[MBTI General] NF and NT... drawn together like moth to flame

[Sarcasticus]

Many NT/NF relationships are like that.

Hard to explain. I never feel that way with SP or SJ

I'm with you. But even my other NF relationships weren't this intense.
Must have something to do specifically with that enigmatic INFJ thing.

 

[Motor Jax]

one of my good buddies at work is INTJ

we have so many quiet conversations punctuated by bouts of silence as he's lost in thought and i'm just standing there

 

[Winds of Thor]

I hear you

It's a brain madness. NT's make me feel like my mind has some sort of very clear thinking fever ( if that's possible). It seems very primal, but not animalistic. Like an immediate recognition, perhaps. The first time I encountered this phenomenon, it was terrifying because the pull was so strong, but it didn't feel dangerous, which made me think I was going crazy. Maybe because I'm not a headlong sort of person - I'm very careful about who I involve myself with, and I don't fall in love easily or immediately. So a force that strong is pretty overwhelming. Of course, it also feels absolutely right, which is befuddling.

You 'get it'..I didn't realize this until I just read your message but I feel EXACTLY this way for an INFJ..and I know I project it looking into her eyes. I wonder if she feels that same 'passion' or how she feels maybe similar to your experience.

It's a knowing for me. Knowing we are made for each other. And I'm not terrified..although the feeling is intense and very reinforced..Inside I feel there is no end to the power behind it..very strong. As if my heart becomes a structure, a foundation of us. It's not animalistic, right. But it IS Primal. That's good..it's deep and that's what will hold relationships through tough times...haha! GOOD I'm glad you mentioned that it really helps me draw out the emotion here by myself and put it into words...most are your words, excellently described I say.

I don't know what or where she and I don't really know each other. We do both agree we get a long effortlessly though. That's good. It's complicated though..I would like your insight on this one, so here goes:
She shows intense smiles and attraction with her body language..to me..i.e. throwing her hair over to one side and leaving it look a little 'wild', sitting up in her chair (we work at the same place in different departments) and drawing back her shoulders and chest up and out as she smiles talking...flirty flirty..WOW..exudes a positive nervous energy being slightly fidgity when we talked in the doorway the other day..The first time I walked into her office her whold being "Lit up" and got real 'bright'..and still does often...She's pretty and that doesn't hurt..lol.

So here's the thing which I don't know what to do...I'm real cool. I asked her if she was doing anything on the weekend..she said "no". Green light for me? Then I asked her if she had a boyfriend..She said 'Yes..but he has to work on the weekend...You shouldn't have to work on the weekend..." hmm..Didn't get the 'no' from her here. I then said "Oh..'Cause I was going to ask you if you wanted to do something' (on the weekend)..I left it at that and we talked for like 10-15 mins. and then we both decided to go back to work.

Ok..another day...I stop in and chat with her for a few mins...again...she "lights up" outwardly expressing a huge smile with her Beautiful, blue eyes BIG and Sparkling..Whew! Passion!! Then I asked her carefully, "Is there a ring on that finger?" "No". I expressed "Aww'...she didn't seem to like this..Now that I think about it I don't either...haha what was I thinking sounding like that's bad..afterall I am very interested in her..
So she told me she has been going out with her 'boyfriend' for 7 yrs. OK. So out of curiousity(I would like to learn more about her) I Google her. I felt a little sneaky, but I'm interested. So there is a wedding website half-setup and the date set was for 2007. So it didn't happen.

Is there something wrong with me believing a woman who refers to the man she's dated of 7 yrs, after being engaged, and referring to him still as a "boyfriend" spells "fizzle-outzies" on that dealio? I mean I would have a ring on her finger in 4 months MAX, never been married, I JUST KNOW and LOVE her.

So I fall head over heels for her over Christmas break..I can't stop thinking she's the right one..I mean, I've dated I don't know how many girls...every one of them to me I either felt good about..or thought good about and didn't feel quite right..but This One...Both My Heart and My Thoughts 'line up' when I'm in a conversation with her and this is when I get that primal feel/force..Just comes up from deep down inside my core and flows. I feel like I could do near anything..

So my friends suggested I ask her out...I've been reading MBTI on INFJs and thought maybe it would be too much too quick for her...esp. at the thought of her going to some public place with lots of people..I asked her "What would you think about going to lunch. Monday, tues. wed. thurs. or friday..I know that's not the most comfortable thing to hear..but I admit, I carried some baggage from asking other women out (I feel so bad for doing that) and didn't want to take a 'no'. Nevertheless, she didn't give me a 'yes' or a 'no'..
Boy I felt uncertain at that and said "Okay...bye bye.."

I didn't get the yes or the no..

