarity.
I can remain friends with them, but some things will hurt a bit more than others. It's another reason they are kept aware.
I would only resent them if they gave me reason to.
Others would only be compared to my general version of ideal.

I pretty much do the same. If I have fallen for someone and they have given me reason to believe they have feelings for me as well and it's acted upon to any degree, I'll keep letting that person know that I'm not abandoning them and that we are still friends (if we have been close friends). At that point, it's usually known by both of us that it's more than friendship but there are many reasons why something doesn't happen romantically when you think it's going to. I like to keep the door open because if it's someone I genuinely like and are close to, I wouldn't hurt them by turning my back on them just because what I imagined or hoped would happen didn't happen at that time..I also have to express the feelings to them somehow or it drives me crazy, even in a nonverbal way. I have great difficulty moving on from someone I've fallen for, it's especially hard when we are emotionally close.
 
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