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[INFJ] NFJ Temperament Question

proteanmix

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I've got two modes -- on and off. When I love you, I love you forever. Therefore I resist love. And my nature fights back, driving me toward it. Likewise, when I hate something, the hate is hard to shake off. I have an elephant memory to aide this, for better or worse. I seem to love and hate in a big ball of fire, but it's not irrational or even destructive. It just seems transmuting? One state of being to another?

Sometimes it's like this:

hough_waves3.jpg


Sometimes it's like this:

0300547.jpg


But it's never this:

29983__flatliner__birdsong0107.png


It's difficult to get people to understand that you're not having some half-cocked emotional reaction because for all intents and purposes that's exactly what it sounds like we're describing. No, it's not that. Maybe even reactive isn't a good word either. I would say responsive, but that lacks intensity as well. And then you get into the whole emotionally (un)stable thing, which I think it sounds like the precarious edge we're dancing on. The only thing I know how to do is show pictures. There's consistency and stability in this, it's not irrational or illogical. It's not just reactive but proactive as well.
 

Kyrielle

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Your inner NFJ Aragorn archetype asserting itself, perhaps?

*gasp* How did you know? He's always been my favourite character from the Lord of the Rings books. The movies only made it worse. :blush:
 

Domino

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She'll be in good hands, or at least the best I can summon up. But yeah, 10ft high flames of OMG :drool: :worthy: :puppy_dog_eyes: :wubbie: :heart:

It does things to me that turns kitty almost slave-like :cry:

Please don't take this as an offense :sorry:

None whatsoever, dear Run. :wubbie: And please do stick around the thread. We like having you here.



Amen to absolutely everything that has been said. It's all me, all of it... especially the burning passion/flame analogy. It's weird, because I can even get passionate about the mundane things of life,

Yes!! That's it exactly! Like NOTHING seems to register a half-baked feeling or response. And it's not a shouting screaming thing either. It's just this constant low-level intensity.


and you know, maybe that's why ENFJs in particular burn out quicker than other extroverted types (or at least that's how it is with me).

My sister, the ENFP, is more extroverted than I am and (I hate to use this term because it makes me sound like a fluctuating lunatic) "even-keeled". I've often used elemental signs to describe her and myself and our friends/family. To me, Jaye's cooling like water, is a powerful non-aggressive force and if someone attempts to strong-arm her, she just parts around them or closes over them. I'm more like fire. Everything I touch changes form or burns away.

My sister once said that if we had two islands, hers would be for people who needed some R&R and affection, while mine would be for catharsis? To me, catharsis almost indicates a burning away. Do the other NFJs have private "islands"?

Another interesting thing that someone pointed out was the deep love for heroism and ideals that NFJs possess. It might not go for all of us, but I can definitely relate to that. That's the one thing that gets me passionately angry faster than anything else -- when I feel that someone's humanity or rights are being violated in some way, or when my values and beliefs are being infringed. And I love the idea of fighting for those things... I feel like those battles are justified and noble and should be fought with enthusiasm (again with the passion). And for some reason I've also always been fascinated by battles and warrior societies. I'm the one girl in my family who absolutely loves watching war movies and long battle scenes (if they're done well). Granted, I usually go for the historical ones, simply because I find the tactics more interesting, but either way.

I wanted to be an Amazon when I was a teenager. lol :D Take me down some uppity male-dominated martial societies!... but on the serious side, I fully understand what you mean. I seem to engage, on a gut level, the idea of battle and contention for the higher purpose. War and bloodshed of themselves is revolting to me, and amounts to barbarism. I can't stand brutality. But I suppose brutality is another way of saying "one-sided fight" which is in turn an activator for my ever-present justice function.


Sometimes it's like this:

hough_waves3.jpg


Sometimes it's like this:

0300547.jpg


But it's never this:

29983__flatliner__birdsong0107.png


Yes!! Just like that! Pictures are a great idea!

It's difficult to get people to understand that you're not having some half-cocked emotional reaction because for all intents and purposes that's exactly what it sounds like we're describing. No, it's not that.

Thank you! Exactly!


Maybe even reactive isn't a good word either. I would say responsive, but that lacks intensity as well. And then you get into the whole emotionally (un)stable thing, which I think it sounds like the precarious edge we're dancing on. The only thing I know how to do is show pictures. There's consistency and stability in this, it's not irrational or illogical. It's not just reactive but proactive as well.

I'm going to share with you guys a word that really struck me as being fundamentally ENFJ (and perhaps INFJ too?). It describes a state of being, rather than a "thing". Let's see if you agree or disagree?

In ancient Stoic cosmology, there was a word used to describe the way the universe came into being, in a sudden and constantly reforming CREATIVE gout of fire, called "ekpyrosis" or literally 'heating to the ultimate' or "out of the fire'. The cosmos is engulfed in a firey eternal cycle of birth, destruction and rebirth, transmuting everything into this fire-energy. I've never felt a stronger affinity to a word before. I refer to myself as being "ekpyrotic" and it makes me feel understood.