I asked a friend of mine, who I believe to be an INFJ...a guy friend..and he asked me if I would like some advice...So yes..and he said "Just be reeeeaal cool..try to program yourself to be real casual.. Look to the future...she probably won't have that much feeling for you at first but at some point she won't want to be away from you...Tell her jokes..and Just make sure you live your life..."

I did send her this thing the other day...It was a cute CBS video of an elephant and dog who became best friends and cared for each other at a property where retired elephants go live..so Cute. I thought of her when I saw it and emailed her a link..with This is Cute as the headline..

I've only been in love one other time...when I was a teenager..and was too immature to make a healthy relationship of it or even ask her out at the time..

So what is a guy to do or to not do or ..man I'm telling you I'm just going to do my life thing and if she makes a move that's great.

Any ideas?

 

[Winds of Thor]

I'm attracted to NTs for their ability to cut through haze, their informed constructive objectivity and their nearly bullet-proof humor.

I can only speak from personal experience on why NTs like NFs. I've been told they like the "heat" (I always get images of turtles sunning pleasantly on rocks... lol). They like the emotional support. They like the sensation of empathic connection.

I can cut through it...What do you want to know?

At your service...Andrew

 

[Winds of Thor]

Oh, now I look just like that smiley! I could say the same about NTs. NTs are awesome.

autumn (who can't figure out how to put multiple quotes in a post)

Thanks!! What can I answer for you?

 

[Synarch]

It's a knowing for me. Knowing we are made for each other. And I'm not terrified..although the feeling is intense and very reinforced..Inside I feel there is no end to the power behind it..very strong. As if my heart becomes a structure, a foundation of us. It's not animalistic, right. But it IS Primal. That's good..it's deep and that's what will hold relationships through tough times...haha! GOOD I'm glad you mentioned that it really helps me draw out the emotion here by myself and put it into words...most are your words, excellently described I say.

....

So what is a guy to do or to not do or ..man I'm telling you I'm just going to do my life thing and if she makes a move that's great.

Any ideas?

I relate to your description of your feelings. I have been experiencing something similar.

As an ENTP, I trust your read on her situation. All I can offer is this: If I was sure of my feelings for someone as you seem to be, nothing short of her being married would or could stop me from pursuing her.

It is simple: if two people are not married after seven years and one of them clearly wants to be (judging from the wedding website), then she is fair game to be wooed away, if, and only if, you are truly serious is it acceptable to pursue. If some fool fails to appreciate what he has by committing fully to it, then he deserves to lose it. Love must be earned and appreciated.

Your best course is to try to get to know her to see if your feelings persist. This will also give her time to get to know you. Make sure you are not romanticizing the difficulty of the situation.

 

[Winds of Thor]

I relate to your description of your feelings. I have been experiencing something similar.

As an ENTP, I trust your read on her situation. All I can offer is this: If I was sure of my feelings for someone as you seem to be, nothing short of her being married would or could stop me from pursuing her.

It is simple: if two people are not married after seven years and one of them clearly wants to be (judging from the wedding website), then she is fair game to be wooed away, if, and only if, you are truly serious is it acceptable to pursue. If some fool fails to appreciate what he has by committing fully to it, then he deserves to lose it. Love must be earned and appreciated.

Your best course is to try to get to know her to see if your feelings persist. This will also give her time to get to know you. Make sure you are not romanticizing the difficulty of the situation.

I recognize your credibility on these items...Thanks very much. Will DO. I can't say I will anything of friction from her over to that other half..It's her over to my half I'm concerned about and the whole of the dynamic. I don't like it but thanks and that's right if someone's dragging feet..and her (INFJ) HAS to be in 'a' Relationship...there is no other course than to wooe her..just what is tricky..I suppose I need to be as stand up as I know from my best behavior...INFJs are concerned with ethical standards like no other..but I have an eye for her and in love, that's all fair. Good..Thank you!!!!

Good catch! I was romanticizing the difficulty perhaps a bit..really good insight of yours.

Which read on her situation specifically? That she is at work?

It's perfectly acceptable to pursue Yes...I haven't met whoever the other half is and wouldn't know his type but our type is 2-3% of the population...if they met in high school the other half's typology might not have been fully developed...I would not count out an ESTP...con artist. They are known to make 'daily' commitments to others, but have fundamental trouble with Long-term commitments..
If she enjoys the "E" part and the friendly, outgoing nature of an ESTP...and the T part, but I would imagine is concerned about the impulsive part..being that INFJs hold ethics highly..plus I googled who may be the other half and this guy has like 150 friends on a social website--many are females...
I wonder if she might be intimidated by all the extraverted contacts if she knows. I wouldn't know...
Seems to me we would appreciate small get togethers and mutual comfortable settings together which could be comfortable and not so loud with all the other people...

I wonder if she has never met an NT? She seems interested. I read that many INFJs never find their ENTP..and often settle for an ESTP conartist..Uggh!

