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[ENFP] ENFP wants to date INTJ

Moiety

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Aug 3, 2008
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5,996
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ISFJ
I will never understand other people's views on dating.
 

pyramid

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Feb 21, 2010
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ENFP
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9w1
Awwwwww, that's cute.
:blush: :hug:

Also, OP gromit, thanks for making this thread. I wanted to defend this harmonious pairing but the other thread went way off topic, etc.

It only makes sense to me that this type of intense relationship would either end greatly or disasterously. It's easy to see why people would be discussing this so intensely because it's undeniably debatable!! I'm sure one will find plenty of accounts to scare and/or convince.

Personally I couldn't go the INFJ route romantically. It would feel too incestuous as others have mentioned. I do have plenty of INFJ female friends and probably some male that I connect with epically, but that's way too much F in an intimate setting for me. I would be begging for systematic conclusions somewhere. Someone else mentioned that it's nice to know INTJ is choosing their company logically, and I agree!
 

lunalove

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Mar 20, 2010
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194
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ENF
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6w5
I am ENFP and I'm married to an INTJ and it's awesome! As long as I am able to give him the space he needs and he works on letting me know he's loyal (which we both do) we're all set! He will need a lot of space and time to himself...if you're ok with that I say go for it! :)

Good luck...hope you meet your guy soon :)

luna~
 

Uytuun

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nnnn
a man from my partner company began to tell me all about the linguistic basis of some british sayings.

Heh, when I do that, I am always so excited to see different angles and find new pieces that might fit together that I get quite excited and intense.

Wonder where the "calm" impression comes from.
 

sculpting

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Jan 28, 2009
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Heh, when I do that, I am always so excited to see different angles and find new pieces that might fit together that I get quite excited and intense.

Wonder where the "calm" impression comes from.

I dunno. Every INTJ I have ever met loves to teach-meaning share the info they know-which I adore but others find pedantic. Whatever they know about they like to share with you in a teacher-pupil style interaction. It seems to make them really happy, yet totally click into Ni land. I will often settle down in a chair and just absorb knowledge.

My dad-ish person is a pastor at his church and he can be very TeSe feeling when he preaches, kinda intense but full of caring. I dont get Ni calm when he does this, perhaps due to the atheist streak of mine, but when we sit and gives me career advice I can sort of feel it. Or when he gives me in depth expanations of why different nuclear power plants had different issues.

But yeah, when they do this they kinda seem happy about it?? Maybe INTJ "excited" is actually ENFP "sedated"? :)
 

Laurie

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7w6
We INTJ types do a wonderful job of expressing our emotions intellectually. That may be the best way for other personality types to understand how we express our many feelings. Just because it may be abstract does not make it any less real for us.

I very much agree with the above. Sometimes it seems INTJs are more emotional than some other types, probably because I can understand their emotions or maybe just because they open up with me.

About the calm, I often feel stabilized when I am interacting with an INTJ.

I have a very close INTJ friend I spent a lot of (online) time with. We took a break and recently reconnected some. When I looked back I realized I deferred to him often. I mentioned it to him, expecting him to be offended in some way. He thanked me (and then laughed that I thought he might be offended) It's an interesting dynamic.
 

Thalassa

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sx
To continue on this topic-

Do other enfps notice that Ni feels calming? Maybe cause I use so much Ne, but I am distinctly calmed by Ni.

I am stuck in the netherlands and was planning to work in my room. But on the return from work, a man from my partner company began to tell me all about the linguistic basis of some british sayings.

My brain just slowed down. I didn't really need to talk, I just listened and absorbed cadence.

I decided to go to dinner just so I can listen more.

Ni is refreshing and seems to serve as a focal point for Ne.

Yes. I tend to like INxJs in general, their ideas and stuff. "Calming" is an interesting word, because it never occurred to me, but you're right.
 

uumlau

Happy Dancer
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Feb 9, 2010
Messages
5,517
MBTI Type
INTJ
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sp/so
Heh, when I do that, I am always so excited to see different angles and find new pieces that might fit together that I get quite excited and intense.

Wonder where the "calm" impression comes from.
Yeah, it's definitely more of an intensity than a calmness when we do that.

