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[INFP] how an infp is perceived by the general public...

Vasilisa

Symbolic Herald
Joined
Feb 2, 2010
Messages
3,946
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Just listing a few impressions I have had of INFPs before I knew them well:

Not outwardly ostentatious, which to me reads as self-confident
Intellectual and/or intellectually curious
Statements seem genuine, they don't speak without having something to say
Can be strident about particular causes
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
It has to be done not because you need or want something from the other person (so your motives have to be clear) or because you feel guilty or ashamed, but as an act that says there may be a piece of information I'm missing or that I'm not yet aware of, or I may have inadvertently contributed to the problem, and most importantly, it's not all about me. So, you don't feel like a push over because it's a humble, conscious act of love, a choice. A kind of forgiveness of yourself and the other person for being human, and for me, a flood of memories of the love and friendship the other person had demonstrated time and again that rose to the surface.

Yeah. The situation is either:

1) They do wrong to you because they didn't realize it is wrong/will hurt you.

2) They consciously do wrong.

3) You thought it is wrong but in fact it isn't. You are hurt for your own problems.

In the first and the third scenario it is clearly logical to forgive, but the second is more difficult. But even that can be seen as them being weak for they have these impulses to hurt people knowingly. That is a terrible state to be in, as they will screw up most of their relationships eventually. So there is no point going hating them as they are not the ones who have upper hand, though they might seem so. But still, I don't like to hang around with people like that, if I am sure that my view of them is correct. It's a very small group, though.. so it's not too hard to avoid them.
 

Lauren

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
Yeah. The situation is either:

1) They do wrong to you because they didn't realize it is wrong/will hurt you.

2) They consciously do wrong.

3) You thought it is wrong but in fact it isn't. You are hurt for your own problems.

In the first and the third scenario it is clearly logical to forgive, but the second is more difficult. But even that can be seen as them being weak for they have these impulses to hurt people knowingly. That is a terrible state to be in, as they will screw up most of their relationships eventually. So there is no point going hating them as they are not the ones who have upper hand, though they might seem so. But still, I don't like to hang around with people like that, if I am sure that my view of them is correct. It's a very small group, though.. so it's not too hard to avoid them.

That second group is the hardest, definitely. I would say there might be a fourth category (related to the first): they hurt you out of an unthinking acting out in a moment of uncertainty or fear (I've been there too).

To the bolded part: I've worked for a boss and a co-worker who both seemed to intentionally hurt other people. I agree with you: they don't have the upper hand at all; people like this are weak and insecure. And, as far as I can see, they are completely blind to it. They repeat hurtful actions again and again.
 

JivinJeffJones

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Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
3,702
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INFP
Hmm, I will reply to this through how I've perceived other confirmed INFPs in the past.

Mostly they frustrate me, because they look like they're thinking deep, serious, dark thoughts and then open their mouths and say something trivial, light-hearted and comical. You don't know whether to push for what you think might be underneath or just take them at face-value. And since I think they're intentionally withholding what they're actually thinking, it tends to makes me assume they're thinking critical (and accurate) thoughts, though that's probably just insecurity.

If you want to really get to know an INFP you have to be willing to drop your guard first, which is very uncomfortable for me. INFPs are suckers for dropped guards. :blush: But generally you have to drop yours first, or at least show intent. Come to think of it, I've never been close friends with another INFP, even though I've gotten on well with all of them. But 4 of the 5 confirmed INFPs I've known irl were painfully hawt girls, and the 5th was a dude 30 years older than me. So that doesn't really help.
 

TheMonocle

New member
Joined
Jan 29, 2010
Messages
37
I'm still uncertain about my J/P preference, but I'll share anyway...

Hmmmm... I've found people's reaction to me humorous. Mostly on the absurd level. They vary so much. One of my friends said her first reaction to me was that I was intimidating. At first, I annoyed her. She said I was always reading something and deep in thought and when I actually said something it was way over other people's heads. At first, she thought I was pretentious. Then she realized, I really knew what I was talking about. She is great! I love her honesty. She cracks me up.

Other reactions... One of my friends told me this, "Some people are like an ocean. Their emotions come in waves and they don't last long. Others are like a still lake. They look quiet on the surface, but if you step in, that's when you realize the depth. You are the latter."

You would think I had a blinking sign on my forehead that said, "Tell me all your problems!" I don't know why, but people will approach me and tell me anything. I love it though. I'm glad when people feel that comfortable around me.

I had one friend who worked with me to "acknowledge people". Bad habit. If someone walks by me that I know and they are being quiet I naturally assume they want to be left alone. He also made me more aware of the fact that I seemed unaware of my surroundings.