*gasp* How did you know? He's always been my favourite character from the Lord of the Rings books. The movies only made it worse. :blush:

Aragorn is, to my mind, the most pure form of the best of NFJ drives/intentions. It's good that you see yourself in him. You know nobility (and yourself too) when you see it. :yes:
 

vince

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Aragorn is, to my mind, the most pure form of the best of NFJ drives/intentions. It's good that you see yourself in him. You know nobility (and yourself too) when you see it. :yes:

Yeah Aragorn is a perfect example. He's all about poetic justice.
 

runvardh

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Well, there is the phrase "light a fire under someones ass" when you need to get them going...
 

Domino

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Well, there is the phrase "light a fire under someones ass" when you need to get them going...


hahahahah! I like it! NFJS: The Fanny-Scorchers of the Cosmos.
 

cascadeco

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One of my INFJ friends, when he talks about his cameras, he combusts and smiles and it's intense. When he talks about something that makes him really angry, he combusts and bites his lips and it's intense. The intensity is the constant.

Now, this is something I can relate to. :) But only amongst close friends and family, as around coworkers or acquaintances or group settings I usually keep things very calm. I'm careful who I express myself to, and whether I think it's 'appropriate' or not.

But my brother, who I live with right now, can attest to my emotional....intensity. ;) I think I read a description somewhere on infj (or perhaps it's NF's across the board), that mentioned when happy (or whatever) the face will light up instantaneously and will be glowing and exuberant. But when angry/upset/brooding, the same face will darken instantaneously like a thundercloud.

I can sometimes be like that. The perfect thundercloud/fire-within example for me is when my brother's flicking channels on tv and lets it sit too long on CNN or FoxNews or any news station for that matter - I become quite vocal, my face thunderclouds, I want him to change the station, I can't stand watching/listening to the inane news banter (i.e. 'How to not get into debt over Christmas' -- well, how about not spending more than you make?? grr :) ) ....it disturbs my peace (because 99% of what I see on the news makes me angry...:) hehe.
 

runvardh

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Now, this is something I can relate to. :) But only amongst close friends and family, as around coworkers or acquaintances or group settings I usually keep things very calm. I'm careful who I express myself to, and whether I think it's 'appropriate' or not.

But my brother, who I live with right now, can attest to my emotional....intensity. ;) I think I read a description somewhere on infj (or perhaps it's NF's across the board), that mentioned when happy (or whatever) the face will light up instantaneously and will be glowing and exuberant. But when angry/upset/brooding, the same face will darken instantaneously like a thundercloud.

I can sometimes be like that. The perfect thundercloud/fire-within example for me is when my brother's flicking channels on tv and lets it sit too long on CNN or FoxNews or any news station for that matter - I become quite vocal, my face thunderclouds, I want him to change the station, I can't stand watching/listening to the inane news banter (i.e. 'How to not get into debt over Christmas' -- well, how about not spending more than you make?? grr :) ) ....it disturbs my peace (because 99% of what I see on the news makes me angry...:) hehe.

I can identify with that, but to a lesser extent; I tend to just pull inward instead and get spacy. When I'm happy I have to becareful not to look too giddy or the other heteros around me start wondering if I'm gay ><
 

Domino

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You know, I think it might be nice to have an NFP temperament thread to compliment this one! I'd like to see what happens inside the NFPs' heads. I've often stood in astonishment when my sister is able to disengage from a bad situation. She can choose to feel things to some extent, or delay a reaction. I have no choice whatsoever. I look at her as being the stronger one, but she discourages such talk out of me.
 

runvardh

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You know, I think it might be nice to have an NFP temperament thread to compliment this one! I'd like to see what happens inside the NFPs' heads. I've often stood in astonishment when my sister is able to disengage from a bad situation. She can choose to feel things to some extent, or delay a reaction. I have no choice whatsoever. I look at her as being the stronger one, but she discourages such talk out of me.

That's because it hurts or explodes just as much, we just handle it differently.

Actually, LadyJaye, want to start one?
 

Domino

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I'll ask her! I'm sure she'd like that!
 

Domino

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I can sometimes be like that. The perfect thundercloud/fire-within example for me is when my brother's flicking channels on tv and lets it sit too long on CNN or FoxNews or any news station for that matter - I become quite vocal, my face thunderclouds, I want him to change the station, I can't stand watching/listening to the inane news banter (i.e. 'How to not get into debt over Christmas' -- well, how about not spending more than you make?? grr :) ) ....it disturbs my peace (because 99% of what I see on the news makes me angry...:) hehe.

I relate to this! All of it!
 