I'm Cool. I'll just stay confident and relaxed.

Thanks again..and Feel Free to Please Ask Any Broad-Scope View on any subject and I'll give you My Very Best. Thanks.

I didn't even get that far. I basically got the impression I wasn't welcome on my first post simply because I was an FJ. (Which is understandable, given that an INTP's inferior is Fe.) I think the INTP's that know me think better of me than that, though... because I usually just talk to them about the things they're interested in, and eventually when they have an emotional problem, they come to me interested in what I have to say. I'm not sure how it works out that way, though.

You are correct! We come listening for your insights because they are emotional genius!..which compliment, well, can I say it, thinking genius! (Disclaimer: These statements all pertain to human systems analysis and are not intended to promote egomaniacal trips!)

Yea but in theory anyway, if an INFJ and ENTP love each other, wouldn't they weather the storm to figure this out through their natural complimentary natures?

I agree with your observations. Immediate attraction is really not much more than sexual attraction...because you really don't know the other person. This is why many times...a relationship like this....fizzles out...when attraction does as well. The second type of relationship that you described is based on friendship for the most part....and the reason that the relationship does not involve "power" struggles. Because who would be friends with someone you had power stuggles with?? In terms of dilemmas....if you began as friends...you can usually take the relationship back to that (if necessary)...assuming that neither person does anything inappropriate (i.e. cheating, lying, etc...). In other words...treat the person the same way that you would....if you were still just friends.

The mysticism of it is wonderful though. Like you were two people placed on the planet for each other..So romantic and strong feelings manifest! Yea strongly felt emotions are sometimes an overload but there is an upside to that..they let you know you love and are alive! As the old adage goes: The heart knows before the head. Personally, the power thing is artificially used to attract.

If people didn't want what they can't have, that game might die away! I only wish this were the reality of the world.

 

[mortabunt]

NF's need NT's to think logically for them, and NT's need NF's to feel for them. We also just don't clash as much as we do with S's.

 

[BlackCat]

Nice stereotyping. It's more of getting a different perspective rather than one feeling and one thinking. I for one am perfectly capable of thinking logically, and I think it's important to act on what your head tells you in certain situations and act on my heart in certain situations.

But yeah, the purpose of the NT-NF pairing is for balance and for different perspectives.

 

[Domino]

I can cut through it...What do you want to know?

At your service...Andrew

Dear Andrew:

I am writing to you today to ask if NTs really do have green blood. And if so, is it made of chlorophyll? I heard that NTs photosynthesize love from NF sunlight and then use it grow plant food in their livers.

Thank you!

PS - Hello!

 

[civil_disobedience]

NF's need NT's to think logically for them, and NT's need NF's to feel for them. We also just don't clash as much as we do with S's.

Yikes.
Sounds kind of co-dependent.
Hmm. I'm drawn to NTs because they offer a different perspective. I would be able to get by and reason just fine without one, though... and I've known a few NTs who do quite fine feeling on their own. It's not as if Feelers are void of logic and Rationals are void of emotions-- It's just that both temperaments have different ways of experiencing and expressing these things.

 

[Gengar]

I for one am perfectly capable of thinking logically, and I think it's important to act on what your head tells you in certain situations and act on my heart in certain situations.

I can relate, but not all the time for me.

NTs do an amazing job at making me think rationally, because their logic is always focused on the bigger picture. I think some of them have undoubtedly influenced me over the years.

 

[Domino]

NTs and NFs are drawn to each other like a beetle to camel dung. Oh NTs! I see (and smell) you on the sand and I only wish to roll you along with my carapace and little legs to my home in the mighty ocean called the desert.

 

[93JC]

Hmm... Not sure how to feel about being compared to a ball of shit.

 

[Domino]

But it's useful crap. Not like the crap that beetles avoid.

 

[professor goodstain]

Hmm... Not sure how to feel about being compared to a ball of shit.

It comes with time. Over time, one starts to feel it. NT starts to realize how NF gravitates to a thought and connects it to words. How would you feel about being compared to a camel?

 

[93JC]

Camels smell slightly better.

 

[professor goodstain]

Camels smell slightly better.

From which direction? Beetles and camel turds don't really leave a big mess though. So i guess NF and NT troubles usually leading to grab ass are a welcome break in the action. I see it gettin on expressed in different threads. i assume it kinda works the same in real life. A camel leaves a present turd for which the beetle and present itself can get lost in a somewhat spirited reacharound. This is most definately found among all types but NF and NT are Ns with decisiveness derived from the 3rd funtion. i really don't know the connections with N as far as J and P intuitively.

 

[LadyJaye]

I can't stop laughing. Pink, what have you done?!

 

[Wild horses]

HAHAHAHA this thread has turned into me and an NT trying to tak when we're both drunk I love it