I can get so lost in thought that I totally forget where I am. I remember in college one time I was writing a final exam and was so lost in thought that i didn't realize how loud I was being when I erased a good chunk of my paper and blew the eraser shavings off my desk. Apparently I created an inner classroom whirlwind of laughter. Luckily, by then, most everyone knew me. Was actually kind of an ice breaker for the tension in the room. Laughter is good for that.

Some people think I'm a total goofball. I have a gaggle of INFP friends. God forbid your first impression is of us together. We can volley silliness off of each other all day long. We probably look pretty childish, but goodness are we having fun!
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Hmm, I will reply to this through how I've perceived other confirmed INFPs in the past.

Mostly they frustrate me, because they look like they're thinking deep, serious, dark thoughts and then open their mouths and say something trivial, light-hearted and comical. You don't know whether to push for what you think might be underneath or just take them at face-value. And since I think they're intentionally withholding what they're actually thinking, it tends to makes me assume they're thinking critical (and accurate) thoughts, though that's probably just insecurity...

I am always thinking. My mind won't be quiet but find it extremely hard to verbalize my thoughts. Something like online chat is also hard. If someone pushes, it just gets harder. It's a frustration that's been there my whole life. Little of what's on the inside gets to the outside.
 

GirlFromMars

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Joined
Jun 2, 2009
Messages
325
MBTI Type
INFP
I am always thinking. My mind won't be quiet but find it extremely hard to verbalize my thoughts.

Yeah, same. It can be really hard for me to verbalize my thoughts. I actually think I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to getting my thoughts out. I want to word it perfectly, and I get all frustrated when it doesn't come out exactly how I was thinking it. But I cannot shut my head up. I'm allways thinking.
 

fireandwater

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Feb 17, 2010
Messages
28
MBTI Type
enfp
i LOVE infps. :wubbie: The majority of my closest girlfriends are infps so I can spot them almost immediately and I always get my friends to take the myers briggs so I know i'm accurate. The first thing than cues me in is their interest in the meaning of life, as well as the likelihood that they are where they are because of their unorthodox way of making the world a better place, whatever that is for them. Though they seem reserved at first -- quiet, warmth, a sort of indefinable radiating integrity or authenticity -- they get more animated quickly once they realize how similar i am to them. Like them I love to talk about Ne and have a strong Fi, so before you know it we're going on about our theories of how to make the world a better place or whether near death experiences are true, etc. Once the friendships deepen, the only thing I find challenging is usually I want to spend more time with them than they want to spend with me. I have learned with difficulty not to take this personally as they are just very wrapped up in their private world and social contact is draining for them.
 

Parrish

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Dec 12, 2009
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106
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infp
Once the friendships deepen, the only thing I find challenging is usually I want to spend more time with them than they want to spend with me. I have learned with difficulty not to take this personally as they are just very wrapped up in their private world and social contact is draining for them.


(OT, sorry)
One of my closest friends is an ENFP, she`s awesome:D I really like hanging out with her, she`s so full of energy and gets me hyper too but once I get home I`m usually exhausted. But it`s totally worth it, cuz those are some of the best laughs ever:yes: As you said, I need time alone to recharge after that. However, I think the ENFP (at least the one I know) easily gets swept up and enthusiastic over new acquaintances, but just as easily "moves on" from them. Which only makes me happier, when even if we aren`t in regular contact, I`m the one she calls when she`s in over her head and needs another point of view:blush:
 

scortia

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May 23, 2009
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201
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INFJ
I was very, very INFP as a preteen and teenager. I've gotten much of the same. I either seem very arrogant, stuck up (honestly I think I just SOUND this way when I talk) or just a weirdo "freak." Depended on how well the person knew me because I had way more "masks" back then.

I think I cope a little bit better in society since I've shifted to INFJ, so the arrogance thing isn't coming up as often anymore. But yeah, still a freak. I feel no need to hide my random delight in unusual things. Was teaching my freshmen about the Iliad today and I told them essentially that "Diomedes is my warrior boo" because I always favored him the most. Yeah I wonder why people think I'm a freak. Ho hum.
 

skypirate

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Joined
Feb 27, 2010
Messages
2
I expected INFP's to freak out over being called boring and give us a good show. :) No such luck.
My ex wife used to call me boring - externally YES but internally there's lots going on - probably TOO much.

I've been called aloof, standoff-ish, arrogant, boring, private,nice, calm,shy, confident, quiet, a good storyteller, a good listener, rude, polite, bossy, oppressive, strange, weird. My own opinion is that other people just slap on the easiest to find label as they really do NOT have clue what I'm like - very few people have gotten to know the real me.