Atomic Fiend

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Would you keep a harem of NTs by your side?
Just because we chose peace over freedom, doesn't mean we wouldn't want the world to move forward and grow through new ideas, It probably wouldn't be possible without you guys, all of you. That being said as soon as the ENTJ usurps us, everyone including you guys are basically screwed... sorry about that.


... I should write a book.
 

Littlelostnf

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I would like to ask the other NFJs how they view their tempers and their personal experiences with it. I ask this because I frequently feel, even when I'm calm and rather "Zen", that I've swallowed fire. When I watch other NFJs, I relate to the overmastering drive to help, rescue and connect to people, but also to that weird combustive underconscience that is no more malevolent than real fire, but just as blistering. I want harmony and safety for people, and I also have this war-like pounding in my blood. Rescue and contention: Are the two meant to go together?

I've struggled with feelings of ambivalence over this since I was young, like I *should* be "cool" because that's what was constantly thrown up in my face as the ideal when I was growing up. Even minor displays of emotional reaction were yelled down or considered bad or startling.

I try to ignore or hide it because I can't make it go away. My father, an INFJ, has a very fiery personality, and two other male friends of mine, both INFJs, are the same way. Very intense and combustive by nature (read: not insane, flighty, irrational, malicious or shrill...).

When I see Sidney Poitier, I relate to him strongly. He was/is pretty intense, but not out of control or unreasonable. I don't feel out-of-control or unreasonable either, but I *do* feel that being this naturally ferocious (even when contained) is frowned upon? My twin is very understanding and tries to help me be comfortable with myself.

I'm really DONE with feeling like I have to disown part of me to be acceptable.

I want to hear from other NFJs what it's been like for them. Do you have this same thing? Can you tell me about it/describe it to me?

I have a very silent temper. I have very very strong emotions and I'm not always comfortable laying them on the table. I sometimes feel that i dampen down my intensity so that it doesn't scare others away. I feel strongly about most everything and because generally I'm really easy going and don't lose it often people tend to think that nothing bothers me. If they only knew. Its funny you mentioned Sidney Poitier...in the movie To Sir With Love...those kids pushed him and pushed him and EVEN when he did lose his temper it was clear he was controling the worst of it. (Yes I know it was a movie) but I'm a teacher and I am TOTALLY like that...at work and in my life. It takes alot to make me angry and even when I'd love to lose it and wig out on people I'm still thinking about how unacceptable it would be to lose it completely so I have a reign on it and I don't blow up completely. I wonder what would happen if I did. I know I was angry and stressed for a time and instead of blowing up at others I lost hair and sleep and it was awful. . .I think prob if I'd let loose and blown up I wouldn't have nursed a serious bald spot (quarter sized) for a good year. *sigh*

Anyway...I relate to alot of what people here are saying. I think I'm very much like the description....one minute sunshine next a thundercloud. I think that's looked upon as crazy but I've learned to live with it...I embraced me...I'm not so bad :hug:
 

Theory

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You know, I think it might be nice to have an NFP temperament thread to compliment this one! I'd like to see what happens inside the NFPs' heads. I've often stood in astonishment when my sister is able to disengage from a bad situation. She can choose to feel things to some extent, or delay a reaction. I have no choice whatsoever. I look at her as being the stronger one, but she discourages such talk out of me.

That's kind of funny, because I also have an NFP sister, and she's exactly like that. I often find myself wishing I were as strong and even-keeled as she is.
 

runvardh

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That's kind of funny, because I also have an NFP sister, and she's exactly like that. I often find myself wishing I were as strong and even-keeled as she is.

Even-keeled... any other NFPs laughing here? I don't quite see how I'm even-keeled, that's for sure. Gah! I still need to get my laundry done; I'm out of clean clothes :doh: Yeah... I'm even-keeled alright :rolli: ;)
 

Theory

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Haha, well, my sister's an INFP like you, and she's quite even-keeled. Maybe she's just good at appearing so on the outside (or maybe it just seems that way in comparison with me), but generally she's pretty calm.
 

runvardh

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Haha, well, my sister's an INFP like you, and she's quite even-keeled. Maybe she's just good at appearing so on the outside (or maybe it just seems that way in comparison with me), but generally she's pretty calm.

I wonder if that's just the difference between dominant Fe and dominant Fi... Believe me, you both very likely feel just as strongly in the end.

Edit: if I even dated an NFJ again I'd hope to give her someplace to be on fire and not have to feel bad about it afterward.
 

nightning

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I wonder if that's just the difference between dominant Fe and dominant Fi... Believe me, you both very likely feel just as strongly in the end.

Edit: if I even dated an NFJ again I'd hope to give her someplace to be on fire and not have to feel bad about it afterward.

Why would you feel bad about this? I'm a curious mouse...
 

runvardh

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Why would you feel bad about this? I'm a curious mouse...

Not me, the girl; a place for her to do it with out her having to feel guilty after.
 
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