I dunno. Every INTJ I have ever met loves to teach-meaning share the info they know-which I adore but others find pedantic. Whatever they know about they like to share with you in a teacher-pupil style interaction. It seems to make them really happy, yet totally click into Ni land. I will often settle down in a chair and just absorb knowledge.
Yeah, I'm totally like that. I usually try to just keep my mouth shut, however. Only a small fraction of the universe wants to hear me pontificate. A somewhat larger fraction of the universe wants to dance with me.

My dad-ish person is a pastor at his church and he can be very TeSe feeling when he preaches, kinda intense but full of caring. I dont get Ni calm when he does this, perhaps due to the atheist streak of mine, but when we sit and gives me career advice I can sort of feel it. Or when he gives me in depth expanations of why different nuclear power plants had different issues.

But yeah, when they do this they kinda seem happy about it?? Maybe INTJ "excited" is actually ENFP "sedated"? :)

I think it's the mutual fascination thing. The way the MBTI works out, we tend to invoke each other's tertiary in a good way. Perhaps INTJ is naturally attracted to mature Fi, and ENFP is attracted to mature Te, that each respects and learns from the other. It's just not as obvious that the INTJ is "learning Fi", since it isn't a typical teacher-student scenario, but a learn-by-example scenario.
 

gromit

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Yeah, I'm totally like that. I usually try to just keep my mouth shut, however. Only a small fraction of the universe wants to hear me pontificate. A somewhat larger fraction of the universe wants to dance with me.
:heart:


I think it's the mutual fascination thing. The way the MBTI works out, we tend to invoke each other's tertiary in a good way. Perhaps INTJ is naturally attracted to mature Fi, and ENFP is attracted to mature Te, that each respects and learns from the other. It's just not as obvious that the INTJ is "learning Fi", since it isn't a typical teacher-student scenario, but a learn-by-example scenario.
Interesting. So interesting. I cannot get over how interesting...
 

Uytuun

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nnnn
pontificate

Lol...yeah...maybe it's the trance thing...I speak Ni in such instances, I don't converse, it's more of a monologue. I usually don't talk for long stretches of time, but I can go for a while when I'm doing that...the thing is I keep surprising myself and being happy like a little kid when something clicks into place, so people don't tend to find it too arrogant. It's almost like being a vessel for greater insight.
 

Thalassa

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I think it's easier to bond with an F relationship wise (you take less of a chance with your feelings), but I'm not sure that means it's the best choice.

You know, I think it's DEFINITELY easier to bond, hands down. Ridiculously easier.

But I'm still not sure you take less of a chance with your feelings in any relationship.
 

Laurie

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Yeah I should have said "it seems like" maybe? It's not that you actually do, it just seems it.
 

Thalassa

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Yeah I should have said "it seems like" maybe? It's not that you actually do, it just seems it.

It does seem it. I'm mostly agreeing with you...it certainly feels that way.
 

Vasilisa

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Feb 2, 2010
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Here are my basic observations of a pairing of this type. I know its probably of limited value, but I just wanted to share. This in no way reflects all INTJs. ENFPs, or their pairings.

Her - INTJ, painter, independent, tad high maintenance and needy (childhood issues), always looking for something better
Him- ENFP musician, extremely well-liked, funny, professional student, traveler wisdom seeker

I know she loved that someone could pull her up and take her out on adventures and the whole social network that an ENFP unfurls. What was great to see was that when he put her in the spotlight, which he was kind enough to do for her (because it naturally shined on him at all times) she loved it so much. But I think it maybe bugged her that he was the star of her life story a little bit. She really needed attention and was easily tempted. He loved how good she was at things, there is a lot she is talented with. And I think its fair to say she brought peace, structure and order to his chaotic fire. Since he had wanderlust (searching for wisdom in less-than cushy places on the globe) and left things up in the air, and I think she was wanting their relationship to go to the next level (or change into something she perceived as better) they decided to part ways. But it wasn't acrimonious and I know they both love and value the time they spent together.


Best of luck in love, Gromit!
 

gromit

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Ah, thank you Vasilisa... interesting dynamics you describe. I am curious if I ever find myself in a relationship with an INTJ what that would ever look like.
 
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