At the moment I seem to vibe well with gay men - not a conscious choice - but hey I'm not a judge on their lifestyle! But I rarely vibe well with women unless they're married!
 

ChildoftheProphets

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Feb 25, 2010
Messages
121
MBTI Type
INFP
Dude, are you a masochist?

If you go into hero mode with an INFP female, you're basically writing your own death wish. Well, this applies to NF females in general, but especially with INFP females.

What will happen is this:

You will be smitten by her sweetness and vulnerability.

. . . . She falls hard in love with you, while constantly pointing out her flaws because of her vulnerability which you mentioned above.

As she starts to trust you, she will dump all her deep rooted emotional problems unto your bosom. Until one day, she will reflect on it, and start to feel a bit too vulnerable from baring herself so much to someone else. And perhaps even a bit ashamed at baring so much of herself to another person.

Then the resentment will slowly begin. In order to not feel so vulnerable/ashamed anymore, she will start to close up to you, until she eventually just dumps you, and walks away, leaving all her baggage behind in your heart. You will be left with all the emotional mess she had previously confided to you.

This mess is comparable to a broken vase, but even if you do repair the broken vase, there is no owner to return it to, because she's already moved on to give another broken vase to some other unfortunate bloke.

That my friend, is the story of the [NF] hero, and the INFP damsel in distress.

Good God, that describes my last relationship with almost perfect certainty.
 

ChildoftheProphets

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I think this only happens if the [other NF] does not confide in the INFP also. One-way confiding can feel vulnerable and create resentment, but where there is a mutual sharing of feelings and mutual support, trust and closeness may result.

That makes a lot of sense, although I am very confiding as well. My problem was geopraphic distance after going off to college and a little bit of an age distance, which created closeness problems of a different sort.

As Chris wrote earlier though, female INFPs are incredibly sexy. When I look into their eyes I feel like I'm suddenly taking part in a two-way mindmeld!

NFs are so rare though; it makes those experiences all the more electric.
 

ChildoftheProphets

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Feb 25, 2010
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INFP
I hate that I just followed the crowd despite my better judgement. I think if it happened again I would tell them to get fucked and hand it in anyway - but things are different when you're 15.

It often seems to me that real rebellion is, in fact, being a good person and doing the right thing - as backwards as that sounds.

I had very similar problems back in high school, but really more with the school board and administration than I did with other students; lol, I probably could have blackmailed the school into changing some of its policies if I had threatened to sick the local news papers on them (the media loves tearing apart hypocritical Christian schools).

I've developed much more of a backbone since then, and lately I've been using my abilities of stratagy and insight to help my friends and family.

As Dr. Wilson put it to Dr. House a few weeks ago, "You are the diabolical, yet benevolent, puppet master."
 

neptunesnet

man-made
Joined
Sep 5, 2009
Messages
1,228
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5&4
Instinctual Variant
sx
OK, my fellow INFP's, what is so bad about people getting the impression that we're "goody-two-shoes" ?

You guys say that like it's a pejorative or something.


Is it because of the "it's cool to be baaaad" cultural trope?

The " badass" anti-hero type dominates books, TV, and movies. Bad is seen as cooler than good.


What eventually happened is we have reached a point where the "cool to be bad" cultural trope is no longer original. It pops up everywhere. All we get is a bunch of self-absorbed prima donnas trying to out-cool and out-bad each other. (This is why I hated Wolverine from the X-men movies. Talk about a scenery chewing, grandstanding douchebag all in the name of being a "cool" anti-hero)

People need to realize that being good is actually cooler than being bad. Being good is not neutral. Just because you pay your taxes, and never commit a crime, does NOT mean you're good. You're just neutral.

Goodness is a constant struggle.

Goodness takes active effort.

The sweet, good girl-next-door is actually cooler to me because it's so easy to slip into evil. It's easier to be the narcisistic prima donna. Self-preservation (which drives "badass" characters) is a basic instinct that even the lowest life forms share. What's so cool about that?

Just... :yes:.


That second group is the hardest, definitely. I would say there might be a fourth category (related to the first): they hurt you out of an unthinking acting out in a moment of uncertainty or fear (I've been there too).

Please, go ahead and add that fourth category.

Please.
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
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xNFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
My aunt is an InFP, and I think she's the greatest. Since she's in her late 50s, she has already developed a lot of her functions, which makes her really awesome. In addition to having a really deep capacity for feeling that she does not often show, she's really creative and imaginative but is mature enough to keep things in balance and be down-to-earth. She's really a wonderful woman, and I wish I knew more people like her.
 
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