[INFJ] INFJ doubts!

[mangosandpies]

so question for ya'll here: how do you make an infj stop doubting something? infjs are overanalytical, i know that for a fact, but how do you get them out of their own little cloud world where they want 100% security and certainty about everything?

 

[velocity]

you're a hopeless case. don't you know that it's hugs? infj's love hugs. especially as surprises.

 

[mangosandpies]

haha oh i wish! i wish it was that simple.

 

[cafe]

I don't think one person can actually do that for another person, nor do I think INFJs are super-prone to it. It's more of a P thing. I know I'm usually reasonably able to make a decision based on calculated risk/return on investment/lesser of two evils, etc unless we're talking ice cream. That can take a little while.

And surprise hugs . . . usually not a good idea.

 

[velocity]

And surprise hugs . . . usually not a good idea.

*nudges cafe towards her avatar*
so i know we're not all borges but it's the sentiment that counts, right?

 

[ajblaise]

so question for ya'll here: how do you make an infj stop doubting something? infjs are overanalytical, i know that for a fact, but how do you get them out of their own little cloud world where they want 100% security and certainty about everything?

You change the subject!!

 

[cafe]

*nudges cafe towards her avatar*
so i know we're not all borges but it's the sentiment that counts, right?

There is a big difference between a sought after hug and a surprise hug, especially when surprise hugger is trying to screw with your decision making process.

But I'm kind of a grumpy old thing, so pay me no mind.

 

[EJCC]

so question for ya'll here: how do you make an infj stop doubting something? infjs are overanalytical, i know that for a fact, but how do you get them out of their own little cloud world where they want 100% security and certainty about everything?

One thing that may work is if you find an ESTJ and ask for their advice. They will give it to you and they will LOVE giving it to you. And, most importantly, they are always very certain about everything, and if they're not, they pretend like they are. I mention this because my mom/best friend is an INFJ, and she talks to me about uncertain things a lot. I'd like to think that my certainty is contagious

 

[21%]

you're a hopeless case. don't you know that it's hugs? infj's love hugs. especially as surprises.

And don't forget ice cream to go with that!



It depends on the situation and what the INFJ is having doubts about. If it's a big thing like a relationship -- to get an INFJ to trust you, you need a lot of time... and I mean a real lot You can't rush these things. All the information has to be sifted through endless cycles of Fe and Ti, with Ni dancing around getting them to do it over and over again.

 

[cafe]

I must just be weird, even for an INFJ.

I married a guy I knew for around nine months. It was a little scary, but I took all the data I had into consideration and decided it was an acceptable level of risk.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

^fwiw i don't think you're weird at all

 

[ReadingRainbows]

I doubt a lot of things when evidence, expirence, and behavior are not condusive to consitency.

 

[Oddly Refined]

I doubt a lot of things when evidence, expirence, and behavior are not condusive to consitency.

I think this is true for a lot of people.

 

[SilkRoad]

I doubt a lot of things when evidence, expirence, and behavior are not condusive to consitency.

+1. It also appears that I'm enneatype 6. Poor me.

No wonder I'm a self-doubting, second-guessing nervous wreck so much of the time, although even when I'm like that, I still apparently appear to others to be a serene and peaceful INFJ. Perhaps internalizing everything isn't such a good thing, though it seems to make me someone others like having around.

As far as the OP, it kind of depends on the situation, though providing patience, consistency and reassurance are all good things. But in my case, it tends to take me a long long time to make up my mind if the matter is really important. It takes a lot of soul-searching, prayer, over-analyzing, and finally gives way to a feeling that the decision I'm making IS the best one, all things considered.

 

[decided]

so question for ya'll here: how do you make an infj stop doubting something? infjs are overanalytical, i know that for a fact, but how do you get them out of their own little cloud world where they want 100% security and certainty about everything?

I learned about a martial arts term this week, called 'shishin'.

Shishin essentially means 'a stopped mind', where your mind focuses on one particular issue. It is considered a negative thing, where your mind stagnates while mulling the same issue over and over. It is also considered much better for your mind to keep flowing. If you move on to other thoughts, fresh ideas and answers might come to you at a later time.

I could identify with the term, as I do sometimes become anxious and stuck on a particular issue, and it causes me stress and terrible sleep.

Basically, I need to remind myself (or have somebody else remind me) to let my mind flow. I need to let go the false sense of control that I create by needing a decision right away, and trust that I things will work out for the best.

It helps me to have somebody there who will reassure me that everything will be okay, and lighten my mood with some distracting jokes and conversation.

 

[Amagi]

As far as the OP, it kind of depends on the situation, though providing patience, consistency and reassurance are all good things. But in my case, it tends to take me a long long time to make up my mind if the matter is really important. It takes a lot of soul-searching, prayer, over-analyzing, and finally gives way to a feeling that the decision I'm making IS the best one, all things considered.

I completely resonate with this. Currently I am working over different possibilities for transferring to a different college next year. It has been difficult for my friends to understand the ways in which I am having to work through this. For me the process essentially goes just how the way you put it. After I have spent all of that time I usually come to truly know that the decision I have made is the right one.